♪ (Eerie music) ♪
(A voice) Are you still there?
Dude, are you still there?
Bro, are you still there?
Yeah. Yeah, I’m still here.
Did you hear what I said?
Yeah. You have a story, you have to write about it.
Yeah.
Okay, so tell me about the story.
Oh right. So it’s like at a hotel and there’s a guy named Tony.
Do you know that one?
Do I know a story about a guy named Tony?
He works at the hotel.
Yeah, but what does he do at the hotel?
Is he a doorman, is he a manager?
Can you tell me something else about the story?
There’s a guy named Carl.
Okay. What does Carl do?
Dude, be honest. Did you read the story?
Not yet.
Well, how are you gonna write about it if you didn’t read it?
I don’t know. I’ll just read it now.
Dude, you should have read it before we started.
Okay, do you want to just read it together?
You can read it with me?
Yeah, I get paid either way, dude. What’s the name of the story?
Uh… “I’ll Be Waiting.”
Oh, Chandler. Duh.
Who?
I’ve read the story before. The author is Raymond Chandler.
No, his name’s Tony.
That’s the main character.
Right, like the author who wrote it.
No, the guy who wrote the story is Raymond Chandler.
Oh.
Wait, didn’t he write the story about the baby?
I don’t know. What happened in the story about the baby?
It got ripped in half.
What?
They rip the baby in half.
Who ripped a baby in half?
The parents.
They were fighting and then they literally ripped the baby in half.
Oh, that’s Raymond Carver.
Yeah, that’s what I said.
No, Raymond Chandler wrote the story about Tony.
Raymond Carver wrote the one about the baby.
Oh.
Okay, let’s just take five minutes, read the first page.
Try to figure out what Tony’s job is.
Okay.
(A phone beep)
Hey, are you still there?
Are you still there?
Bro, are you still there?
Yeah, yeah, I’m still here.
I figured out what Tony does.
Okay. What does he do?
He’s a prostitute.
What? No, he’s a detective.
It says he’s the house dick.
What?
Right here. Tony says, “I wasn't kidding you, Miss Cressy.
I think Mozart was the greatest man that ever lived.”
And Miss Cressy says, “I thought you were the house dick,” and then it says,
“She put her head back on a pillow.”
She put her head back on a pillow because they just had sex.
Tony’s a prostitute who has sex with people so he can stay at the hotel for free.
He’s the house dick.
She's surprised because he's talking about Mozart, because he’s a prostitute
So why would he know who Mozart is? Prostitutes don’t listen to Mozart.
He’s a hotel detective.
What?
He’s the in-house detective for the hotel.
In the thirties, they used to call detectives “dicks.”
Well, how was I supposed to know that?
I don't know, context clues?
Dude, are you even interested in this?
Honestly?
Honesty is the best policy.
I just… do you really wanna know?
Yes. I don’t enjoy watching you suffer.
Do you really want to be here?
No. My parents made me come. I’m sorry.
Don’t apologize. It’s fine.
But… where would you rather be right now?
Honestly?
You keep saying that. Do you usually lie to people?
No. I dunno, I feel like people would laugh at me.
I’m not gonna laugh at you.
Where would you rather be? Right now.
I wanna play “Find the Invisible Cow.”
What is that?
It’s a game you play online.
There’s a blank screen with a cow hidden somewhere on it.
And you have to look for the cow.
And the game shouts “Cow” at you the whole time.
And the closer you get to the cow, the louder the shouting gets.
Cow, cow, cow.
And when you find the cow, it moos.
Do you play this online with other people?
No.
Good. Good, sometimes it’s good to be alone.
Well, it sounds like you’d rather be doing that.
So... go do what makes you happy. Go find your invisible cow.
But I can’t. My parents -
Yes you can. You have free will.
You can do whatever you want.
But I still have to write the paper.
No, you don’t. I’m gonna do you a favor.
I already know the story, I know what it’s about,
and I know what your professor’s gonna wanna read.
Why don’t I just do the paper for you?
Really? You’d do that for me?
Yeah. I would.
For free?
Fuck no. Twenty-five bucks a page, double-spaced.
You can have it by Friday, guaranteed A. What do you say?
Uh, are you still there?
Annie, are you using the microwave?
Yeah, I’m making Hot Pockets!
Well it’s messing with the Wi-Fi.
Well then pay the fucking Wi-Fi bill!
I can’t, because you keep fucking up my deals!
Fuck you!
Yeah, fuck you too. (A phone ringtone)
Hey, George.
Hey, David. How’s your dad? Still kicking?
Kicking and screaming. How’s yours?
He’s… dead. You know this.
Yeah, I just wanted to make sure he didn’t come back as a zombie.
If he does, I’ll let you know.
You can be his first meal.
Listen, David, what’s up?
I saw you just got disconnected from your last student?
Yeah, I’m sorry. My roommate is making Hot Pockets.
That’s great. I love anything with cheese in it,
but what does that have to do with anything?
The microwave messes with the connection
and the Wi-Fi’s like baby soft around here.
“Baby soft”?
It’s sensitive. It’s like a baby’s head.
You push it too hard, it’s messed up for life.
C’mon David, we talked about this.
Oh God, your kids. I’m so sorry, George.
I don’t have kids.
You don’t? Oh my God, what happened?
David, the only kids I have are the ones who come here for tutoring.
And right now one of those kids is left unattended.
What kind of father leaves their kid unattended?
Are we talking about my dad or yours?
It makes me a bad dad. You think I wanna be a bad dad?
One of those dads who leaves their kids in the car
while they pick up cigarettes from the Mini Mart?
So we’re talking about my dad.
David. I trusted you and you left that kid hanging.
You left that kid hanging like Michael Jackson.
You know what’s gonna happen to that kid if he doesn’t pass his exams?
He’s… gonna… join the army?
Worse. Didn’t you see today’s word?
No.
EDUCATION: Evil Dominates Uneducated Children And Teens, Indoctrinating Only Negativity.
Did you just put “uneducated” inside the word “education”?
Look, my point is: I can’t run an online business
if my employees don‘t have a stable Internet connection.
That’s like Mötley Crüe without Vince Neil. You know what I mean?
I think so?
So think about it from my end.
Do I get Vince back and go double platinum?
Or do I hang on to John Corabi and hope he finds his dick?
I… I don’t know who John Corabi is.
And what does that tell you?
That I wasn’t born in the seventies?
Find your dick, or you’re out of the band.
Can you find your dick, David?
I mean, I can look for it, but how do I know for sure which one's mine?
Listen: treat your Wi-Fi like a dog and get it fixed,
‘cause I’m tired of seeing piss on the carpet.
I’m confused. Am I finding a dick or cutting one off?
Are we clear, David?
Beeeeeeeep.
What the hell was that?
It’s a defibrillator. “Clear.” Beeeeeeeep.
Because we’re clear.
Just do what I ask you.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
(Amy) Have you looked for other jobs?
Yeah, but… they’re not looking for me.
You’re a good writer. Why would they not be looking for you?
Because they’re not looking for good writers. They’re looking for good resumes.
You need a resume to do creative writing?
Not to do it, but, to get a job doing it?
Yeah. If you don’t have a degree from Columbia
or an internship at The Onion you’re basically fucked.
At least you have a degree.
Yeah. From U.U.
You mean Q.U.?
No. U.U. Unknown University.
That’s what everyone there calls it.
It's not that bad.
It’s not like University of Phoenix where nobody knows if it really exists or not.
Nobody knows Q.U. exists at all.
They see it on a resume and they’re like,
“Oh, is that in England? Did you study abroad?”
Thank God you didn’t go to acting school.
I might as well have I should have just skipped college;
I’d be doing just as well as I am now.
That's easy for you to say.
It’s easy ‘cause it’s true.
Some people just shouldn’t be forced to go to college
and take classes they don’t actually need.
I had this student today reading fucking detective fiction.
How is that gonna help him?
Why is he wasting his time when he could be doing something else?
Like what?
I don’t know. Something that actually makes him happy?
Uh-huh. How much did you charge him?
Look, seventy-five dollars is reasonable for a three-page paper.
It’s not reasonable when you’re already being paid to tutor him.
No, no, no. It’s not reasonable for him to let his parents pay me to tutor him for a
paper he’s just gonna buy from me anyway.
Thirty seconds ago you felt bad for the guy; now it’s his fault?
Whose fault is it?
Society’s. I don't know, I’m not the one making this kid go to school.
But you are the one that’s supposed to help him.
I am helping him.
You’re helping yourself, David.
Well, at least it’s going to someone who needs it.
So you admit you do need help.
We all do. It runs in the family.
You're right about that one.
Ask me how I’m doing.
How are you?
I’m shitty.
Sorry. What’s up?
Phil’s not doing too good.
He’s never doing well.
Like health-wise.
He’s never been healthy.
He’s proud of it.
If you told him he was healthy he’d shoot himself in the head just to prove you wrong.
I think he’s really sick this time.
He’s been coughing up some weird stuff, which…
you know, he always coughs up weird stuff, but it used to be black,
and then it was red, and now it’s still red
but it has, like, tints of blue in it so it looks purplish,
but there’s nothing on Web MD about that.
What he’d do? Drink out of a Porta Potty?
I don’t know, but he's gonna need one too.
The other day he almost had an accident in Key Food.
Did he run over another cashier?
David, I’m serious. He’s not old enough to be incontinent.
I wanna take him to see a doctor, but -
Don't take him to a doctor. He doesn’t like doctors.
No, he likes doctors, he just doesn’t trust doctors.
He’s very specific about this.
“I’ll have a drink with a doctor, but not if he’s gonna tell me how much to drink.”
He doesn’t like being told what to do.
He doesn’t like taking other people’s advice.
Even when he knows they’re right.
At me.
He’s just as stubborn as you are too, so,
just be prepared if something happens, okay?
Are you kidding?
I’ve been waiting for this for twenty-five years.
I have an expired bag of popcorn chosen specifically for this moment.
Get another one. I’ll join you.
Why do you even take care of him?
Are you gonna take care of him?
No, I’d dump his ass on the sidewalk.
You’re practically on the sidewalk yourself.
I mean, can’t you just put him somewhere?
Like a nursing home?
No, a funeral home.
Maybe they’ll think he’s already dead and box him up right there.
He won’t go to either.
He hates old people because they remind him that he’s old,
and he hates dead people because he’s jealous of them.
Anyway, as annoying as he is, I’d rather have him be unhappy here than be unhappy
somewhere else.
We owe him that much.
The only thing we owe him is a bill for years of financial abuse.
I’m not saying he was Keanu Reeves, but he was there for us.
