WEBVTT

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{Applause} 
Abbott: How do you like my ball club Lou?

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Costello: Hey all those people going to be at the game today?

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A: Certainly! 
C: Wow! It's going to be a whopper of a game!

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A: Well, It should be!

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C: Hey Abbott, I understand they made you the manager of this here baseball team.

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A: Why not? 
C: So you're the manager? 
A: I'm the manager.

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C: Well you know, I'd like to know some of the guy's name on the team

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so when I meet on the street or the ball park I'll

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be able to say hello to those people.

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A: Why, sure I'll introduce you to the boys.

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They give them funny names though, Lou.

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C: Oh, I know they give those ball players awfully funny names.

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A: Let's see on the team we have; "Who's" on first,

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"What's" on second, "I don't know's" on third,

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C: You the manager?
A: Yes
C: You know the guy's name?

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A: I should.

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C: Good, well then tell me the guy's name.

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A: I say "Who's" on first, "What's" on second, "I don't know's" on third.

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C: You the manager?

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A: Yes

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C: You know the guy's name?

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A: I'm telling you their names!

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C: Well, who's on first?
A: Yes.

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C: Well then go ahead and tell me.
A: "Who"

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C: The guy on first. 
A: "Who!"

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C: The guy playing first base.
A: Who!

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C: The guy on first
A: "Who!" "Who" is on first.

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C: What are you asking me for? I'm asking you!

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A: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you

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C: You ain't telling me nothing. I'm asking you who's on first?

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A: That's it!
C: Well go ahead and tell me.

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A: "Who!"
C: The guy on first base.

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A: That's his name!
C: That's whose name?

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A: Yes
C: Well go ahead and tell me.

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A: That's the man's name!

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C: That's whose name?

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A: Yeah
C: Well then go ahead and tell me!

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A: "Who" is on first.

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C: What are you asking me for?

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C: I'm asking you who's on first.

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A: That's it.

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C: Well go ahead and tell me.

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A: "Who"

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C: The guy on first!
A: That's it.

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C: What's the guy's name on first?

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A: No, "What's" on second.

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C: I'm not asking you who's on second!

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A: "Who's" on first.

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C: That's what I'm asking you.

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C: Who's on first?

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A: Now wait a minute, just don't...don't change the players.

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C: I'm not changing nobody! I asked you a simple question!

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C: What's the guy's name on first base?

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A: "What's" the guy's name on second base.

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C: I'm not asking you who's on second!

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A: "Who" is on first.

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C: I don't know.

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A: He's on third. Now we're not talking about him.

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C: Look. You got a first baseman?

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A: Yes.

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C: Then tell me the fella's name playing first.

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A: "Who."

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C: They guy playing first.

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A: That's his name.

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C: Wait. What's the guy's name on first base?

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A: "What" is the guy's name on second base.

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C: Who's playing second?

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A: "Who's" playing first.

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C: I don't know

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A: He's on third base. What's the matter with you?

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C: Look. When you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?

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A: Every dollar of it.

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C Yeah. 

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C: Look. You gotta pay the money to somebody on first base don't ya?

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A: Yeah

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C: Does he give you a receipt?

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A: Sure.

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C: How does he sign the receipt?

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A: "Who."

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C: The guy that you give the money to.

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A: Who.

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C: The guy that you give the money to

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A: That's how he signs it.

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C: That's how who signs it?

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A: Yes.

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C: Well go ahead and tell me.

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A: That's it.

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C: That's who?

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A: Yes.

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C: When you give the guy the money, don't he have to sign the receipt?

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A: He does, Lou.

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C; Well, how does he sign his name?

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A: "Who."

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C: The guy you give the money to!

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A: The guy who signs it signs it "Who."

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C: You...You dope.

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A: Now take it easy

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C: You just don't give money to somebody without him giving you a receipt.

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A: No. "Who" signs it.

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C: What are you asking me for?

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A: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.

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C: Go ahead then. Tell me. What's the guy's name that signs the receipt on first base?

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A: Now wait a minute. "What" signs his own receipt.

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C: Who signs his own receipt?

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A: No. "Who" signs his.

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C: I'm asking you when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper he puts his name on it.

