[Music playing]
[Dean Martin singing "Good Mornin' Life]
♪ Good morning life, good morning sun, how are your skies above ♪
♪ Gee it's great to be alive and in love ♪
♪ Good morning life, good morning birds, sing out your happy tune ♪
♪ Feels so good, 'cause I'll be seeing her soon ♪
♪ Last night she said she loved me, what a pity to part ♪
♪ I slept with both eyes open waiting for today to start ♪
♪ Good morning life, good morning world, how are you, happiness ♪
♪ All at once, I know what living can be ♪
♪ It's life, it's free, it's someone waiting for me...♪
(Pringles mascot) Hey, honey! How 'bout it?
♪...Who'd someday be my wife, good morning life ♪
♪ Good morning life ♪♪
(Michelin man cop #1) Oh, God, it was...you know what?
You should come with us next time.
(Michelin man cop #2) Nah, man, I don't like zoos.
Ah, man but the kids go apeshit for it
Yeah, well, I don't see my kids that much. Besides, it's depressing.
What, getting up close to animals?
I mean, where the hell else are you going to get that close to a cheetah?
Yeah, that cheetah can run like a motherfucker.
But in a zoo? He ain't got enough room to hit second gear.
I mean, it ain't like they're in their natural habitat.
Yeah, no shit man!
That's 'cause they'd be dead if they were in their natural habitat.
These animals have been rescued.
Usually injured or something in like you know, the wild.
Or blind.
No shit?
No shit!
See, I didn't know that.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's even more depressing! That's what I'm talking about.
A blind-ass cheetah bumping into trees and shit.
That shit's fucked up.
I didn't say the cheetah was blind.
Well, then, what's blind?
Nothing's blind, it's just an example.
Well, then that's a fucked up example of some shit right there, man!
That's what I'm talking about! Blind cheetahs and shit.
I just meant...
Look, go get the food.
Alright.
'Ey, and remember, we pay half.
Yeah, I know.
And get me a large Coke, too.
You got it!
[muttering under breath] Captain douchebag.
Okay, small salad, bottle of water. That's it. Small salad, bottle of water.
Hmmm...
(Female voice on radio) All units respond to APB 211.
Suspect last seen heading west on Alameda in a red delivery van.
Suspect white male, 6 feet tall, yellow jumpsuit, red hair and shoes,
answers to the name Ronald, considered armed and dangerous.
Sweet Jesus!
Hey, hurry up!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Was he in my lane?
(Female voice on radio) ...Suspect heading south on Royal Canyon...
Watch out! Watch out!
(Muffled talk on radio from helicopter)
(Mr. Clean in a feminine tone) Okay, people, listen to me, please.
Hands and feet inside the car. No snacks, and certainly no feeding
the animals. Grrrr. There's a lot to see going on.
Have a lovely time together, so here we gooo!
Just on your right is a rare but simply gorgeous little reptilian friend
It's our French crocodile.
And no, you won't see any handbag or belt made out of this...
This guy sucks hairy balls.
Gah, let's get out of here. C'mon, let's go.
Let's go ride a lion!
[Laughing]
[penguin squeaking]
Oh, look at the big pussy! Hey, big pussy!
[Laughing and snorting]
[Roaring]
Oh, ho, ho! That is no way to treat our animal friends
How would you like it if I pulled my pantyhose down and shook my heinie
in your faces? Hmm?
[Suspenseful music]
(male voice on helicopter radio) Roger that.
Uh, you guys want to look out for a blue recycle vehicle.
[Sirens, car engine sounds and crashing]
[Ronald laughing]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Just keep your eyes on the road.
My eyes are on the road, but I got to watch out for the sidewalk...
[dramatic music and helicopter whirring]
[Diner music]
Wow, Esso girl in that white outfit looking pretty good today.
What I wouldn't give to...
Save your energy, dude.
Think she gives a damn about classic recipe, anymore?
Fuck off. Sour's the new hot and spicy.
Esso: Oh, you can both forget it. Trust me.
You're pretty hard to forget.
Nice mustache.
