9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] What I want you to do is I want you to look over there while I'm getting him out. Don't peek.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] OK.[br][Jeff] Just look over there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Hey, wait a minute, [br]when I'm not looking, are you going to kill me?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Now, that's actually a good way to do it,[br]you know.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Kind of old school, but effective.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] It's like, "Hey, look at that! .... [throttled noise]

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] No, just look over there and don't look back until I say so.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] OK, whatever. This is kind of like Christmas, uh?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Yeah, just look over there[br][Achmed] OK

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Don't peek.[br][Achmed] OK, right, I'm not going to peek, but it's still... now?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Nooo! [br][Achmed] OK! I didn't ....

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Aow![br][Semi-skeleton => Achmed Junior => A.J.] Aow!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Who the hell is that?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Hello, Father!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] It's your son, Ahmed Junior!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] A.J.?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] That's right.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Wait, I thought you were dead!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Surprise!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] This is great.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Hey, what happened to your face?[br]Oh, yeah. My bad.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Achmed, he's your son! Look at him, what do you see?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Well, he does have my eye [laughs].

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Actually, I do, yes, I do.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Why do you sound like Elton John?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] You were separated after the accident: he was raised in England.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Did my mum miss me?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Err, yeah, I don't know, what the hell mmmm

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] How do you not know?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Oops...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] What's wrong with your leg?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] NOTHING! ...What's wrong with my leg?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Can you fix this?[br][Jeff] I don't think so...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Damm it!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Don't look at me!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] What if we get Marnel to help us? He works fine.[br][Achmed] Marneeeeel, come and fix my leg!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] He's kinda cute.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Okay, moving oooon!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Wait a minute, how do you not know who his mother is?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] I had 46 wives, you idiot!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] They all dressed the same[br]and their faces were covered.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] How did you tell them apart?[br][Achmed] The numbers on theirs backs!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] That's terrible.[br][Achmed] I know. Mother's Day is a bitch. And so are most of the mothers.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] That's not funny at all.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Atall? Who's Atall? Was she your mother? I don't remember a woman who was all bulgy-eyed like you.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Bulgy-eyed?[br][Achmed] Well, look at him!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Well, you are not exactly squinting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] At least my face is balanced. I do manage to look ... and terrified, all at the same time.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Achmed, he is your son!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and apparently this ...... by a fucking lawnmower.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] You caused the accident.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Accident? It was a huge explosion with great fire and destruction.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] You didn't mean for it to happen![br][Achmed] I did to!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] You did not![br][Achmed] I did... oh shit! Marneeeeel!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Son of a bitch![br][A.J.] Are you talking to me now?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Fix it right or I'll kick your ass!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Marnel, come back![br]My arm is stuck in my tummy, you asshole!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] He can fix my pelvis anytime.[br][Achmed] Shut uuuup!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] OK look, we're getting exc... .So the explosion that you were talking about... how did that happen?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Very precise and careful planning.[br][A.J.] Not exactly.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] I said shut up![br][Jeff] What happened?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] NOTHING![br][A.J.] He was putting gasoline in his scooter.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] So why was there an explosion?[br][Achmed] Shit happens.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] He was using his cellphone.[br][Jeff] Really?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] What?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] While putting gas in your scooter,[br]you know, that's dangerous.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Well it was your mother who called![br][A.J.] Really?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] I don't know.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] What was her name?[br][Achmed] Forty-two.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] And you guys haven't had any contact since?[br][Achmed] Not much, he is a bad son.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J] I am not![br][Achmed] Tell him what you sent me for my birthday!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] It was a honest mistake.[br][Jeff] What you sent him?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] He sent me a bottle of skin lotion.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] He made it worse.[br][Jeff] What did you do?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] I sent him back half a bottle, ja ja!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] You know, maybe you should try to patch things up.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Looks like he needs more than a fucking patch.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] But I'm here for a reason![br][Achmed] What? a skin graft, sorry? I'm a man. ?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Fuck, Marneeeeel![br]Come and fix my fucking leg!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] ... you asshole!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Actually he brought the tape...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] He's kinky too.[br][Achmed] Shut uup!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] So, Achmed, do you know why A.J. is here?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Well, wait a minute... This isn't some crap about owing child support, is it?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Fat bitch, whichever one she was.[br][Jeff] No, that's not it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] This is that, because I've seen the crap that you're going through

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I don't know how you can afford even a T-shirt!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Thank you.[br][Achmed] Did I said that your tears just rolled?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Yes, thank you.[br][Achmed] Okay, good luck with the Jugde.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] I hope he's fair.[br][Jeff] Actually, the Jugde is a woman.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] You're fucked.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Yes, thank you.[br][Achmed] Okay, good luck with the Judge.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] OK, missing you![br][Jeff] Achmed, you're getting hostile.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Of course I'm getting hostile,[br]I'm a terrorist, you idiot!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] You piss me off, I kill you!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Would that really solve anything?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Pretty much, yes, I think it does.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] OK[br][Achmed] I have nothing in common with my own son.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Well, just talk to him.[br][Achmed] How?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] I don't know, like you would to anybody.[br][Achmed] OK. Done your TS (?)?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
OMG. I mean OMA.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] And you have no idea why he's here?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] To start his training as a terrorist.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] No, Father, that's just it: I don't want to be a terrorist.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] Uh? But I want you to be just like me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] Well, I'm not, and I won't be.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] Achmed, can you accept that?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] I guess I can try.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Jeff] And A.J., what if he doesn't accept it?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[A.J.] I kill you.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
[Achmed] That's my boy!