WEBVTT 00:00:10.410 --> 00:00:12.320 Don’t talk to strangers! 00:00:12.520 --> 00:00:13.940 Who’s heard that before? 00:00:14.550 --> 00:00:18.297 This is what all of us hear from our parents, teachers and our peers 00:00:18.297 --> 00:00:19.491 when we are tiny. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:19.621 --> 00:00:20.799 And why? 00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:22.586 According to Psychological Science, 00:00:22.586 --> 00:00:24.033 children as young as seven 00:00:24.033 --> 00:00:28.158 already evaluate trustworthiness in strangers as accurately as adults do. 00:00:28.688 --> 00:00:30.990 But still, for a fear of the unknown, 00:00:30.990 --> 00:00:33.910 we try to avoid all communication with strangers. 00:00:34.310 --> 00:00:35.874 And I do have to commend us 00:00:35.914 --> 00:00:38.474 because now, in the 21st century, 00:00:38.474 --> 00:00:42.238 we have perfected the art of not talking with strangers 00:00:42.298 --> 00:00:44.098 through our tech gadgets. 00:00:44.578 --> 00:00:46.831 Today, when we walk down the streets, 00:00:46.941 --> 00:00:49.434 on our phones, with AirPods in our ears, 00:00:49.664 --> 00:00:53.094 we pass people on the street without even acknowledging their presence. 00:00:53.174 --> 00:00:55.137 Because, why would we? 00:00:55.727 --> 00:00:57.982 Are they going to introduce me to my soulmate? 00:00:58.142 --> 00:01:00.401 Are they going to find me my next job? 00:01:00.531 --> 00:01:01.661 Probably not. 00:01:01.921 --> 00:01:06.889 So it seems that having conversations with strangers is a total waste of time. 00:01:07.119 --> 00:01:09.995 And anyway, we are so busy. 00:01:10.525 --> 00:01:13.725 Now, I want to convince you of the opposite, 00:01:13.725 --> 00:01:16.762 that speaking with strangers and diving into the unknown 00:01:16.762 --> 00:01:19.062 will improve your life tremendously, 00:01:19.062 --> 00:01:23.134 both by giving you more opportunities and connecting you with your community. 00:01:23.684 --> 00:01:27.230 Now, imagine it is 8:30 in the morning, 00:01:27.560 --> 00:01:29.145 and you click the elevator door 00:01:29.145 --> 00:01:31.315 on the eighth floor of your apartment building 00:01:31.395 --> 00:01:32.465 to get to work. 00:01:32.465 --> 00:01:35.139 You are coffee-in-hand, and you walk into the elevator, 00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:38.196 and all of a sudden, the elevator stops. 00:01:39.496 --> 00:01:41.656 On the seventh floor. 00:01:41.836 --> 00:01:44.177 A lady walks in with her two dogs. 00:01:44.257 --> 00:01:45.467 What do you do? 00:01:46.007 --> 00:01:49.435 A. Comment on the dogs: "Oh, they’re so cute!" 00:01:50.025 --> 00:01:54.877 B. Pull out your phone and pretend to do something of utmost importance. 00:01:55.087 --> 00:01:58.793 or C. Stand awkwardly, sipping your coffee. 00:01:59.213 --> 00:02:02.405 So just think to yourself, and be completely honest, 00:02:02.585 --> 00:02:04.605 who would pick option A? 00:02:05.125 --> 00:02:07.055 I see you friendly folks out there! 00:02:07.265 --> 00:02:08.334 And B? 00:02:08.334 --> 00:02:10.904 And here, the masters of acting! 00:02:11.164 --> 00:02:12.325 And C? 00:02:12.325 --> 00:02:15.825 Ah yes! There are my fellow awkward coffee sippers! 00:02:15.905 --> 00:02:20.492 That used to be me until I was sipping a latte with my aunt one afternoon. 00:02:21.142 --> 00:02:24.242 She told me the story of how she got her current job. 00:02:24.292 --> 00:02:25.776 She was a financial advisor 00:02:25.776 --> 00:02:28.725 and got an email one morning telling her she was dismissed. 00:02:29.195 --> 00:02:32.724 That week, she sent six applications to different companies, 00:02:32.724 --> 00:02:34.417 frantically trying to get a job. 00:02:34.777 --> 00:02:36.557 Disillusioned, a month later, 00:02:36.557 --> 00:02:39.775 she got on the elevator after her Planet Fitness workout session. 00:02:39.775 --> 00:02:41.485 There were two men in the elevator, 00:02:41.485 --> 00:02:44.612 and she began to fuss about the challenges of finding a job. 00:02:45.002 --> 00:02:48.222 One of the men mentioned that his wife worked for a headhunter 00:02:48.222 --> 00:02:51.241 specializing in the area she let him know she was interested in, 00:02:51.461 --> 00:02:53.013 and gave her her number. 