It only tickles for a little while...
[Animal noises]
[Traffic noises]
Burn some rubber dude!
That was almost green! That light was green!
Goodness! Where's a cop when you need one?
No!
Here we go! Watch out!
Whoa, that's crazy!
Hello! You deserved that, you bastard!
[Ronald shouting]
Goddamnit, look out!
Christ, it's a fucking truck!
Oh, fuck me!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh, my Christ...
Oh, this dick better be alive.
Okay, boys, let's round 'em up.
Oh, fuck, shit is going down!
'Aight, boys, show 'em how we do it down here.
Female voice over ready: Suspect's vehicle is in sight.
Vehicle is disabled, blocking...
Whoa, check it out, dude.
Cops, dude.
Move it.
>>Awesome.
<
>>Jesus, look at all the guns. We should get one.
Whoa, we can sell all the shit. We're gonna be so rich.
Hello, hostage!
Oh, shit!
Back off you sons of bitches!
Cowboy Cop: Hold your fire, boys!
I'll shoot every last one of ya!
You don't want to see Big Boy's brain splatter, do ya?
I'll shoot every last one of ya right between the eyes!
Goddamnit!
Stay cool, little man. Just stay cool, bro.
Old Ronald's got you now, this is gonna be just fine.
We just...
Oh, you fucking brat! Jesus Christ!
[Gun firing]
I'll kill every last one of you in this goddamn hell hole!
No, no, no, hold it! No, no, no!
This clown is all mine.
Cowboy Cop: Damnit.
Are you kidding me? [Growling]
Cop: Ooo...
Ronald: Wooo!!! Sweet Mary Ginger! Take this, you sons of bitches! Ahhh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Continues laughing]
I'm free! I'm free!
Oh, Jesus Christ.
[Roaring]
[Animal Sounds]
Dispatch, where the hell is swat?
Female voice over radio: Swat, what's your ETA?
[Muffled talk over the radio]
Shoot that sumbitch in the heads.
Voice over radio: Number one, you got a shot, you take it.
Ronald: What the fuck was that?
[Animal noises]
Put a bullet in his brain, sniper one.
[Rumbling]
We're going down!
Stay with me. You'll be fine.
It's a goddamn earthquake! Run!
[Animal noises and suspenseful music]
Ho, ho...
Come, now!
Run, spicy, run!
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Shit!
Ahhh!
You're mine now, clown.
Come and get it, pork chop.
You're mine now, clownie!
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Hello, asshole!
Sorry for killing you, bro. [Laughing]
C'mon, get in!
Cool! Cop car!
Yeah! [Laughing]
Big Boy: Turn on the siren!
[Crashing and suspenseful music]
Weee! [Laughing]
Oh, losers!
Whoa, whoa...[Laughing]
You white trash!
Whoa! Woooo! Ha-ha, look at me, boys!
Ohhh, ahhhh!!!
No, no, no, no, no! Ahhh!
Esso: Ahh! We have to get out of LA! It's all coming down!
Big Boy: Punch it! Punch it!
Ahh...
[Suspenseful music]
Esso: We're gonna make it. Dear God, we're gonna make it!
[Suspenseful music]
Esso: Ahhh!!!
[Esso and Big Boy screaming]
We're alive.
Awesome!
[Explosions]
Esso: What the? Oh!
[Rumbling and car alarms going off]
[Waves crashing]
[Music]
Lyrics: I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart.
In my heart I have but one desire.
And that one is you, no other will do.
I've lost all ambition for worldly acclaim.
I just want to be the one you love.
And with your admission that you feel the same,
I'll have reached the goal I'm dreaming of, believe me.
I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart.
Talking over music: I don't want to set the world on fire, honey.
I love you too much.
I just want to start a great big flame down in your heart.
You see, way down inside of me, darling I have only one desire.
And that one desire is you.
And I know nobody else ain't gonna do.
Singing: I've lost all ambition for worldly acclaim.
I just want to be the one you love.
And with your admission that you feel the same,
I'll have reached the goal I'm dreaming of, believe me.
I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I'm loving it!