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Pat Mitchell: So I was thinking
about female friendship a lot,

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and by the way, these two women
I'm very honored to say

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have been my friends
for a very long time, too.

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Jane Fonda: Yes we have.

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PM: And one of the things
that I read about female friendship

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is something that Cervantes said, he said:

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"You can tell a lot about someone,"

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in this case a woman,

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"by the company that she keeps."

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So let's start with --

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(Laughter)

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JF: We're in big trouble.

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(Laughter)

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Lily Tomlin: Hand me one of those waters,

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I'm extremely dry.

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(Laughter)

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JF: You're taking up our time.

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We have a very limited --

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LT: Just being with her
sucks the life out of me.

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(Laughter)

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JF: You ain't seen nothing yet.

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Anyway -- sorry.

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PM: So tell me, what do you
look for in a friend?

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LT: I look for someone who has
a sense of fun,

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who's audacious,

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who's forthcoming, who has politics,

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who has even a small scrap
of passion for the planet,

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someone who's decent,
has a sense of justice,

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and who thinks I'm worthwhile.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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JF: You know I was thinking this morning,

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I don't even know what I would do
without my women friends.

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I have my friends, therefore I am.

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LT: (Laughter)

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JF: No, it's true.

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I exist because I have my women friends.

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They --

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You're one of them.

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I don't know about you.

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But anyway --

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(Laughter)

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You know, they make me stronger,
they make me smarter,

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they make me braver.

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They tap me on the shoulder when I might
be in need of course-correcting.

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And most of them are
a good deal younger than me, too.

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LT: Thank you.

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(Laughter)

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JF: No I do, I include you in that,

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because listen, you know --

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it's nice to have somebody still around
to play with and learn from

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when you're getting toward the end.

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LT: I'm glad, I'm glad you --

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JF: I'm approaching --
I'll be there sooner than you.

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LT: No I'm glad to have you
parallel aging alongside me.

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(Laughter)

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JF: I'm showing you the way.

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(Laughter)

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LT: No, you are and you have.

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PM: Well as we grow older,

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and as we go through different kinds
of life's journeys,

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what do you do to keep
your friendships vital and alive?

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LT: Well you have to use a lot of --

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JF: She doesn't invite me over much,
I'll tell you that.

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LT: I have to use a lot of social media --

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you be quiet now.

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(Laughter)

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And so --

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(Laughter)

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And I go through --
I look through my emails,

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I look through my emails,
I look through my texts

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to find my friends, so I can answer them
as quickly as possible,

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because I know they need my counsel.

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(Laughter)

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They need my support,

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because most of my friends are writers,
or activists or actors,

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and you're all three,

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and a long string
of other descriptive phrases,

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and I want to get to you
as soon as possible,

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I want you to know that I'm there for you.

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JF: Do you do emojis?

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LT: Oh ...

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JF: No?

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LT: It's embarrassing.

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JF: I'm really into emojis.

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LT: No I spell out my --

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I spell out my words of happiness
and congratulations,

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and sadness.

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JF: You spell it right out --

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LT: I spell out every letter.

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(Laughter)

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JF: Such a purist.

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You know,

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as I've gotten older, I've understood more
the importance of friendship.

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So, I really make an effort
to reach out and make play dates --

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not let too much time go by.

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I read a lot so,

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as Lily knows all too well,

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my books that I like,
I send to my friends.

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LT: When you knew we would be here today

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you sent me a lot of books about women,
female friendships,

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and I was so surprised to see
how many books,

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how much research
has been done recently --

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JF: And were you grateful?

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LT: I was grateful.

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(Laughter)

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LT: And --

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JF: And --

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LT: Wait, no, it's really important
because this is another example

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of how women are overlooked,
put aside, marginalized,

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there's been very little
research done on us,

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even though we volunteered lots of times.

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JF: That's for sure.

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(Laughter)

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LT: No-- this is really exciting,

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and you all will be interested in this,

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the Harvard Medical School Study has shown

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that women who have
close female friendships

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are less likely to develop impairments --

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physical impairments as they age,

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and they are likely to seem to be living
much more vital, exciting --

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JF: and longer --

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LT: and joyful lives.

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JF: We life five years longer than men.

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LT: I think I'd trade the years for joy.

