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Pat Mitchell: So I was thinking
about female friendship a lot,

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and by the way, these two women,

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I'm very honored to say,

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have been my friends
for a very long time, too.

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Jane Fonda: Yes we have.

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PM: And one of the things
that I read about female friendship

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is something that Cervantes said.

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He said, "You can tell
a lot about someone,"

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in this case a woman,

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"by the company that she keeps."

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So let's start with --

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(Laughter)

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JF: We're in big trouble.

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Lily Tomlin: Hand me one of those waters,

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I'm extremely dry.

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(Laughter)

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JF: You're taking up our time.

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We have a very limited --

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LT: Just being with her
sucks the life out of me.

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(Laughter)

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JF: You ain't seen nothing yet.

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Anyway -- sorry.

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PM: So tell me, what do you
look for in a friend?

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LT: I look for someone
who has a sense of fun,

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who's audacious,

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who's forthcoming, who has politics,

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who has even a small scrap
of passion for the planet,

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someone who's decent,
has a sense of justice

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and who thinks I'm worthwhile.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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JF: You know, I was thinking this morning,

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I don't even know what I would do
without my women friends.

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I mean it's, "I have my friends,
therefore I am."

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LT: (Laughter)

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JF: No, it's true.

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I exist because I have
my women friends. They --

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You're one of them.

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I don't know about you. But anyway --

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(Laughter)

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You know, they make me stronger,
they make me smarter,

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they make me braver.

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They tap me on the shoulder when I might
be in need of course-correcting.

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And most of them are
a good deal younger than me, too.

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You know? I mean, it's nice --
LT: Thank you.

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(Laughter)

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JF: No, I do, I include you in that,
because listen, you know --

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it's nice to have somebody still around
to play with and learn from

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when you're getting toward the end.

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I'm approaching --
I'll be there sooner than you.

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LT: No, I'm glad to have you
parallel aging alongside me.

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(Laughter)

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JF: I'm showing you the way.

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(Laughter)

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LT: Well, you are and you have.

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PM: Well, as we grow older,

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and as we go through
different kinds of life's journeys,

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what do you do to keep
your friendships vital and alive?

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LT: Well you have to use a lot of --

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JF: She doesn't invite me over much,
I'll tell you that.

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LT: I have to use a lot of social media --

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You be quiet now. And so --

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(Laughter)

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LT: And I look through my emails,
I look through my texts

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to find my friends,

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so I can answer them
as quickly as possible,

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because I know they need my counsel.

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(Laughter)

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They need my support,

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because most of my friends
are writers, or activists, or actors,

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and you're all three ...

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and a long string
of other descriptive phrases,

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and I want to get to you
as soon as possible,

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I want you to know that I'm there for you.

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JF: Do you do emojis?

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LT: Oh ...
JF: No?

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LT: That's embarrassing.
JF: I'm really into emojis.

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LT: No, I spell out my --

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I spell out my words of happiness
and congratulations,

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and sadness.

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JF: You spell it right out --

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LT: I spell it, every letter.

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(Laughter)

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JF: Such a purist.

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You know, as I've gotten older,

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I've understood more
the importance of friendships,

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and so, I really make an effort

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to reach out and make play dates --
not let too much time go by.

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I read a lot

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so, as Lily knows all too well,

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my books that I like,
I send to my friends.

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LT: When we knew we would be here today

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you sent me a lot of books
about women, female friendships,

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and I was so surprised
to see how many books,

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how much research
has been done recently --

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JF: And were you grateful?
LT: I was grateful.

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(Laughter)

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PM: And --

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LT: Wait, no, it's really important
because this is another example

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of how women are overlooked,
put aside, marginalized.

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There's been very little
research done on us,

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even though we volunteered lots of times.

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JF: That's for sure.

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(Laughter)

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LT: This is really exciting,
and you all will be interested in this.

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The Harvard Medical School study has shown

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that women who have
close female friendships

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are less likely to develop impairments --

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physical impairments as they age,

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and they are likely to be seen
to be living much more vital, exciting --

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JF: And longer --

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LT: Joyful lives.

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JF: We live five years longer than men.

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LT: I think I'd trade the years for joy.

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(Laughter)

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LT: But the most important
part is they found --

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the results were so exciting
and so conclusive --

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the researchers found

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that not having close female friends
is detrimental to your health,

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as much as smoking or being overweight.

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JF: And there's something else, too --

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LT: I've said my part, so ...

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(Laughter)

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JF: OK, well, listen to my part,
because there's an additional thing.

