[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.04,0:00:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] What I want you to do is I want you to look over there while I'm getting him out. Don't peek.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.42,0:00:06.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] OK.\N[Jeff] Just look over there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.09,0:00:09.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Hey, wait a minute, \Nwhen I'm not looking, are you going to kill me?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.74,0:00:14.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Now, that's actually a good way to do it,\Nyou know.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.27,0:00:17.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Kind of old school, but effective.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.13,0:00:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] It's like, "Hey, look at that! .... [throttled noise]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.68,0:00:24.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] No, just look over there \Nand don't look back until I say so.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.07,0:00:26.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] OK, whatever. This is kind of like Christmas, hu?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.97,0:00:28.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Yeah, just look over there\N[Achmed] OK
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.78,0:00:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Don't peek.\N[Achmed] OK, right, I'm not going to peek, but it's still... now?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.27,0:00:44.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Nooo! \N[Achmed] OK! I didn't ....
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.37,0:00:47.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Aow!\N[Semi-skeleton => Achmed Junior => A.J.] Aow!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.20,0:00:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Who the hell is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.70,0:01:07.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Hello, Father!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.39,0:01:12.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] It's your son, Achmed Junior!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.05,0:01:15.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] A.J.?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.19,0:01:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] That's right.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.85,0:01:18.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Wait, I thought you were dead!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.72,0:01:21.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Surprise!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.37,0:01:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] This is great.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.30,0:01:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Hey, what happened to your face?\NOh, yeah. My bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.98,0:01:30.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Achmed, he's your son! Look at him, what do you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.37,0:01:35.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well, he does have my eye [laughs].
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.17,0:01:36.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Actually, I do, yes, I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.92,0:01:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Why do you sound like Elton John?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.46,0:01:43.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] You were separated after the accident: he was raised in England.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.29,0:01:45.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Did my mum miss me?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.17,0:01:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Err, yeah, I don't know, what the hell mmmm
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.88,0:01:51.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] How do you not know?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.17,0:02:00.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Oops...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.63,0:02:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] What's wrong with your leg?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.52,0:02:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] NOTHING! ...What's wrong with my leg?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.21,0:02:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Can you fix this?\N[Jeff] I don't think so...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.03,0:02:17.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Damm it!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.12,0:02:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Don't look at me!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.25,0:02:26.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] What if we get Marnel to help us? He works for us.\N[Achmed] Marneeeeel, come and fix my leg!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.14,0:02:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He's kinda cute.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.84,0:02:50.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Okay, moving oooon!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.35,0:02:52.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Wait a minute, how do you not know who his mother is?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.87,0:02:55.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I had 46 wives, you idiot!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.69,0:02:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] They all dressed the same\Nand their faces were covered.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.98,0:03:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] How did you tell them apart?\N[Achmed] The numbers on theirs backs!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.40,0:03:11.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] That's terrible.\N[Achmed] I know. Mother's Day is a bitch. And so are most of the mothers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.47,0:03:13.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] That's not funny at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.17,0:03:20.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Atall? Who's Atall? Was she your mother? I don't remember a woman who was all bulgy-eyed like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.57,0:03:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Bulgy-eyed?\N[Achmed] Well, look at him!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.17,0:03:26.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Well, you are not exactly squinting.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.50,0:03:32.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] At least my face is balanced. I do manage to look asleep and terrified, all at the same time.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.25,0:03:33.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Achmed, he is your son!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.42,0:03:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and apparently this one got run over by a fucking lawnmower.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.88,0:03:48.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You caused the accident.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.02,0:03:52.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Accident? It was a huge explosion with great fire and destruction.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.11,0:03:54.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You didn't mean for it to happen!\N[Achmed] I did to!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.35,0:04:00.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You did not!\N[Achmed] I did... oh shit! Marneeeeel!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.62,0:04:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Son of a bitch!\N[A.J.] Are you talking to me now?