[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff Dunham] What I want you to do is I want you to look over there
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while I'm getting him out so you don't peek.\N[Skeleton dummy] OK
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Just look over there.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Skeleton => Achmed] Hey, wait a minute, when I'm not looking, are you going to kill me?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[canned laughter, also interspersing the rest of the show]\NNow, that's actually a good way to do it, you know.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kind of old school, but effective.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like, "Hey, look at that!" [throttled noise]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] No, just look over there and don't look back until I say so.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] OK, whatever. This is kind of like Christmas, uh?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Yeah, just look over there\N[Achmed] OK
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Don't peek.\N[Achmed] OK, right, I'm not going to peek, but it's still... now?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Nooo! \N[Achmed] OK! I didn't ....
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Aow!\N[Semi-skeleton => Achmed Junior => A.J.] Aow!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Who the hell is that?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Hello, Father!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] It's your son, Ahmed Junior!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] A.J.?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] That's right.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Wait, I thought you were dead!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Surprise!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] This is great.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Hey, what happened to your face?\NOh, yeah. My bad.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Achmed, he's your son! Look at him, what do you see?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well, he does have my eye [laughs].
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Actually, I do, yes, I do.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Why do you sound like Elton John?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] You were separated after the accident: he was raised in England.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Did my mum miss me?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Err, yeah, I don't know, what the hell mmmm
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] How do you not know?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Oops...
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] What's wrong with your leg?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] NOTHING! ...What's wrong with my leg?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Can you fix this?\N[Jeff] I don't think so...
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Damm it!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Don't look at me!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] What if we get Marnel to help us? He works fine.\N[Achmed] Marneeeeel, come and fix my leg!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He's kinda cute.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Okay, moving oooon!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Wait a minute, how do you not know who his mother is?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I had 46 wives, you idiot!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] They all dressed the same\Nand their faces were covered.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] How did you tell them apart?\N[Achmed] The numbers on theirs backs!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] That's terrible.\N[Achmed] I know. Mother's Day is a bitch. And so are most of the mothers.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] That's not funny at all.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Atall? Who's Atall? Was she your mother? I don't remember a woman who was all bulgy-eyed like you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Bulgy-eyed?\N[Achmed] Well, look at him!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Well, you are not exactly squinting.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] At least my face is balanced. I do manage to look ... and terrified, all at the same time.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Achmed, he is your son!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and apparently this ...... by a fucking lawnmower.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You caused the accident.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Accident? It was a huge explosion with great fire and destruction.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You didn't mean for it to happen!\N[Achmed] I did to!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You did not!\N[Achmed] I did... oh shit! Marneeeeel!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Son of a bitch!\N[A.J.] Are you talking to me now?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Fix it right or I'll kick your ass!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Marnel, come back!\NMy arm is stuck in my tummy, you asshole!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He can fix my pelvis anytime.\N[Achmed] Shut uuuup!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] OK look, we're getting exc... .So the explosion that you were talking about... how did that happen?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Very precise and careful planning.\N[A.J.] Not exactly.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I said shut up!\N[Jeff] What happened?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] NOTHING!\N[A.J.] He was putting gasoline in his scooter.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] So why was there an explosion?\N[Achmed] Shit happens.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He was using his cellphone.\N[Jeff] Really?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] What?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] While putting gas in your scooter,\Nyou know, that's dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well it was your mother who called!\N[A.J.] Really?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] What was her name?\N[Achmed] Forty-two.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] And you guys haven't had any contact since?\N[Achmed] Not much, he is a bad son.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J] I am not!\N[Achmed] Tell him what you sent me for my birthday!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] It was a honest mistake.\N[Jeff] What you sent him?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] He sent me a bottle of skin lotion.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He made it worse.\N[Jeff] What did you do?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I sent him back half a bottle, ja ja!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] You know, maybe you should try to patch things up.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Looks like he needs more than a fucking patch.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] But I'm here for a reason!\N[Achmed] What? a skin graft, sorry? I'm a man. ?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Fuck, Marneeeeel!\NCome and fix my fucking leg!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] ... you asshole!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Actually he brought the tape...
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] He's kinky too\N[Achmed] Shut uup!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] So, Achmed, do you know why A.J. is here?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Well, wait a minute... This isn't some crap about owing child support, is it?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Fat bitch, whichever one she was.\N[Jeff] No, that's not it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] This is that, because I've seen the crap that you're going through
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't know how you can afford even a T-shirt!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Thank you.\N[Achmed] Did I said that your tears just rolled?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Yes, thank you.\N[Achmed] Okay, good luck with the Judge.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I hope he's fair.\N[Jeff] Actually, the Jugde is a woman.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] You're fucked.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] OK, missing you!\N[Jeff] Achmed, you're getting hostile.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Of course I'm getting hostile,\NI'm a terrorist, you idiot!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] You piss me off, I kill you!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Would that really solve anything?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Pretty much, yes, I think it does.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] OK\N[Achmed] I have nothing in common with my own son.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Well, just talk to him.\N[Achmed] How?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] I don't know, like you would to anybody.\N[Achmed] OK. Done your TS (?)?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ONG. I mean ONA (?)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] And you have no idea why he's here?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] To start his training as a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] No, Father, that's just it: I don't want to be a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] Uh? But I want you to be just like me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] Well, I'm not, and I won't be.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] Achmed, can you accept that?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] I guess I can try.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Jeff] And A.J., what if he doesn't accept it?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[A.J.] I kill you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Achmed] That's not right!