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Because they only --
for years, decades --

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they only researched men when they
were trying to understand stress,

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only very recently have they researched
what happens to women when we're stressed,

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and it turns out
that when we're stressed -- women,

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our bodies get flooded by oxytocin.

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Which is a feel-good, calming,
stress-reducing hormone.

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Which is also increased
when we're with our women friends.

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And I do think that's one reason
why we live longer.

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And I feel so bad for men
because they don't have that.

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Testosterone in men
diminishes the effects of oxytocin.

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LT: Well, when you and I
and Dolly made "9 to 5" ...

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JF: Oh --

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LT: We laughed, we did,
we laughed so much,

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we found we had so much in common
and we're so different.

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Here she is, like Hollywood royalty,

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I'm like a tough kid from Detroit,

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[Dolly's] a Southern kid
from a poor town in Tennessee,

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and we found we were so in sync as women,

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and we must have --

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we laughed -- we must have added
at least a decade onto our lifespans.

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JF: I think -- we sure
crossed our legs a lot.

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(Laughter)

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If you know what I mean.

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LT: I think we all know what you mean.

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(Laughter)

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PM: You're adding decades
to our lives right now.

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So among the books that Jane
sent us both to read on female friendship

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was one by a woman we admire greatly,
Sister Joan Chittister,

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who said about female friendship

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that women friends
are not just a social act,

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they're a spiritual act.

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Do you think of your friends as spiritual?

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Do they add something
spiritual to your lives?

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LT: Spiritual -- I absolutely think that.

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Because -- especially people
you've known a long time,

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people you've spent time with --

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I can see the spiritual
essence inside them,

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the tenderness, the vulnerability.

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There's actually kind of a love,
an element of love in the relationship.

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I just see deeply into your soul.

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PM: Do you think that, Jane --

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LT: But I have special powers.

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JF: Well, there's all kinds of friends.

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There's business friends,
and party friends,

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I've got a lot of those.

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(Laughter)

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But the oxytocin-producing
friendships have ...

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They feel spiritual
because it's a heart opening, right?

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You know, we go deep. And --

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I find that I shed tears a lot
with my intimate friends.

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Not because I'm sad but because
I'm so touched and inspired by them.

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LT: And you know one of you
is going to go soon.

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(Laughter)

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PM: Well, two of us are sitting here,
Lily, which one are you talking about?

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(Laughter)

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And I always think, when women
talk about their friendships,

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that men always look a little mystified.

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What are the differences, in your opinion,

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between men friendships
and women friendships?

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JF: There's a lot of difference,

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and I think we have to have
a lot of empathy for men --

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(Laughter)

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that they don't have what we have.

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Which I think may be why they die sooner.

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(Laughter)

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I have a lot of compassion for men,

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because women, no kidding, we --

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women's relationships, our friendships
are full disclosure, we go deep.

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They're revelatory.

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We risk vulnerability --
this is something men don't do.

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I mean how many times
have I asked you, "Am I doing OK?"

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"Did I really screw up there?"

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PM: You're doing great.

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(Laughter)

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JF: But I mean, we ask questions like that

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of our women friends,

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and men don't.

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You know, people describe women's
relationships as face-to-face,

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whereas men's friendships
are more side-by-side.

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LT: I mean most of the time
men don't want to reveal their emotions,

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they want to bury deeper feelings.

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I mean, that's the general,
conventional thought.

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They would rather go off in their man cave
and watch a game or hit golf balls,

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or talk about sports,
or hunting, or cars or have sex.

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I mean, it's just the kind of --
it's a more manly behavior.

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JF: You meant --
LT: They talk about sex.

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I meant they might have sex

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if they could get somebody
in their man cave to --

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(Laughter)

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JF: You know something, though,
that I find very interesting --

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and again, psychologists didn't know this
until relatively recently --

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is that men are born every bit
as relational as women are.

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If you look at films
of newborn baby boys and girls,

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you'll see the baby boys
just like the girls,

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gazing into their mother's eyes,

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you know, needing that relational
exchange of energy.

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When the mother looks away,
they could see the dismay on the child,

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even the boy would cry.

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They need relationship.

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So the question is why,
as they grow older, does that change?

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And the answer is patriarchal culture,

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which says to boys and young men

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that to be needing of relationship,
to be emotional with someone is girly.

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That a real man doesn't ask
directions or express a need,

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they don't go to doctors if they feel bad.

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They don't ask for help.

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There's a quote that I really like,

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"Men fear that becoming 'we'
will erase his 'I'."

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You know, his sense of self.

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Whereas women's sense of self
has always been kind of porous.

