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I'm so sorry guys. I have to -- find another --

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I was supposed to give this talk

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on how to give the perfect TED Talk.

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And then they put me last.

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So everyone's already gone.

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And I´ve no other ideas worth spreading --

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(Laughter)

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So, luckily Gant provided us with some books.

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Let's see, "The Outside Leaf". No.

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"The Century of Columbus". No.

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Okey, you know what? Screw it!

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I'm sure many of you, guys, will give TED Talks again in the future.

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And you know, for the rest of you it turns out

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you don't really have to have done anything to give a TED Talk.

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'Cause they asked me. (Laughter)

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So you never really know.

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So I'm just gonna give some advice

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on how to give the perfect TED Talk.

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For those of you that went today,

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you guys were OK.

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(Laughter)

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But, you guys -- there's things that you have to learn, so --

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Alright, I've to get the evil clicker here.

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(Laughter)

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The first thing that you wanna do

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is connect with your audience, right?

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So there are a number of ways to do that.

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One is ask a question

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that will engage the audience,

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a sort of mind game, so I could --

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Oh, my TED Talk, my sample TED Talk,

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is about TED Talks,[br]because I like to be meta. So --

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(Laughter)

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So my talk is about TED Talks and I wanna engage you.

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So I might say something like,

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I want you all to imagine

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that you are sitting in a TED Talk.

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(Laughter)

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You feel that connection?

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(Laughter)

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Or you could give a personal anecdote.

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That's another great way of connecting.

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So I could say something like,

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my grandfather's name was TED.

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(Laughter)

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Now we are connected.

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(Applause)

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Now you have to move into your actual talk.

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You might think you need a transition here. You don't!

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Distract your audience with a modern minimalist slide.

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(Laughter)

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And then ask a question that you're probably not gonna answer.

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What is TED?

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(Laughter)

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You'll find when you give the talks that pauses

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are often more powerful than the words themselves.

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(Laughter)

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Okay, great! (Laughter)

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Now the next thing that you need to think about when giving your TED Talks

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are the graphics that you wanna use.

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This are very, very important.

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There are a few different types of graphics

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that you can use.

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Abstract Computer Generated Images. (Laughter)

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These are wonderful.

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These will make the audience think that you are brilliant.

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(Laughter)

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Even though you may have looked up "awesome brain image" on Google images.

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(Laughter)

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The audience will actually believe that you had something to do with this.

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While the image is up there you could talk about

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anything from the sandwich you had for lunch to

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your secret love of country music,

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and the audience will believe that whatever you're saying is brilliant

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because of the veins on the screen. (Laughter)

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Another thing that you can do is use

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a moderately funny cartoon that slightly relates to your topic.

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This is to entertain the audience if you are not funny --

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I should probably just move on.

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This is the most important part of your TED Talk.

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Impressive charts. (Laughter)

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Now --

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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Now I wanna make sure you guys know.

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It doesn't matter what the chart says.

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As long it's 3D and in many different colors, it works! OK?

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Now, as you see this is a chart about

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reasons people watch TED Talks.

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While the chart's up there I'm just gonna throw out some buzz words

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that you should probably use while the charts are up there.

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Lab, research assistant, data.

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(Laughter)

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All great buzz words.

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Better than a chart is ... another chart!

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(Laughter)

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Now it's good to use -- if you use a --

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(Laughter)

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If you use a pie graph it's good to use another

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different type of graph.

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As you can see this is a bar graph.

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Again 3D, colorful, all good things.

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Now, at this point in a TED Talk

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you're probably gonna get tired of listening to the person,

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unless you are beautiful.

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So it's probably good to use a video.

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So here we have a video of what a TED Talk might look like in the year 2050.

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Consciousness. What is it?

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We don't know.

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I'm really looking forward to it.

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The entire conference will be an hour long. It'll be great.

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Now we've reached the end of the TED Talk.

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And it doesn't matter if you've imparted any wisdom at all

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on the audience

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because you'll end with an abstract statement

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and come down to the front of the stage and say,

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"TED is... You"

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(Laughter)

0:05:18.738,0:05:19.966
Thank you.

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(Laughter) (Applause)