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(Laughter)

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LT: And, but the most important part
is they found --

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the results were so exciting
and so conclusive --

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the researchers found

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that not having close female friends
is detrimental to your health,

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as much as smoking or being overweight.

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JF: Well -- and there's
something else, too --

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LT: I've said my part, so ...

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(Laughter)

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JF: Okay, well listen to my part,
because there's an additional thing.

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Because they only --

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for years, decades --

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they only researched men when they
were trying to understand stress,

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only very recently have they researched
what happens to women when we're stressed,

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and it turns out that
when we're stressed --women,

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our bodies get flooded by oxytocin.

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Which is a feel-good, calming, 
stress reducing hormone.

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Which also is increased
when we're with our women friends.

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And I do think that's one reason
why we live longer.

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And I feel so bad for men
because they don't have that.

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Testosterone in men diminishes
the effects of oxytocin.

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LT: Well when you and I
and Dolly made "9 to 5" --

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JF: Oh --

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LT: We laughed, we did,
we laughed so much,

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we found we had so much in common.

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And we're so different.

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Here she is like Hollywood royalty,

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I'm like a tough kid from Detroit,

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she's a southern kid
from a poor town in Tennessee,

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and we found we were so in sync as women,

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and we must have--

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we laughed until we must have added
at least a decade onto our lifespans.

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JF: I think -- we sure
crossed our legs a lot.

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(Laughter)

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JF: If you know what I mean.

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LT: I think we all know what you mean.

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PM: You're adding
decades to our lives right now.

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So among the books that Jane
sent us both to read on female friendship,

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was one by a woman we admire greatly,
Sister Joan Chittister,

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who said about female friendship

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that women friends
are not just a social act,

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they're a spiritual act.

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Do you think of your friends as spiritual?

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Do they add something
spiritual to you life?

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LT: Spiritual -- I absolutely think that.

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Because --especially people
you've known a long time --

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people you've spent time with,

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I can see the spiritual essence
inside them,

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the tenderness, the vulnerability.

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There's actually kind of a love,
an element of love in the relationship.

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I just see deeply into your soul.

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PM: Do you think that, Jane?

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LT: But I have special powers.

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JF: Well there's all kinds of friends.

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There's you know, business friends,
and party friends,

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I got a lot of those.

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But the oxytocin producing friendships,

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they have -- they feel spiritual
because it's a heart opening, right?

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You know, we go deep.

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And I find that I shed tears a lot
with my intimate friends.

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Not because I'm sad but because
I'm so touched and inspired by them.

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LT: And you know one of you's
going to go soon.

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(Laughter)

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PM: Well two of us are sitting here, Lily,
which one are you talking about?

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(Laughter)

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And I always think when women
talk about their friendships,

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that men always look a little mystified.

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What are the differences,
in your opinion,

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between men friendships
and women friendships?

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JF: There's a lot of difference,

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and I think we have to have
a lot of empathy for men --

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(Laughter)

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that they don't have what we have,

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which I think may be why they die sooner.

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I have a lot of compassion for men

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because women --

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no kidding --

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women's relationships, our friendships
are full disclosure, we go deep.

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They're revelatory.

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We risk vulnerability --
this is something men don't do.

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I mean how many times have I asked you,
"am I doing okay?"

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"Did I really screw up there?"

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PM: You're doing great.

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(Laughter)

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JF: But I mean, we ask questions like that
of our women friends and men don't.

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You know people describe women's
relationships as face-to-face,

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whereas men's friendships
are more side by side.

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LT: I mean most of the time
men don't want to reveal their emotions,

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they want to bury deeper feelings.

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I mean that's the general,
conventional thought.

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They would rather go off in their man cave
and watch a game or hit gold balls,

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or talk about sports, or hunting,
or cars, or have sex.

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I mean it's just the kind of --
it's a more manly behavior.

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(Laughter)

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JF: You meant they talk about sex.

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LT: I meant they might have sex

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if they could get somebody
in their man cave to --

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(Laughter)

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JF: You know something really though
that I find very interesting.

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And again, psychologists didn't know this
until relatively recently.

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Men are born every bit
as relational as women are.

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If you look at films of newborn
baby boys and girls,

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you'll see the baby boys
just like the girls,

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gazing into their mother's eyes,

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you know, needing that relational
exchange of energy.

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When the mother looks away
they could see the dismay on the child,

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even the boy would cry.

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They need relationship.