00:02:53.153 --> 00:02:54.587 My aunt called the headhunter, 00:02:54.587 --> 00:02:57.107 and within two weeks, she had a job she loved. 00:02:57.157 --> 00:03:00.781 All from speaking with a stranger in an elevator, no less. 00:03:01.311 --> 00:03:05.538 The average New York City elevator ride lasts 118 seconds. 00:03:05.538 --> 00:03:06.746 That’s it. 00:03:06.856 --> 00:03:09.356 That’s what it can take to spark a conversation 00:03:09.356 --> 00:03:13.286 that leads to somewhere interesting and different, even life-changing. 00:03:13.356 --> 00:03:15.096 Inspired by my aunt’s story, 00:03:15.186 --> 00:03:19.911 I decided to turn an opportunity in the elevator that lasts 118 seconds 00:03:20.076 --> 00:03:23.331 into an opportunity that lasts 8 hours. 00:03:23.691 --> 00:03:27.118 I wanted to discover the stories of fellow MTA commuters 00:03:27.118 --> 00:03:28.478 by speaking with them. 00:03:28.618 --> 00:03:32.768 I got on the 6 subway train at 9 AM on 86th Street. 00:03:32.768 --> 00:03:35.348 This was, naturally, pre-COVID-19. 00:03:35.758 --> 00:03:39.288 And I stayed on the green line, going up and down, until 5 PM. 00:03:39.288 --> 00:03:41.693 A total of eight hours on the subway. 00:03:41.883 --> 00:03:43.132 The entire time, 00:03:43.192 --> 00:03:46.252 my goal was to speak with people I had never met 00:03:46.252 --> 00:03:48.052 and would likely never meet again. 00:03:48.152 --> 00:03:51.896 I asked people the same question to spark off a brief conversation: 00:03:51.896 --> 00:03:54.567 "If this subway car could take you anywhere, 00:03:54.567 --> 00:03:56.148 where would you go?" 00:03:56.698 --> 00:03:59.912 At times, the responses were a mixture of a shrug of the shoulders 00:03:59.912 --> 00:04:03.159 or pretending to get back to a text message or a game, 00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:04.619 Subway Surfer included. 00:04:05.049 --> 00:04:08.810 It was easy to understand the reticence to speak with a stranger. 00:04:08.880 --> 00:04:12.073 I think several people thought I was plausibly mad 00:04:12.073 --> 00:04:15.193 and distanced themselves from me as if I had the flu. 00:04:15.463 --> 00:04:17.754 The people I did spark a connection with, though, 00:04:17.754 --> 00:04:20.259 shared fascinating responses to my question. 00:04:20.709 --> 00:04:22.645 I met a young man who answered me 00:04:22.645 --> 00:04:26.785 by pointing up to an advertisement in the car about holidaying in Florida. 00:04:26.915 --> 00:04:30.615 He wanted the train to take him to the white beaches and blue sea, 00:04:30.815 --> 00:04:32.615 to share the spot with his boyfriend. 00:04:32.725 --> 00:04:34.785 He wanted to get away from the hurly-burly. 00:04:35.635 --> 00:04:38.783 A totally different perspective came from an older woman 00:04:38.783 --> 00:04:41.437 who said she wanted the subway to take her to Mars. 00:04:41.737 --> 00:04:43.992 For all of her life, she loved astronomy, 00:04:43.992 --> 00:04:46.627 and today, with the rise of astrobiology, 00:04:46.627 --> 00:04:49.577 which she explained to me means the study of life on planets, 00:04:49.577 --> 00:04:53.838 she wanted to see for herself the possibility of life on Mars. 00:04:53.988 --> 00:04:55.203 So there I was, 00:04:55.203 --> 00:04:57.278 sitting with this person on the subway car 00:04:57.278 --> 00:04:59.853 who was an Elon Musk-type visionary. 00:05:00.413 --> 00:05:04.259 A third and final sample from my more than 200 interactions 00:05:04.259 --> 00:05:07.902 was of a mother of five children who was expecting a sixth. 00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:11.178 She told me she wanted the subway car to take her home, 00:05:11.348 --> 00:05:13.318 exactly where she was headed. 00:05:13.418 --> 00:05:15.618 She wanted to open the front door to her home 00:05:15.618 --> 00:05:20.218 and feel the warm hugs of her children after a long day in a small cubicle. 00:05:20.218 --> 00:05:22.628 She hoped there wouldn’t be a delay in the trains 00:05:22.628 --> 00:05:25.268 for she was eager to prepare dinner for her children, 00:05:25.268 --> 00:05:27.586 their favorite: pasta with tomato sauce. 