0:00:08.131,0:00:12.930
Nonverbals is everything that communicates

0:00:13.230,0:00:14.940
but is not a word.

0:00:16.140,0:00:18.697
This beautiful theater,

0:00:19.459,0:00:21.909
it's communicating to us.

0:00:22.262,0:00:27.293
How you sit is communicating to us.

0:00:27.293,0:00:30.239
The things that you attach to yourself -

0:00:31.419,0:00:34.761
a purse, a pen, a fancy car -

0:00:34.761,0:00:37.637
all these things are communicating.

0:00:38.057,0:00:41.802
How you look at others communicates.

0:00:43.072,0:00:44.407
And all day long,

0:00:44.407,0:00:47.995
we are communicating nonverbally.

0:00:49.655,0:00:51.266
All day long.

0:00:52.076,0:00:54.829
You can look in[br]on your child as they sleep,

0:00:54.829,0:00:57.036
and you can tell[br]if they're having a nightmare

0:00:57.036,0:00:59.228
or if they're sleeping soundly.

0:01:00.288,0:01:02.094
As you sit there -

0:01:02.564,0:01:05.391
and now I'm starting to see some of you -

0:01:06.801,0:01:09.523
you're giving information up,

0:01:10.344,0:01:13.433
even as I'm giving information up.

0:01:13.433,0:01:15.052
You're assessing me.

0:01:16.832,0:01:21.295
If I can speak to you[br]from an anthropological standpoint,

0:01:22.505,0:01:27.801
I am transmitting information[br]about myself, my beliefs,

0:01:29.411,0:01:31.560
the things that I value,

0:01:31.560,0:01:33.500
even as you are.

0:01:35.760,0:01:38.052
Now that I can see you a little clearer,

0:01:38.052,0:01:41.325
how many of you were dressed[br]by your parents today?

0:01:41.325,0:01:42.732
Raise your hand.

0:01:42.732,0:01:44.212
(Laughter)

0:01:44.442,0:01:45.442
Wow!

0:01:45.457,0:01:46.457
(Laughs)

0:01:48.412,0:01:50.368
Spouses - that's okay.

0:01:50.398,0:01:52.057
Your spouses can dr -

0:01:53.473,0:01:57.870
So you chose to dress the way you did,

0:01:58.939,0:02:01.938
even as I chose to dress the way I did.

0:02:01.938,0:02:04.997
They said, "Well, it's TED Talks.[br]You can dress down."

0:02:05.334,0:02:08.836
I said, "You know,[br]I was in the FBI for 25 years.

0:02:08.836,0:02:10.503
I don't know how else to dress."

0:02:10.503,0:02:11.903
(Laughter)

0:02:11.903,0:02:14.451
"It would be such a disappointment."

0:02:14.451,0:02:16.711
It's like on TV.

0:02:16.711,0:02:18.001
They always have suits,

0:02:18.001,0:02:20.330
even when they're walking[br]through the marsh.

0:02:20.550,0:02:22.317
(Laughter)

0:02:22.317,0:02:23.719
It's true.

0:02:24.049,0:02:26.607
I can't tell you how many[br]crime scenes I went through

0:02:26.607,0:02:30.748
that ruined really inexpensive suits.

0:02:30.748,0:02:32.904
(Laughter)

0:02:32.904,0:02:33.938
But we look good!

0:02:33.938,0:02:35.680
But we looked good.

0:02:35.680,0:02:38.600
(Laughter)

0:02:42.383,0:02:44.680
I guess humor is allowed.

0:02:46.737,0:02:51.179
So all day long, we're making choices.

0:02:51.719,0:02:52.865
We're making choices.

0:02:52.865,0:02:56.425
They're based on culture.

0:02:57.615,0:03:03.012
They're based on peer pressure,[br]on personal preferences.

0:03:04.041,0:03:08.480
And so the things we wear[br]and attach to ourselves are transmitting -

0:03:08.480,0:03:12.649
our bodies are transmitting information.

0:03:14.029,0:03:18.720
And the question that I'm often asked[br]is, well, how authentic is it?

0:03:21.660,0:03:23.781
How authentic is it?

0:03:23.781,0:03:26.071
And as I pondered this,

0:03:27.561,0:03:29.371
I said, "You know what?

