-

SAFE AND SECURE

Grooming

I wanted to take a look
at the topic that I get asked about a lot

and is extremely helpful
for abuse prevention,

and that is signs of grooming.

Grooming is a manipulative process
used by abusers

to establish a relationship
with a child and their family,

ultimately to facilitate abuse.

Understanding these techniques
is crucial for prevention

and early intervention.

Unfortunately,
we have seen this played out

by many who had intentions of harm
towards a child.

On the other hand, we have been fortunate
to prevent abuse in some situations

because the child, parent, or bystander
were clued into behaviors that seemed off

and they responded appropriately.

I can't stress
how important it is

for all of us to be aware of
these grooming behaviors

so that we can hopefully spot
and stop a situation

from progressing into abuse.

I'll quickly go over
some grooming behaviors to be aware of,

but I suggest that you continue
to educate yourself more on the subject.

This could be a way to stop abuse
before it ever has a chance to begin.

The foundational behavior for a groomer
is to build trust.

A groomer will try to target
a vulnerable child or family.

Groomers often seek out children
that are struggling in some way,

children that are isolated or lack
strong supervision by their caregiver.

The groomer will start to build trust
with a child by creating a bond.

They may find ways
to “fill the gap”,

like being a friend
to a struggling or isolated child,

or help out when a family is in need.

Next, we see a gradual desensitization.

Groomers will normalize
inappropriate behavior

by starting
with typically safe behavior

like a hug
or a pat on the back

and gain the ease of the child
in that physical situation.

Once the groomer feels
that this is established,

they will gradually and subtly
push boundaries

to see how far they can go
without raising alarms,

often framing it
as affection or play.

Also, groomers move towards
isolation with a child.

Groomers often instruct children
to keep their interactions secret,

fostering a sense of guilt or confusion
about what's happening.

The groomer may also reduce supervision
by the parent or caregiver

by manipulating situations
to isolate the child,

ensuring fewer witnesses
to their behavior.

Groomers also manipulate a child's
emotions by using guilt and shame.

Groomers may exploit
the child's feelings of loyalty

or fear of disappointing them,
reinforcing the secrecy and manipulation.

They may offer the child
gifts or special attention

and create a sense of indebtedness,

making it harder for the child
to resist future advances.

Creating a false sense of safety
and then gaining and maintaining control

is another way
groomers manipulate children.

They often present themselves
as knowledgeable or experienced

in areas that resonate
with a child's interests,

making them feel
safe and understood.

Groomers may also create dependency

positioning themselves
as the child's sole confidant,

ensuring that the child relies on them
for emotional support and validation,

or their source
for information or access

to the things
the child is interested in.

And lastly, a groomer, at some point,
may turn to threats towards a child.

These could be physical threats
towards them, a relative or a friend

or a threat of sharing information
about the child

that the child would be afraid
of others knowing.

If the child resists
or threatens to disclose the abuse,

groomers might resort to intimidation
or threats to maintain control.

I know hearing these grooming behaviors
can be uncomfortable,

and maybe even unnerving,

but understanding grooming techniques
is vital for parents,

caregivers, and even bystanders.

By recognizing these patterns,
adults can better protect children

and speak up when they witness
concerning or inappropriate behaviors.

If you see or observe these actions,
report them.

By reporting these concerns early,

you could be preventing a groomer
from becoming an abuser to a child.