9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What keeps us healthy and happy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as we go through life?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you were going to invest now

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in your future best self,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
where would you put your time[br]and your energy?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There was a recent survey of millennials

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
asking them what their most[br]important life goals were,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and over 80 percent said that a major[br]life goal for them was to get rich,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and another 50 percent[br]of those same young adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
said that another major life goal

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was to become famous.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we're constantly told[br]to lean in to work, to push harder

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and achieve more.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We're given the impression that these[br]are the things that we need to go after

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in order to have a good life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Pictures of entire lives,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of the choices that people make[br]and how those choices work out for them,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those pictures are almost[br]impossible to get.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Most of what we know about human life

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we know from asking people[br]to remember the past,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and as we know, hindsight[br]is anything but 20/20.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We forget vast amounts[br]of what happens to us in life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and sometimes memory is downright creative.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But what if we could watch entire lives[br]as they unfold through time?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What if we could study people[br]from the time that they were teenagers

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all the way into old age

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to see what really keeps people[br]happy and healthy?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We did that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The Harvard Study of Adult Development[br]may be the longest study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of adult life that's ever been done.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For 75 years, we've tracked[br]the lives of 724 men,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
year after year, asking about their work,[br]their home lives, their health,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and of course asking all along the way[br]without knowing how their life stories

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were going to turn out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Almost all projects of this kind[br]fall apart within a decade,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because too many people[br]drop out of the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or funding for the research dries up,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or the researchers get distracted,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or they die, and nobody moves the ball[br]further down the field.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But through a combination of luck[br]and the persistence

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of several generations of researchers,[br]this study has survived.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
About 60 of our original 724 men

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are still alive,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
still participating in the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
most of them in their 90s.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we are now beginning to study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the more than 2,000 children of these men.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm the fourth director of the study.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives[br]of two groups of men.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The first group started in the study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
when they were sophomores[br]at Harvard College.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They all finished college[br]during World War II,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then most went off[br]to serve in the war.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the second group[br]that we've followed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was a group of boys[br]from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
boys who were chosen for the study[br]specifically because they were from

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some of the most troubled[br]and disadvantaged families

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in the Boston of the 1930s.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Most lived in tenements,[br]many without hot and cold running water.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
When they entered the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all of these teenagers were interviewed.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They were given medical exams.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We went to their homes[br]and we interviewed their parents.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then these teenagers[br]grew up into adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
who entered all walks of life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They became factory workers and lawyers[br]and bricklayers and doctors,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
one President of the United States.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Some developed alcoholism.[br]A few developed schizophrenia.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Some climbed the social from the bottom[br]all the way to the very top,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and some made that journey[br]in the opposite direction.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The founders of this study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
would never in their wildest dreams

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have imagined that I would be[br]standing here today, 75 years later,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
telling you that[br]the study still continues.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Every two years, our patient[br]and dedicated research staff

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
calls up our men and asks them[br]if we can send them

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
yet one more set of questions[br]about their lives.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?[br]My life just isn't that interesting."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The Harvard men never ask that question.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
To get the clearest picture[br]of these lives,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we don't just send them questionnaires.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We interview them in their living rooms.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We get their medical records[br]from their doctors.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we talk to their children.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We videotape them talking with their wives[br]about their deepest concerns.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And when, about a decade ago,[br]we finally asked the wives

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
if they would join us[br]as members of the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
many of the women said,[br]"You know, it's about time."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So what have we learned?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What are the lessons that come[br]from the tens of thousands of pages

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of information that we've generated

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on these lives?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth[br]or fame or working harder and harder.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The clearest message that we get[br]from this 75-year study is this:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
good relationships keep us[br]happier and healthier. Period.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We've learned three big lessons[br]about relationships.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The first is that social connections[br]are really good for us,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that loneliness kills.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It turns out that people[br]who are more socially connected

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to family, to friends, to community,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are happier, they're physically healthier,[br]and they live longer

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
than people who are less well-connected.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the experience of loneliness[br]turns out to be toxic.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
People who are more isolated[br]than they want to be from others