Maybe we would have been better off without him.
Maybe we would have been worse.
Well, you’re not the one with a shit degree, living in a shit apartment,
working a shit job.
You could have no degree, no apartment, and no job.
Okay, but who is the common denominator here?
How is any of that Phil’s fault?
If it’s not his fault, then whose is it?
I dunno, “society”? I’m not the one blaming other people for how my life turned out.
I don’t blame other people.
You just blamed him.
I said “other people.” Phil’s not a person.
Five minutes ago you were giving me a list of reasons why other
people won’t hire you.
They won’t hire me because my resume looks like shit,
and my resume looks like shit because Phil fucked me up.
So everything’s his fault?
He’s the reason both of us are stuck.
He’s the reason we don’t have a -
Who said I felt stuck? I never said that.
You’re stuck taking care of him.
I don’t mind taking care of him.
Well, five years down the line, you might.
If he even lives that long.
We should all be so lucky.
You can’t keep using Phil as an excuse to do nothing.
David, you’re an adult.
You’re not trapped at home like some SoundCloud rapper.
You can make choices.
What choices?
Choosing between paying for my WiFi so I can keep my job,
or paying for my rent so I have a place to live?
Choosing to apply to a different job, instead of talking yourself out of it.
I talk myself out of embarrassing myself.
It’s called having dignity.
Something I didn't get from Phil.
“Dignity?” David, you sell term papers to college students.
That’s a matter of integrity, not dignity.
I do not have integrity.
Are you gonna blame that on Phil, too? The man is dying, David.
Yeah, well it’s about fucking time.
You know, you have never had to bathe him because he
can't stand in the shower by himself.
Oh my God.
No. You keep talking about how much he fucked up your life,
but you don't have to put his dinner in the blender because he can’t
chew anything anymore.
You don’t see the look of embarrassment on his face when he has an accident
and he cries because he feels like a child. - Can I just say something
You don’t know what it feels like to be responsible for someone else.
All you’ve ever had to do was be responsible for yourself, and you can’t even do that right.
Can I just say one thing?
What?
Nobody is asking you to do all of that.
Fuck you.
(A dial tone)
What?
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
Uh-huh.
But I do believe honesty is the best pol-
Oh, shut the fuck up.
(The line goes dead)
(An eerie wind sound)
(An announcer) Most people wouldn't bike
through a Native American reservation without expressly written consent
of the local tribe.
But we're not most people
How are we gonna get out of this jam?
Find out on the new season of 'Two White Guys'
(Static)
Annie, are you using the microwave?
Annie!
Who’s Annie?
(Annie) What do you want?
I’m playing Stardew Valley.
Dude, what the fuck do you want?
Nothing, I just saw a spider.
Oh my God! Did you kill her?
Yeah, she’s dead.
What the fuck, man? Insect life is sacred!
It was an accident.
Are you sure she’s dead?
Yes. I’m sorry, Annie.
Okay, let me in. I’ll bury her.
I can’t. I need to be alone right now.
Why?
I have to pray.
I didn’t know you were religious?
Yeah, I’m making a change.
Look, I really need to repent.
Yeah, I’m sorry. Just bury her outside when you’re done, okay?
I’ll leave a trowel out.
I will. Thank you, Annie.
God bless you, David.
God bless you too, Annie.
That’s Annie.
I see. I should probably introduce myself.
You’re me.
Good. I’m glad we got that out of the way.
Or you’re a deepfake and someone is trying to hack me.
Okay, maybe we didn’t get that out of the way. Let me explain.
You don’t need to. Whoever you are, get the fuck off my TV.
I don’t have any money.
Honestly, if you wanna steal my identity, just go for it.
I don’t wanna be myself anyway.
Are we good?
Are you good?
No, my fucking TV is talking to me.
Do you wanna maybe take a moment to calm down?
I would really prefer if you just got the fuck off my TV.
Okay, well, that’s not gonna happen, David.
I have something important to talk to you about.
Great. Call my secretary. Make an appointment.
We’ll do lunch. Get the fuck off my TV.
You can’t just keep telling me to get the fuck off your TV.
Is that what I said? I'm sorry.
What I meant to say was, “Get the fuck off my TV.”
David. I understand that this is bizarre,
but this is happening whether you like it or not.
So can you calm down, and just give me a moment to explain?
I’m calling the police.
I can help you change your life.
Sure. How much do I send you?
Nothing. All I need is your time and effort.
I already have work to do, which, you’re kinda preventing me from doing right now.
You mean that cheap term paper you’re writing for someone else?
So you’re spying on me, too?
Is it really spying if you’re just watching yourself?
You’re not me.
Yes I am. And no I’m not.
Are you confused?
David, I’m you, from an alternate timeline, in the year twenty-thirty.
♪ (A foreboding chord) ♪
So you’re from the future.
That's right.
But not my future.
Yes. I’m a different David from a different timeline that is parallel to yours.
And there are different Davids in different timelines?
That's right.
How many?
More than we can imagine.
Every timeline’s different from the last one.
It could be something big, like the planets are made of chocolate,
or it could be small, like Seth Rogen has two eyes.
Seth Rogen does have two eyes.
In this timeline he does.
Okay. And you must be from the timeline where I’m completely fucking insane?
We’re in your timeline, David. If anyone’s insane here, it’s you.
I’m not entirely convinced that I’m not.
Okay, David… I literally have a time-sensitive issue to discuss with you.
So can we just… tone down the defensive sarcasm and accept what is happening?
Prove it.
Prove what?
Prove that you’re me. Or, some version of me.
I don’t have time for this.
I thought you said you could time travel?
I said I was from the future.
This is not “travel,” this is telecommunication.
You know how much this costs on my phone bill - you know what, fine.
What do you want me to prove?
Tell me something only I would know.
Okay. Your father is currently coughing up something that looks like laundry detergent.
You could’ve listened to my phone calls.
Fair. Uh… in high school, you wrote a short story making fun of your music teacher,
but you got cold feet and didn’t submit it to the school newspaper.
I actually did submit that paper.
Oh. See, the timelines are a little different. How’d it go? Did they publish it?
No. They were not fans of the passage where Mr. Kleio tried to count how many
trumpets he could fit inside himself.
Yeah, good thing I didn’t submit it then.
Okay, I got it. You jerked off to the dance scene in Suspiria.
Which one?
We both know which one.
Okay, you have my attention.
Can we proceed with the assumption that I am you from a different timeline?
I will give you the benefit of the doubt provided you do not tell
anyone what you know.
I wouldn’t do that. We’re on the same side here, David.
Doesn’t feel like it.
Well, I need you on my side.
I need your help.
With what?
I need to catch a murderer.
♪ (The foreboding chord) ♪
(A record scratch)
And why do you think I would be the best person to help you with that?
I’ll explain that in a moment.
David, I used to be a Temporal Agent.
You don’t know what they are yet, but they will exist in your future.
Our job is to regulate and control the usage of Temporal Technology,
also known as TempTech.
It’s what you probably call time travel technology.
We would call it that, but an interdimensional tourism company
kinda beat us to the patent rights.
So it’s TempTech.
Okay. TempTech.
Sounds made up, but I believe you.
A couple years ago, we started seeing videos of murders posted on TubeYou.
TubeYou?
TubeYou. You guys don’t have TubeYou?
I think it’s called YouTube here.
Oh. That’s weird.
Anyway, we started seeing videos of murders online.
But not just any murders.
What, like snuff films?
No.
Murder porn?
No.
Cannibalism?
No. Maybe it’s better if I show you -
No, no, no, no, no, no. I would rather not watch a murder.
Squeamish.
So was I.
You’ll get over it.
These videos show murders across time.
Someone got access to TempTech and is using it to leap across time
and murder people in the past.
Wouldn’t that change the future?
Like, in that shitty Ashton Kutcher movie?
The Fruit Fly Effect.
The Butterfly Effect.
Yeah, whatever. It’s terrible in my timeline too.
But surprisingly accurate. Let me explain.
You keep saying you’re gonna explain things.
You just met someone from an alternate timeline.
You didn’t think there’d be a huge exposition dump?
Yeah, but don’t you have a Powerpoint for this or something?
Powerpoints? Where we’re going, we don’t need Powerpoints.
Back to the Future. Surprising.
What? No, that’s from Blade Runner.
What the hell is Back to the Future?
Never mind. Just listen. Let’s say you have access to TempTech.
Okay.
If you could go back in time and kill anyone, who would you kill?
Adam.
What?
I’m kidding. Hitler. I’d go back and kill Hitler.
Right. Most people would.
But you can’t actually do that.
Yeah. It’s called a grandfather paradox.
If went back and killed someone you'd be
erasing the reason you went back in time in the first place
I read a lot of sci-fi.
That's exactly right. If you killed Hitler in the past,
you’d be erasing the reason you went back in time in the first place.
Right, so you can’t kill anyone in the past.
Well, that’s what you’d think, but the video says otherwise.
Video of what?
Of Hitler’s murder.
Hitler shot himself.
No, he didn’t.
Dude, this isn’t gonna be some Tupac conspiracy shit, is it?
No, it’s not a conspiracy. This is what actually happened.
That’s not what Wikipedia says.
Wikipedia is not fact.
Wikipedia is an observation made and recorded by humans.
Wikipedia is what we know, and what we think we know.
And Wikipedia was wrong.
We have video evidence that Adolf Hitler, as well as dozens
of other historical figures, were murdered.
All by the same person.
That’s not possible.
It would cause a grandfather paradox.
The killer didn’t change the past.
He already killed his victims; he just didn’t know it yet.
Nobody knew it.
People in the past had already come up with reasons to explain
why these deaths occurred. The killer didn’t change the past.
He caused it.
… so he killed Hitler?
Yes.
The video is taken from Hitler’s office in the Führerbunker .
Hitler and his wife, Eva Braun, are both restrained.
The killer forces Braun to eat a cyanide pill as Hitler watches.
Then he feeds Hitler a bullet sandwich with his own pistol.
So Hitler’s death was staged to look like a suicide?
Nobody would have known, because Hitler signed a last will two days earlier.
Everyone around him knew he was going to kill himself, so they didn’t
think to look for evidence.
But even if they did, they wouldn’t have found anything.
The timeline can’t allow for an anachronism.
So… the timeline hides evidence for this guy?
That’s right. He can kill with impunity,
because it’s impossible for him to be caught in the past.
But if he can only kill people he’s already killed…
how does he know who he’s already killed?
He doesn’t. If he fails, he fails.
He can’t get caught anyway.
But if he succeeds, he has video evidence proving Wikipedia is wrong.
