0:00:14.188,0:00:19.669 - Oh dad! Look who's come to see us. I'ts our Ken! 0:00:19.669,0:00:22.662 - Aye, and about bloody time if you ask me. 0:00:22.662,0:00:24.335 - Aren't you pleased to see me, father? 0:00:24.335,0:00:26.629 - Yes, 'course he's pleased to see you, Ken. 0:00:26.629,0:00:33.001 All right, woman, all right. I've got a tongue in my head. I'll do 'talkin'. 0:00:33.001,0:00:35.611 - Aye ... I like yer fancy suit. Is that what they're wearing up in Yorkshire now? 0:00:35.611,0:00:42.564 - It's just an ordinary suit, father... it's all I've got apart from the overalls. 0:00:42.564,0:00:44.711 - How are you liking it down the mine, Ken? 0:00:44.711,0:00:46.231 - Oh it's not too bad, mum... 0:00:46.231,0:00:50.451 We're using some new tungsten carbide drills for the preliminary coal-face scouring operations. 0:00:50.451,0:00:52.384 - Oh that sounds nice, dear... 0:00:52.384,0:00:58.600 - Tungsten carbide drills! What the bloody hell's tungsten carbide drills? 0:00:58.600,0:01:00.692 - It's something they use in coal-mining, father. 0:01:00.692,0:01:05.188 - 'It's something they use in coal-mining, father'. You're all bloody fancy talk since you left London. 0:01:05.188,0:01:07.049 - Oh not that again. 0:01:07.049,0:01:11.359 - He's had a hard day dear... his new play opens at the National Theatre tomorrow. 0:01:11.359,0:01:13.295 - Oh that's good. 0:01:13.295,0:01:15.688 - Good! Good? What do you know about it? 0:01:15.688,0:01:18.074 What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in t'morning to fly to Paris... 0:01:18.074,0:01:21.871 back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, 0:01:21.871,0:01:25.227 television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a 0:01:25.227,0:01:30.247 homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footballer. 0:01:30.247,0:01:34.160 That's a full working day, lad, and don't you forget it! 0:01:34.160,0:01:36.467 - Oh, don't shout at the boy, father. 0:01:36.467,0:01:39.824 - Aye, 'ampstead wasn't good enough for you, was it?... 0:01:39.824,9:59:59.000 you had to go poncing off to Barnsley, you and yer coal-mining friends. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Coal-mining is a wonderful thing father, but it's something you'll never understand. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Just look at you! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh Ken! Be careful! You know what he's like after a few novels. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh come on lad! Come on, out wi' it! What's wrong wi' me?... yet tit! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - I'll tell you what's wrong with you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Your head's addled with novels and poems, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you come home every evening reeling of Chateau La Tour... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh don't, don't. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - And look what you've done to mother! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She's worn out with meeting film stars, attending premieres and giving gala luncheons... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - There's nowt wrong wi' gala luncheons, lad! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I've had more gala luncheons than you've had hot dinners! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh please! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Aaaaaaagh! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh no! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - What is it? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh, it's his writer's cramp! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - You never told me about this... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - No, we didn't like to, Kenny. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - I'm all right! I'm all right, woman. Just get him out of here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Oh Ken! You'd better go... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - All right. I'm going. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - After all we've done for him... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Get out! Get out! Get OUT! You ... LABOURER! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Hey, you know, mother, I think there's a play there.... get t'agent on t'phone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Aye I think you're right, Frank, it could express, it could express a vital theme of our age... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - Aye. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh shut up! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Shut up! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh, that's better. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And now for something completely different... a man with three buttocks... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - We've done that! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh all right. All right! A man with nine legs. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 - He ran away. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh... Bloody Hell! Er ... a Scotsman on a horse! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Harold! Come back, Harold! Harold! Come back, Harold! Oh, blast!