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
find that they are less happy,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their health declines earlier in midlife,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their brain functioning declines sooner,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and they live shorter lives[br]than people who are not lonely.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the sad fact[br]is that at any given time,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
more than one in five Americans[br]will report that they're lonely.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, we know that you[br]can be lonely in a crowd

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and you can be lonely in a marriage,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so the second big lessons that we learned

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is that it's not just[br]the number of friends you have,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and it's not whether or not[br]you're in a committed relationship,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but it's the quality[br]of your close relationships that matters.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It turns out that living in the midst[br]of conflict is really bad for our health.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
High-conflict marriages, for example,[br]without much affection,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
turn out to be very bad for our health,[br]perhaps worse than getting divorced.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And living in the midst of good,[br]warm relationships is protective.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Once we had followed our men[br]all the way into their 80s,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we wanted to look back[br]at them at midlife

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and to see if we could predict[br]who was going to grow

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
into a happy, healthy octogenarian

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and who wasn't.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And when we gathered together[br]everything we knew about them

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
at age 50,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it wasn't their middle age[br]cholesterol levels that predicted

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
how they were going to grow old.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It was how satisfied they were[br]in their relationships.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The people who were the most satisfied[br]in their relationships at age 50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were the healthiest at age 80.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And good, close relationships[br]seem to buffer us

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
from some of the slings and arrows[br]of getting old.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Our most happily partnered men and women

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
reported, in their 80s,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that on the days when they had[br]more physical pain,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their mood stayed just as happy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But the people who were[br]in unhappy relationships,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on the days when they[br]reported more physical pain,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it was magnified by more emotional pain.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the third big lesson that we learned[br]about relationships and our health

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is that good relationships[br]don't just protect our bodies,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they protect our brains.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It turns out that being[br]in a securely attached relationship

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to another person in your 80s[br]is protective,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that the people who are in relationships[br]where they really feel

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they can count on the other person[br]in times of need,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those people's memories[br]stay sharper longer.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the people in relationships[br]where they feel

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they really can't count on the other one,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those are the people who experience[br]earlier memory decline.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And those good relationships,[br]they don't have to be smooth all the time.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Some of our octogenarian couples[br]could bicker with each other

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
day in and day out,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but as long as they felt that they[br]could really count on the other

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
when the going got tough,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those arguments didn't take a toll[br]on their memories.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this message,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that good, close relationships[br]are good for our health and well being,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Why is this so hard to get[br]and so easy to ignore?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, we're human.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What we'd really like is a quick fix,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
something we can get

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that'll make our lives good[br]and keep them that way.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Relationships are messy[br]and they're complicated

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and the hard work of tending[br]to family and friends,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's not sexy or glamorous.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's also lifelong. It never ends.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The people in our 75-year study[br]who are the happiest in retirement

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were the people who had actively worked[br]to replace workmates with new playmates.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Just like the millennials[br]in that recent survey,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
many of our men when they[br]were starting out as young adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
really believed that fame and wealth[br]and high achievement

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were what they needed to go after[br]to have a good life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but over and over over these 75 years,[br]our study has shown

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that the people who fared the best were[br]the people who leaned in to relationships,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with family, with friends, with community.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So what about you?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Let's say you're 25,[br]or you're 40, or you're 60.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What might leaning in to relationships[br]even look like?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, the possibilities[br]are practically endless.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It might be something as simple

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as replacing screen time with people time

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or livening up a stale relationship[br]by doing something new together,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
long walks or date nights,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or reaching out to that family member[br]who you haven't spoken to in years,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because those all-too-common family feuds

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
take a terrible toll

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on the people who hold the grudges.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd like to close with a quote[br]from Mark Twain.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
More than a century ago,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he was looking back on his life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and he wrote this:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"There isn't time, so brief is life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings,[br]callings to account.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There is only time for loving,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and but an instant,[br]so to speak, for that."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The good life is built[br]with good relationships.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thank you.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Applause)