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SAFE AND SECURE

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Grooming

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I wanted to take a look[br]at the topic that I get asked about a lot

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and is extremely helpful[br]for abuse prevention,

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and that is signs of grooming.

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Grooming is a manipulative process[br]used by abusers

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to establish a relationship[br]with a child and their family,

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ultimately to facilitate abuse.

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Understanding these techniques[br]is crucial for prevention

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and early intervention.

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Unfortunately,[br]we have seen this played out

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by many who had intentions of harm[br]towards a child.

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On the other hand, we have been fortunate[br]to prevent abuse in some situations

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because the child, parent, or bystander[br]were clued into behaviors that seemed off

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and they responded appropriately.

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I can't stress[br]how important it is

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for all of us to be aware of[br]these grooming behaviors

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so that we can hopefully spot[br]and stop a situation

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from progressing into abuse.

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I'll quickly go over[br]some grooming behaviors to be aware of,

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but I suggest that you continue[br]to educate yourself more on the subject.

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This could be a way to stop abuse[br]before it ever has a chance to begin.

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The foundational behavior for a groomer[br]is to build trust.

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A groomer will try to target[br]a vulnerable child or family.

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Groomers often seek out children[br]that are struggling in some way,

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children that are isolated or lack[br]strong supervision by their caregiver.

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The groomer will start to build trust[br]with a child by creating a bond.

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They may find ways[br]to “fill the gap”,

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like being a friend[br]to a struggling or isolated child,

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or help out when a family is in need.

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Next, we see a gradual desensitization.

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Groomers will normalize[br]inappropriate behavior

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by starting[br]with typically safe behavior

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like a hug[br]or a pat on the back

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and gain the ease of the child[br]in that physical situation.

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Once the groomer feels[br]that this is established,

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they will gradually and subtly[br]push boundaries

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to see how far they can go[br]without raising alarms,

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often framing it[br]as affection or play.

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Also, groomers move towards[br]isolation with a child.

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Groomers often instruct children[br]to keep their interactions secret,

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fostering a sense of guilt or confusion[br]about what's happening.

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The groomer may also reduce supervision[br]by the parent or caregiver

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by manipulating situations[br]to isolate the child,

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ensuring fewer witnesses[br]to their behavior.

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Groomers also manipulate a child's[br]emotions by using guilt and shame.

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Groomers may exploit[br]the child's feelings of loyalty

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or fear of disappointing them,[br]reinforcing the secrecy and manipulation.

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They may offer the child[br]gifts or special attention

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and create a sense of indebtedness,

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making it harder for the child[br]to resist future advances.

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Creating a false sense of safety[br]and then gaining and maintaining control

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is another way[br]groomers manipulate children.

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They often present themselves[br]as knowledgeable or experienced

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in areas that resonate[br]with a child's interests,

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making them feel[br]safe and understood.

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Groomers may also create dependency

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positioning themselves[br]as the child's sole confidant,

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ensuring that the child relies on them[br]for emotional support and validation,

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or their source[br]for information or access

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to the things[br]the child is interested in.

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And lastly, a groomer, at some point,[br]may turn to threats towards a child.

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These could be physical threats[br]towards them, a relative or a friend

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or a threat of sharing information[br]about the child

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that the child would be afraid[br]of others knowing.

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If the child resists[br]or threatens to disclose the abuse,

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groomers might resort to intimidation[br]or threats to maintain control.

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I know hearing these grooming behaviors[br]can be uncomfortable,

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and maybe even unnerving,

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but understanding grooming techniques[br]is vital for parents,

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caregivers, and even bystanders.

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By recognizing these patterns,[br]adults can better protect children

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and speak up when they witness[br]concerning or inappropriate behaviors.

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If you see or observe these actions,[br]report them.

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By reporting these concerns early,

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you could be preventing a groomer[br]from becoming an abuser to a child.