WEBVTT

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James Acaster: Never baked before. 
Let alone competitively.

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Let alone on Bakeoff.

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It's the worst idea anyone's ever had.

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Paul Hollywood: The texture of your flapjack--
James: It is perf.

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Paul: --on the top, it looks 
a bit wet.

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James: Oh yeah, that's 'cause 
it's not baked yet.

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(Prue and Noel laugh)

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James: Ah. I can explain this to you.

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Before it goes in the oven, 
it's often a lot soggier.

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Paul: Right, ok.

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James: Is the texture ok? Good joke!

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Wanna shake my hand now or later?

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(Music)

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James: Up to you. You can shake it now 
to save yourself the bother

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or you can shake it later on 
and eat humble pie

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as well as these flapjacks.

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Sandy: Bakers, you have half an hour.

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Music

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(Oven clatters)

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James: Right, I wish I were dead 
(scoffs).

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I'm not taking that out the oven.
It's like a soup.

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(Music)

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James: Come on. Be magically done.

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The mixture is...still liquid.

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This is meant to be encouraging people
at home to get involved and bake

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for charity.

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This is the worst experience of my life!

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This is so bad.

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(Music stops)

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Paul: Uh, can you tell us about your
flapjack, please? James: Started

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making it, had a breakdown,

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bon appétit!

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(Laughter)

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James: Bit of a small bit.

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Up to him.

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Paul: The reason I cut the end bit is 'cause

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actually where it's browned and caramelized

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with the butter, it's absolutely gorgeous.

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Prue: So delicious. Isn't it lovely?

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Paul: It is.

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Great flavor, not very well executed.

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James: Story of my life.

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(Laughter)

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James: I thought even if baking goes badly,

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it's a bit of fun. It's not.

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No, not disappointed--scarred.

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(Water splashes into the bowl)

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James: Oh, too much, that's too much.

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James: This seems absolutely absurd.

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That is too much frozen butter.

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I've go excess dough.

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Rylan Clark: You shouldn't have excess
dough, no

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James: But, I cut it down
to the size it says here. I don't--

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Rylan: You used the whole dough together?

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James: Yeah

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Rylan: Make that 10 centimeters by 25?

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James: Well, it's too late, now, so I'll--
I'll put the butter in.

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Noel: Where are the rest?

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James: Oh, let's be realistic.
(Noel laughs)

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(Music)

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Prue: Who is responsible for this?

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Well, all I can say, is it does have the
ingredients we gave you--

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there.

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James: What more could you ask?

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(laughter)

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Prue: Quite a lot more.

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Noel: We would like you to make a
meringue scene.

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Basically, your happy place.

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James: Cowabunga! Surf's up! I'm baking
my happy place, which is Wicksteed Park,

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which is Kettering's premier park.

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Russell Tovey: Do you want some salt?
I've got some salt.

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James: I'd love it. Thank you, Russell.

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Just, making my meringue taste like the ocean.

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(Russell scoffs and laughs)

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James: Shouldn't really go in freehand,
should I?

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But, would someone who plays by the books
do this?

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(Music)

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James: Wiki bear, reclining on the ocean.

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I'm icing a raw egg. Does the name Prue
mean anything to you?

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I know I'm in danger of constantly adding
to perfection, you know?

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(Music)

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James: That is the roller coaster in 
meringue. It's sweet egg flavor.

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(Laughter)

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Russell: Sweet egg?

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James: Ah, now, see if you can spot
the secret ingredient in the water.

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Prue: No, is the answer.

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James: I put a little salt on it, for a laugh!

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(Laughter)

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Prue: You're right, there is a hint.
Paul: I quite like it, actually.

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Prue: It's like salted caramel. It's true.

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Paul: I think it's brilliant, James.

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James: Thank you very much, Paul.
(Applause). Thank you very much.

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Paul kinda gave me a look during that 
showstopper that let me know:

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Obviously, we can't give it to you, but
you are Star Baker.

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(Music)