People who see video after video of murders that supposedly never happened -
they lose faith in Wikipedia.
They start to question reality.
How do you believe in anything when there’s a madman slashing his way through
history who nobody can stop?
Nobody can even find?
I… I don’t know. I thought those were rhetorical questions.
They were, I was letting the moment land.
Point is, this is much bigger than just one killer.
So why doesn’t anyone in your universe stop him?
Okay, first of all “timeline,” not “universe.”
“Timeline,” okay?
If we start using different words, this is gonna get more confusing than it already is.
Second, we tried. When I was back at the Temp Agency we -
You worked at a temp agency?
The Temporal Agency. I was a Temporal Agent. I said that before.
Oh, sorry, just had to clarify.
The Agency didn’t want to waste resources trying to catch someone who couldn’t be caught.
The best they we could do was remove his videos and suspend his Twitch channel.
But it doesn’t stop him, and it’s not justice.
The Agency thought I was fixated on the case.
They say the killer just wants attention.
They think the problem will go away if they just ignore it.
Even in the future, people don’t learn from the past.
I’m the only one who wants to do anything about this.
You could ask me what my plan is.
Tell me more.
Before I left the Agency, I managed to get a hold of a new form of TempTech.
It was an experimental prototype that would allow telecommunication between
two timelines over a sixth dimensional plane.
Basically, the thing that lets us talk right now.
Okay.
So I had a theory.
I know I can’t find this guy,
I can’t catch him, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to kill him.
I can’t go back in time and stop him from getting access to TempTech,
because that would cause a grandfather paradox.
So you want me to kill him from my timeline.
Not just kill him.
Erase him.
I need you to prevent him from being born.
♪ (A foreboding chord) ♪
Why can’t you just come here and do that yourself?
TempTech isn’t advanced enough to transfer physical matter between timelines.
If I tried, I would most likely just be spaghettified.
Spaghettified?
Imagine a baby. Happy. Healthy. Limbs intact.
Okay.
Now imagine that same baby being pushed through a cheese grater.
The gravity created by a wormball of that size would literally
tear the molecules out of my body.
Anyway, I can’t move between timelines, but electrons can.
That’s why I’m reaching out to you.
If we find out out who the killer is, you can use TempTech to visit my timeline in the past
contact his parents, and prevent them from meeting.
It’s two steps.
We find out who he is, you place a sixth-dimensional phone call.
And I sit and pray that it works.
You don’t know if it’ll work.
It’s the only way I can think of to escape a grandfather paradox.
But it wouldn’t. If you succeeded you'd be erasing your own present.
That's right, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I have many questions.
Like: why do I want your help?
You don’t know anything about TempTech or serial killers.
You’re just a failed fiction writer with a weakness for demonic dance scenes.
Read my mind.
Sixth dimensional communication isn’t an exact science... yet.
You can’t calibrate it in a way that you know exactly what timeline you’re gonna end up in.
So I’ve been searching for the right David.
I couldn’t trust anyone but myself with this information, so who better to ask?
I found Davids who were interested in the science,
but too queasy to deal with the ethics of erasing someone from existence.
I found Davids who couldn’t care less about other people dying in a parallel timeline.
And then I found Davids who just… weren’t cut out for it.
And then I found you. And you were sad.
And you were disappointed in yourself, the same way I’m disappointed in myself.
I knew you were someone who needed a second chance.
You mean you thought you could manipulate me.
No. David, if you do this, you’ll save the lives of countless people in my timeline.
They’ll never know it, but that doesn’t change the facts.
History is just what’s recorded.
Your deeds matter, regardless of whether anyone recognizes them or not.
So, no, I don’t want to manipulate you.
I want to motivate you to do something selfless, something great.
I think you want to do something great.
You were wrong.
Look, I listened to your pitch.
You seem like an okay guy, and I’m not just saying that because you remind me of myself.
But I’m not your guy.
You didn’t ask about what I said earlier.
That I could help you change your life.
That’s because I know what false advertising looks like.
Maybe you’re so used to being lied to that you’ve stopped believing in the truth.
You’re not curious about what I can offer you?
You’re gonna give me TempTech in exchange for helping you.
That’s right. I can’t physically send you a device,
but I can give you all the documents and software you would need.
I also have a discount code for Skillshare so you can learn about the engineering.
It’ll take a while to understand all of it, but once you’re ready,
you can reach out to other Davids across the sixth dimensional plane.
Once you find the right one you can change your own timeline.
You can change your past.
You know I knew this was a scam, but... it’s worse.
Find another David?
This is just a fucking chain letter.
No wonder the Agency fired you
You’re just as insane as the guy you’re obsessed with.
Cute. But I don’t blame you. This is a lot to take in.
So I’m gonna come back forty-eight hours from now -
Don’t bother.
And you can give me your answer then.
And David, when you’re thinking about my offer,
remember this: I’m from the year twenty-thirty.
Why do think I visited you in the year twenty-twenty?
Because you’re a masochist?
No. Well, yes, but, that’s the reason why.
I visited your timeline in the year twenty-thirty.
I looked around for you. You weren’t there.
You need this more than you know.
(Typing)
(A dial tone)
(A phone ringing)
Hey.
You called?
Yeah. Are you busy?
I’m always busy, David. What do you want?
I… kinda got a job offer.
Oh? Where?
It’s um… I can’t really talk about it.
But you wanna talk about it.
Yeah.
Is it something I wouldn’t approve of?
Like, writing American history textbooks?
No, it’s not that bad.
But I don’t know if you’d approve.
I don’t even know if I approve.
Is it more ethical than selling term papers to low-income college students?
Yes. I think so.
Does it pay well?
No, not really? Yes and no?
So it doesn’t pay.
Not money.
So it’s an internship?
Not exactly.
So is it a writing job?
No. But if I do well, they’ll let me rewrite some stuff.
So it’s a stepping stone.
Yeah, it’s definitely a step.
But you’re not sure if it’s a step in the right direction?
Yeah, yeah, that’s it.
Why do you feel that way?
It feels like I’m moving backwards.
Like I’m doing something I’ve already done before.
Are you going back to Pizza Pagoda?
No.
Because I heard they unionized the kitchen there.
They get dental now.
They do?! I mean, uh - I’m not going back to Pizza Pagoda.
I just… I need to find something else, and this thing just kinda presented itself.
Well, don’t just take it because it’s the first thing that came along.
Look what happened to that guy that married Michelle Williams.
Well, I can’t just stay at the center. It’s a dead end.
Why do you have to move backwards, whatever that means?
I don’t know. It’s better than staying stuck in the same spot.
Do you remember Lenna?
Yeah. Why?
They uh, they run a journalism site now. Well, a music journalism site.
Yeah, they used to run a blog. Uh, Listening with Len?
They changed the name.
Oh, thank God.
Anyway, they’re getting like, solid traction on readership
and they’re looking to hire writers.
Oh, I wouldn’t wanna do that.
Why not? You two worked together.
Yeah, that’s the problem. They’ve seen me at work.
Well, writing is different from tutoring. Do they think you’re a good writer?
I don’t know.
Well, you should submit and find out.
Music journalism?
You like music.
Everyone likes music. That doesn’t mean everyone should write about it.
Have you ever read Pitchfork ?
Well, you wanted something different.
Well, it’s not the kind of writing I wanna do.
Nobody starts out writing what they wanna write.
Hemingway started out as a journalist.
Yeah, and he ended in pieces on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, but that’s was because he was a novelist.
Look, I’m not saying take the job or I’ll disown you.
But it’s an alternative.
You shouldn’t have to move backwards to move forward.
Sometimes you can move sideways.
Okay, I’ll think about it. Thank you.
Yeah, no problem.
Ask me how I’m doing.
Sorry. How are you?
Still shitty.
I, uh, I’m starting to plan.
Plan?
Yeah, for Phil.
What? Like, getting toxins that won’t show up on autopsy?
No, just making sure there’s enough money. Just in case.
Is it really that bad?
Yeah. He's coughing up more red, which is better than purple, but still not good.
And he’s having more accidents.
I just feel like something bad's gonna happen one day
and everything's gonna go downhill from there.
You’re gonna push him down a hill?
Can you be serious? Look, I think you need to talk to him.
About what? Like finding underwear that doesn’t stain?
I don’t know. Anything you need to tell him.
I don’t think I have anything to say to him.
Well, you don't know that until you see him.
When was the last time you were even here?
Uh… maybe like Feb...?
Feb?
Yeah, definitely Feb.
Uh-huh. Feb of which year?
Okay, it’s been a while.
Well, he can't go and see you, so…
Look, if I set up a chat between you two, would you talk to him?
Maybe convince him to see a doctor?
He’s not gonna listen to me.
Well, he’s not listening to me. And I’m the one that makes sense.
That’s because he only understands sarcasm.
Exactly. You speak the same language.
Look, you’re not giving him his last rites. Just think about it, please?
You’re giving me a lot to think about.
I know. This must be so hard for you.
Oh, I have something to share with you.
Is it a DoorDash coupon?
No. So I was going through the photos in the attic.
'Cause I figured I should have some ready.
And I found this. Uh, I’ll just send it to you.
(A phone beep)
Huh. I thought he got rid of them.
I thought so too. At first I didn’t know who it was.
Are we sure it’s her?
Who else would it be?
I don’t know. Maybe we should ask him.
Maybe you should ask him.
“Hey, haven’t seen you in two plus years. Also, who is this bitch?!”
I dunno, she looks... different.
She’s probably around our age here. Probably when they started dating.
Huh. If I looked like that, I’d leave him too.
She didn’t leave him.
Not the way he tells it.
He tells so many stories about it, I don’t even know what to believe anymore.
Maybe she’s still here.
We just can’t see her because we’re blinded by all the lies.
You get so used to being lied to that you stop believing in the truth.
That sounds like a really sad Panic! At the Disco song.
They’re all sad now.
(A phone ringtone)
Oh, shit, it’s George.
Speak of the devil.
“I heard you were talking about other writing opportunities, David.
The only thing you’ll be writing is your own obituary.”
Oh, shit. I gotta take this.
He’s probably pissed off his kids or something.
Yeah, no problem. Bye!
Don’t rob your students of a valuable learning experience!
No. Bye.
Hey, George. How’re the kids?
I don’t have - listen David, you’re gonna love this.
I just got off the phone with a student asking for a refund.
Get this. They said, and I quote, “My tutor didn’t deliver.”
Ooh, “deliver.” Someone’s been hitting Dictionary.com.
Right? So I tell him what we always tell ‘em.
What’d you tell him?
I told him to go take a hike in the Black Hills Forest.
