WEBVTT 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Pat Mitchell: So I was thinking about female friendship a lot, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and by the way, these two women I'm very honored to say 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 have been my friends for a very long time, too. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Jane Fonda: Yes we have. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 PM: And one of the things that I read about female friendship 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is something that Cervantes said, he said: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "You can tell a lot about someone," 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in this case a woman, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "by the company that she keeps." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So let's start with -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: We're in big trouble. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Lily Tomlin: Hand me one of those waters, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm extremely dry. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: You're taking up our time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We have a very limited -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Just being with her sucks the life out of me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: You ain't seen nothing yet. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Anyway -- sorry. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 PM: So tell me, what do you look for in a friend? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I look for someone who has a sense of fun, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who's audacious, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who's forthcoming, who has politics, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who has even a small scrap of passion for the planet, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 someone who's decent, has a sense of justice, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and who thinks I'm worthwhile. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Applause) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: You know I was thinking this morning, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't even know what I would do without my women friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I have my friends, therefore I am. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: No, it's true. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I exist because I have my women friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You're one of them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know about you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But anyway -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know, they make me stronger, they make me smarter, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 they make me braver. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They tap me on the shoulder when I might be in need of course-correcting. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And most of them are a good deal younger than me, too. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Thank you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: No I do, I include you in that, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because listen, you know -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's nice to have somebody still around to play with and learn from 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 when you're getting toward the end. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I'm glad, I'm glad you -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: I'm approaching -- I'll be there sooner than you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: No I'm glad to have you parallel aging alongside me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: I'm showing you the way. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: No, you are and you have. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 PM: Well as we grow older, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and as we go through different kinds of life's journeys, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 what do you do to keep your friendships vital and alive? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Well you have to use a lot of -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: She doesn't invite me over much, I'll tell you that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I have to use a lot of social media -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you be quiet now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And so -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I go through -- I look through my emails, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I look through my emails, I look through my texts 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to find my friends, so I can answer them as quickly as possible, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because I know they need my counsel. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They need my support, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because most of my friends are writers, or activists or actors, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and you're all three, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and a long string of other descriptive phrases, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I want to get to you as soon as possible, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to know that I'm there for you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: Do you do emojis? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Oh ... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: No? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: It's embarrassing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: I'm really into emojis. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: No I spell out my -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I spell out my words of happiness and congratulations, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and sadness. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: You spell it right out -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I spell out every letter. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: Such a purist. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as I've gotten older, I've understood more the importance of friendship. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So, I really make an effort to reach out and make play dates -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 not let too much time go by. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I read a lot so, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as Lily knows all too well, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 my books that I like, I send to my friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: When you knew we would be here today 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you sent me a lot of books about women, female friendships, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I was so surprised to see how many books, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 how much research has been done recently -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: And were you grateful? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I was grateful. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: And -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: And -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Wait, no, it's really important because this is another example 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 of how women are overlooked, put aside, marginalized, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there's been very little research done on us, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 even though we volunteered lots of times. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: That's for sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: No-- this is really exciting, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and you all will be interested in this, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the Harvard Medical School Study has shown 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that women who have close female friendships 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 are less likely to develop impairments -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 physical impairments as they age, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and they are likely to seem to be living much more vital, exciting -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: and longer -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: and joyful lives. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: We life five years longer than men. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I think I'd trade the years for joy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: And, but the most important part is they found -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the results were so exciting and so conclusive -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the researchers found 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that not having close female friends is detrimental to your health, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as much as smoking or being overweight. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: Well -- and there's something else, too -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I've said my part, so ... 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: Okay, well listen to my part, because there's an additional thing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because they only -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for years, decades -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 they only researched men when they were trying to understand stress, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 only very recently have they researched what happens to women when we're stressed, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and it turns out that when we're stressed --women, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 our bodies get flooded by oxytocin. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Which is a feel-good, calming, stress reducing hormone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Which also is increased when we're with our women friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I do think that's one reason why we live longer. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I feel so bad for men because they don't have that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Testosterone in men diminishes the effects of oxytocin. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Well when you and I and Dolly made "9 to 5" -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: Oh -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: We laughed, we did, we laughed so much, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 we found we had so much in common. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And we're so different. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Here she is like Hollywood royalty, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm like a tough kid from Detroit, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 she's a southern kid from a poor town in Tennessee, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and we found we were so in sync as women, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and we must have-- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 we laughed until we must have added at least a decade onto our lifespans. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: I think -- we sure crossed our legs a lot. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: If you know what I mean. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: I think we all know what you mean. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 PM: You're adding decades to our lives right now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So among the books that Jane sent us both to read on female friendship, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 was one by a woman we admire greatly, Sister Joan Chittister, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who said about female friendship 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that women friends are not just a social act, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 they're a spiritual act. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do you think of your friends as spiritual? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do they add something spiritual to you life? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: Spiritual -- I absolutely think that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because --especially people you've known a long time -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 people you've spent time with, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I can see the spiritual essence inside them, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the tenderness, the vulnerability. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's actually kind of a love, an element of love in the relationship. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I just see deeply into your soul. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 PM: Do you think that, Jane? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: But I have special powers. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 JF: Well there's all kinds of friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's you know, business friends, and party friends, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I got a lot of those. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But the oxytocin producing friendships, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 they have -- they feel spiritual because it's a heart opening, right? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know, we go deep. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I find that I shed tears a lot with my intimate friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not because I'm sad but because I'm so touched and inspired by them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 LT: And you know one of you's going to go soon. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 PM: Well two of us are sitting here, Lily, which one are you talking about?