0:00:03.160,0:00:07.700
Kevin, you're alive. I don't believe it. [br]Oh my god. It's a miracle.

0:00:07.700,0:00:11.029
Well, I guess you replaced real butter[br]as the star of the dinner.

0:00:11.029,0:00:12.329
But I don't understand.

0:00:12.329,0:00:14.659
The army said [br]you'd been killed in action.

0:00:14.659,0:00:18.640
- What happened? [br]- Well, it's quite a story.

0:00:18.640,0:00:21.770
In some ways, army life in Iraq is what you'd expect.

0:00:21.770,0:00:25.230
What with the blistering heat, the constant sense of impending danger,

0:00:25.230,0:00:28.640
and the one gay soldier awkwardly avoiding the use of pronouns?

0:00:28.640,0:00:31.020
Man, I sure missed my sweetheart back home.

0:00:31.020,0:00:35.200
I can't wait to get back to that person. [br]Chow time, boys. Yes, sir.

0:00:35.200,0:00:37.450
Sergeant major general captain.

0:00:37.450,0:00:42.700
Ah, come on, boys. It's thanksgiving. Call me major general captain now you eat up

0:00:43.360,0:00:45.839
I don't trust that turkey those iraqis made

0:00:46.000,0:00:46.320
ah

0:00:46.320,0:00:51.759
You're all wet swanson. I call the white meat. I call the dark meat. I call the cell phone duct tape to the side. No

0:00:56.079,0:01:00.878
They're all dead sir, except for swanson he's in a coma but he's unlikely to recover, okay

0:01:00.879,0:01:05.039
Well just send swanson's parents a letter saying that he's dead cause those are already printed

0:01:05.360,0:01:10.239
You know what send one to my parents too. I spent five years in a kuwait military hospital

0:01:10.400,0:01:15.119
I woke up from the coma last week and I flew straight here kind of a thanksgiving surprise

0:01:15.439,0:01:18.239
Hey when you get sexually abused while you're in a coma

0:01:18.479,0:01:22.798
Do you know it's happening and just can't do anything about it, or do you not even know what's going on?

0:01:22.960,0:01:24.880
I also am curious about that. Hey

0:01:24.880,0:01:25.200
kevin

0:01:25.200,0:01:30.159
You know, I put a yellow ribbon on my car for you guys and a little thing that says I support the troops

0:01:30.479,0:01:32.479
Cause there's nothing I wouldn't do for you guys

0:01:33.200,0:01:37.680
But I don't have any change on me right now. Well, all that matters is that my boy is home

0:01:38.000,0:01:44.959
Kevin, I want you to meet your little sister susie. Wow. Hey little sis. I guess we got some catching up to do, huh?

0:01:45.119,0:01:49.839
Hope you don't get scared when I scream and have night terrors. It's quite all right. I've seen worse

0:01:52.479,0:01:55.059
a human centipede of ghastly

0:01:56.159,0:02:01.279
Your mother and I are very proud of you. Kevin. You're a war hero. I don't feel like a war hero

0:02:01.439,0:02:06.959
Only a war hero would say that. Hey, so what about the female soldiers over there? Were they able to contribute?

0:02:07.119,0:02:12.559
Yeah, you know they did their best what with their regular bleedings when they got shot. Did they even know look guys?

0:02:12.640,0:02:12.720
i'm

0:02:12.720,0:02:15.839
Not a hero, and I don't want to be treated any different than before

0:02:16.000,0:02:20.580
Just that you would say that means we should treat you different. Come on guys. Let's give them all our best food

0:02:22.319,0:02:27.519
Okay, now you eat up and then we're all gonna go out back and play some thanksgiving touch football, excuse me

0:02:28.080,0:02:30.339
War hero thanksgiving touch football

0:02:36.800,0:02:39.699
Yeah usa I didn't even know there was a war

0:02:53.040,0:02:55.040
You