He might be a little too young to understand that one.
I know. That’s how I get away with it.
But seriously.
I told them you tried your best and it just, you know, probably wasn’t a good fit.
I told they could try another tutor but they insist - they insist - on a refund.
So what do I do in this situation?
Tell them we have a no refund policy and we’ll see them in court.
That’s the thing. We don’t have a no refund policy.
We don’t?
No. I have a no refund policy.
What’s your policy, David?
My policy is the same as yours, George
Right. Your policy is the same as mine because you work for me.
You provide services which are guaranteed through my business establishment.
Right. So we have the same policy.
So what’s your policy when an employee violates the policy?
Uh, what?
What’s your policy when an employee violates the policy?
We - uh -
Not “we.” We don’t share policies.
I have my policy, and you have your policy.
They may be the exact same policy, but they’re separate policies nonetheless.
Now, I know what my policy is, but I want to see your policy.
So what is your policy when an employee violates the policy?
Uh, George, are you… accusing me of something?
I’m just asking you what your policy is.
But I don’t think you can tell me what your policy is,
because I don’t think you actually have one.
Well, you said your policy was the same as mine.
And last time I checked, I have a strict academic integrity policy.
Remember what that means?
Uh, yeah.
What does it mean?
It means we don’t write papers for our students.
And did you break that rule?
Go ahead, spin me a yarn.
Dig yourself a bigger pit to fall into.
No, you’re right, George. I broke the rules.
I know. But I want to hear it from you.
Um, the student didn’t understand the work, I was frustrated.
I saw an opportunity to help us both out.
So I offered to write the paper, but I didn’t even follow through with it.
I was gonna give the money back, but…
I needed the money to get my Wi-Fi fixed like you asked.
So I figured I’d just pay the student back next week.
I didn’t think they’d call you.
I’m sorry, George.
I… I took the easy way out.
Okay. I understand why you did what you did.
It was a moment of weakness.
We’ve all had them.
You see, my wife and I were having trouble last year -
You have a wife?
Yes! How - never mind.
I’m giving you a second chance.
Really?
Of course. Don’t you remember today’s word?
LEARNING: Lamentable Emasculations Assist Redemption, Newfound Initiative, and Natural Growth.
Oh, yeah, I totally forgot to check the website this morning.
Well, thank you, George. I won’t let you down.
I know you won’t. But I wanna keep this between us, alright?
I don’t need this kind of thing getting out.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
And George, I promise, what happened with Louie will never happen again.
Louie? The student’s name was Ramjeet.
I’ll do it.
You will?
I’m broke, my father might be dying, and I just got lost my job.
I'm all the way in.
You got fired from the tutoring center?
I remember that. Good times.
Did you forget about Ramjeet?
I forgot about Ramjeet.
Never forget about Ramjeet.
You could’ve warned me about that, you know.
I don’t know everything about this timeline.
Besides, you’re here, so it worked out for the both of us.
I thought you might not show up.
Well, I showed up.
Where do we start?
I’ll tell you what we know about the killer, which isn't much.
First thing is the psych profile.
It’s short, obviously, because there isn't a lot of information available
on how time travel affects the brain.
I mean, I don’t even know what I’d do with a psych profile,
but, sure, tell me what you know.
Well, he’s a narcissist.
Delusions of grandeur; he likes to literally cause history.
He’s a people pleaser and an exhibitionist.
Posts videos of his crimes; he likes people to know what he’s doing,
especially when he knows he’s doing a good job.
Probably also doesn’t like it when people know he’s doing a bad job.
He doesn’t show videos of failed kills. Most likely middle or lower-class.
Low power physically, emotionally, economically, socially. Shit job.
Probably had issues with his parents, if they were around.
Failed to live up to everyone’s expectations, including his own.
If he had siblings, probably felt inferior to them.
Doesn’t have a lot of friends.
The few he does are probably through the Internet. Single. Virgin.
That’s all I got.
So… he’s a libertarian.
Second thing we know, which will probably be even less useful, is his name.
We have his name?
Not his real name, but what we called him at the Agency.
Promise not to laugh.
I won’t.
We call him “the Fizzle Killer.”
“The Fizzle Killer”? Why?
His videos and profiles referred to him as “Fizzle,”
Why not call him “the Time Killer”?
Like “time travel”, we can’t use that name for copyright reasons.
There’s a company that produces laser watches,
which are exactly as cool as they sound - and they beat us to the name.
So, he’s the Fizzle Killer.
Get your laughs in now.
Heinlein.
Was that a laugh in German?
No, Heinlein. Robert Heinlein.
He was a science-fiction writer.
You think he’s the Fizzle Killer?
No. He’s dead.
And you think the Fizzle Killer killed him?
No. You’ve never heard of him?
No. Why would I read science-fiction? I’m living it.
Robert Heinlein has a story called “-All You Zombies-.”
It’s about time travel.
The narrator talks about something called a Fizzle War.
You think there’s a clue hidden in the story?
No, that is the clue. This guy’s a fucking sci-fi nerd.
That would fit our profile. Huh.
We had a whole unit of Agents on this case.
We thought his name was just some stupid Readdat handle.
Readdat?
Readdat? You guys don’t have Readdat? It’s a fivum.
A what?
A fivum. It's a website where you share opinions and stuff.
Oh, a forum.
Why would you call it a forum?
I don’t know. Why would you call it a fivum?
Because five is better than four. Obviously.
Dude, you’re one of the smarter Davids I’ve met but God,
you live in a stupid ass timeline.
No arguments there.
This is a great clue though. He’s a sci-fi nerd. Of course.
Well, I do have something else for you.
I’m gonna send it across the sixth dimensional plane in a second,
I just gotta get the formatting right.
Do you guys have Pedia Files?
Uh. You mean PDF files?
Yeah, what did I say?
I’m fucking with you. I’m fucking with you.
I’m sending it over now.
I’m sorry. Give it a second. Check your email.
(Beep)
Really?
Aw, I thought you’d laugh at that.
You don’t think it’s a little dangerous to send me something that says that?
Oh come on. It’s not like the NSA is reading your emails.
Wait, do they actually do that here?
Why do I objectively live in the worst timeline?
Anyway, take a look at this.
It’s a collection of the videos that the killer posted on TubeYou.
I told you I don’t wanna look at those.
Dude, we’re catching a murderer, not watching CBS.
Besides, you read detective stories.
Reading about murder and watching it are two different things.
You’re right. Let’s wait five years for the book to come out.
Maybe Truman Capote’ll rise from the dead and do all the work for us.
This is a step in the right direction.
But you’re gonna have to take a couple more outside your
comfort zone if you wanna get where you're going.
(A phone ringtone)
(Amy) David
Hey, what’s up? Is Phil okay?
Yeah, he’s fine. Are you alright?
You mean in a cosmic sense?
No, I mean did you get fired?
Who told you that?
Lenna. They said you got fired two days ago.
Why would Lenna know that?
Because they talked to George.
Who the fuck talks to their ex-boss three years after they quit?
You submitted my resume.
Well, you weren’t going to do it.
I told you I’d think about it.
Yeah, that’s how I knew you wouldn’t.
You don’t “think.”
If you did, you would’ve stopped selling papers like I told you to.
David, what are you gonna do?
You just threw away a job you had for three years.
And now you can’t even use George as a reference because
he’s just gonna tell people you were selling so many
papers you couldn’t keep track of who you were selling them to.
I don’t need a reference.
I already got a new position.
Wha - How?
Is this the thing you were talking about last time?
Yeah. I got the job.
I thought it wasn’t a job.
It’s not. It - whatever it is, I have it.
Okay? You don’t need to worry.
Does it pay?
It will.
But not right now.
But it will.
I don’t want you to get evicted.
I’m not gonna get evicted.
Annie’s not gonna throw me out.
(Annie) Yes I will!
Love you too!
(Annie) Fuck off.
David.
She’s not. She’s just gonna rant about me on Tumblr.
And in real life. Look, I’m sorry you had to find out from Lenna that I got fired.
I was gonna tell you, but I already got so much work to do.
What are you even doing?
It's, uh, I’m assisting on a case.
“A case?” What did you do?
I didn’t do anything.
Are you a police informant?
You know I don’t like police.
No, it’s with a… private investigator.
He’s looking into some cold cases and he needs help.
“Cold cases?” Like, murders?
Uh, yeah.
Oh my God. Does he make you look at photos? Does he?
No, not… yet at least. It’s like clerical work.
Why would they hire someone like you for a job like that? No offense.
I don’t know, I guess he… sees himself in me or something. I dunno.
Or maybe he wanted to hire someone he could get away with not paying?
It’s not that he doesn’t want to pay me, it’s that he needs to find the guy
he’s looking for before he can pay me.
So it’s contingent on whether you solve the case?
How long is that gonna take?
I don’t know. Look, it’s an interesting job. I can use it for my writing.
I don’t want you to spend another three years working a job just for it to go nowhere again.
I’m not going to. I was stuck at the center, you know that.
I’m glad I got fired.
Amy, this is a good thing.
You said to move sideways.
This is a sideways move.
At least you’re taking my advice for once.
Yeah, I’m the only one in this family who does.
You should be grateful.
Don’t push it.
We need to do something about him.
Do we have to?
Well, if you don’t say anything to him soon,
we won’t have to because he's just gonna be dead.
Uh, okay, what's wrong with him?
He’s coughing up purple again, but now it’s like, flakes?
It’s like lilac petals that smell like stomach acid.
Can you just please talk to him?
What would I even say to him?
Tell him he’s a stubborn, cantankerous wiseass and if he doesn’t admit
that there’s something wrong with him, he's gonna die.
Why don’t you tell him he’s a stubborn, cantankerous wiseass?
I can’t do that! He thinks I’m the good one.
David… don’t get stuck in the past.
You saw what it did to him.
He spent the last twenty years trying to forget what happened
and everyone else moved on.
Time didn’t wait for him to catch up.
Now he’s alone.
I don’t want that to happen to us.
It won’t.
So just talk to him for yourself.
Just to move on from it.
If he can’t do it, or won’t do it, that’s on him.
At least you won’t have to wonder if you could have saved him or not.
Okay, I’ll talk to him, but ask him first.
I’m don't wanna force him to listen to me lecture him if he doesn’t want to.
Okay.
And just tell him I wanted to talk.
Don’t tell him this is an intervention or whatever.
Yeah, of course.
And I can’t guarantee results.
I would not expect you to. Thank you.
Don’t thank me yet;
I still have to actually follow through with it.
Look, I should probably get back to work.
I have to look at metadata.