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So the question is why, as they
grow older, does that change?

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And the answer is patriarchal culture,

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which says to boys and young men,


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that to be needing of relationship,

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to be emotional with someone, is girly.

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But a real man is doesn't ask
directions or express a need,

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they don't go to doctors if they feel bad.

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They don't ask for help.

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There's a quote that I really like,

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"Men fear that becoming we
will erase his I."

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You know, his sense of self.

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Whereas women's self of self
has always been kind of porous.

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But our we is our saving grace,
it's what makes us strong.

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It's not that we're better than men,

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we just don't have
our masculinity to prove.

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LT: And well --

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JF: That's a Gloria Steinem quote.

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LT: No, I know --

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JF: So we can express our humanity --

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LT: I know who Gloria Steinem is.

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JF: I know you know who she is, 
but I think it's a --

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(Laughter)

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No but it's a great quote I think.

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We're not better than men, we just
don't have our masculinity to prove.

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And that's really important.

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LT: But men are so
inculcated in the culture

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to be comfortable in the patriarchy.

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And we're got to make
something different happen.

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JF: Women's friendships are like
a renewable source of power.

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LT: Well that's what's exciting
about this subject,

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because female friendships
are just a hop to our sisterhood,

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and sisterhood can be
a very powerful force,

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to give the world --

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to make it what it should be --

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the things that humans desperately need.

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PM: It is why we're talking about it,

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because women's friendships are, 
as you said, Jane,

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a renewable source of power.

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So how do we use that power?

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JF: Well, women are the fastest growing
demogrpahic in the world,

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especially older women.

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And if we harness our power,
we can change the world.

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And guess what?

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We need to.

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(Applause)

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And we need to do it soon.

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And one of the things
that we need to do --

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and we can do it as women --

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for one thing, we kind of set
the consumer standards.

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We need to consume less.

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We in the Western world
need to consume less

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and when we buy things, we need to
buy things that are made locally,

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when we buy food, we need to buy food
that's grown locally.

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We are the ones that need to
get off the grid,

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we need to make ourselves
independent from fossil fuels.

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And the fossil fuel companies --

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the Exxons and Shell Oils 
and those bad guys --

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cause they are --

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are going to tell us that we can't do it
without going back to the Stone Age.

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You know, that the alternatives
just aren't quite there yet,

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and that's not true.

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There are countries in the world right now

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that are living mostly on renewable
energy and doing just fine.

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And they tell us that if we do
ween ourselves off fossil fuel

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that we're going to be
back in the Stone Age,

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and if fact, if we begin
to use renewable energy,

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and not drill in the Artic,

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and not drill --

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LT: Oh, boy.

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JF: And not drill
in the Alberta Tar Sands --

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Right.

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JF: That we will be, there will be more
democracy and more jobs

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and it's women that are
going to lead the way.

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LT: Maybe we have the momentum
to start the Third-wave Feminist Movement

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with our sisterhood around the world,

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with women we don't see,
women we may never meet,

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but we join together that way,

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because --

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Aristotle said,

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most people--people would die
without male friendships --

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the operative word here is male --

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because they thought that friendships
should be between equals

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and women were not considered equal --

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JF: They thought we didn't
have souls even, the Greeks.

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LT: No, exactly. That shows you exactly
just how limited Aristotle was.

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(Laughter)

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And wait, no, here's the best part.

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It's like you know, men do need women now.

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The planet needs women.

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The U.S. Constitution needs women.

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We are not even in the Constitution.

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PM: You're talking about
the Equal Rights Amendment.

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LT: Right.

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JF: Yes.

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LT: Justice Ginsberg said,
something like,

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every constitution that's been written
since the end of World War II

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included a provision that made women
citizens of equal stature,

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but ours does not.

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So that would be a good place to start.

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(Laughter)

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Very, very mild ...

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(Applause)

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JF: Right.

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JF: And gender equality, it's like a tide,

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it would lift all boats, not just women.

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PM: Needing new role models
on how to do that.

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On how to be friends,

341
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how to think about our power
in different ways,

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as consumers, as citizens of the world,

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and this is what makes Jane and Lily
a role model

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a role model of how women can be friends
for a very long time

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and even of the occasionally disagree.

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Thank you.

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JF and LT: Thank you.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Applause)

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LT: Thank you.

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JF: Thank you.