0:03:29.541,0:03:35.355
What if we think of the power[br]of nonverbal communication?

0:03:38.565,0:03:42.701
But let's do it[br]by taking the myths out of it

0:03:42.921,0:03:45.989
and plugging in what really values,

0:03:46.719,0:03:48.431
what really is a value,

0:03:48.431,0:03:50.781
when it comes to nonverbals."

0:03:52.001,0:03:54.918
How many of you have had a bad handshake?

0:03:55.468,0:03:57.601
(Laughter)

0:03:57.601,0:03:59.327
Now, normally -

0:04:00.477,0:04:02.783
of course, now we have the coronavirus -

0:04:02.783,0:04:05.486
I would have you turn to each other

0:04:05.486,0:04:09.148
and give each other a handshake[br]that's really bad.

0:04:09.148,0:04:10.534
But I'm not going to do that.

0:04:10.534,0:04:12.773
I want you to just[br]put your hand in front of you

0:04:12.773,0:04:15.046
and pretend to give someone[br]a bad handshake.

0:04:15.046,0:04:16.590
Ready? Let's do it.

0:04:16.980,0:04:18.845
(Laughter)

0:04:18.933,0:04:20.593
Let's do it, do it, do it.

0:04:20.621,0:04:21.621
Yeah.

0:04:22.197,0:04:23.762
Yeah, good.

0:04:24.732,0:04:27.043
Do you realize the funny faces you make?

0:04:27.043,0:04:28.809
(Laughter)

0:04:28.809,0:04:31.580
It's like, I didn't ask you[br]to make a funny face,

0:04:31.580,0:04:33.385
and yet you did.

0:04:33.870,0:04:35.700
Why is that?

0:04:36.500,0:04:38.212
Because you're human.

0:04:38.622,0:04:43.053
And humans betray what we feel,

0:04:43.053,0:04:44.717
what we think,

0:04:44.987,0:04:46.587
what we desire,

0:04:46.837,0:04:48.626
what we intend,

0:04:48.856,0:04:51.686
what makes us anxious,

0:04:51.686,0:04:53.438
and what we fear.

0:04:54.628,0:04:56.664
And we do it in real time.

0:04:56.954,0:04:59.184
We don't have to wait 20 minutes;

0:04:59.184,0:05:01.063
it happens now.

0:05:02.953,0:05:06.792
And our body language,[br]in a way, it's exquisite

0:05:06.999,0:05:11.020
because there's an area[br]of the brain that is elegant.

0:05:11.250,0:05:14.862
And it's elegant[br]because it takes shortcuts;

0:05:14.862,0:05:16.555
it doesn't think.

0:05:17.475,0:05:21.882
If I bring in a Bengal tiger here[br]and walk it around,

0:05:22.832,0:05:25.661
nobody sits around and waves at it.

0:05:26.361,0:05:30.724
That's like, you know, "Eat me."

0:05:30.724,0:05:33.740
No! Everybody freezes.

0:05:33.740,0:05:36.812
And that's because of the limbic system.

0:05:37.142,0:05:41.429
This rather primitive area of the brain[br]that reacts to the world,

0:05:41.901,0:05:44.233
doesn't have to think about the world.

0:05:44.536,0:05:47.938
And everything that comes[br]from the limbic brain

0:05:48.463,0:05:50.263
is so authentic.

0:05:50.548,0:05:53.583
You hear a loud noise and you freeze.

0:05:54.513,0:05:55.519
Right?

0:05:55.519,0:05:56.779
"What? What was that?"

0:05:58.299,0:06:01.184
You get bad news,[br]or you see something on TV,

0:06:01.184,0:06:02.378
and you cover your mouth.

0:06:02.378,0:06:03.527
(Gasps)

0:06:03.527,0:06:04.918
"Why is that?"

0:06:06.044,0:06:09.642
When the conquistadores[br]arrived in the New World,

0:06:11.792,0:06:16.206
they didn't have any problem[br]finding out who was in authority.

0:06:17.606,0:06:22.986
The same behaviors that they had just left[br]in Queen Isabella's court,

0:06:25.206,0:06:26.574
they saw in the New World.

0:06:26.574,0:06:28.840
The kings sat higher, had better clothing,

0:06:28.840,0:06:30.517
had an entourage.