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C: How does the fella's name on first base look to you when he signs his name?

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A: Who.
C: To you.
A: That's how it looks!

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C: How does it look to you?
A: Who!

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C: To you.
A: Who!

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C: To you!
A: Who!

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C: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?

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A: Look, that's how it looks... Who!

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C: Who??
A: Who.

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C: I'm asking you, what's the guy's name on first base that you give the money to?

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A: Who! After all the man's entitled to it.

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C: Who is?
A: Yes.

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A: Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

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C: Who's wife?
A: Yes, sure.

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C: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base...

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A: What is on second base...
C: I'm not asking you who's on second.

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A: Who's on first
C: I don't know...

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Together: Third base.
C: I know that...

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C: You got an outfield?
A: Sure.
C: The left fielder's name?

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A: Why.
C: I just thought I'd ask you.
A: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

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C: The left fielder's name?
A: Why!

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C: Hmm.

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C: BECAUSE!
A: Ahhh...he's center field.

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A: You don't know these players as well as...

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C: All I'm trying to find out is, what's the guy's name in left field?

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A: No, What is on second.

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C: I'm not asking you who's on second.

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A: Who's on first.
C: I don't know,

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Together: Third base.

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C: You got a pitcher on the team?

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A: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.

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C: The pitcher's name?
A: Tomorrow.

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C: You don't want to tell me today?
A: I'm telling you, Lou.

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C: Then go ahead.
A: Tomorrow.

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C: What time?
A: What time what?

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C: What time tomorrow you going to tell me who's pitching?

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A: Now listen, Who is not...
C: I'll break your arm if you say his on first!

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C: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.

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A: What's on second.
C: I don't know...

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Together: THIRD BASE.

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C: You got a catcher?
A: Sure.

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C: The catcher's name?
A: Today.

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C: Today. You don't want to tell me...today...tomorrow, do you?

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A: I'm telling you.

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C: So the catcher's name?

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A: Today.
C: Today. And tomorrow's pitching.

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A: Now you've got it!

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C: Now I've got it...

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C: What we've got is a couple of days on the team.

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A: Well I can't help that.

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C: Alright, now you know I'm a good catcher.

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C: Now I get behind the plate and Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.

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A: Yes...
C: Now when he gets up me being a good catcher 
I'm going to throw they guy out at first base.

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C: So the guy bunts the ball, I pick up the ball, and I'm going to throw the guy out at first base.

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C: So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

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A: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

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C: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

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A: But that's, that all you have...
C: That's all I do is I throw the ball to first base.

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C: Now who's got it?

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A: Naturally.

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A: Now you've got it.
C: If I throw the ball to first base somebody's got to get the ball.

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C: Now who's got it?
A: Naturally!
C: Who?

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A: Naturally.

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C: Naturally?
A: Naturally.

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C: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to 'Naturally'. He gets...

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A: No, no, no...
C: Naturally get's the ball...and...

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A: You've thrown the ball to first base.

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C: Then who gets it?
A: Naturally.

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C: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

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A: No! No.
C: That's who gets the ball..and...

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A: You throw the ball to Who.
C: Naturally.
A: Naturally.

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C: That's what I'm saying!
A: You're not saying it that way!

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C: I said 'I throw the ball to Naturally'!
A: No you don't!

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C: I throw it to who?
A: Naturally.
C: That's what I'm saying!

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C: I throw the ball to first base somebody's got to get it.

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A: So Who get's it.
C: Naturally...Okay!

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C: Now I ask you, who gets it?
A: Naturally.

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C: Same as you!
A: No it's not!

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C: I throw the ball to naturally.
A: You throw the ball to Who.

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C: Then who gets it?
A: Naturally.
C: He better get it!

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C: So I throw the ball to first base, and whoever it is drops the ball,

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and the guy runs to second.


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Now Who picks up the ball throws it to What.


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What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow,

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triple play.

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A: Could be.

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C: Another guy gets up and hits a long flyball to Because.

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A: Yes.
C: Why. I don't know. He's on third,

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C: And I don't give a darn!

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A: What'd you say?
C: I said I don't give a darn.

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A: Oh, that's our shortstop!

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