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Hello down there!

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I just finished watching the
Snow White live-action remake.

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And now, I'm leaving the
parking lot on my way home.

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I wasn't going to see
it initially because

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I'm beyond tired of
live-action remakes.

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I don't like them.

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I do not like greens eggs and ham.

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And the only reason I decided to
go see this one is because

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somehow there was a lot of
hype for it with people saying

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it's one of the best live-action
remakes ever made.

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Now that I finished it,
I can say I disagree.

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I apologize for the wacky
camera angle here

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that looks like it's filming a dick pic,

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but I wanted to just
give you my raw thoughts

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immediately after seeing it.

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I didn't really like it.

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I know there was a lot of
controversy with the movie.

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Don't really know what it all was.
I didn't pay too much attention.

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I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently

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had, like, some bad
interviews or something

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and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like,
the worst actress of our generation.

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Couldn't tell ya.

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All I know is I didn't like the movie.

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So setting aside the
controversy with it,

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was the film good in its own right?

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Not to me, it wasn't.

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But I'm also not the target
demographic anymore,

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I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old greaseball.

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The Snow White remake, it shares a
little bit in common with the original.

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But it feels like it wanted
to carve its own path.

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It's a little bit longer
than the original,

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so it adds a little bit more.

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Not a ton, but it adds things
that nobody gives a fuck about

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and it really feels like there
was two different visions

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for the film that ended up clashing.

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So they have the seven dwarves,
but they also have seven bandits,

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which I don't get the point of.

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The only bandit that matters
is the main one, Jonathan.

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Every other bandit, I don't
think they even had a name.

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There was, like, one scene where
they said one of their names,

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but you don't know who the
fuck they're talking about

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'cause they have never mentioned
any of them by name.

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I don't know why they're here.

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It feels like they are
the remnants of what

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the original direction
was for this remake.

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At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil
condom conspiracy theory.

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It feels like the seven bandits were
supposed to replace the dwarves

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but then they
decided not to do that,

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so now you have the seven
bandits and the seven dwarves,

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and it just doesn't mesh well at all.

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Really, most of the movie I don't
think meshes super well.

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There's a lot of new songs in it that

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I didn't recognize from the original
and I thought they blew ass.

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I wasn't a fan.

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But there was a couple
songs that I recognized from

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the original, and they were fine.

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Those were kind of fun.
Like the classic Heigh Ho,

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that was kind of sweet.

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Truthfully, I just don't have 
a whole lot to say about the movie

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'cause it is absolutely just not for me.

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Also, I feel like I'm shouting
at the phone screen right now

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like I got headphones on,

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but... you know, it is what it is.

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It's just... I don't... like, I (laughs)
I really feel like

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I'm at this point shaking my fist
at the clouds

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I don't really... don't see...

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why you'd ever choose to watch this
over the original.

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Like, it's not a "bad" movie, really...

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Like, it's not even terrible.
I think, there's things about it

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that don't really work for me, personally.