0:00:15.770,0:00:21.514
20 years ago, my life took on[br]a wholly unexpected direction.

0:00:21.893,0:00:26.931
I was sat watching television[br]with my then four-year-old son.

0:00:27.493,0:00:30.166
And he said he needed [br]to tell me something.

0:00:30.620,0:00:33.368
And I said, "Fine, yeah, what is it?"

0:00:34.264,0:00:35.844
And he turned to me and he said,

0:00:35.844,0:00:40.776
"Mommy, God's made a mistake,[br]and I should've been a girl."

0:00:43.202,0:00:45.055
I was terrified,

0:00:46.124,0:00:52.148
but also, it explained so many things,

0:00:52.148,0:00:54.028
so many things.

0:00:54.028,0:00:58.406
But a bit like Monopoly, I jumped [br]straight from fear straight into denial

0:00:59.096,0:01:05.586
and told Jack that it was fine [br]to be a boy and like girly things,

0:01:05.586,0:01:08.515
but that didn't make him a girl,

0:01:09.335,0:01:12.635
and he looked at me,[br]and he dropped his eyes,

0:01:13.395,0:01:16.712
and he didn't say anything [br]else that day anyway.

0:01:17.602,0:01:21.513
So what I want to do is walk[br]you through the process

0:01:21.513,0:01:26.067
that has filled the last 24 years[br]of both my life and my child's life

0:01:26.067,0:01:28.340
and hopefully explain our journey.

0:01:30.487,0:01:33.089
So from Jack to Jackie.

0:01:33.255,0:01:35.693
So how did this eight-pound baby "boy" -

0:01:35.693,0:01:37.559
and, by the way she hates this picture,

0:01:37.559,0:01:40.565
she says it makes her look[br]like a member of The Village People -

0:01:40.565,0:01:41.565
(Laughter)

0:01:41.565,0:01:46.172
turn into this 24-year-old young woman?

0:01:46.348,0:01:49.178
She likes this picture;[br]she says it makes her look hot.

0:01:50.557,0:01:54.374
Well, Jack was my first child.

0:01:54.497,0:01:57.932
I thought I knew what to expect,[br]but really I started to notice

0:01:57.932,0:02:02.796
that as soon as he got mobile[br]and could express himself,

0:02:02.796,0:02:04.437
he was gravitating towards things

0:02:04.437,0:02:06.855
that you would see[br]as stereotypically female.

0:02:07.161,0:02:08.648
But I wasn't bothered.

0:02:08.648,0:02:11.126
That didn't, you know,[br]that didn't faze me at all.

0:02:11.126,0:02:12.406
As far as I was concerned,

0:02:12.406,0:02:15.164
children should be allowed to play[br]with whatever they want,

0:02:15.164,0:02:17.125
even if it doesn't fit this norm.

0:02:18.753,0:02:22.358
And at the childminder's[br]when I went back to work,

0:02:22.808,0:02:25.874
Jack's favorite outfits[br]were the tutu and Snow White costume.

0:02:26.502,0:02:28.477
And again, that was fine.

0:02:30.717,0:02:32.091
But not for Dad.

0:02:32.969,0:02:36.652
So, Jackie's dad struggled,[br]and he blamed me.

0:02:37.527,0:02:43.295
His thoughts were that because I allowed [br]the Polly Pocket and the My Little Pony,

0:02:43.295,0:02:46.532
that I was facilitating and encouraging.

0:02:46.998,0:02:49.752
And I disagreed. And it caused tensions.

0:02:52.226,0:02:54.496
What I had come to the conclusion with,

0:02:54.496,0:02:56.962
over the sort of years[br]until she was about two,

0:02:56.962,0:03:01.027
was that I had a very sensitive,[br]quite effeminate little boy

0:03:01.027,0:03:02.745
who was probably gay.

0:03:03.253,0:03:07.740
But Jack's dad did not approve[br]of our child's effeminate behavior,

0:03:08.070,0:03:11.365
and it created such tensions [br]that we ended up in couple's counseling.

0:03:12.142,0:03:13.760
We went to couple's counseling,

0:03:13.760,0:03:17.370
and what they said to us[br]as parents that we had to agree,

0:03:17.370,0:03:20.878
no matter what it was[br]that we agreed upon we had to agree.

0:03:21.519,0:03:26.264
At that point, Tim decided[br]that I must agree with him, apparently,

0:03:26.519,0:03:31.379
and then all the "girl toys" [br]or "girly toys" as such

0:03:31.379,0:03:33.056
were taken away and put away,

0:03:33.056,0:03:35.977
and Jack was made aware[br]that this was not appropriate.

