[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.24,0:00:12.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- From the developer known\Nfor a bunch of games
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.84,0:00:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are almost Dungeons and Dragons
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.23,0:00:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,comes the second great take\Non D&D this year
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.28,0:00:21.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the most accurate D&D\Nvideo game to date
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.42,0:00:23.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the main characters\Nare a bunch of horny losers
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.90,0:00:25.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can't seem to do anything right.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.93,0:00:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Baldur's Gate 3.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.62,0:00:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Experience the buggiest open-world\Ngame on the market
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.90,0:00:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until two weeks from now,\Nwhen Starfield comes out
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.71,0:00:37.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as you journey once more\Ninto the world of Faerun,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.96,0:00:42.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a magical land of fantasy,\Nwhere everyone wants to [bleep] you,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.42,0:00:46.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,including all the perverts in your party,\Nthe sexy wildlife,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.81,0:00:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but mostly your own dice.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.96,0:00:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Other than that though,\NFaerun isn't too different
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.04,0:00:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from the real world\Nbecause everyone needs
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.10,0:00:56.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a long rest and has\Na serious case of brain worms.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.24,0:01:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Search the land for a way to get rid\Nof the worst hitchhiker of all time,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.43,0:01:04.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a wriggling mind flayer tadpole\Nthat got plopped into your peeper,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.04,0:01:06.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which you have to fight\Nagainst the influence of
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.83,0:01:09.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while trying to figure out\Nhow to remove it
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.12,0:01:10.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from your brain without dying
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.87,0:01:13.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as your quest to pluck it out\Nhas you trying everything
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.80,0:01:18.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from homeopathic druid medicine,\Nto Githyanki torture chambers,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.44,0:01:21.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to just picking up a drifter\Nand letting him go to town
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.09,0:01:22.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on your face with an icepick.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.92,0:01:26.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why can I not summon health insurance?!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.52,0:01:30.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Min-max your way \Nthrough every fantasy ride you start
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.04,0:01:32.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a robust character creation system
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.94,0:01:36.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that, like D&D itself,\Nlets you create whatever
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.09,0:01:38.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,freak of nature your brain can conjure,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.33,0:01:41.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so long as it has \None of six genitalia options.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.66,0:01:45.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then decide whether to be a brain,\Nan athlete, a basketcase,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.70,0:01:49.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a princess, a criminal,\Nor someone who's completely
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.51,0:01:51.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[bleep] useless.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.35,0:01:54.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Sincerely yours,\Nthe Breakfast Club.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.58,0:01:57.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- After which, you'll level up\Nwith powerful new tadpole skills
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.95,0:02:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an impressive case \Nof not beating 'em
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.52,0:02:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and therefore joining 'em
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.47,0:02:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by using the parasites in your head
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.52,0:02:06.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to learn stuff like "push"\Nand "migraine"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.83,0:02:09.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as all your companions tell you\Nhow bad of an idea it is
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.63,0:02:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to listen to your literal dark passenger.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.13,0:02:14.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I think we should resist these powers.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.33,0:02:17.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are simply too many\Nunknowns for us to risk it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.74,0:02:21.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- But you can always just peer pressure\Nthem into going full slug-mode with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.37,0:02:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, Shadowheart! \NEmbrace the worm!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.33,0:02:25.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the cool kids are doing it!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.98,0:02:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well... perhaps you have a point.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.80,0:02:33.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Gather up your intrepid adventurers \Nin single-player mode
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.47,0:02:35.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a team of sexy Pokémon
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.72,0:02:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and use their combined skills\Nlike you would in real life,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.62,0:02:41.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to have conversations\Nthat don't end in death threats,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.61,0:02:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then once things inevitably \Ngo off the rails,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.08,0:02:48.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,try to remember all your different moves\Nas you shove, stab,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.05,0:02:51.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and magic trick your way\Nthrough the incoming hordes.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.07,0:02:52.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Illusion, Michael.\N- Hmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.65,0:02:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- A trick is something\Na whore does for money.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.42,0:02:57.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- And if that doesn't work,\Nyou can cast the strongest spell
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.11,0:02:59.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the game -- save scumming.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.58,0:03:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait, it's been two hours\Nsince I remembered to save?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.10,0:03:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What kind of game makes you\Nmanually save in 2023?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.72,0:03:09.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you've decided to give up\Non babysitting a bunch of NPCs,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.12,0:03:12.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bring your real life D&D group\Ninto the virtual world
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.31,0:03:14.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and watch them make\Nthe same infuriating choices
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.81,0:03:16.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they do IRL,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.48,0:03:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,steal all the loot for themselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.95,0:03:21.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and pick the most bonkers dialogue options
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.65,0:03:24.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to see if they can make you\Nactually explode for real.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.95,0:03:27.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey, if you're lucky,\Nthis'll go exactly like
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.02,0:03:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an actual tabletop session\Nand everyone will make excuses
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.82,0:03:32.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to bail out of the campaign\Nafter a couple weeks for some reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.14,0:03:35.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- This could be everything\Nwe've been looking for.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.49,0:03:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Go up against the scariest enemy\Nof the game --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.52,0:03:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the U.I. --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.47,0:03:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with so many inventories to manage\Nthat it feels like looking
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.84,0:03:45.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at a Candy Crush level,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.56,0:03:47.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tooltips on tooltips on tooltips,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.74,0:03:50.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and row after row \Nof skills and spells
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.33,0:03:52.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make you just shrug\Nand use whatever's in your hand
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.83,0:03:53.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.95,0:03:54.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.92,0:03:57.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody used Excel sheets\Nin the middle of a war zone.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.39,0:04:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So grab a 20-sided die\Nand get ready to roll
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.64,0:04:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the most nat ones\Nyou've ever seen in your life
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.62,0:04:06.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a truly massive gaming experience
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.13,0:04:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that will appeal to both old\Nand new fans of the series
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.73,0:04:13.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thanks to its intriguing story,\Nfun characters,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.27,0:04:16.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thrilling battles,\Nall coming together
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.17,0:04:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make an impressive approximation\Nof a real D&D campaign
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.04,0:04:23.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,run by the worst DM\Nin the entire [bleep] world.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.51,0:04:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Starring:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.63,0:04:27.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Emily the Strange,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.47,0:04:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Devil May Thighs,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.12,0:04:32.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Crank 2: High Voltage,\Nbut with Magic,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.11,0:04:33.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gethin' Busy,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.55,0:04:35.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't believe this sparkly twink\Nrejected me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.97,0:04:38.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(singing)\NWyll Nye the Demon Guy,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.08,0:04:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Papa Bear,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.38,0:04:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the MVP of celebrity\Nvideo game VAs,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.60,0:04:45.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whatever your specific fetish\Nhappens to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.95,0:04:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Baldur's Game 3:\NCritical Hole.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.02,0:04:51.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Casuals have sex with a bear.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.71,0:04:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Real gamers seduce the emperor \Nof the mind flayers.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.26,0:04:58.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Comment below on what you\Nwant to hear in my epic voice
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.18,0:05:01.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and check out these other \Nepic gaming videos on GameSpot.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.58,0:05:05.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They mostly come at night. Mostly.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.14,0:05:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't call me Ratatouille.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.08,0:05:10.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many Lowe's\Ncould Rob Lowe rob
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.93,0:05:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe's?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.71,0:05:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How's about maybe a thanks\Nfor saving you from what appears to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.85,0:05:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know, some kind \Nof sci-fi sideburn dimension?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.29,0:05:23.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm rotating a ferret.