Hello down there!

I just finished watching the
Snow White live-action remake.

And now, I'm leaving the
parking lot on my way home.

I wasn't going to see
it initially because

I'm beyond tired of
live-action remakes.

I don't like them.

I do not like greens eggs and ham.

And the only reason I decided to
go see this one is because

somehow there was a lot of
hype for it with people saying

it's one of the best live-action
remakes ever made.

Now that I finished it,
I can say I disagree.

I apologize for the wacky
camera angle here

that looks like it's filming a dick pic,

but I wanted to just
give you my raw thoughts

immediately after seeing it.

I didn't really like it.

I know there was a lot of
controversy with the movie.

Don't really know what it all was.
I didn't pay too much attention.

I know the star, Rachel Zegler, apparently

had, like, some bad
interviews or something

and Gal Gadot, people say, is, like,
the worst actress of our generation.

Couldn't tell ya.

All I know is I didn't like the movie.

So setting aside the
controversy with it,

was the film good in its own right?

Not to me, it wasn't.

But I'm also not the target
demographic anymore,

I'm a fuckin' 30-year-old greaseball.

The Snow White remake, it shares a
little bit in common with the original.

But it feels like it wanted
to carve its own path.

It's a little bit longer
than the original,

so it adds a little bit more.

Not a ton, but it adds things
that nobody gives a fuck about

and it really feels like there
was two different visions

for the film that ended up clashing.

So they have the seven dwarves,
but they also have seven bandits,

which I don't get the point of.

The only bandit that matters
is the main one, Jonathan.

Every other bandit, I don't
think they even had a name.

There was, like, one scene where
they said one of their names,

but you don't know who the
fuck they're talking about

'cause they have never mentioned
any of them by name.

I don't know why they're here.

It feels like they are
the remnants of what

the original direction
was for this remake.

At least that's my little fuckin' tinfoil
condom conspiracy theory.

It feels like the seven bandits were
supposed to replace the dwarves

but then they
decided not to do that,

so now you have the seven
bandits and the seven dwarves,

and it just doesn't mesh well at all.

Really, most of the movie I don't
think meshes super well.

There's a lot of new songs in it that

I didn't recognize from the original
and I thought they blew ass.

I, I, I just, I wasn't a fan.

But there was a couple
songs that I recognized from

the original, and they were fine.

Those were kind of fun.
Like the classic Heigh Ho,

that was kind of sweet.

Truthfully, I just don't have 
a whole lot to say about the movie

'cause it is absolutely just not for me.

Also, I feel like I'm shouting
at the phone screen right now

like I got headphones on,

but... you know, it is what it is.

It's just... I don't... like, I (laughs)
I really feel like

I'm at this point shaking my fist
at the clouds.

I don't really... don't see...

why you'd ever choose to watch this
over the original.

Like, it's not a "bad" movie, really...

Like, it's not even terrible.
I think, there's things about it

that don't really work for me, personally.

But, but it's, again
It's not for me

I'm not a 6 year old

But like, when I'm watching this
and remembering the original

Like the poison apple in the
original for example

Big deal

Like an actual huge
piece of the original

In this one, it's nothing

It is beyond nothing

So like, the...

The evil...

So when Snow White gets the poison apple

By Gal Gadot

She takes a bite and then she gets the
sleeping death

Well, she only stays sleeping dead for
like 10 minutes

It, it was a sleeping snooze

Like she actually just took a nap because

she was only in that state for 2 scenes

And then Jonathon came up
and gave her a kiss

And then she was immediately freed from it

So like there's never, like it doesn't
even feel like there's

ever anything at stake

It doesn't even feel like serious

It just, it's crazy to say this but

It feels like it moves so fuckin' fast
despite being longer than

Longer than the original

And yet offers less reasons to
get invested

If that makes sense

Like I shit you not, she gets the fuckin'
poison apple,

she falls asleep with Gal Gadot,
laying down all the evil stuff she's done

The dwarfs come up and they're like
"aw jinkies"

So then they hold like a fuckin' viking
burial

kind of

they put her on a rock

and they're like lamenting that she's
shed the mortal coil

And like it switches to another scene
with Jonathon who

breaks out of the, the castle, and then he

immediately shows up, and they're
still there

Like over her body, her corpse

So I think it's really only been like
5 minutes

They haven't begun the funeral

and Jonathon shows up and kisses her,
and she's fine

So like, it never really feels like
anything's a big deal

So you're kinda just there to enjoy the
music moreso than anything

Which I wasn't liking

And to be honest, while it's just me 
and you here

I walked out of the movie

And I'm kind of embarrassed to say
that 'cause

I never walk out of movies, and this movie

like I said, isn't even like the worst
movie I've ever seen or anything

It's not even the worst live-action remake
I've seen

But I walked out with like the
last 15 minutes

'Cause I was just so fuckin' bored

And I really was just, really in a,
like a, trance

Like a ? state

And I was ready to leave

So I didn't, maybe the ending
really saves it

Maybe the ending ties it all together
with an absolute masterpiece

But I doubt it

Now as someone who stared in the
Hunger Games MockingJay Part 1

I feel qualified to opine on acting
performances

And I would say, it was, fine, overall

Like I, I actually think Rachel Zegler
did a good job as Snow White

Like, she didn't do like anything crazy,
it wasn't y'know,

some kind of Oscar worthy performance

But I thought it was really just, fine

Gal Godot, on the other hand, I do not
think was the right choice for this role

It feels like she wanted to go like over
the top and like ham it up, but

was a little reserved

Like didn't really commit to going
crazy with it

And then it just kind of

Peters in this, really, bad purgatory
of just being flat

Like she's never over the top enough
that it becomes charming

and like disney villain like

but it's also not played seriously
enough to the point where

you like take her seriously

so she's just kind of dull

And everyone else around them,

they don't have a big enough role 
to play for me to

give a fuck to even talk about their performances

I guess except for maybe Jonathon

But Jonathon, he just had to be in 
love with Snow White immediately and

that's kind of it

So he didn't really get a whole lot
to do besides that

Anyway though, that's kinda my review
of Snow White live-action 2025

I didn't like it very much

But I imagine if you're 6-years-old or
you just really like disney live-action remakes

you'll probably be pretty satisfied with
the film, I think, most likely

yep

well that's really about it

I'm driving right now, and I don't like
to take my eyes of the road

So, when I get to the next red light,
I'll, I'll stop the recording

Hopefully you're having a good day

My day's really alright,
haven't done too much today

Except go see that movie

I guess I don't regret seeing it
I guess it was worth giving it a try

And now I know for sure

Probably done with live-action remakes,
y'know what I mean