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Don’t talk to strangers!

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Who’s heard that before?

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This is what all of us hear[br]from our parents, teachers and our peers

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when we are tiny.

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And why?

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According to Psychological Science,

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children as young as seven

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already evaluate trustworthiness[br]in strangers as accurately as adults do.

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But still, for a fear of the unknown,

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we try to avoid all[br]communication with strangers.

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And I do have to commend us

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because now, in the 21st century,

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we have perfected the art[br]of not talking with strangers

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through our tech gadgets.

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Today, when we walk down the streets,

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on our phones, with AirPods in our ears,

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we pass people on the street[br]without even acknowledging their presence.

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Because, why would we?

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Are they going to introduce me[br]to my soulmate?

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Are they going to find me my next job?

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Probably not.

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So it seems that having conversations [br]with strangers is a total waste of time.

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And anyway, we are so busy.

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Now, I want to convince you[br]of the opposite,

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that speaking with strangers [br]and diving into the unknown

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will improve your life tremendously,

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both by giving you more opportunities [br]and connecting you with your community.

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Now, imagine it is 8:30 in the morning,

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and you click the elevator door

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on the eighth floor[br]of your apartment building

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to get to work.

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You are coffee-in-hand, [br]and you walk into the elevator,

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and all of a sudden, the elevator stops.

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On the seventh floor.

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A lady walks in with her two dogs.

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What do you do?

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A. Comment on the dogs: [br]"Oh, they’re so cute!"

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B. Pull out your phone and pretend [br]to do something of utmost importance.

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or C. Stand awkwardly, [br]sipping your coffee.

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So just think to yourself,[br]and be completely honest,

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who would pick option A?

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I see you friendly folks out there!

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And B?

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And here, the masters of acting!

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And C?

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Ah yes! There are my fellow[br]awkward coffee sippers!

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That used to be me until I was sipping[br]a latte with my aunt one afternoon.

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She told me the story[br]of how she got her current job.

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She was a financial advisor

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and got an email one morning[br]telling her she was dismissed.

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That week, she sent six applications[br]to different companies,

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frantically trying to get a job.

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Disillusioned, a month later,

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she got on the elevator[br]after her Planet Fitness workout session.

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There were two men in the elevator,

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and she began to fuss[br]about the challenges of finding a job.

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One of the men mentioned[br]that his wife worked for a headhunter

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specializing in the area[br]she let him know she was interested in,

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and gave her her number.

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My aunt called the headhunter,

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and within two weeks,[br]she had a job she loved.

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All from speaking with a stranger[br]in an elevator, no less.

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The average New York City[br]elevator ride lasts 118 seconds.

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That’s it.

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That’s what it can take [br]to spark a conversation

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that leads to somewhere interesting[br]and different, even life-changing.

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Inspired by my aunt’s story,

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I decided to turn an opportunity[br]in the elevator that lasts 118 seconds

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into an opportunity that lasts 8 hours.

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I wanted to discover the stories[br]of fellow MTA commuters

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by speaking with them.

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I got on the 6 subway train[br]at 9 AM on 86th Street.

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This was, naturally, pre-COVID-19.

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And I stayed on the green line,[br]going up and down, until 5 PM.

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A total of eight hours on the subway.

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The entire time,

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my goal was to speak[br]with people I had never met

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and would likely never meet again.

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I asked people the same question[br]to spark off a brief conversation:

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"If this subway car[br]could take you anywhere,

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where would you go?"

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At times, the responses were a mixture[br]of a shrug of the shoulders

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or pretending to get back[br]to a text message or a game,

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Subway Surfer included.

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It was easy to understand[br]the reticence to speak with a stranger.

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I think several people thought[br]I was plausibly mad

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and distanced themselves from me[br]as if I had the flu.

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The people I did spark[br]a connection with, though,

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shared fascinating responses [br]to my question.

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I met a young man who answered me

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by pointing up to an advertisement[br]in the car about holidaying in Florida.

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He wanted the train to take him[br]to the white beaches and blue sea,

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to share the spot with his boyfriend.

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He wanted to get away[br]from the hurly-burly.

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A totally different perspective [br]came from an older woman

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who said she wanted [br]the subway to take her to Mars.

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For all of her life, she loved astronomy,

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and today, with the rise of astrobiology,

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which she explained to me [br]means the study of life on planets,

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she wanted to see for herself [br]the possibility of life on Mars.

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So there I was,

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sitting with this person[br]on the subway car

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who was an Elon Musk-type visionary.

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A third and final sample[br]from my more than 200 interactions

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was of a mother of five children [br]who was expecting a sixth.

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She told me she wanted [br]the subway car to take her home,

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exactly where she was headed.

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She wanted to open[br]the front door to her home

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and feel the warm hugs of her children[br]after a long day in a small cubicle.

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She hoped there wouldn’t be [br]a delay in the trains

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for she was eager[br]to prepare dinner for her children,

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their favorite: pasta with tomato sauce.

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I wanted to join her for that too!

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The average New Yorker spends[br]six hours commuting each week,

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most of which takes place [br]in the company of fellow commuters.

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That's fertile ground [br]to reach out to a stranger

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and get some type of conversation going,

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even if it's just to commend them [br]on something or other.

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In fact, it's in everyone’s best interest.

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A 2014 study conducted [br]by Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder,

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published in the Association[br]for Psychological Science,

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found that commuters who spoke[br]with their fellow subway or bus riders

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had a more positive[br]and equally productive commute.

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Plus, we can always get[br]to beating our Candy Crush score later.

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I got enough captivating stories[br]from my single question to write a book.

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In class, I have found inspiration

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for revisiting this childhood fear[br]of speaking with strangers.

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One of my teachers found her soulmate[br]from one such interaction.

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Check it out.

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She was at the grocery store, [br]in the ice cream aisle,

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trying to reach the top row

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to get the Ben & Jerry’s[br]chocolate chip cookie dough flavor.

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A man walks up to her[br]and offers to reach it for her.

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He was six foot two.

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He tells her that[br]it's his favorite flavor -

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as is mine! -

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and they start talking.

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Cut the story short, my teacher[br]and the tall man exchange phone numbers,

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and they grab coffee the following week

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since they discover[br]they work near one another.

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One thing leads to another,

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and they are today celebrating[br]25 years married.

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No doubt a thing of fortune,

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and glad that their chance meeting [br]didn't happen today, during COVID-19,

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where keeping six feet apart[br]may have meant lives never come together.

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Let's hope we can restart[br]our social lives soon!

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When we do, what will we do differently?

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How will we come out of our hibernation?

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What will we improve on,

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learning from the importance of social [br]interactions from being starved of them?

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Perhaps I can recommend a script [br]to help you along, if valuable.

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You can start an interaction [br]by asking a fun question.

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It's quirky, but you'd be surprised [br]how much people want to share.

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What will you ask?

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A. What is your favorite color?

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B. If you could make a YouTube video[br]with one billion views,

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what would it be about?

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or C. If this subway car could take you [br]anywhere, where would you go?

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When this pandemic ends,

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as we once again fill the subway cars[br]and elevators and grocery stores,

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let’s return and share the human energy

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that we have missed[br]during this awful pandemic.

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Make that some type of resolution.

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Goodbye to awkward coffee sips [br]or pretense eyeing of your phone.

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Reach out to a stranger instead.

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Thank you.