0:03:36.237,0:03:40.642
And suddenly, a confident,[br]happy little boy

0:03:40.718,0:03:44.398
became quite quiet, withdrawn,[br]very clingy, and tearful.

0:03:45.518,0:03:48.177
I didn't like it,[br]and I didn't think it was right.

0:03:48.177,0:03:51.746
And really for me, the point[br]at which I really put my foot down

0:03:51.746,0:03:55.226
was about a few weeks later, I think,[br]and my mom phoned me

0:03:55.226,0:03:57.032
and said, "What's going on with Jack?"

0:03:57.032,0:03:58.462
and I said "What do you mean?"

0:03:58.462,0:04:01.034
She said, "Well, I phoned[br]a couple of days ago

0:04:01.034,0:04:03.114
to ask what Jack wanted for Christmas,

0:04:03.114,0:04:05.754
and he took the phone[br]out of the room, and he said,

0:04:05.765,0:04:10.231
'Can you buy me Barbie Rapunzel?[br]but can you please hide it

0:04:10.381,0:04:13.538
because if Mommy and Daddy find it,[br]they're going to take it away'"

0:04:14.257,0:04:18.969
And I realized that I was shaming[br]my child and their toy choices,

0:04:18.969,0:04:21.725
and the toy embargo stopped.

0:04:23.923,0:04:25.511
But I went to my GP

0:04:25.945,0:04:28.578
because I was lost,[br]and I did not know what to do.

0:04:29.279,0:04:31.487
And she raised her eyebrows, and she said,

0:04:31.487,0:04:33.413
"Oh, that's interesting."

0:04:33.413,0:04:37.043
Which wasn't really very helpful,[br]because I was hoping for some direction.

0:04:37.344,0:04:38.820
And then, she wasn't the first,

0:04:38.820,0:04:40.926
and she certainly[br]wouldn't be the last person

0:04:40.926,0:04:43.689
to tell me that it was a phase -

0:04:44.293,0:04:46.699
it's quite a long one, by now, [br]wouldn't you say? -

0:04:47.648,0:04:49.765
and that she would grow out of it.

0:04:50.865,0:04:52.274
But she didn't.

0:04:52.274,0:04:54.390
And what happened[br]was she kept reiterating,

0:04:54.390,0:04:57.263
"I'm a girl, I'm a girl,[br]I'm really a girl."

0:04:57.279,0:05:00.241
Six years old, she asked me[br]when she could have the operation

0:05:00.380,0:05:01.674
to make her a girl.

0:05:02.707,0:05:06.997
And it was really hard for me as a parent[br]to watch the devastation when I told her

0:05:06.997,0:05:09.748
that she had to wait[br]until she was a grown-up

0:05:09.748,0:05:11.555
before that could happen.

0:05:12.397,0:05:15.719
What that identified for me[br]is that I had to do something,

0:05:15.719,0:05:19.469
and I couldn't keep ignoring this[br]and pretending it wasn't happening.

0:05:19.584,0:05:21.548
And so I did some internet searches.

0:05:22.288,0:05:26.196
And I put in "My son wants to be a girl."

0:05:26.871,0:05:29.158
And it came out[br]with a number of different sites,

0:05:29.158,0:05:33.422
but I think about tenth on the listing[br]was a site called "Mermaids."

0:05:34.402,0:05:36.886
So I clicked on that,[br]and there was a phone number.

0:05:37.295,0:05:40.793
And I made a really[br]quite pivotal call for me,

0:05:40.793,0:05:41.892
and I spoke to Lynn,

0:05:41.892,0:05:44.736
who was a founder member[br]of Mermaids, the charity.

0:05:45.036,0:05:47.747
I think I cried through[br]the entire conversation

0:05:47.753,0:05:50.799
because it was such a relief[br]to finally talk to somebody

0:05:50.799,0:05:53.358
who understood what I was going through,

0:05:53.806,0:05:57.532
and to point to similarities[br]regarding their children and my child.

0:05:58.352,0:05:59.875
It gave me hope.

0:06:00.907,0:06:03.383
At seven years old, Jackie[br]was referred to Tavistock,

0:06:03.383,0:06:04.533
which is the NH's clinic

0:06:04.533,0:06:07.791
that supports children and young people [br]with gender dysphoria

0:06:08.001,0:06:10.474
and received a diagnosis[br]of gender dysphoria.

0:06:10.958,0:06:13.551
Oh, really? Not a big surprise.

0:06:14.058,0:06:19.310
And at eight years old, unfortunately,[br]her dad and I separated.

