[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.06,0:00:09.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,<How To Reconcile Differences\Nin a Marriage>
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.23,0:00:13.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Questioner) I'm getting freer\Nthan before by watching your video,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.59,0:00:15.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thank you so much.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.59,0:00:21.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I still have a long way to be free,\Nso I have a question about that.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.66,0:00:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife and I have\Nvery different perspectives, opinions
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.48,0:00:30.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also priorities in the life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.86,0:00:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, she wants me to clean\Nsomething right away,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.32,0:00:44.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I don't want to because I have\Nother priorities, like cooking.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.52,0:00:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My question is, should I try to fit in?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.93,0:00:51.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've asked a lot of people\Nwho have been marriage for a long time,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.94,0:00:56.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they said, "You have to fit in\Nbecause if the other persons
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.27,0:01:02.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,isn't willing to fit in, it won't work."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.56,0:01:08.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, I feel bad because she doesn't\Nseem to care about this point.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.23,0:01:13.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm kind of delicate and considerate,\Nbut she's like a general.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.05,0:01:16.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She doesn't think as much about life\Nor things in general,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.25,0:01:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while I tend to think\Na lot about everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.07,0:01:24.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One thing I want to mention is\Nthat in a marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.75,0:01:29.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to have a consensus\Non almost everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.71,0:01:33.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to let her be the way she is,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.52,0:01:36.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we still need to reach\Nan agreement on things.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.33,0:01:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we have a different perspectives\Nand I'm wondering how to handle this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.52,0:01:54.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Sunim) If you were to get your way\Nand not clean,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.73,0:01:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might feel better about it,\Nbut the house will end up dirty.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.29,0:02:05.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is not beneficial\Nfor the education of your children.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.06,0:02:16.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a way, if she's good at cleaning,\Nalthough I'm not as good or motivated,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.95,0:02:21.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a good thing, right?\NSo, you just feel grateful for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.38,0:02:28.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If she ask you to clean,\Nthen it's a good thing, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.24,0:02:31.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So just follow\Nwhatever she tells you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.22,0:02:43.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like your friend said, just follow\Nwhat your wife tells you ,basically.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.93,0:02:51.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is, if you continue\Nfollowing and doing everything
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.19,0:02:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your wife tells you,\Nyou'll end up stressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.29,0:03:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're grateful and appreciate\Nhow great she is at cleaning,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.92,0:03:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you just say I'm sorry,\Nbut still hold that gratitude.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.35,0:03:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the best way for you\Nnot to get stressed out.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.53,0:03:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But at the same time, you feel\Nthat insistence that you're right.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.36,0:03:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not that important\Nwhy she gets upset or obsessed
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.59,0:03:39.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with cleaning\Nand make you stress out.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.81,0:03:48.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the end, getting stressed out is\Nactually worse than keeping a clean house.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.68,0:03:56.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In that sense, don't listen to your wife\N(Audience Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.21,0:04:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's more important\Nfor you not to get stressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.50,0:04:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In that sense, the consequences is\Nthat you have to listen to her negging.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.30,0:04:13.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The question shouldn't be, \N"Way is she nagging me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.26,0:04:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to understand that\Nshe has the right to nag,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.48,0:04:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so all you can do is apologize,\Nfor example.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.38,0:04:29.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's how you should deal\Nwith the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.26,0:04:36.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If at all possible,\Nthe best solution is to listen to her,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.08,0:04:40.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but since you're not a slave,\Nyou don't have to obey
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.77,0:04:42.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everything she says.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.02,0:04:46.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes you can do\Nwhat you want.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.09,0:04:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when you do that,\Nyou just apologize to your wife,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.49,0:04:57.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm sorry,"\Nand then you do what you want.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.70,0:05:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Sunim) Do you have any follow up?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.64,0:05:05.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Questioner) For example, we have\Na different opinion about vacation.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.03,0:05:10.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She loves to go on vocations,\Nbut I prefer staying home.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.54,0:05:14.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my view, there is no right\Nor wrong in this situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.91,0:05:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, how can we come\Nto decision about this?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.96,0:05:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Sunim) If you want to stay married,\Nit's probably best to listen to your wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.88,0:05:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.25,0:05:35.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if that's too hard,\Nyou can get divorced.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.68,0:05:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a difficult thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.55,0:05:42.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you get divorced,\Nyou're just back to square one,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.99,0:05:48.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because before you got married,\Nyou're never married in the first place.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.83,0:06:02.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Being married is about\Ncompromising and finding ways