“Metadata”?
Metadata.
It’s like this data that gets stored on videos,
like what date it was taken, what camera it was taken on,
GPS coordinates if there’s a...
Yeah, it’s boring, I know.
Yeah, it sounds like it.
Alright, I'll see you later.
Bye.
Metadata!
(Amy's voice, echoing) “Time didn’t wait for him to catch up.”
( A man's voice) "It's a clue dumbass"
The metadata from the videos show that the killer
swapped out cameras between each murder.
He probably destroyed them after uploading the videos.
Makes it harder to catch him.
Right. But when you buy a new camera, or any new device, what happens?
You… throw away the instruction manual?
Yes, but, also, the device doesn’t know what time it is.
Each camera has an internal clock.
That’s how we get timestamps.
Most people update the time settings as soon as they turn the camera on
so it matches the date and time they're using it.
The killer didn’t.
Well, yeah. He was going into the past anyway.
Right. There’s no point in changing the time setting for a camera you’re just gonna throw away.
But if you don’t set it up, it retains the factory settings.
So if I buy a camera today and insert the battery for the first time,
the default factory setting might be January first, two-thousand twenty.
But what happens if I take that camera and go back to, say, June first, two-thousand ten?
The camera still thinks you’re in January of two-thousand twenty.
Exactly. If you look at the recorded dates of the latest videos,
most of them are from January.
He didn’t spend a lot of time in the past, because they were short kills.
But most of the older videos are dated a couple months later.
So think about it.
If I take that same camera from January twenty-twenty,
and I travel to June twenty-ten and stay there for two months -
The camera will say it’s March twenty-twenty.
Right. Time doesn’t stop just because you’re in the past.
And if it doesn’t stop for the camera -
It’s not stopping for him either.
So if I go to June twenty-ten and stay for two months,
and then I travel back to the same moment I left in January twenty-twenty,
the camera will say March twenty-twenty.
So both the camera and the killer would have aged two months.
But no time would have elapsed in the present.
The killer can move through time, but he’s still affected by it.
He’s still aging when he’s in the past.
Which means he’s aging faster than people in the present.
Exactly.
So I worked with the assumption that the killer turned on each camera
at the same time he entered the past.
So, for example, if a video says it was taken on February first,
that’s one month from a default factory setting of January first,
so I can assume that the killer spent one month in the past.
So working with that estimate, I added up the total time he’s spent in the past.
How much time?
Close to eight years.
Holy shit.
And that’s conservative.
It’s hundreds of videos.
Some are short because all he had to do was show up and shoot someone in the face,
but others are more complicated, like poisoning or indirect causes
like emotional abuse that leads to the victim committing suicide.
Yeah. If he has to spend months, even years in the past,
he’ll do it to make sure he gets the kill.
But he’s still aging. And he’s realized this.
Which is why the more recent kills are getting shorter.
He needs kills to keep up with demand,
but that don’t take a lot of time to accomplish,
because the more time he spends in the past,
the more time he loses in his actual present-day life.
But you can’t just age eight years without people around you noticing.
Unless you’re Toss Cruime.
Who’s Toss Cruime?
He’s an actor. He was in, uh… Bottom Gun,
Assignment: Impractical, Strawberry Sky -
Oh, Tom Cruise.
Yeah, the guy who’s like sixty but looks like he’s twenty-two.
Yeah, but the killer’s not Tom Cruise.
Are we sure? I really want that guy to fuck up.
No, the killer’s a loser. Remember the profile?
He’s probably ugly.
With all the money he’s made selling videos online?
He could probably afford plastic surgery.
So that’s where we should be looking.
Plastic surgery, cases of advanced aging.
I can do some digging, but we don’t know where this guy lives.
I could interrogate every plastic surgeon in New York,
but it wouldn’t matter if the killer lives in Banglakok.
Banglakok? Never mind. I'm not gonna ask.
Look, I’ll do what I can to look into the medical stuff
This is progress. Good work.
Don’t thank me, thank Amy.
Who?
My sister. She's the one who gave me the idea.
Oh, right.
You didn’t tell her about this, did you?
No, of course not.
Do you… not have an Amy in your timeline?
Only child.
What about parents?
David, when we erase this guy - it’ll change my timeline permanently.
The me you know right now isn’t going to exist.
So, the less you know about me, the better.
I’ll look into plastic surgeons.
I’ll let you know what I find. Okay?
Yeah. Okay.
Good work today, David.
(Static)
He’s all set up in the other room.
Why isn’t he downstairs?
He doesn’t want me to be there.
He keeps calling me NASA for some reason.
NASA?
Yeah, I guarantee he’s gonna say something about that to you.
Anyway, upstairs is the only place where there’s any privacy.
I don't let him in on our calls, so I couldn’t really argue with him.
You don’t need to argue. Just threaten him with a morphine overdose.
I don’t give him morphine.
Good. Let him suffer.
You do remember we’re trying to save him, right?
I remember, I just may not commit to it.
You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.
I just don’t wanna go through this for nothing.
Well, what’s the worst case scenario?
He doesn’t listen and he dies.
And what’s the best case scenario?
He doesn’t listen and he dies.
You’re right, good pep talk. Let’s do this.
Alright, I’m abandoning you.
I'll see you on the other side.
(Phil) Amelia! You stay off my wall, do you hear me?
I’m a grown man.
Hey, Phil.
Hey, Dave. You see her watchin’ me?
She’s like fuckin’ NASA, spyin’ on me all the time.
You mean the NSA?
No. Did I say NSA?
Fuckin’ NASA spyin’ on everybody.
They put those fuckin’ satellites up there and they’ve been spyin’ on us ever since.
SDI, Brilliant Pebbles, all that bullshit.
“Brilliant Pebbles?”
Brilliant Pebbles. You never heard ‘a’ Brilliant Pebbles?
I think I had some for breakfast t his morning.
Don’t get smart with me.
I know where you went to school, you ain’t that smart.
Brilliant Pebbles.
Look it up. NASA was behind all that shit.
Nobody gave a fuck about space.
They just wanted to bankrupt the Soviets.
It was a ruse.
It was a ruse for the Russkis.
You came up with that yourself?
You ain’t the only one good with words.
I mean the whole thing about NASA.
Eh, shut up.
You didn’t live through the eighties and ya don’t know nothin’ worth knowin’.
Liberal arts colleges.
Only thing liberal is who they let in.
So how ya doin’, Dave?
Amelia says you got a new gig.
Yeah, I did.
About time. Was startin’ to think you were gonna be a tutor forever.
So where’s the new job?
It’s with a detective.
You’re doin’ police work?
You know I don’t like the police.
No, he’s a private eye. I know him from around.
That can’t be safe.
You never know what those people get wrapped up in.
Murders, affairs.
Sometimes they watch people a little too closely, you know what I mean.
But I guess you know about all that from reading those detective novels.
You still doin’ that or what?
Am I still reading?
Nah, writin’. You still writin’?
Yeah, when I got time.
Any luck?
mmm, No.
Eh, it’s a rough business. Hard to stick out.
It’s not that. I haven’t really been submitting lately.
Well, you gotta follow through with these things.
You know, work's just been kind of busy.
How much are you workin’?
Are they even payin’ you over there?
Didn’t Amy tell you about it?
She doesn’t tell me anything. She’s just like her mother.
Are they payin’ you or what?
What does it matter?
I just wanna make sure you’re not gettin’ duped.
I can make sure I’m not getting duped.
I’m not a child, Phil.
I didn’t say you were.
Look, you wanna talk about somethin’ else?
Sure. How are you?
How am I?
I got rainbows comin’ out either end of me.
I’m like a fuckin’ leprechaun.
Yeah, I know, Amy told me about that.
Course she told you.
You think I don’t know that?
I bet she asked you to talk to me about that, huh?
Whaddaya know, I got some detective skills ‘a’ my own.
Spill it. She set this whole thing up, right?
Well, she’s worried about you.
Are you worried about me?
Honestly?
What’d I always say to you kids?
Honesty is the best policy. Be honest.
You think I’m dyin’?
No. I think you probably drank too much Pepto.
Funny thing about Pepto.
You drink too much, your shit turns black.
Not pink. Pitch black.
Fascinating. But I'm not a doctor so it doesn't matter what I think.
You’re not a detective, either, but that didn’t stop you from working for one.
I’m talking about your life here.
And I’m talkin’ about your life.
You might be dying. You do realize that?
Everybody’s dyin’. No matter what they do, they’re dyin’.
Living, though? That’s a choice.
Phil, what the hell are you talking about?
Look. I asked Amelia not to be in here for a reason.
I know. It’s called “divide and conquer.”
Do I look like I’m going to war with you?
No. You look like you’ve slept through one though.
You’re right, I have. I did.
I… look. I know I wasn’t the best dad.
“Wasn’t” implies past tense.
Will you just listen to me? It was hard, okay?
It was hard to be a parent.
Your mother was gone, it was just me.
Everybody was lettin’ cellphones raise their kids.
Then the economy was shit -
It’s still shit.
I know. You kids inherited shit.
It’s always shit.
Somebody always has shit going on.
What’s your point, Phil?
I’m just sayin’, I know it was hard for you, Dave.
But it was hard for me, too.
I made a lotta stupid mistakes raisin’ you guys.
Kids don’t come with an instruction manual.
You just figured that out?
Dave, I’m tryin’ to talk to you.
I don’t need life lessons from you. Okay?
Okay. I’m not tellin’ you how to live your life. Just live it.
Phil, can you just say what you mean for once?
Your sister is worried about you.
She thinks you’re havin’ some kinda… quarter-life crisis.
Of course I’m having a quarter-life crisis.
I don’t have a life.
I have a quarter of a life.
And it’s definitely a crisis.
I’m tryin’ to talk to you about yourself and you’re makin’ a joke.
No, I just think it’s funny it’s called a quarter-life crisis.
Means I gotta deal with seventy-five more years of this shit.
See, it’s stuff like that that worries us.
Worries us?
Well, yes. I’m worried about you too.
No, you aren’t.
Like I said, I know I wasn’t the best -
No, shut up, Phil.
Now you wanna care?
My life is shit because of you.
Dave, do you really believe that?
Honesty is the best policy.
Alright. You think I ruined your life.
I can understand why you may feel that way.
I don't think you can.
Yes I can.
When your mother left, I -
Oh my God.
She left because of you.
I thought that for a long time too.
First, I blamed her, then I blamed myself -
Stop the wheel, Vanna. You got it.
But I realized it was somethin’ she had to do.
Yeah, to get away from you.
No. She wasn’t runnin’ away,
she was runnin’ toward somethin’.
