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Hello down there!

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I just finished watching the
Snow White live-action remake.

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And now, I'm leaving the
parking lot on my way home.

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I wasn't going to see
it initially because

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I'm beyond tired of
live-action remakes.

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I don't like them.

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I do not like greens eggs and ham.

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And the only reason I decided to
go see this one is because

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somehow there was a lot of
hype for it with people saying

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it's one of the best live-action
remakes ever made.

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Now that I finished it,
I can say I disagree.

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I apologize for the wacky
camera angle here

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that looks like it's filming a dick pic,

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but I wanted to just
give you my raw thoughts

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immediately after seeing it.

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I didn't really like it.

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I know there was a lot of
controversy with the movie.

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Don't really know what it all was.
I didn't pay too much attention.

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I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently

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had, like, some bad
interviews or something

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and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like,
the worst actress of our generation.

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Couldn't tell ya.

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All I know is I didn't like the movie.

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So setting aside the
controversy with it,

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was the film good in its own right?

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Not to me, it wasn't.

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But I'm also not the target
demographic anymore,

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I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old greaseball.

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The Snow White remake, it shares a
little bit in common with the original.

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But it feels like it wanted
to carve its own path.

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It's a little bit longer
than the original,

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so it adds a little bit more.

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Not a ton, but it adds things
that nobody gives a fuck about

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and it really feels like there
was two different visions

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for the film that ended up clashing.

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So they have the seven dwarves,
but they also have seven bandits,

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which I don't get the point of.

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The only bandit that matters
is the main one, Jonathan.

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Every other bandit, I don't
think they even had a name.

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There was, like, one scene where
they said one of their names,

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but you don't know who the
fuck they're talking about

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'cause they have never mentioned
any of them by name.

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I don't know why they're here.

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It feels like they are
the remnants of what

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the original direction
was for this remake.

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At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil
condom conspiracy theory.

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It feels like the seven bandits were
supposed to replace the dwarves

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but then they
decided not to do that,

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so now you have the seven
bandits and the seven dwarves,

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and it just doesn't mesh well at all.

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Really, most of the movie I don't
think meshes super well.

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There's a lot of new songs in it that

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I didn't recognize from the original
and I thought they blew ass.

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I, I, I just, I wasn't a fan.

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But there was a couple
songs that I recognized from

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the original, and they were fine.

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Those were kind of fun.
Like the classic Heigh Ho,

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that was kind of sweet.

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Truthfully, I just don't have 
a whole lot to say about the movie

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'cause it is absolutely just not for me.

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Also, I feel like I'm shouting
at the phone screen right now

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like I got headphones on,

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but... you know, it is what it is.

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It's just... I don't... like, I (laughs)
I really feel like

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I'm at this point shaking my fist
at the clouds.

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I don't really... don't see...

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why you'd ever choose to watch this
over the original.

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Like, it's not a "bad" movie, really...

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Like, it's not even terrible.
I think, there's things about it

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that don't really work for me, personally.

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But, but it's, again
It's not for me

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I'm not a 6 year old

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But like, when I'm watching this
and remembering the original

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Like the poison apple in the
original for example

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Big deal

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Like an actual huge
piece of the original

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In this one, it's nothing

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It is beyond nothing

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So like, the...

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The evil...

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So when Snow White gets the poison apple

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By Gal Gadot

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She takes a bite and then she gets the
sleeping death

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Well, she only stays sleeping dead for
like 10 minutes

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It, it was a sleeping snooze

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Like she actually just took a nap because

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she was only in that state for 2 scenes

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And then Jonathon came up
and gave her a kiss

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And then she was immediately freed from it

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So like there's never, like it doesn't
even feel like there's

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ever anything at stake

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It doesn't even feel like serious

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It just, it's crazy to say this but

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It feels like it moves so fuckin' fast
despite being longer than

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Longer than the original

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And yet offers less reasons to
get invested

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If that makes sense

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Like I shit you not, she gets the fuckin'
poison apple,

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she falls asleep with Gal Gadot,
laying down all the evil stuff she's done

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The dwarfs come up and they're like
"aw jinkies"

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So then they hold like a fuckin' viking
burial

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kind of

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they put her on a rock

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and they're like lamenting that she's
shed the mortal coil

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And like it switches to another scene
with Jonathon who

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breaks out of the, the castle, and then he

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immediately shows up, and they're
still there

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Like over her body, her corpse

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So I think it's really only been like
5 minutes

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They haven't begun the funeral

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and Jonathon shows up and kisses her,
and she's fine

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So like, it never really feels like
anything's a big deal

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So you're kinda just there to enjoy the
music moreso than anything

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Which I wasn't liking

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And to be honest, while it's just me 
and you here

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I walked out of the movie

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And I'm kind of embarrassed to say
that 'cause

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I never walk out of movies, and this movie

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like I said, isn't even like the worst
movie I've ever seen or anything

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It's not even the worst live-action remake
I've seen

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But I walked out with like the
last 15 minutes

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'Cause I was just so fuckin' bored

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And I really was just, really in a,
like a, trance

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Like a ? state

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And I was ready to leave

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So I didn't, maybe the ending
really saves it

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Maybe the ending ties it all together
with an absolute masterpiece

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But I doubt it

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Now as someone who stared in the
Hunger Games MockingJay Part 1

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I feel qualified to opine on acting
performances

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And I would say, it was, fine, overall

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Like I, I actually think Rachel Zegler
did a good job as Snow White

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Like, she didn't do like anything crazy,
it wasn't y'know,

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some kind of Oscar worthy performance

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But I thought it was really just, fine

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Gal Godot, on the other hand, I do not
think was the right choice for this role

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It feels like she wanted to go like over
the top and like ham it up, but

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was a little reserved

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Like didn't really commit to going
crazy with it

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And then it just kind of

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Peters in this, really, bad purgatory
of just being flat

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Like she's never over the top enough
that it becomes charming

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and like disney villain like

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but it's also not played seriously
enough to the point where

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you like take her seriously

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so she's just kind of dull

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And everyone else around them,

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they don't have a big enough role 
to play for me to

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give a fuck to even talk about their performances

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I guess except for maybe Jonathon

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But Jonathon, he just had to be in 
love with Snow White immediately and

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that's kind of it

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So he didn't really get a whole lot
to do besides that

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Anyway though, that's kinda my review
of Snow White live-action 2025

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I didn't like it very much

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But I imagine if you're 6-years-old or
you just really like disney live-action remakes

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you'll probably be pretty satisfied with
the film, I think, most likely

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yep

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well that's really about it

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I'm driving right now, and I don't like
to take my eyes of the road

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So, when I get to the next red light,
I'll, I'll stop the recording

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Hopefully you're having a good day

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My day's really alright,
haven't done too much today

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Except go see that movie

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I guess I don't regret seeing it
I guess it was worth giving it a try

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And now I know for sure

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Probably done with live-action remakes,
y'know what I mean