WEBVTT

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SAFE AND SECURE

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Grooming

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I wanted to take a look
at the topic that I get asked about a lot

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and is extremely helpful
for abuse prevention,

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and that is signs of grooming.

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Grooming is a manipulative process
used by abusers

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to establish a relationship
with a child and their family,

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ultimately to facilitate abuse.

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Understanding these techniques
is crucial for prevention

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and early intervention.

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Unfortunately,
we have seen this played out

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by many who had intentions of harm
towards a child.

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On the other hand, we have been fortunate
to prevent abuse in some situations

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because the child, parent, or bystander
were clued into behaviors that seemed off

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and they responded appropriately.

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I can't stress
how important it is

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for all of us to be aware of
these grooming behaviors

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so that we can hopefully spot
and stop a situation

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from progressing into abuse.

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I'll quickly go over
some grooming behaviors to be aware of,

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but I suggest that you continue
to educate yourself more on the subject.

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This could be a way to stop abuse
before it ever has a chance to begin.

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The foundational behavior for a groomer
is to build trust.

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A groomer will try to target
a vulnerable child or family.

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Groomers often seek out children
that are struggling in some way,

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children that are isolated or lack
strong supervision by their caregiver.

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The groomer will start to build trust
with a child by creating a bond.

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They may find ways
to “fill the gap”,

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like being a friend
to a struggling or isolated child,

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or help out when a family is in need.

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Next, we see a gradual desensitization.

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Groomers will normalize
inappropriate behavior

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by starting
with typically safe behavior

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like a hug
or a pat on the back

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and gain the ease of the child
in that physical situation.

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Once the groomer feels
that this is established,

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they will gradually and subtly
push boundaries

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to see how far they can go
without raising alarms,

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often framing it
as affection or play.

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Also, groomers move towards
isolation with a child.

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Groomers often instruct children
to keep their interactions secret,

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fostering a sense of guilt or confusion
about what's happening.

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The groomer may also reduce supervision
by the parent or caregiver

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by manipulating situations
to isolate the child,

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ensuring fewer witnesses
to their behavior.

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Groomers also manipulate a child's
emotions by using guilt and shame.

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Groomers may exploit
the child's feelings of loyalty

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or fear of disappointing them,
reinforcing the secrecy and manipulation.

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They may offer the child
gifts or special attention

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and create a sense of indebtedness,

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making it harder for the child
to resist future advances.

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Creating a false sense of safety
and then gaining and maintaining control

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is another way
groomers manipulate children.

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They often present themselves
as knowledgeable or experienced

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in areas that resonate
with a child's interests,

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making them feel
safe and understood.

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Groomers may also create dependency

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positioning themselves
as the child's sole confidant,

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ensuring that the child relies on them
for emotional support and validation,

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or their source
for information or access

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to the things
the child is interested in.

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And lastly, a groomer, at some point,
may turn to threats towards a child.

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These could be physical threats
towards them, a relative or a friend

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or a threat of sharing information
about the child

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that the child would be afraid
of others knowing.

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If the child resists
or threatens to disclose the abuse,

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groomers might resort to intimidation
or threats to maintain control.

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I know hearing these grooming behaviors
can be uncomfortable,

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and maybe even unnerving,

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but understanding grooming techniques
is vital for parents,

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caregivers, and even bystanders.

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By recognizing these patterns,
adults can better protect children

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and speak up when they witness
concerning or inappropriate behaviors.

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If you see or observe these actions,
report them.

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By reporting these concerns early,

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you could be preventing a groomer
from becoming an abuser to a child.