Kevin, you're alive. I don't believe it. Oh my god. It's a miracle.
Well, I guess you replaced real butter as the star of the dinner.
But I don't understand.
The army said you'd been killed in action.
- What happened? - Well, it's quite a story.
In some ways, army life in Iraq is what you'd expect.
What with the blistering heat, the constant sense of impending danger,
and the one gay soldier awkwardly avoiding the use of pronouns?
Man, I sure missed my sweetheart back home.
I can't wait to get back to that person. Chow time, boys. Yes, sir.
Sergeant major general captain.
Ah, come on, boys. It's thanksgiving. Call me major general captain now you eat up
I don't trust that turkey those iraqis made
ah
You're all wet swanson. I call the white meat. I call the dark meat. I call the cell phone duct tape to the side. No
They're all dead sir, except for swanson he's in a coma but he's unlikely to recover, okay
Well just send swanson's parents a letter saying that he's dead cause those are already printed
You know what send one to my parents too. I spent five years in a kuwait military hospital
I woke up from the coma last week and I flew straight here kind of a thanksgiving surprise
Hey when you get sexually abused while you're in a coma
Do you know it's happening and just can't do anything about it, or do you not even know what's going on?
I also am curious about that. Hey
kevin
You know, I put a yellow ribbon on my car for you guys and a little thing that says I support the troops
Cause there's nothing I wouldn't do for you guys
But I don't have any change on me right now. Well, all that matters is that my boy is home
Kevin, I want you to meet your little sister susie. Wow. Hey little sis. I guess we got some catching up to do, huh?
Hope you don't get scared when I scream and have night terrors. It's quite all right. I've seen worse
a human centipede of ghastly
Your mother and I are very proud of you. Kevin. You're a war hero. I don't feel like a war hero
Only a war hero would say that. Hey, so what about the female soldiers over there? Were they able to contribute?
Yeah, you know they did their best what with their regular bleedings when they got shot. Did they even know look guys?
i'm
Not a hero, and I don't want to be treated any different than before
Just that you would say that means we should treat you different. Come on guys. Let's give them all our best food
Okay, now you eat up and then we're all gonna go out back and play some thanksgiving touch football, excuse me
War hero thanksgiving touch football
Yeah usa I didn't even know there was a war
You