0:06:31.967,0:06:34.842
Okay, they didn't have[br]their own show on television,

0:06:34.842,0:06:36.592
but pretty close.

0:06:38.622,0:06:43.837
So all these behaviors are very authentic

0:06:44.467,0:06:49.110
because the limbic system resides[br]within that human brain -

0:06:49.110,0:06:51.838
it's part of our paleocircuits.

0:06:52.048,0:06:56.065
And so, when we see the furrowed forehead

0:06:56.285,0:07:00.135
on a baby that's three weeks old,

0:07:00.135,0:07:01.152
we know that -

0:07:01.152,0:07:03.507
this little area called the glabella -

0:07:03.507,0:07:04.703
something is wrong,

0:07:04.703,0:07:06.333
there's an issue.

0:07:07.923,0:07:09.653
When we see the bunny nose, right,

0:07:09.653,0:07:11.493
when you wrinkle the nose,

0:07:11.913,0:07:13.474
yeah, we know what that means -

0:07:13.474,0:07:14.615
"Ew, I don't like that,"

0:07:14.615,0:07:17.315
"Mm, I don't want that. Don't want that,"

0:07:18.027,0:07:19.107
"Ew!"

0:07:19.121,0:07:20.391
Right?

0:07:20.675,0:07:22.842
Did I just say that in public?

0:07:22.842,0:07:24.446
(Laughter)

0:07:26.976,0:07:31.838
When we squint, we're focusing,[br]but we have concerns.

0:07:32.838,0:07:35.255
Ah, when the eyelids close,

0:07:35.255,0:07:37.674
"You want me to do what?"

0:07:38.584,0:07:40.720
And if things are really bad,

0:07:40.980,0:07:42.391
(Laughter)

0:07:43.320,0:07:46.502
"You want me to talk for 15 minutes?"

0:07:46.502,0:07:48.122
(Laughter)

0:07:48.732,0:07:50.422
Here's what's interesting.

0:07:50.702,0:07:53.064
Children who are born blind,

0:07:54.094,0:07:58.470
when they hear things they don't like,

0:07:58.470,0:08:01.732
they don't cover their ears,[br]they cover their eyes.

0:08:01.732,0:08:03.316
They've never seen.

0:08:04.282,0:08:08.149
This is millions of years old.

0:08:11.279,0:08:13.169
Smiles are important.

0:08:15.129,0:08:16.680
And our mouths.

0:08:16.680,0:08:22.593
The lips begin to disappear[br]when we're stressed, right?

0:08:22.593,0:08:25.082
Most politicians look something like that?

0:08:25.082,0:08:26.542
(Laughter)

0:08:26.925,0:08:30.327
And right before they're indicted,[br]they look like that -

0:08:30.327,0:08:31.327
(Laughter)

0:08:31.327,0:08:32.907
dramatic lip pulls,

0:08:33.707,0:08:35.567
jaw shifting,

0:08:36.117,0:08:38.187
and covering of the neck.

0:08:38.312,0:08:39.548
(Gasps)

0:08:39.807,0:08:42.520
You've seen that -[br]clutching of the pearls.

0:08:42.520,0:08:43.520
They go, (Gasps)

0:08:43.520,0:08:45.656
"There's that creep! Oh, he's gone now."

0:08:45.656,0:08:46.906
"He's back!"

0:08:46.906,0:08:48.629
(Laughter)

0:08:50.156,0:08:52.005
But did you know why?

0:08:53.335,0:08:55.182
Large felines.

0:08:56.172,0:08:59.528
We have seen large felines for so long,

0:08:59.868,0:09:01.128
taking down prey,

0:09:01.128,0:09:03.671
that we immediately cover our necks.

0:09:06.521,0:09:07.855
How many of you've been told

0:09:07.855,0:09:13.463
that you can detect deception[br]by the use of nonverbals?

0:09:15.893,0:09:18.026
I'm here to clear that up.

0:09:19.676,0:09:21.548
When you leave here today, and you say,

0:09:21.548,0:09:23.515
"Well, I heard that Navarro fellow,

0:09:23.945,0:09:28.457
and he did about 13,000[br]interviews in the FBI.

0:09:29.107,0:09:32.336
He said there is no Pinocchio effect.

