Hello down there!

I just finished watching the
Snow White live-action remake.

And now, I'm leaving the
parking lot on my way home.

I wasn't going to see
it initially because

I'm beyond tired of
live-action remakes.

I don't like them.

I do not like greens eggs and ham.

And the only reason I decided to
go see this one is because

somehow there was a lot of
hype for it with people saying

it's one of the best live-action
remakes ever made.

Now that I finished it,
I can say I disagree.

I apologize for the wacky
camera angle here

that looks like it's filming a dick pic,

but I wanted to just
give you my raw thoughts

immediately after seeing it.

I didn't really like it.

I know there was a lot of
controversy with the movie.

Don't really know what it all was.
I didn't pay too much attention.

I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently

had, like, some bad
interviews or something

and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like,
the worst actress of our generation.

Couldn't tell ya.

All I know is I didn't like the movie.

So setting aside the
controversy with it,

was the film good in its own right?

Not to me, it wasn't.

But I'm also not the target
demographic anymore,

I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old grease ball.

The Snow White remake, it shares a
little bit in common with the original.

But it feels like it wanted
to carve its own path.

It's a little bit longer
than the original,

so it adds a little bit more.

Not a ton, but it adds things
that nobody gives a fuck about

and it really feels like there
was two different visions

for the film that ended up clashing.

So they have the seven dwarves,
but they also have seven bandits,

which I don't get the point of.

The only bandit that matters
is the main one, Jonathan.

Every other bandit, I don't
think they even had a name.

There was, like, one scene where
they said one of their names,

but you don't know who the
fuck they're talking about

'cause they have never mentioned
any of them by name.

I don't know why they're here.

It feels like they are
the remnants of what

the original direction
was for this remake.

At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil
condom conspiracy theory.

It feels like the seven bandits were
supposed to replace the dwarves

but then they
decided not to do that,

so now you have the seven
bandits and the seven dwarves,

and it just doesn't mesh well at all.

Really, most of the movie I don't
think meshes super well.

There's a lot of new songs in it that

I didn't recognize from the original
and I thought they blew ass.

I wasn't a fan.

But there was a couple
songs that I recognized from

the original, and they were fine.

Those were kind of fun.
Like the classic Heigh Ho,

that was kind of sweet.