0:06:22.090,0:06:24.923
But what this did for me[br]was gave me much more freedom

0:06:24.923,0:06:27.666
to be able to give Jackie expression.

0:06:29.496,0:06:34.102
The Tavistock said that allowing her[br]girl clothes in the house was helpful,

0:06:34.310,0:06:38.748
and said that she needed to remain[br]in male persona outside of the home,

0:06:38.748,0:06:40.294
and that was fine.

0:06:40.426,0:06:44.016
And I remember our first[br]shopping trip for girl clothes.

0:06:44.358,0:06:47.192
And we went into the store, and I said,

0:06:47.192,0:06:49.397
"OK, so over there, [br]there's the girl clothes.

0:06:49.397,0:06:52.073
You can go and get a couple things,[br]anything you like.

0:06:52.073,0:06:54.194
And the look on her face[br]was indescribable.

0:06:54.194,0:06:55.863
She was so happy.

0:06:56.152,0:06:57.577
And she went pelting off,

0:06:57.944,0:07:00.929
and she came back[br]about two minutes later,

0:07:00.929,0:07:03.255
and she had two dresses[br]- she couldn't decide.

0:07:03.255,0:07:07.417
And she was holding them up,[br]and she was just beaming,

0:07:07.442,0:07:08.637
and she was just like,

0:07:08.637,0:07:11.319
"Which one? Do you like[br]this one best or this one best?"

0:07:11.319,0:07:12.735
and doing a twirl.

0:07:13.837,0:07:15.239
And I just thought to myself,

0:07:15.239,0:07:18.439
"Oh my goodness,[br]is somebody watching me now,

0:07:18.439,0:07:22.916
thinking 'this mother with this little boy[br]with dresses, what is she doing?'"

0:07:23.187,0:07:26.440
And then I looked back[br]at my child in front of me,

0:07:26.440,0:07:28.647
and I looked at her face and I thought,

0:07:28.647,0:07:32.173
"You know something,[br]I can't care about what strangers think.

0:07:32.533,0:07:36.956
The most important person to me [br]is right there in front of me right now."

0:07:37.787,0:07:40.101
At 10 years old, we went on holiday.

0:07:40.501,0:07:44.630
So we had three weeks[br]where Jackie lived as Jackie -

0:07:44.630,0:07:47.970
girl pronouns, girl names,[br]girl clothes for the entire time.

0:07:48.500,0:07:50.585
And what that really pointed out to me

0:07:50.585,0:07:55.086
was how much lighter, how much happier,[br]how much more cheerful my kid was,

0:07:55.086,0:07:57.685
just like, literally,[br]from getting up to going to bed,

0:07:57.685,0:07:58.869
and it was at that point

0:07:58.869,0:08:02.491
I decided that actually forcing my child[br]to live as a boy in school

0:08:02.491,0:08:05.871
was the wrong thing[br]because I was sending her that message

0:08:05.871,0:08:10.643
that somehow wanting and needing[br]to be a girl and express herself as a girl

0:08:10.643,0:08:15.870
was shameful - that it was[br]something to be hidden, secret.

0:08:16.576,0:08:21.443
So the last year of primary school[br]was her absolute best year of school ever.

0:08:21.743,0:08:24.679
So she grew her hair,[br]she wore the girls' school uniform,

0:08:24.979,0:08:27.999
and school said that they noticed[br]an entirely different child

0:08:27.999,0:08:29.862
from the one from the previous year.

0:08:30.067,0:08:31.522
And the kids were amazing!

0:08:31.522,0:08:33.386
I remember the headteacher saying to me

0:08:33.386,0:08:36.551
that she'd overheard a conversation[br]between two of the little girls

0:08:36.551,0:08:38.190
and one girl said to the other,

0:08:38.190,0:08:42.375
"Why is Jack growing his hair[br]and wearing girl clothes?"

0:08:42.565,0:08:43.781
And the other girl went,

0:08:43.781,0:08:48.712
"Oh, didn't you know?[br]He's got a girl brain in a boy body."

0:08:48.712,0:08:50.072
(Laughter)

0:08:50.712,0:08:54.147
And the other little girl went, "Oh, OK."

0:08:54.147,0:08:55.405
(Laughter)

0:08:56.065,0:08:57.557
And that was it.

0:08:58.577,0:09:02.425
Unfortunately, some of the parents[br]weren't quite so open-minded,

0:09:02.425,0:09:05.189
and we had to get the police involved[br]when we had a mother,

0:09:05.189,0:09:08.950
when she was collecting her own child,[br]who is about the same age as Jackie,

0:09:08.950,0:09:11.588
leaning out of the window of her car[br]and shouting abuse

0:09:11.588,0:09:14.471
at my 10-year-old daughter[br]walking home from school.