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But our "we" is our saving grace,

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it's what makes us strong.

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It's not that we're better than men,

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we just don't have
our masculinity to prove.

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LT: And, well --

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JF: That's a Gloria Steinem quote.

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So we can express our humanity --
LT: I know who Gloria Steinem is.

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JF: I know you know who she is,
but I think it's a --

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(Laughter)

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No, but it's a great quote, I think.

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We're not better than men, we just
don't have our masculinity to prove.

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And that's really important.

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LT: But men are
so inculcated in the culture

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to be comfortable in the patriarchy.

249
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And we've got to make
something different happen.

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JF: Women's friendships
are like a renewable source of power.

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LT: Well, that's what's exciting
about this subject.

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It's because our friendships --

253
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female friendships
are just a hop to our sisterhood,

254
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and sisterhood can be
a very powerful force,

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to give the world --

256
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to make it what it should be --

257
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the things that humans desperately need.

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PM: It is why we're talking about it,

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because women's friendships are,

260
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as you said, Jane,

261
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a renewable source of power.

262
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So how do we use that power?

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JF: Well, women are the fastest growing
demographic in the world,

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especially older women.

265
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And if we harness our power,
we can change the world.

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And guess what? We need to.

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(Applause)

268
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And we need to do it soon.

269
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And one of the things
that we need to do --

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and we can do it as women --

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for one thing, we kind of set
the consumer standards.

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We need to consume less.

273
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We in the Western world
need to consume less

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00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,376
and when we buy things, we need to
buy things that are made locally,

275
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when we buy food, we need to buy food
that's grown locally.

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We are the ones
that need to get off the grid.

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We need to make ourselves
independent from fossil fuels.

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And the fossil fuel companies --

279
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the Exxons and the Shell Oils
and those bad guys --

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cause they are --

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are going to tell us that we can't do it
without going back to the Stone Age.

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You know, that the alternatives
just aren't quite there yet,

283
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and that's not true.

284
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There are countries in the world right now

285
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that are living mostly on renewable
energy and doing just fine.

286
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:11,616
And they tell us that if we do
wean ourselves from fossil fuel

287
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that we're going to be
back in the Stone Age,

288
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and in fact, if we begin
to use renewable energy,

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and not drill in the Arctic,
and not drill --

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00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:21,356
LT: Oh, boy.

291
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,496
JF: And not drill
in the Alberta tar sands --

292
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Right.

293
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,000
That we will be --

294
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,416
there will be more democracy
and more jobs and more well-being,

295
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,656
and it's women that are
going to lead the way.

296
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:36,056
LT: Maybe we have the momentum
to start a third-wave feminist movement

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with our sisterhood around the world,

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with women we don't see,
women we may never meet,

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but we join together that way,

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because --

301
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Aristotle said --

302
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,136
most people --

303
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,056
people would die without male friendships.

304
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,336
And the operative word here was "male."

305
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,296
Because they thought that friendships
should be between equals

306
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,536
and women were not considered equal --

307
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,016
JF: They didn't think
we had souls even, the Greeks.

308
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,896
LT: No, exactly. That shows you
just how limited Aristotle was.

309
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,600
(Laughter)

310
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,416
And wait, no, here's the best part.

311
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,056
It's like, you know,
men do need women now.

312
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,216
The planet needs women.

313
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,696
The US Constitution needs women.

314
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,496
We are not even in the Constitution.

315
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,976
JF: You're talking about
the Equal Rights Amendment.

316
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,158
LT: Right.

317
00:14:26,182 --> 00:14:30,080
Justice Ginsberg said something like --

318
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:35,496
every constitution that's been written
since the end of World War II

319
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:40,496
included a provision that made women
citizens of equal stature,

320
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,216
but ours does not.

321
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,136
So that would be a good place to start.

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00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,216
Very, very mild --

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00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,456
JF: Right.

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00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,680
(Applause)

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00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,856
And gender equality, it's like a tide,

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00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,816
it would lift all boats, not just women.

327
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,376
PM: Needing new role models
on how to do that.

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How to be friends,

329
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,736
how to think about our power
in different ways,

330
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:02,976
as consumers,

331
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,656
as citizens of the world,

332
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,096
and this is what makes Jane and Lily

333
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,856
a role model of how
women can be friends --

334
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,496
for a very long time,

335
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,936
and even if they occasionally disagree.

336
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,160
Thank you.

337
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,576
Thank you both.

338
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,816
(Applause)

339
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,040
JF: Thanks.

340
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:24,776
LT: Thank you.

341
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,000
JF: Thank you.

342
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:31,120
(Applause)