Somethin’ important.
It was important to leave us?
What was more important than us?
You know, Phil, for somebody who keeps championing honesty,
you’re a really bad liar, Phil.
I’m not lying to you.
So answer my question.
I can’t.
Why not?
Because I don’t hate you enough to do that to you.
I don’t hate you at all.
I just wish you would figure that out for yourself.
Look, you hate me. Fine.
Your sister is worried about you.
Me? You realize you’re the burden on her, right?
I am? Who complains about me more?
Her? Or you?
You think you’re some kinda reprieve from me?
You’re the one she never sees.
You’re the one she worries about.
Look, can you just stop making her worry so much? She’s good to you, Dave.
She’s good to both of us.
I’m asking you to make her life easier.
Do it for her.
Can we work out a trade? You go to the doctor.
I’ll figure things out. Sound good?
Sounds good.
But do me a favor?
She’s gonna wanna know, so tell her we had a good talk.
I thought honesty was the best policy?
How old are you?
Just let her think we got along for once.
Okay, fine, I'll do that.
Nice doin’ business.
Now put on your happy face. Amelia, we’re done!
I wanna watch Hulu.
(Amy) Coming!
Take care, Dave.
You too, Phil.
(Amy) I’ll be back in a second. I just gotta put on Hulu for him.
How’d it go?
(Phil) At least let me get outta earshot.
(Amy) He’s teasing.
What do you wanna watch?
(Beep)
(Phil) Put on the one with the, with the family.
(Amy) Arrested Development?
(Phil) Yeah.
(Beep)
(Amy) David, I’m just gonna move this to my room.
Yeah, no worries.
(Amy) Dad, let me know if you need anything!
Hey, how’d it go?
I didn’t hear any screaming.
“I don’t know why he saved my life.
Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had be- ”
Oh, shut up. What’d he say?
He’ll do it.
Really?
You’re surprised I did something right for once?
I’ve been telling him for two weeks and it takes you ten minutes?
I think he knows he should go.
He just wanted a second opinion.
It’s more like a third opinion.
Fourth. His counts twice.
Yeah, you’re right. He has power of veto.
Well, whatever.
I’m just glad it went well.
Yeah. Me too.
(David) I'm ready whenever you are.
(A dial tone)
Hello?
Hey, George.
Who is this?
It’s… David.
David? David who?
I used to work for you?
… oh. Sorry, I didn’t recognize the number.
Yeah, it's weird It’s the same number I’ve always had.
Yeah, I know. Your voice sounds different.
Have you been drinking water?
Yeah. I've been drinking a lot of water actually
Good. You should always drink a lot of water.
It’s so good for you.
And it tastes good, too.
Yeah, I’ll do that. Listen, George, I need to talk to you -
You know what else is good for you?
Apples. Do you like apples?
Yeah, yeah. You’ve seen me eat apples.
I love a good crunchy apple.
Okay, yeah. George, I need to talk to you -
What you need to do is try sliced apples with some sharp cheddar cheese.
I know Cracker Barrel gets a bad rap,
but the cheese is almost worth the racism.
George, why are you telling me this?
This is important. Apples and water.
That’s all you need to be healthy.
You need to know this. Everybody needs to know this.
Everyone already knows this, George
Everyone knows apples and water are healthy.
Well I know they do.
So why are you telling me something I already know?
I dunno.
Why are you calling me to tell me something I already know?
You don’t even know what I’m gonna say to you.
You think you’re the first person to come crawling back for their job?
I lived through the Pumpkins’ break-up, okay.
You know Lenna called me?
Yeah. Thanks for the glowing review.
Was I being honest?
Did I say something to offend you?
What do you want, David?
You know what I want.
Do you want something?
I wanna know what you want.
What you really want.
‘Cause you sure as hell didn’t wanna work for me.
It’s not personal, George.
I know it’s not personal. I wish it had been.
At least you would’ve cared.
I do care, George.
Not about the work.
You know, when you started here, you took pride in your work.
But then you started spacing out, not responding to emails.
You lost interest.
Is that what happened with you and your wife?
David, I only talk to my friends about my wife.
We are not friends.
But I am gonna tell you something ‘cause I think you need to hear it:
you don’t want your job back.
Yes I do. George, I was wrong to do what I did -
And as an educator I can appreciate that you learned something,
but giving you your job back is not gonna reinforce that.
You made your decision, you got caught - twice.
Now you gotta live with it.
Do you know what today’s word is, huh?
No, but I guess you’re gonna tell me, anyway.
PROGRESS: Painful Realizations Open Gates, Reveal Errors, and Spark Success.
just like Jason Everman after he left Nirvana and Soundgarden.
George, I only know what one of those three things are.
You know when Lenna left, they came crawling back for their job too.
Said nobody was reading their blog,
they made a huge mistake, needed a steady income.
Guess what I told them.
If you want a steady income, you might wanna consider switching fields?
No. I told them they made their decision, and they needed to see it through.
And look at them now.
Can you imagine where they’d be right if I had given them their job back?
As opposed to running the eighth most popular music site in Queens?
I don't know.
They grew something, David.
You can’t grow if you don’t step outside of your comfort zone.
You were too comfortable here.
Now you want me to pull you outta the water
because you don’t wanna sink,
you need to stay in the pool and you need to learn how to swim.
... is that what happened to your kids?
Goodbye, David.
So I reached out to whoever would speak to me about cases of advanced aging.
What’d you find out?
Nothing. All I got was a bunch of infographics about progeria.
Isn’t there like a database you could look into or something?
There is, but I don’t have access anymore.
Can't you just break in and steal it?
You literally have time travel technology.
I don’t have time travel technology.
I have a specific TempTech prototype that allows me to visit other timelines.
It doesn’t have a built-in hacker edition.
We need to be moving faster on this.
You can’t just force a case to move faster.
When we find a new lead, we’ll -
I get that, but I’m kind of eating out of my own savings here.
I’m barely gonna scrape by on rent this month.
I got Annie up my ass.
Oh, good for you.
No, she’s up my ass about the rent.
Hell yeah. Get bent, pay rent.
What?
Maybe “up my ass” isn’t a good thing in your timeline.
Whatever, just ask Amy for money.
I can’t. I promised my dad I’d be less of a headache to her.
Why would you promise that?
Don’t you know yourself?
Look, you can’t just send me a care package or something?
No, I can’t send anything physically over the timeline.
It’ll just be spaghettified.
Well, give me a stock tip or send me some bitcoins or something.
No. I can’t interfere with your timeline more than I already have.
It’ll jeopardize the mission.
Let me get this straight, you want me to kill someone in your timeline,
but you can’t even help me get on my feet?
It’s not killing, it’s -
I know what it is.
And you won’t help me because you need me helpless, right?
Because that’s the only way I’ll help you finish the mission
Honesty is the best policy.
Is that seriously a yes?
I told you I needed you because you were motivated.
And you don’t think I’ll be motivated unless I’m being threatened with an eviction notice?
David, this is not about you.
This is about stopping a murderer who has
killed more people than you’ve ever even met.
You’re right, it can make your life easier.
That’s why you agreed to do this.
I am not your enemy, I am your partner.
You need to trust me.
I don’t even know you.
I’m literally you.
You’re me but you’re not me.
That’s what you said.
Well, I’m as close to you as anyone is gonna get.
Look, I crossed the sixth dimensional plane to find you.
I made you a promise.
You don’t think I can deliver on it?
You don't think think I will deliver.
Why, because that’s what you would do?
If I could teleport to a different timeline?
Yeah, I’d take the money and run.
Well, like you said, I’m not you.
Look, I’m not forcing you to do this.
But you know what happens if you don’t.
How do I know what you told me is the truth?
Do you feel like it is?
How do you get past that?
I didn’t. I’m still that way, I just got better at dealing with it.
When?
I would say when I joined the agency.
It wasn't the work itself, just... having a purpose helps.
You need to find your purpose.
What if this is a timeline where I don’t have a purpose?
Then let this be your purpose.
And when we’re done, you’ll find a new one.
You said there isn't an Amy in your timeline.
Don’t get nihilistic.
I can’t deal with that shit.
No, I’m just asking.
No, Amy doesn't exist in my timeline.
So does she just not exist?
She wouldn’t exist as you know her.
In your timeline, you - David - have a sister named Amy.
In my timeline, I - also David - do not have a sister named Amy.
There are other timelines where you have a sister named Junebug,
or a father named Bobcat.
Why are you asking me this?
Are there timelines where the Fizzle Killer doesn’t exist?
Absolutely.
Is this one of them?
He could exist in this timeline.
What if we found the person who becomes the Fizzle Killer in this timeline
and then found the same person in your timeline?
We’d have no way of knowing whether the same person is the Fizzle Killer in my timeline.
They might have the same name, or they might look the same, but that’s circumstantial.
It’s inter-dimensional profiling.
But it might work?
It might work.
We might also erase an innocent person from existence.
Aren’t you guys used to that by now?
Used to what?
It was a police joke. Never mind.
We’re not the police.
I mean the Temp Agency.
Yeah, we're the Temporal Agency
We deal in matters related to spacetime.
Spacetime... the Temp Agency is part of NASA?
NASA deals with space, so, yeah.
What does space have to do with time?
It has literally everything to do with time.
To form a wormball, you need to warp gravity.
Gravity is weaker in space, so time moves more slowly on Earth.
It’s called time dilation.
The first TempTech experiments started because of Y2K paranoia.
They thought they could send a bunch of couples
to planets where time moved more slowly than on Earth.
That way if the world really did end,
they could wait it out and return back to Earth to repopulate.
So much for that.
Yeah, you can kind of imagine why NASA didn’t want that expense report getting out.
What happened to the astronauts?
Budgets.
NASA was already getting defunded,
but after Nine-Eleven nobody wanted to bankroll a rescue mission.
The astronauts were lost.
They’re probably still out there.
Would it be possible for us to get into NASA?
I told you, I don’t have access anymore.
Not in your timeline. In mine.
You mean, like, a walk-in appointment?
No, I mean like getting into their system.
You wanna hack NASA?
Remember the profile?
This is a guy who had a distant relationship with his parents.
What if that distance isn’t just metaphorical?
You think his parents might have been some of the astronauts?
Think about it.
Guy grows up without his parents,
hears all the time what heroes they are for shooting themselves into space.
Wants to live up to that sacrifice.
Goes into the family business.
You think the killer is a Temp Agent?
He’s a legacy hire.
But he has no real potential, he’s stuck in his parents’ shadow.
That explains how he’s been so good at evading us.
He knows how we think.