0:09:15.721,0:09:18.657
By this time, Tim had come around.

0:09:18.863,0:09:22.195
He had seen more and more that this[br]wasn't something that was a choice,

0:09:22.195,0:09:24.771
this was just a part[br]of who our daughter was,

0:09:25.671,0:09:31.469
and he was now supporting, and frankly,[br]she wraps him around her little finger.

0:09:32.859,0:09:35.241
But we were now preparing[br]for secondary school,

0:09:35.542,0:09:38.150
and the Tavistock[br]were fully onboard and helping,

0:09:38.150,0:09:40.150
but from the minute[br]she walked in the door,

0:09:40.150,0:09:42.310
she was annihilated.

0:09:42.320,0:09:44.682
Absolutely annihilated.

0:09:45.047,0:09:48.885
And within two weeks,[br]she took her first overdose.

0:09:52.145,0:09:55.000
I spent the next three years[br]on suicide watch.

0:09:56.096,0:09:57.440
And I look back,

0:09:57.440,0:10:01.660
and I don't know how I got through that,[br]but I don't know how she did either.

0:10:03.020,0:10:05.866
To add to all of this, puberty.

0:10:07.286,0:10:12.350
So at twelve years old,[br]she started going through a male puberty,

0:10:12.778,0:10:14.129
and it was horrific.

0:10:14.129,0:10:15.623
She began cutting herself.

0:10:16.742,0:10:19.566
And we were absolutely desperate

0:10:19.566,0:10:22.156
and faced with an NHS at that time -

0:10:22.156,0:10:23.694
it's different now -

0:10:23.694,0:10:26.784
who wouldn't prescribe[br]any medications to pause puberty,

0:10:26.784,0:10:30.079
no matter how badly[br]a child reacted to those stages.

0:10:31.439,0:10:35.306
I went back into research mode,[br]and I found a doctor in America

0:10:35.933,0:10:38.753
who was working with children[br]with gender dysphoria,

0:10:38.753,0:10:42.011
and who would prescribe [br]totally reversible blocking medication

0:10:42.011,0:10:44.162
that pauses puberty.

0:10:44.162,0:10:46.292
If taken away, puberty resumes,

0:10:46.292,0:10:51.084
but it gives children like my daughter[br]the time and space to live and be,

0:10:51.084,0:10:53.009
without their bodies changing.

0:10:53.009,0:10:57.410
I know he looks like Indiana Jones,[br]but he really is a proper-proper doctor.

0:10:58.188,0:11:02.159
And he's Dr. Norman Spack, and he works[br]at the Boston Children's Hospital,

0:11:02.159,0:11:05.970
and he is a world-renowned expert,[br]and he saved my daughter's life.

0:11:05.970,0:11:08.431
I have no doubt about that whatsoever.

0:11:09.544,0:11:12.835
In the midst of all of this,[br]school was up and down.

0:11:12.835,0:11:16.771
Eventually we found her a school where[br]she went to school eight miles from home,

0:11:16.771,0:11:19.137
and nobody knew her[br]as anything other than Jackie,

0:11:19.137,0:11:20.648
and that sort of settled down.

0:11:20.648,0:11:24.686
But the effect on her education,[br]on her life, was profound.

0:11:26.456,0:11:30.725
She had had seven overdoses[br]in three years,

0:11:30.905,0:11:34.144
all related to transphobic[br]abuse and attacks.

0:11:35.073,0:11:37.258
And one of her best friends

0:11:37.258,0:11:39.842
was the hate crimes coordinator[br]from West Leeds,

0:11:39.842,0:11:44.492
so it might give you a bit[br]of an indication of what she went through.

0:11:44.492,0:11:49.720
But at 16, my daughter[br]underwent gender reassignment surgery.

0:11:50.850,0:11:53.776
And now, the next bit,[br]I'm going to let her talk to you.

0:11:53.776,0:11:55.806
(Video) (Music)

0:11:56.252,0:12:02.104
I was born in the body of a boy,[br]but I had the mind or the brain of a girl.

0:12:02.736,0:12:05.665
I think I was five years old[br]when I said to my mother, like,

0:12:05.665,0:12:08.851
"God made a mistake, I shouldn't -[br]This isn't me. I'm wrong."

0:12:09.296,0:12:12.987
I think I was like seven[br]when I started growing my hair,

0:12:12.987,0:12:15.594
and I started to wear the girls' uniform.