0:09:32.336,0:09:37.625
There's not one single behavior[br]indicative of deception.

0:09:37.625,0:09:38.947
Not one."

0:09:40.227,0:09:42.580
And we mustn't propagate that.

0:09:42.750,0:09:44.085
We must not tell people

0:09:44.085,0:09:48.395
that we can detect that they're lying[br]because of behaviors.

0:09:48.575,0:09:50.265
They may be anxious,

0:09:50.535,0:09:52.314
they may be stressed,

0:09:52.684,0:09:54.397
but not deceptive.

0:09:55.007,0:09:58.167
How many of you have been told[br]that if you cross your arms,

0:09:58.427,0:10:00.775
that you're blocking people away?

0:10:01.095,0:10:02.401
Have you heard that?

0:10:02.921,0:10:05.095
There's a clinical term for that.

0:10:05.275,0:10:06.955
It's called "crap."

0:10:06.955,0:10:09.406
(Laughter)

0:10:09.406,0:10:11.163
Yeah, I said it.

0:10:11.373,0:10:12.528
(Laughter)

0:10:12.730,0:10:13.969
Get over it.

0:10:13.969,0:10:15.149
(Laughter)

0:10:15.149,0:10:16.178
It's crap.

0:10:16.178,0:10:17.888
It's a self-hug.

0:10:18.293,0:10:19.798
You're comfortable.

0:10:19.798,0:10:23.603
Yeah, where does this nonsense come from?

0:10:26.223,0:10:28.040
You know, I'm asked a question often:

0:10:28.040,0:10:32.161
"So, you know, Joe, you were a spycatcher.

0:10:32.161,0:10:34.576
You use nonverbals every day.

0:10:34.576,0:10:36.347
What do you use it for?"

0:10:36.927,0:10:39.679
To make sure people are comfortable.

0:10:40.389,0:10:43.319
To make sure that we are empathetic.

0:10:44.239,0:10:49.625
The only way to be truly empathetic[br]is by understanding nonverbals.

0:10:51.441,0:10:56.315
Carl Sagan, the famous cosmologist, said,

0:10:56.909,0:11:00.437
"Who are we? What are we?"

0:11:01.366,0:11:02.757
If you think about that,

0:11:02.757,0:11:06.596
it really takes a smart person[br]to ask that question.

0:11:07.516,0:11:09.983
What are we in this universe?

0:11:10.543,0:11:12.913
And he summed it up this way -

0:11:13.363,0:11:15.888
and I think it's rather exquisite -

0:11:16.728,0:11:23.365
he said all we are is the sum total[br]of our influence on others.

0:11:25.195,0:11:26.924
That's all we are.

0:11:27.394,0:11:29.298
It's not how much you earn.

0:11:29.518,0:11:31.721
It's not how many cars you have.

0:11:31.721,0:11:33.986
It's our influence on each other.

0:11:34.446,0:11:36.302
And what's interesting is

0:11:36.302,0:11:40.281
that the primary way[br]that we influence each others

0:11:41.141,0:11:43.125
is through nonverbals.

0:11:44.205,0:11:46.889
It's that nice handshake;

0:11:47.239,0:11:49.612
it's the pat on the shoulder;

0:11:49.612,0:11:51.944
it's that touch of the hand.

0:11:52.224,0:11:55.993
It is that behavior that communicates love

0:11:56.383,0:12:00.633
in a way that words simply can't do it.

0:12:02.053,0:12:05.442
When you leave here,[br]you're going to have choices.

0:12:06.532,0:12:10.004
You always have choices;[br]you have free agency.

0:12:12.364,0:12:15.283
And one of the things[br]that you should think about is,

0:12:15.503,0:12:18.631
How do I change my nonverbals?

0:12:19.571,0:12:22.851
How do I become that person of influence?

0:12:24.471,0:12:27.519
Because if there's one thing[br]we need in this world,

0:12:28.509,0:12:31.746
it's truly to be more empathetic.

0:12:32.066,0:12:34.829
And so when I see this,

0:12:35.919,0:12:37.435
it says it all.

0:12:37.882,0:12:41.237
That's why we use nonverbals -

0:12:41.417,0:12:43.500
because they're powerful.

0:12:43.500,0:12:44.798
Thank you.

0:12:44.798,0:12:47.378
(Applause)