You were told The Agency didn't want to pursue this.
Maybe someone didn’t want you getting close.
Okay. If we got the list of astronauts,
we could cross-reference that with names in the Agency.
But getting that list is risky. Hacking NASA is no joke.
You can walk me through it.
You know all the passwords and security questions.
I don’t know that stuff from ten years ago.
I didn’t even work there then.
Even if I did, your timeline might have subtle differences.
If even one thing goes wrong, you go to jail
and I have to go look for another David.
No offense, but you’re not gonna be of much help from prison.
That's a risk I'm willing to take.
I thought you didn’t wanna worry your sister.
Three square meals? Regular housing? Home gym?
She’ll be proud of me.
Okay. Give me a couple days.
I can search Readdat and some other hacker fivums.
See if anyone’s breached NASA’s firewalls in the past.
In the meantime, you may not be a free man much longer,
so, sow some wild oats while you still can.
Is that not a saying here?
No, it is. I’ve just never heard anyone say that in real life.
Maybe that’s because you never had to think about it before.
(Amy) He’s got an appointment for next week.
I just gotta figure out transportation.
But he’s going along with it?
Yeah. He’s been fine about it. Kind of calm.
I think he’s, like, finally accepting his mortality.
Well, good. We all have to.
“We all have to”?
Yeah. Do we not? Is it negotiable?
No. Usually you’d make a joke there, like,
“He’s accepting his mortality,
more like he’s accepting his throne in the underworld” or something.
I dunno. It’s not a very “you” thing to say.
Well, I’m not the things I say.
It’s the things we do that make us who we are.
Yeah, no. That doesn’t sound like you.
What’s going on?
Work is a little... spicy right now.
Spicy like jerk chicken or spicy like IBS?
Spicy like exciting.
We might have had a break-in.
Oh my God. Did they steal anything?
Oh, no. I meant “breakthrough.”
I dunno why I said “break-in.”
Guilty conscience.
No, we just have to make kind of a risky move.
It’s not dangerous or anything,
it’s just kind of a big setback if it doesn’t pan out.
But if it works, we might get what we need to catch the guy.
Oh. Well, good.
You’ll finally get paid.
Yeah. Annie'll be excited to hear that.
(Annie) I can hear you, asshole!
I didn’t say anything bad about you.
(Annie) Oh. Okay. Carry on.
So, once you finish the case, is this gonna turn into a full-time gig?
No. The detective, this is like a passion project for him.
Once we’re done, it’s over for him.
“Over”? Like, suicide--?
No, no, no, like he’s gonna go back where he came from.
This is like his last job.
Oh, okay.
Can I be honest with you?
That depends. Is it the best policy?
I know this was something different for you, and I’m glad about that, but...
you can’t even talk about the work.
And, I hate to be a mom, but someone around here has to,
so, you can’t just take a job where you don’t know if you’re ever gonna get paid.
I know.
You need something stable.
I know.
And something you actually enjoy doing.
I know, I was actually gonna ask you about that.
The job with Lenna - is that still a possibility?
Well, I talked to them.
They weren’t happy with what George said.
But they also liked the writing sample I sent them.
You sent them my writing? What did you send?
Well, I... actually sent the one you wrote in high school. About Mr. Kleio.
You sent them “Trumpet Pumper”?!
Well, you hadn’t written any journalism and it was the only thing that had to do with music.
And they liked that?
They thought it was funny. Juvenile, but funny.
They wouldn’t hire you for a journalism position,
but, since they’re looking to expand,
they wanna try something a little experimental?
Like what?
It would be, like, satirical reviews.
You would be sort of a personality with these really off-color takes on new releases.
It’s entertainment, but with music journalism as a side salad.
What did you tell them?
I told them you’d be perfect for it,
but I also had to tell them that you made
a very sudden career shift without consulting me.
You should email them.
No! You should call them.
Tell them you love the idea.
People love verbal validation.
You’re right, that’s a great idea Amy!
Thanks, sarcastic dickhead!
But seriously, do it.
Yeah. I’ll do it.
So, how are you?
Who are you?
I know, I asked on my own for once.
I must be a fuckin’ alien.
I’m fine, David.
I’m glad you and Phil got along.
I’m glad you’re both doing okay.
That’s how we’re doing. How are you?
I dunno. I feel less worried for once.
I don’t really think about myself a lot.
Well, when you do, what do you think about?
I mostly just think that about how I don’t wanna be here.
Not forever at least.
Well, where do you want to be?
I feel like the thing I’m supposed to say is that I wanna go college.
But I don’t wanna say that.
Are you sure? U.U. is taking applications for the spring.
Nah, I can do way better than U.U.
Wow.
Well, maybe once I figure this all out, I can help out with Phil.
I mean, I’m can't help him shower, but like I can maybe send money at least.
You’re gonna send money on a writer’s salary?
I’ll just... write a lot. And maybe sell some parts.
Just some ribs you’re not using.
Hey, I’m right-handed.
If I write everything by hand, I can sell this whole thing.
Just… let me worry about it for once so you don’t have.
I really wanna believe you, I do -
I know. I’m gonna make sure you can.
Thank you.
You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna go eat some sherbet and find a new hobby on YouTube.
Yeah. Do that.
Yeah I’m gonna do that. Don't forget to -
Email Lenna.
Call Lenna -
I will call Lenna.
And don’t -
Don’t die on the job. I know. I won’t.
I was actually gonna say “Don’t kill anyone.”
No promises there.
Yeah, sure. Bye, David.
Bye.
Annie!
(Annie) Yeah?
How long have you been able to hear me in my room?
(Annie) Always!
Do you hear me talk about my job?
(Annie) You don’t have a job.
You’re just talking to yourself.
That is correct.
(Annie) It’s okay. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.
That’s true, Annie.
Thank you for understanding.
Are you there?
Yeah, I’m here. What the hell are you wearing?
We’re hacking.
Yeah. Hacking. Not robbing a Hot Topic at gunpoint.
Alright, here’s the plan. I did a bunch of searching on the dark web.
I found a list of passwords from a hack on NASA in my timeline.
You can just find that on the Internet?
Yeah. Hackers just post that shit online for people to find, it’s fantastic.
This list has thousands of NASA passwords that are probably still current in your timeline.
All we need to do is find the right target who has clearance
to the list of astronauts and launch a dictionary attack.
A dictionary attack?
Basically we’re throwing every password we have at the system
until one of them works.
I found the code for that online.
I sent it to you last night so all you have to do is copy and paste.
I’m guessing that’s the email that says “Die, Perish, Croak, Expire.”
Get it, ‘cause they’re “pass” words,
words you say when someone passes - okay, never mind.
I also found a list of NASA employees from this year but in my timeline.
I looked it over for targets who were likely to have clearance to mission personnel.
I also narrowed it down to people who were working for NASA
in the nineties when the first TempTech experiments were running.
I see it. I am not going to repeat what the subject line reads.
If one of these people has the same password as their parallel self
in my timeline, you’ll be able to get into their account easily.
Ready to do this?
I guess so.
You sure? Remember, I’m here as an outsider.
Everything we’re doing right now is changing the course
of your timeline permanently.
If you get caught, there’s nothing I can do.
You’re sure you wanna do this?
No. But I know what’s gonna happen if I don’t.
That’s the spirit!
Alright, let’s hack NASA.
I’m on the NASA login page.
Cool. Cool. Open the list of targets.
Open.
Cool. Fire at will.
Okay, sounds good. I’m gonna target...
Literally just pick anyone.
Alright, I’m gonna pick -
You don’t have to tell me.
Harrison Ford?
Who?
Harrison Ford. This guy’s name is Harrison Ford.
Okay. So what? Hack his ass.
It’s just cool that his name is Harrison Ford and he works at NASA.
Alright, alright. I’m launching the attack.
Is it supposed to do that?
Yeah. There’s like a couple million passwords in there
so we just have to wait for it to go through all of them.
Just sit tight.
So... who the fuck is Harrison Ford?
He’s the guy from - your timeline doesn’t have Star Wars .
Yes we do.
Oh. Who played Han Solo?
Christopher Walken. Who else?
Oh God.
What’s wrong with Christopher Walken?
He’s... he’s weird. He’s just weird.
You’re talking to yourself in a garage.
Also, why are we in a garage?
Annie can hear us through the walls in my room.
I figured it’d be better if she didn’t overhear me hacking into NASA.
Oh. Are you and Annie still...
Still what?
Look, we’re done.
Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.
No, the dictionary attack is done. No matches.
Guess it’s not the only one who can’t find a match.
Wha - Can you stay focused?
Just pick another name off the list.
Fine. I’m gonna pick -
You don’t have to tell me.
Ed Harris?
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
What?
There’s a guy named Ed Harris who worked at NASA in the nineties.
Does everybody at NASA have “Harris” in their name?
No, it’s just a funny coincidence.
How is that funny?
Because they both did movies about being in space.
Ed Harris was in Apollo 13 .
Okay. He lives in Harlem, so what?
Wha - never mind.
God, why is hacking NASA so boring?
It looks so fun on Mr. Robot .
Please tell me you know what Mr. Rob -
Let’s just avoid pop culture references from here on out.
Sure.
And... no matches.
How about that one. Laurence Cooper.
Sure. Why not?
Oh, shit. That was fast.
See what happens when you’re not blinded by star power?
Alright, copy paste and we’re in.
Okay.
Oh fuck. There’s security questions.
I don’t have passwords for this.
“What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon,
and three legs in the evening?”
It’s the Riddle of the Sphinx.
The answer is “man.”
No, it’s “polymelius.”
What? No.
This is NASA. They’re not literary guys, they’re science guys.
What the hell is polymelius?
Something the government hasn’t told you about yet.
It has a lot of legs.
Are you sure the answer is “polymelius”?
Absolutely.
You better be right about this.
P-O-L-Y-M-E-L-I-U-S.
(A computer ding)
You were right.
“What is so fragile that when you say its name it breaks?”
Silence. That’s so obvious.
Put “Blaschka sea monster.”
What is that?
It’s glass but not glass. It’s formed from volcanoes. Trust me, it’s the right answer.
Are you sure?
I’ve been right so far.
You’re risking my freedom on it.
No, you’re the one risking your freedom.
I promise, it’s the right answer.
Blaschka?
B-L-A-S-C-H-K-A.
(A computer ding)
“What has thirteen hearts but no organs?”
A deck of cards.
Vestigial cockroach.
V-E-S
I know how to spell it.
(A computer ding)
Of course it is.
How many of these are there?
“What flies without wings?” Time. Time flies.
No. Telekinetic squirrel.
Why do they all have to be animals?
