Guess what happened?
What I felt was in the cards.
The Marble Faun is moving in.
He just gave us the washing machine.
That cements the deal.
I can't bear it, I'm telling you.
[Roiling piano]
[Sings] It's my mother's house
in my mother's name
and you can't beat mother
at mother's game.
'Cause she likes the people
who I don't like,
and if I don't like it,
it's "take a hike!"
Which is mother's way
of reminding me
when you live off mother,
you can't be free.
And, I think that mother is very mean,
and this latest thing,
with this washing machine,
the one Jerry brought...
don't be too surprised
if a guy moves in,
and I'm pulverized.
'Cause I'll be damned
if I'm gonna waste my time
washing clothes
in a [bleep] machine.
[Piano flourish]
[Spoken] I feel very strongly about mementos.
Memorabilia, I guess you call it.
[Sweetly sings] Around the world
is what I call
my wall of
special things.
Around the world
with rose bouquets,
I dried, and tied
on strings.
A silver mask
from a masquerade.
Around and round
I twirl.
You tack them up
so you can twirrrrl
around the worrrrrld.
[Piano intensifies]
It's my mother's house
with my mother's friends
and with Jerry coming
it never ends.
It's the same old story
as George Gould Strong.
Not in twenty years
did we get along!
Though I do feel bad
for the way he died:
in a two-bit fleabag,
a suicide.
It was mother's money,
the Bouviers.
And if mother spends it
in crazy ways,
no one else took care of her,
only me!
She was taken care of!
Not sexually.
And if you infer
that they were using her,
I will shove you under
the [bleep] bed.
[Piano flourish]
[Sweetly sings]
Around the world
with stones and shells
the nicest one I lost.
Around the world
without a boat,
or just a quote from Frost.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood."
A lovely crossing on.
Around the world,
the world around
the attic wall.
Around the worrrrld
there isn't room
for every special thing.
Around the world,
you choose a few
to make the music sing.
A silver mask
from a masquerade,
around and round
I twirl.
You tack them up,
so when you go,
the world will be
the one you know.
A bird cage I plan to hang;
I'll get to that
some day.
A bird cage
for a bird
who flew awayyyy.
Around the worrrrrld.
[Sweet piano]
[Applause]