- From the developer known
for a bunch of games

that are almost Dungeons and Dragons

comes the second great take
on D&D this year

and the most accurate D&D
video game to date

because the main characters
are a bunch of horny losers

that can't seem to do anything right.

Baldur's Gate 3.

Experience the buggiest open-world
game on the market

until two weeks from now,
when Starfield comes out

as you journey once more
into the world of Faerun,

a magical land of fantasy,
where everyone wants to [bleep] you,

including all the perverts in your party,
the sexy wildlife --

but mostly your own dice.

Other than that though,
Faerun isn't too different

from the real world
because everyone needs

a long rest and has
a serious case of brain worms.

Search the land for a way to get rid
of the worst hitchhiker of all time,

a wriggling mind flayer tadpole
that got plopped into your peeper,

which you have to fight
against the influence of

while trying to figure out
how to remove it

from your brain without dying

as your quest to pluck it out
has you trying everything

from homeopathic druid medicine,
to Githyanki torture chambers,

to just picking up a drifter
and letting him go to town

on your face with an icepick.

Why can I not summon health insurance?!

[Inaudible] your way through
every fantasy ride you start

with a robust character creation system

that, like D&D itself,
lets you create whatever

freak of nature your brain can conjure --

so long as it has 
one of six genitalia options.

Then decide whether to be a brain,
an athlete, a basketcase,

a princess, a criminal,
or someone who's completely

[bleep] useless.

- [Inaudible]

The Breakfast Club.

- After which, you'll level up
with powerful new tadpole skills

and an impressive case 
of not beating them

and therefore joining them

by using the parasites in your head

to learn stuff like "push"
and "migraine"

as all your companions tell you about
how bad of an idea it is

to listen to your literal dark passenger.

- I think we should resist these powers.

There are simply too many
unknowns for us to risk it.

- But you can always just peer pressure
into going full slug-mode with you.

Come on, Shadowheart! 
Embrace the worm!

All the cool kids are doing it!

- Well... perhaps you have a point.

- Gather up your intrepid adventurers 
in single-player mode

like a team of sexy Pokémon

and use their combined skills
like you would in real life,

trying to have conversations
that don't end in death threats,

then once things inevitably 
go off the rails,

try to remember all your different moves
as you shove, stab,

and magic trick your way
through the incoming hordes.

- A legion, Michael.
- Hmm.

- [Inaudible] for money.

- And if that doesn't work,
you can cast the strongest spell

in the game -- save scumming.

Wait, it's been two hours
since I remembered to save?

What kind of game makes you
manually save in 2023?

Once you've decided to give up
on babysitting a bunch of NPCs,

bring your real life D&D group
into the virtual world

and watch them make
the same infuriating choices

that they do IRL,

steal all the loot for themselves,

and pick the most bonkers dialogue options

just to see if they can make you
actually explode for real.

Hey, if you're lucky,
this'll go exactly like

an actual tabletop session
and everyone will make excuses

to bail out of the campaign
after a couple weeks for some reason.

- [Inaudible] everything
we've been looking for.

- Go up against the scariest enemy
of the game --

the U.I. --

with so many inventories to manage,
that it feels like looking

at a Candy Crush level,

tooltips on tooltips on tooltips,

and row after row 
of skills and spells

to make you just shrug
and use whatever's in your hand

at the time.

What?

[Inaudible] Excel sheets
in the middle of a war zone.

So grab a 20-sided die
and get ready to roll

the most nat ones
you've ever seen in your life

in a truly massive gaming experience

that will appeal to both old
and new fans of the series

thanks to its intriguing story,
fun characters,

and thrilling battles,
all coming together

to make an impressive approximation
of a real D&D campaign

run by the worst DM
in the entire [bleep] world.

Starring:

Emily the Strange,

Devil May Thighs,

Crank 2: High Voltage,
But With Magic,

Gethin' Busy,

I can't believe this sparkly twink
rejected me,

Wyll Nye the Demon Guy,

Papa Bear,

the MVP of celebrity
video game VAs,

and whatever your specific fetish
happens to be.

Baldur's Game 3:
Critical Hole.

Casuals have sex with a bear.

Real gamers seduce the emperor 
of the mind flayers.

Comment below on what you
want to hear in my epic voice

and check out these other 
epic gaming videos on GameSpot.

They mostly come at night. Mostly.

Don't call me Ratatouille.

How many Lowe's
could Rob Lowe rob

if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe's?

How's about maybe a thanks
for saving you from what appears to be,

I don't know, some kind 
of sci-fi sideburn dimension?

I'm rotating a ferret.