Maybe this guy Cooper just likes animals.
How can it not be “time”?
We’re literally talking about NASA and time travel.
It’s too obvious.
I’m telling you, “telekinetic squirrel.”
(A computer ding)
Let’s pray this is the last one.
“What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space,
the beginning of every end, and the end of every race?”
What’s the answer
I... I don’t know.
Are you serious?
There’s no animal at the beginning of eternity.
Trust me, I’ve seen it.
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, mine have all been wrong so far.
Might as well give it a shot.
We’re gonna get locked out if we don’t.
What?
Don’t put that.
(A computer ding)
Huh. How’d you know?
The letter “E” begins or ends all of the words.
I guess maybe they are literary people.
Well, good for us.
Okay. Where would I find the list?
Try “Directory.
“Manned Missions.”
This is all ISS stuff.
Yeah, it’s not gonna be in there.
Maybe it’s hidden somehow.
We have clearance. We should be able to see it.
Well, what if they removed it?
Why would they remove it?
They didn’t want hackers finding it.
Maybe that program doesn’t exist in your timeline.
It has to exist.
No, it doesn’t. It’s a difference between our timelines.
No, hang on.
Look, we came here on a long shot.
- There are other leads we can try - - Just hang on
Could we use TempTech to contact someone in the nineties?
Well, you were five then, and we can’t involve someone else.
Besides, if I reach out from my timeline, there’s no grandfather paradox
to stop your timeline from changing.
So send me instead.
Give me access to TempTech.
Send me the software, and I can log in to Cooper’s account in nineteen-ninety-nine.
There’s no possibility of me being caught, and I can’t change the timeline
because I can only cause events that would have happened anyway.
This is what the Fizzle Killer does, right?
He uses the grandfather paradox to evade capture.
We might as well catch him using his own loophole.
I appreciate the poetry of that -
Please don’t say we shouldn’t “stoop to his level.”
I wasn’t going to say that.
Well, you’re not saying “yes” either, so what are you saying?
Do you want the list or not?
You don’t trust me with it.
That’s not true.
You think once I get access to TempTech I’m not gonna complete the mission.
You told me, if it was you, you’d take the money and run.
Well, maybe I’m not doing this for me anymore.
You asked me to trust you. I did.
Now I need you to trust me.
What version of Mac are you running? Sonora?
Uh, Mojave. It’s probably the same -
It’s probably the same thing.
I’m sending you the software now.
(A spacey sound) Oh, shit.
Yeah, it takes up a lot of space.
You might need to delete some po-
No. I think Laurence Cooper just logged into his account.
Fuck. Pretend to be someone else.
David?
Honesty is the best policy.
(Another spacey sound)
Shit.
Just ward him off.
Make him think you’re trying to help.
(The sound again)
(And again)
Alright, good.
No, fuck that. Just log out.
Done.
Alright, TempTech is installed.
Just warning you, it’s gonna be a little weird at first.
Weird how? (A futuristic sound)
Oh, shit.
That’s just a spacetime warp. It won’t hurt you.
Better not fuck up my MacBook.
Alright, what do I do now?
Key yourself in to the year nineteen ninety-nine.
Doesn’t matter what day or time.
Alright.
Wow. So this is what the Internet looked like in nineteen-ninety-nine.
Yep, that’s exactly what it looked like.
Alright, let’s head to NASA.
Done.
Log in as Laurence Cooper.
Launch attack.
Got it.
The good news is the security’s gonna be much lower here.
Found it.
And... here’s the list. It’s not long, either.
We could go through this today. Dude?
Where’d you go?
Are you still there?
Look like you’ve seen a ghost.
Dude, what the fuck is this?
You tell me.
It’s your timeline, I’m just living in it.
This is my mother.
She was one of the astronauts.
You wanted me to find this.
I wanted you to figure things out for yourself.
Figure out what?
Honesty is the best policy, David.
So be honest with me.
Be honest with yourself. What do you think?
I’m not the Fizzle Killer.
What makes you say that?
Because I’m not like you.
Are we really that different, David?
I don’t kill people, for one thing.
Not yet.
I started with the Agency when I was a little older than you are.
After a few years, I started killing.
I realized I was aging faster than people around me, so I turned to cryogenics.
You froze yourself?
Couple of months, here and there.
Offset the aging.
You waste a lot of vacation time.
But when you’re committed to something,
it’s worth it.
You think killing people is worth it? What is it worth?
It’s worth living for.
I had to kill those people.
The timeline doesn’t allow for paradoxes, David
Only I could have killed those people.
That was my purpose.
And it’s your purpose, too.
That is not my purpose.
That is a depressing ass purpose.
If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be here.
I tried other Davids, David
They weren’t willing to go this far.
You did.
You’re the one who wants this.
You offered to help me change my past, not make me a murderer.
How do you think I became the Fizzle Killer?
Someone came to me just like I came to you.
David, the universe brought us together.
It doesn’t make mistakes.
Yeah, but you did.
I won't become you.
And I’m getting rid of TempTech right now.
Go ahead. You’ll find your way back.
First you’ll join the agency.
I won’t join the agency.
You’ll try to do good. You’ll fail.
You might succeed, but only when the universe allows it.
If you really think that, then why are you even here?
Because I’m supposed to be.
You think having no choice in what you do is a bad thing.
But it’s not.
There are no mistakes, there is no “good” or “bad,” the universe moves as it should.
That’s not scary. It’s comforting.
Everything that has happened was supposed to happen.
If you don’t believe me, see for yourself.
See what?
Finish the mission. Erase the Fizzle Killer.
You know who my mother is.
You have TempTech.
Go to my timeline, stop me from being born.
You can do it right now, I won’t stop you.
No.
Because you’re afraid it won’t work?
No. I think you want it to work.
You want me to erase you.
Because that’s what you would want?
You know, I really thought we were past the edgelord shit.
No, you want this because you don’t actually live for anything.
I was right from the beginning, this is a fucking chain letter.
Dude, I’m sorry another David came and convinced you
this was what made your life meaningful, but it’s not.
The only reason you’re doing this is because you want to prove
that other Davids feel the same way you do, and none of them do.
None of the other ones did, and neither do I.
You don’t have to believe me now.
But you will. You‘ll realize this is where you belong.
The only thing I’ve realized is where you belong.
And where is--
(Future David) David!
Really? You know you can’t just walk away from me
(Future David) You’ll be back!
I know. I’ll have to sell that TV to pay my rent this month.
So Amelia tells me your boss ran out on you.
Yeah, he had to do some kinda undercover thing.
He say where he went?
Nah, he’s keeping a lid on the whole thing.
What’s he doin’? Livin’ in someone’s dumpster?
Yeah.
He’s nuts. What’d I tell ya?
You follow someone too closely, pretty soon you’re as crazy as them.
So what are you gonna do?
Amy set me up with a music journalism gig.
Music journalism? Is that still a thing?
You’re just jumpin’ from one dyin’ industry to another.
They’re all dying.
Yeah, but next thing you know you’ll be workin’ in a cemetery.
Everybody’s dying to get in.
Isn’t that what you said? Everybody’s dying?
Yeah, I’ll eat my own words on that one.
Good. You can have that instead of Brilliant Pebbles.
Oh, you want me to talk about Russia again?
- It was nineteen-eighty-eight. - I'm not listening to this.
- Reagan and Gorbachev - - I'm not listening to this
Amy! Shut it down!
I’m tryin’ to teach you history.
I know. You’re just very bad at it.
Phil, be honest with me for a second.
I’m always honest with you.
No, seriously.
Oh, now we’re serious all of a sudden.
Go ahead, I got nothin’ better to do.
Why did Mom leave?
I told you. She had somethin’ important to do.
She didn’t wanna leave us. But she had to.
Where’d she go?
Honestly? I dunno.
I don’t think anyone knows. Not even her.
I’m sorry, Phil. I know that was hard for -
Oh God. Alright, we had the serious talk,
can we shift to a lighter topic of conversation?
Sure. How’d it go at the doctor?
How is that light?
Depending on the answer, it could be pretty funny.
It’s just bronchitis and dehydration.
What’d I tell you?
Your sister worries too much.
Unless I get hit by a truck, I’m not dyin’ anytime soon.
Aw.
I know, all that planning for nothing.
You don’t understand; I ordered a Cookie Puss from Carvel.
Seriously though, Phil, I’m glad you’re alright.
Yeah, me too.
Alright, I gotta go piss out some Skittles.
Thanks for callin’.
Let’s do it again next week.
Can you recover by then?
From pissin’ or from you?
From me? You realize you’re the one I get all this from, right?
What’d I say?
Don’t follow people too closely.
Never know what’s gonna come out the other end.
Don’t worry, Amy’s told me exactly what comes out your other end.
What?! Amelia! I told you, she’s like fuckin’ NASA. Amelia!
- What? I’m making puppets. - Are you telling him all my secrets?
(Amy) Well, someone has to. You don’t tell anyone anything.
When have I ever been less than honest with you?
(Amy) You really have to ask that?
Dave, back me up here.
♪ (Rhythmic music) ♪
(A phone ringtone)
Hello?
Howdy, am I speaking to David?
Uh, which one?
Hi, David. This is Larry C. I work for STAB.
We’ve been speaking about your interest in our program over the past few days.
Yeah, we haven’t been speaking.
You’ve kinda just been sending me unsolicited messages.
But we have spoken.
In fact, I’m pleased as a first-prize pickle about your recent interest in STAB.
Dude, I’m not interested. I don’t even know what STAB is.
We’re a new subdivision of NASA.
The “Space Time Adjustment Bureau.” STAB.
Not the most inviting name, is it?
We’ll change it someday.
What did you say your name was again?
Larry. But my government name is Laurence.
Laurence Cooper.
You know, I’ve been looking for you for quite some time, David.
About twenty years, as a matter of fact.
I’ve been trying to figure out how I got hacked in nineteen-ninety-nine
from a MacBook that wasn’t manufactured until two-thousand fifteen.
That sounds rough. You should ask Apple about that.
That sounds like some Terminator shit, don’t it?
I thought maybe the Woz beat us to the punch and built time travel computers.
Boy, was I wrong.
But I waited.
I waited like a snake hunting shrews.
Finally, I tracked down that MacBook and it led me to you.
And then I waited some more,
sent some messages hoping you’d take the bait.
And boy did you take it when you hacked into my account the other day.
Now, what I don’t understand is, how did a wannabe writer
with a deadbeat dad and a stay-at-home sister get access to that kind of technology?
But I know you can tell me.
You still there, David?
David, are you still there?
Yep. I’m still here.