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SAFE AND SECURE
GROOMING
I wanted to take a look at the topic that i get asked about a lot
and is extremely helpful for abuse prevention,
and that is signs of grooming.
Grooming is a manipulative process used by abusers
to establish a relationship with a child and their family,
ultimately to facilitate abuse.
Understanding these techniques is crucial for prevention
and early intervention.
Unfortunately, we have seen this played out
by many who had intentions of harm towards a child.
On the other hand, we have been fortunate to prevent abuse in some situations,
because the child, parent, or bystander were clued into behaviors that seemed off
and they responded appropriately.
I can't stress how important it is
for all of us to be aware of these grooming behaviors
so that we can hopefully spot and stop a situation
from progressing into abuse.
I'll quickly go over some grooming behaviors to be aware of,
but I suggest that you continue to educate yourself more on the subject.
This can be a way to stop abuse before it ever has a chance to begin.
The foundational behavior for a groomer is to build trust.
A groomer will try to target a vulnerable child or family.
Groomers often seek out children that are struggling in some way,
children that are isolated
or lack strong supervision by their caregiver.
The groomer will start to build trust with a child
by creating a bond.
They may find ways to “fill the gap”,
like being a friend to a struggling or isolated child,
or help out when a family is in need.
Next ,we see a gradual desensitization.
Groomers will normalize inappropriate behavior
by starting with typically safe behavior,
like a hug or a pat on the back.
and gain the ease of the child in that physical situation.
Once the groomer feels that this is established,
they will gradually and subtly push boundaries
to see how far they can go without raising alarms,
often framing it as affection or play.
Also, groomers move towards isolation with a child.
Groomers often instruct children to keep their interactions secret,
fostering a sense of guilt or confusion about what's happening.
The groomer may also reduce supervision by the parent or caregiver
by manipulating situations to isolate the child,
ensuring fewer witnesses to their behavior.
Groomers also manipulate a child's emotions
by using guilt and shame.
Groomers may exploit the child's feelings of loyalty
or fear of disappointing them, reinforcing the secrecy and manipulation.
They may offer the child gifts or special attention
and create a sense of indebtedness,
making it harder for the child to resist future advances.
Creating a false sense of safety and then gaining and maintaining control
is another way groomers manipulate children.
They often present themselves as knowledgeable or experienced
in areas that resonate with a child's interest,
making them feel safe and understood.
Groomers my also create dependency
positioning themselves as the child's sole confidant,
ensuring that the child relies on them for emotional support and validation,
or their source for information or access
to the things the child is interested in.
And last, a groomer, at some point, may turn to threats towards a child.
These could be physical threats towards them, a relative or a friend
or a threat of sharing information about the child
that the child would be afraid of others knowing.
If the child resists or threatens to disclose the abuse,
groomers might resort to intimidation or threats to maintain control.
I know hearing these grooming behaviors can be uncomfortable,
and maybe even unnerving,
but understanding grooming techniques is vital for parents,
caregivers, and even bystanders.
By recognizing these patterns, adults can better protect children,
and speak up when they witness concerning or inappropriate behaviors.
If you observe these actions, report them.
By reporting these concerns early,
you could be preventing a groomer from becoming an abuser to a child.