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Hello down there!

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I just finished watching the[br]Snow White live-action remake.

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And now, I'm leaving the[br]parking lot on my way home.

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I wasn't going to see[br]it initially because

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I'm beyond tired of[br]live-action remakes.

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I don't like them.

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I do not like greens eggs and ham.

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And the only reason I decided to[br]go see this one is because

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somehow there was a lot of[br]hype for it with people saying

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it's one of the best live-action[br]remakes ever made.

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Now that I finished it,[br]I can say I disagree.

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I apologize for the wacky[br]camera angle here

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that looks like it's filming a dick pic,

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but I wanted to just[br]give you my raw thoughts

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immediately after seeing it.

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I didn't really like it.

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I know there was a lot of[br]controversy with the movie.

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Don't really know what it all was.[br]I didn't pay too much attention.

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I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently

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had, like, some bad[br]interviews or something

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and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like,[br]the worst actress of our generation.

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Couldn't tell ya.

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All I know is I didn't like the movie.

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So setting aside the[br]controversy with it,

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was the film good in its own right?

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Not to me, it wasn't.

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But I'm also not the target[br]demographic anymore,

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I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old greaseball.

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The Snow White remake, it shares a[br]little bit in common with the original.

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But it feels like it wanted[br]to carve its own path.

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It's a little bit longer[br]than the original,

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so it adds a little bit more.

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Not a ton, but it adds things[br]that nobody gives a fuck about

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and it really feels like there[br]was two different visions

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for the film that ended up clashing.

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So they have the seven dwarves,[br]but they also have seven bandits,

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which I don't get the point of.

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The only bandit that matters[br]is the main one, Jonathan.

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Every other bandit, I don't[br]think they even had a name.

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There was, like, one scene where[br]they said one of their names,

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but you don't know who the[br]fuck they're talking about

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'cause they have never mentioned[br]any of them by name.

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I don't know why they're here.

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It feels like they are[br]the remnants of what

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the original direction[br]was for this remake.

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At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil[br]condom conspiracy theory.

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It feels like the seven bandits were[br]supposed to replace the dwarves

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but then they[br]decided not to do that,

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so now you have the seven[br]bandits and the seven dwarves,

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and it just doesn't mesh well at all.

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Really, most of the movie I don't[br]think meshes super well.

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There's a lot of new songs in it that

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I didn't recognize from the original[br]and I thought they blew ass.

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I wasn't a fan.

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But there was a couple[br]songs that I recognized from

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the original, and they were fine.

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Those were kind of fun.[br]Like the classic Heigh Ho,

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that was kind of sweet.

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Truthfully, I just don't have [br]a whole lot to say about the movie

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'cause it is absolutely just not for me.

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Also, I feel like I'm shouting[br]at the phone screen right now

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like I got headphones on,

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but... you know, it is what it is.

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It's just... I don't... like, I (laughs)[br]I really feel like

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I'm at this point shaking my fist[br]at the clouds.

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I don't really... don't see...

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why you'd ever choose to watch this[br]over the original.

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Like, it's not a "bad" movie, really...

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Like, it's not even terrible.[br]I think, there's things about it

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that don't really work for me, personally.

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But, but it's, again[br]It's not for me

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I'm not a 6 year old

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But like, when I'm watching this[br]and remembering the original

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Like the poison apple in the[br]original for example

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Big deal

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Like an actual huge[br]piece of the original

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In this one, it's nothing

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It is beyond nothing

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So like, the...

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The evil...

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So when Snow White gets the poison apple

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?

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She takes a bite and then she gets the[br]sleeping death

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Well, she only stays sleeping dead for[br]like 10 minutes

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It, it was a sleeping snooze

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Like she actually just took a nap because

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she was only in that state for 2 scenes

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And then Jonathon came up[br]and gave her a kiss

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And then she was immediately freed from it

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So like there's never like it doesn't[br]even feel like there's

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ever anything at stake

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It doesn't even feel like serious

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It just, it's crazy to say this but

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It feels like it moves so fuckin' fast[br]despite being longer than

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Longer than the original

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And yet offers less reasons to[br]get invested

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If that makes sense

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Like I shit you not, she gets the fuckin'[br]poison apple,

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she falls asleep with ?

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The dwarfs come up and they're like[br]"aw jinkies"

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So then they hold like a fuckin' viking[br]burial

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kind of

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they put her on a rock

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and they're like lamenting that she's[br]shed the mortal coil

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And like it switches to another scene[br]with Jonathon who

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breaks out of the, the castle, and then he

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immediately shows up, and they're[br]still there

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Like over her body, her corpse

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So I think it's really only been like[br]5 minutes

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They haven't begun the funeral

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and Jonathon shows up and kisses her,[br]and she's fine

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So like, it never really feels like[br]anything's a big deal

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So you're kinda just there to enjoy the[br]music moreso than anything

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Which I wasn't liking

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And to be honest, while it's just me [br]and you here

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I walked out of the movie

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And I'm kind of embarrassed to say[br]that 'cause

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I never walk out of movies, and this movie

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like I said, isn't even like the worst[br]movie I've ever seen or anything

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It's not even the worst live action remake[br]I've seen

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But I walked out with like the[br]last 15 minutes

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'Cause I was just so fuckin' bored

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And I really was just, really in a,[br]like a, trance

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Like a ? state

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And I was ready to leave

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So I didn't, maybe the ending[br]really saves it

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Maybe the ending ties it all together[br]with an absolute masterpiece

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But I doubt it

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Now as someone who stared in the[br]Hunger Games ? Part 1

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I feel qualified to ? on acting[br]performances

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And I would say, it was, fine, overall

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Like I, I actually think ?[br]did a good job as Snow White

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Like, she didn't do like anything crazy,[br]it wasn't y'know,

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some kind of Oscar worthy performance

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But I thought it was really just, fine

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Gal Godot, on the other hand, I do not[br]think was the right choice for this role

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It feels like she wanted to go like over[br]the top and like ham it up, but

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was a little reserved

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Like didn't really commit to going[br]crazy with it

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And then it just kind of

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Peters in this, really, bad purgatory[br]of just being flat

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Like she's never over the top enough[br]that it becomes charming

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and like disney villain like

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but it's also not played seriously[br]enough to the point where

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you like take her seriously

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so she's just kind of dull

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And everyone else around them,

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they don't have a big enough role [br]to play for me to

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give a fuck to even talk about their performances

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I guess except for maybe Jonathon

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But Jonathon, he just had to be in [br]love with Snow White immediately and

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that's kind of it

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So he didn't really get a whole lot[br]to do besides that

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Anyway though, that's kinda my review[br]of Snow White live action 2025

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I didn't like it very much

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But I imagine if you're 6 years old or[br]you just really like disney live action remakes

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you'll probably be pretty satisfied with[br]the film, I think, most likely

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yep

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well that's really about it

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I'm driving right now, and I don't like[br]to take my eyes of the road

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So when I get to the next red light,[br]I'll, I'll stop the recording