0:12:15.819,0:12:20.379
My school itself, they were really,[br]really good about it, really helpful,

0:12:20.696,0:12:22.951
and so were a lot of the students.

0:12:23.213,0:12:27.609
If anything, like, I found[br]some parents were not as accepting.

0:12:27.843,0:12:30.307
I was walking out[br]of the school gate to go home,

0:12:30.604,0:12:34.220
and for a good two,[br]three weeks consecutively,

0:12:34.220,0:12:39.115
she would like hang out of her car window,[br]and shout abuse at me, this mother.

0:12:39.317,0:12:42.771
I could feel, like, hate.

0:12:43.975,0:12:47.648
And then I got into high school,[br]which was a nightmare.

0:12:48.415,0:12:52.508
The story of me spread like wildfire.

0:12:52.508,0:12:58.311
My first day, like the first day [br]in school, into my high school,

0:12:59.561,0:13:03.179
I was in my "form" group,

0:13:03.179,0:13:08.614
and some kid who I'd never met[br]opened the door to my form room

0:13:08.614,0:13:12.576
and he was just like,[br]"Oh, is that freak in here? That freak."

0:13:13.301,0:13:17.389
I got spat on, and I got beat up,

0:13:17.587,0:13:24.427
and it really does hurt to think back[br]at how cruel people could be.

0:13:24.427,0:13:27.021
I find it quite empowering[br]that I've gotten through it.

0:13:27.021,0:13:28.720
And then I got ask to Miss England

0:13:28.720,0:13:33.771
and I was like "I must be actually ...[br]attractive? Oh my God!"

0:13:34.070,0:13:37.310
It gave me a real boost that I needed.

0:13:37.509,0:13:40.907
It's part of my story,[br]but it isn't my whole story,

0:13:41.175,0:13:46.747
because, as I said,[br]I'm a sister, a singer, actress, model,

0:13:46.747,0:13:50.375
all kind of things[br]before I am a "trans person."

0:13:51.020,0:13:52.984
I hate that, like why do I need a label?

0:13:52.984,0:13:54.427
Why can't I just be a woman?

0:13:54.595,0:13:57.616
Everyone has the right to live[br]their life how they want to

0:13:57.616,0:14:01.366
and be who they want to be,[br]so why is it different for me?

0:14:01.517,0:14:03.618
I'm proud of everything I've gone through,

0:14:03.618,0:14:06.186
and I wouldn't change it now.

0:14:06.354,0:14:11.883
It's part of my makeup. It's in my DNA.[br]I'm a girl and I always have been.

0:14:11.910,0:14:14.020
(End of music) (End of video)

0:14:14.237,0:14:18.196
I can't watch that, I have to look down,[br]because it still affects me.

0:14:18.962,0:14:20.509
I'm now CEO of Mermaids,

0:14:20.509,0:14:23.416
so I'm running the charity[br]I contacted so many years ago.

0:14:23.504,0:14:27.405
This gives a little bit of an indication[br]of the demand, and how it's rising,

0:14:27.659,0:14:31.427
and what we are facing,[br]in terms of young people coming foward.

0:14:31.427,0:14:34.308
And the good thing is that parents[br]are now listening as well.

0:14:34.648,0:14:36.395
But you can see the difference.

0:14:36.848,0:14:39.211
Society maybe is becoming more accepting

0:14:39.211,0:14:42.157
at the same time children [br]and young people across the country

0:14:42.157,0:14:45.040
are still being treated like Jackie was.

0:14:46.690,0:14:49.575
This is from a 2017 Stonewall survey.

0:14:50.972,0:14:53.745
51% of trans children are bullied.

0:14:53.745,0:14:56.333
One in 10 receive death threats.

0:14:56.333,0:15:00.280
84% self-harm compared[br]to 10% of the population.

0:15:00.517,0:15:03.977
And 45% of them attempt[br]suicide at least once.

0:15:04.756,0:15:07.478
Being transgender[br]is not a mental health illness,

0:15:07.643,0:15:11.685
but society's prejudice,[br]discrimination, and hatred

0:15:11.685,0:15:14.153
lead to anxiety and depression.

0:15:16.502,0:15:20.365
Now, this is her now.

0:15:22.548,0:15:26.331
And you can see, she's maybe[br]a little bit of a diva as well,

0:15:26.331,0:15:28.306
I don't know where she gets that from.

0:15:28.736,0:15:31.653
Bottom line is she's happy.

0:15:32.488,0:15:34.966
And isn't that all that matters?

0:15:34.966,0:15:36.706
Thank you very much.

0:15:36.706,0:15:39.655
(Applause)