[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.64,0:00:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What's happening, guys?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.44,0:00:04.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Man I worked in retail for a really long time
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.71,0:00:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I can honestly say,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.08,0:00:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this has never happened to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.36,0:00:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, step into my office.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.84,0:00:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.63,0:00:25.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause you're f--king fired.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.14,0:00:27.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, this video is older than Jesus,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.01,0:00:28.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it recently became popular again,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.92,0:00:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which suggests that one of those viral video websites probably re-posted it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.10,0:00:33.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.84,0:00:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems to me that you can just put the truck in reverse
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.48,0:00:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all the carts would just stack back up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.62,0:00:39.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See? Problem solved.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.89,0:00:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I should totally be working at Target.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.75,0:00:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you look at the guys there,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.17,0:00:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they know they're f--ked.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.94,0:00:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know at that point where you know you're gonna get fired,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.45,0:00:51.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you should just walk into your boss's office and punch him in the face like,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.20,0:00:52.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Fuck you, I'm working at Walmart."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.86,0:00:54.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, you're gonna get fired anyway,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.59,0:00:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why not?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.75,0:00:59.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So admittedly, sometimes the humor on this show gets a little lowbrow.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.32,0:01:01.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'd like to spice it up a little bit by reviewing a video
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.73,0:01:03.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the San Francisco Academy of Sciences.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.80,0:01:05.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just these penguins, right.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.64,0:01:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're swimming around, right.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.41,0:01:08.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then...what the hell?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.85,0:01:09.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he just fart?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.72,0:01:10.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you serious?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.85,0:01:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That did not just happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.16,0:01:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Birds don't fart.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.30,0:01:14.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're like women.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.20,0:01:15.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't care if you are a penguin.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.53,0:01:17.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just can't go crop dusting in the fish tank.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.91,0:01:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I'ma turn this pool into a jacuzzi.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.98,0:01:21.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[farts] Haha.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.19,0:01:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Aww, that's nasty.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.66,0:01:23.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What? Eww.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.80,0:01:24.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Safety.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.53,0:01:27.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I guess you noticed that the other penguin went ahead and moved out of the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.75,0:01:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the person who sent me this video said that they're from the San Francisco Academy of Sciences,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.52,0:01:32.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I don't think they were.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.69,0:01:37.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I do think it's funny that the Academy of Sciences are the ones who posted this on YouTube.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.47,0:01:40.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our studies suggest that even among penguins,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.48,0:01:43.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he who smelt it, dealt it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.22,0:01:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the way, you can never not watch this show now.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.73,0:01:50.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Katie Couric ain't gonna show you footage of a penguin busting ass, would she?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.82,0:01:52.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, onto the next one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.39,0:01:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The big video this week.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.52,0:01:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's this cat here
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.89,0:01:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there are these crows and they keep f--king with him.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.67,0:02:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if that isn't bad enough, this other cat rolls up.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.03,0:02:14.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[dramatic music playing]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.53,0:02:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now these poor cats fight for like half an hour,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.47,0:02:20.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well like two minutes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.68,0:02:23.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but still these crows are still f--kin' with him.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.87,0:02:27.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are those birds doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.23,0:02:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are they like instigating the fight?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.66,0:02:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Quoth the Raven.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.74,0:02:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kick his ass!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.90,0:02:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe this is the newest version of Angry Birds
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.08,0:02:35.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the birds just say F--k it and let the cats fight it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.66,0:02:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I dont' know, but these crows are like that kid who's at every fight
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.30,0:02:40.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but who isn't actually in the fight and he's like,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.77,0:02:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ooh, are you gonna let him talk to you that way?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.26,0:02:44.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, you all know that kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.95,0:02:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,F--k that kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.12,0:02:47.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, but here's the thing, watching these cats fight
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.99,0:02:49.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I admit, it's kinda funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.91,0:02:55.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially since someone added that awesome soundtrack.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.85,0:02:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You mean those sounds don't just occur in nature?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.17,0:03:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, someone added it and it clearly adds a lot to the video.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.87,0:03:02.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, so the video's funny
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.30,0:03:04.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, look at this move here.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.02,0:03:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[karate yells]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.11,0:03:07.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But come on, don't just stand there and film it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.27,0:03:08.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you see two cats fightin',
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.59,0:03:10.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go and break that s--t up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.06,0:03:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't just stand there and let them fight the piss out of each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.30,0:03:13.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get a broom or a water hose.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.94,0:03:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Break it up, come on.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.81,0:03:18.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There it is, there's my public service announcement for the millennium.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.52,0:03:20.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you see a cat fight,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.92,0:03:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,break that s--t up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.55,0:03:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, that was dumb.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.58,0:03:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll just move on to the comment question of the day,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.68,0:03:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which comes from a dude named, bam!,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.58,0:03:31.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.43,0:03:32.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-My comment question of the day is,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.63,0:03:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why would you destroy the world?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.58,0:03:36.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So, why would you destroy the world?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.31,0:03:39.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comment section below,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.46,0:03:41.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or on Facebook or Twitter.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.50,0:03:43.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But thanks for watching today's episode of =3.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.35,0:03:45.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Ray William Johnson and I approve this message.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.41,0:03:46.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So tell me guys,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.48,0:03:47.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what's your holiday?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.61,0:03:54.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Stalkin' Your Mom by Wax playing]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.44,0:03:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Captioned by SpongeSebastian
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.51,0:04:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This move here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.39,0:04:22.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[karate yells]