00:05:27.936 --> 00:05:29.846 I wanted to join her for that too! 00:05:31.516 --> 00:05:34.548 The average New Yorker spends six hours commuting each week, 00:05:34.548 --> 00:05:37.608 most of which takes place in the company of fellow commuters. 00:05:37.608 --> 00:05:40.088 That's fertile ground to reach out to a stranger 00:05:40.088 --> 00:05:42.091 and get some type of conversation going, 00:05:42.531 --> 00:05:45.308 even if it's just to commend them on something or other. 00:05:45.718 --> 00:05:48.077 In fact, it's in everyone’s best interest. 00:05:48.137 --> 00:05:52.148 A 2014 study conducted by Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder, 00:05:52.148 --> 00:05:55.718 published in the Association for Psychological Science, 00:05:55.718 --> 00:05:58.980 found that commuters who spoke with their fellow subway or bus riders 00:05:58.980 --> 00:06:02.597 had a more positive and equally productive commute. 00:06:02.597 --> 00:06:06.756 Plus, we can always get to beating our Candy Crush score later. 00:06:07.816 --> 00:06:11.643 I got enough captivating stories from my single question to write a book. 00:06:12.013 --> 00:06:14.223 In class, I have found inspiration 00:06:14.331 --> 00:06:17.622 for revisiting this childhood fear of speaking with strangers. 00:06:17.732 --> 00:06:20.905 One of my teachers found her soulmate from one such interaction. 00:06:20.905 --> 00:06:22.275 Check it out. 00:06:22.275 --> 00:06:24.900 She was at the grocery store, in the ice cream aisle, 00:06:24.900 --> 00:06:26.281 trying to reach the top row 00:06:26.281 --> 00:06:29.321 to get the Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough flavor. 00:06:29.451 --> 00:06:32.197 A man walks up to her and offers to reach it for her. 00:06:32.397 --> 00:06:33.937 He was six foot two. 00:06:34.207 --> 00:06:36.410 He tells her that it's his favorite flavor - 00:06:36.440 --> 00:06:37.570 as is mine! - 00:06:37.570 --> 00:06:38.910 and they start talking. 00:06:38.910 --> 00:06:42.500 Cut the story short, my teacher and the tall man exchange phone numbers, 00:06:42.500 --> 00:06:44.453 and they grab coffee the following week 00:06:44.453 --> 00:06:46.663 since they discover they work near one another. 00:06:46.663 --> 00:06:48.203 One thing leads to another, 00:06:48.303 --> 00:06:51.563 and they are today celebrating 25 years married. 00:06:51.763 --> 00:06:53.148 No doubt a thing of fortune, 00:06:53.148 --> 00:06:57.302 and glad that their chance meeting didn't happen today, during COVID-19, 00:06:57.302 --> 00:07:00.895 where keeping six feet apart may have meant lives never come together. 00:07:01.655 --> 00:07:04.400 Let's hope we can restart our social lives soon! 00:07:04.640 --> 00:07:07.140 When we do, what will we do differently? 00:07:07.430 --> 00:07:09.896 How will we come out of our hibernation? 00:07:10.136 --> 00:07:11.430 What will we improve on, 00:07:11.430 --> 00:07:15.307 learning from the importance of social interactions from being starved of them? 00:07:15.977 --> 00:07:20.081 Perhaps I can recommend a script to help you along, if valuable. 00:07:20.081 --> 00:07:22.997 You can start an interaction by asking a fun question. 00:07:22.997 --> 00:07:26.280 It's quirky, but you'd be surprised how much people want to share. 00:07:26.660 --> 00:07:28.031 What will you ask? 00:07:28.151 --> 00:07:30.494 A. What is your favorite color? 00:07:30.664 --> 00:07:34.314 B. If you could make a YouTube video with one billion views, 00:07:34.314 --> 00:07:35.524 what would it be about? 00:07:35.524 --> 00:07:39.733 or C. If this subway car could take you anywhere, where would you go? 00:07:39.923 --> 00:07:41.373 When this pandemic ends, 00:07:41.373 --> 00:07:45.103 as we once again fill the subway cars and elevators and grocery stores, 00:07:45.283 --> 00:07:47.261 let’s return and share the human energy 00:07:47.261 --> 00:07:49.471 that we have missed during this awful pandemic. 00:07:49.491 --> 00:07:51.590 Make that some type of resolution. 00:07:51.947 --> 00:07:55.275 Goodbye to awkward coffee sips or pretense eyeing of your phone. 00:07:55.325 --> 00:07:56.916 Reach out to a stranger instead. 00:07:57.290 --> 00:07:58.717 Thank you.