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.88,0:04:12.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Fix it right or I'll kick your ass!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.99,0:04:33.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Marnel, come back!\NMy arm is stuck in my pelvis, you asshole!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.04,0:04:39.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He can fix my pelvis anytime.\N[Achmed] Shut uuuup!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.70,0:04:44.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] OK look... So the explosion that you were talking about... how did that happen?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.75,0:04:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Very precise and careful planning.\N[A.J.] Not exactly.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.34,0:04:48.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I said shut up!\N[Jeff] What happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.17,0:04:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] NOTHING!\N[A.J.] He was putting gasoline in his scooter.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.40,0:04:58.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] So why was there an explosion?\N[Achmed] Shit happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.95,0:05:00.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He was using his cellphone.\N[Jeff] Really?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.77,0:05:01.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] What?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.65,0:05:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] While putting gas in your scooter,\Nyou know, that's dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.98,0:05:05.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well it was your mother who called!\N[A.J.] Really?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.95,0:05:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.80,0:05:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] What was her name?\N[Achmed] Forty-two.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.55,0:05:15.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] And you guys haven't had any contact since?\N[Achmed] Not much, he is a bad son.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.24,0:05:17.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J] I am not!\N[Achmed] Tell him what you sent me for my birthday!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.82,0:05:19.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] It was a honest mistake.\N[Jeff] What you sent him?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.92,0:05:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] He sent me a bottle of skin lotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.63,0:05:27.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He made it worse.\N[Jeff] What did you do?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.27,0:05:34.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I sent him back half a bottle, ja ja!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.66,0:05:37.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] You know, maybe you should try to patch things up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.02,0:05:41.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Looks like he needs more than a fucking patch.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.13,0:05:46.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] But I'm here for a reason!\N[Achmed] What? a skin graft, sorry? I'm all out!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.25,0:05:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Fuck, Marneeeeel!\NCome and fix my fucking leg!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.28,0:05:55.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Bring the duct tape, you asshole!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.37,0:06:14.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Actually he brought duct tape...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.64,0:06:23.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He's kinky too.\N[Achmed] Shut uup!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.34,0:06:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] So, Achmed, do you know why A.J. is here?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.62,0:06:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well, wait a minute... This isn't some crap about owing child support, is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.28,0:06:36.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Fat bitch, whichever one she was.\N[Jeff] No, that's not it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.22,0:06:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] This is that, because I've seen the crap that you're going through
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.42,0:06:42.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] and I don't know how you can afford even a t-shirt.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.22,0:06:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Thank you.\N[Achmed] Did I say that as you wrote it?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.84,0:06:59.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Yes, thank you.\N[Achmed] Okay, good luck with the Judge.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.13,0:07:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I hope he's fair.\N[Jeff] Actually, the Judge is a woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.15,0:07:09.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J] You're fucked
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.10,0:07:11.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] OK, listen you!\N[Jeff] Achmed, you're getting hostile.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.73,0:07:14.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Of course I'm getting hostile,\NI'm a terrorist, you idiot!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.43,0:07:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] You piss me off, I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.51,0:07:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Would that really solve anything?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.16,0:07:23.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Pretty much, yeah, I think it does.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.34,0:07:25.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] OK\N[Achmed] I have nothing in common with my own son.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.38,0:07:26.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Well, just talk to him.\N[Achmed] How?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.96,0:07:31.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] I don't know, like you would to anybody.\N[Achmed] OK. WTF!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.50,0:07:45.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OMG. I mean OMA.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.73,0:07:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] And you have no idea why he's here?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.82,0:07:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] To start his training as a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.96,0:07:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] No, Father, that's just it: I don't want to be a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.23,0:07:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Uh? But I want you to be just like me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.37,0:07:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Well, I'm not, and I won't be.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.52,0:07:59.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Achmed, can you accept that?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.25,0:08:01.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I guess I can try.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.54,0:08:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] And A.J., what if he doesn't accept it?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.49,0:08:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] I kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.19,0:08:09.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] That's my boy!