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.26,0:06:07.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to align perspectives\Nwith each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.10,0:06:17.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It isn't about agreeing on everything,\Nbut coming together and living together.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.84,0:06:20.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's two people,\Nwho don't agree on everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.42,0:06:23.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coming together, compromising, \Nand learning to listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.43,0:06:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's just step back and look at\Nhow people's relationships form.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.80,0:06:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we meet strangers,\Nwe don't expect them to be just like us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.84,0:06:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You start talking to a stranger\Nand realize, "Oh, he is Korean, too."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.38,0:06:51.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you feel a little closeness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.05,0:06:58.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, you find out you're both Christians,\Nso you have even more in common.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.91,0:07:07.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, you find out you're\Nfrom the same hometown or region,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.31,0:07:09.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you become even closer.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.53,0:07:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You ask for each other's hobbies,\Nand they turn out to be similar.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.35,0:07:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The more commonalities you share, \Nthe friendlier the connection becomes.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.23,0:07:33.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually, that relationship may deepen\Nleading to love and marriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.46,0:07:41.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's kind of fun to think about\Nhow your brain functions.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.19,0:07:57.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you find out you have 1, 2, 3\Nor 10 to 20 things in common,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.39,0:08:04.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your brain tends to jump to the conclusion\Nthat everything will align,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.67,0:08:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,possibly leading to marriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.32,0:08:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when you start to living together,\Nyou realize there are differences,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.74,0:08:24.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like cleanliness or how spicy\Nthe food should be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.91,0:08:30.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that’s when you see\Nyou’re not as similar as you thought.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.22,0:08:37.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then your brain flips\Nand assumes the opposite
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.81,0:08:42.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you have nothing in common,\Nthat your personalities just don't match,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.73,0:08:46.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you don't like the same things,\Nso you think you can't live together.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.85,0:08:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why sometimes\Nrelationships end,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.46,0:08:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you got married\Nthinking you were so alike.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.22,0:09:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a divorced,\Nwhen you start dating again,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.63,0:09:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you begin to realize\Nmaybe it was a mistake.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.00,0:09:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether you dated for a short time\Nor married after years of dating,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.78,0:09:35.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,living in a marriage is\Nnot that different.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.08,0:09:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, you might have less in common\Nwith someone you only dated briefly.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.64,0:09:51.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But since your brain hasn't made\Nthat assumption
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.41,0:09:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you're completely alike,\Nyou actually start discovering
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.15,0:10:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more things in common \Nas you live together in marriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.18,0:10:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's because when your expectations are\Nlower, you're less disappointed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.88,0:10:19.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But after dating for a long time,\Nyour expectation grow.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.83,0:10:27.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you're married and live together, \Nyou realize the reality of marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.84,0:10:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't quite meet those expectations,\Nand your disappointment grows accordingly.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.00,0:10:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether you marry a stranger\Nor someone you've dated for 10 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.48,0:10:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,marriage doesn't turn out\Nthat different.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.46,0:10:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the past, people often didn't see\Neach other before getting merried,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.18,0:10:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and divorce was rare.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.15,0:11:04.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These days, you date for a long time\Nand even live together
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.04,0:11:09.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before getting married,\Nyet, the divorce rate is sky high.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.22,0:11:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Marriage is about recognizing\Nthat you're different
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.06,0:11:20.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and still coming together in harmony.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.68,0:11:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the easiest way to\Ncompromise?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.30,0:11:30.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The easiest way to compromise is\Nfor you to give in
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.94,0:11:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you can chose to do so.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.39,0:11:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The hardest way is
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.86,0:11:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to make other person\Nfollow your desires and wants.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.28,0:11:46.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In that sense,\Nit's not entirely up to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.27,0:11:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's up to the other person\Nand their preferences.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.98,0:11:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But most of the time, I see everyone\Nchoosing the hardest path, not the easiest way.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.98,0:12:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Spiritual practice is\Nall about following the easiest path.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.88,0:12:14.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since you chose the most difficult path, \Nobviously, you're going to be stressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.87,0:12:24.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I want you to live with that stress.