0:00:00.974,0:00:03.969
What keeps us healthy and happy

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as we go through life?

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If you were going to invest now

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in your future best self,

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where would you put your time[br]and your energy?

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There was a recent survey of millennials

0:00:17.575,0:00:22.683
asking them what their most[br]important life goals were,

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and over 80 percent said that a major[br]life goal for them was to get rich,

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and another 50 percent[br]of those same young adults

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said that another major life goal

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was to become famous.

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(Laughter)

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And we're constantly told[br]to lean in to work, to push harder

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and achieve more.

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We're given the impression that these[br]are the things that we need to go after

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in order to have a good life.

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Pictures of entire lives,

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of the choices that people make[br]and how those choices work out for them,

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those pictures are almost[br]impossible to get.

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Most of what we know about human life

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we know from asking people[br]to remember the past,

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and as we know, hindsight[br]is anything but 20/20.

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We forget vast amounts[br]of what happens to us in life,

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and sometimes memory is downright creative.

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But what if we could watch entire lives[br]as they unfold through time?

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What if we could study people[br]from the time that they were teenagers

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all the way into old age

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to see what really keeps people[br]happy and healthy?

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We did that.

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The Harvard Study of Adult Development[br]may be the longest study

0:01:48.408,0:01:53.841
of adult life that's ever been done.

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For 75 years, we've tracked[br]the lives of 724 men,

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year after year, asking about their work,[br]their home lives, their health,

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and of course asking all along the way[br]without knowing how their life stories

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were going to turn out.

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Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

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Almost all projects of this kind[br]fall apart within a decade,

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because too many people[br]drop out of the study,

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or funding for the research dries up,

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or the researchers get distracted,

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or they die, and nobody moves the ball[br]further down the field.

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But through a combination of luck[br]and the persistence

0:02:37.563,0:02:42.694
of several generations of researchers,[br]this study has survived.

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About 60 of our original 724 men

0:02:46.943,0:02:48.568
are still alive,

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still participating in the study,

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most of them in their 90s.

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And we are now beginning to study

0:02:55.627,0:02:59.946
the more than 2,000 children of these men.

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And I'm the fourth director of the study.

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Since 1938, we've tracked the lives[br]of two groups of men.

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The first group started in the study

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when they were sophomores[br]at Harvard College.

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They all finished college[br]during World War II,

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and then most went off[br]to serve in the war.

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And the second group[br]that we've followed

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was a group of boys[br]from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

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boys who were chosen for the study[br]specifically because they were from

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some of the most troubled[br]and disadvantaged families

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in the Boston of the 1930s.

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Most lived in tenements,[br]many without hot and cold running water.

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When they entered the study,

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all of these teenagers were interviewed.

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They were given medical exams.

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We went to their homes[br]and we interviewed their parents.

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And then these teenagers[br]grew up into adults

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who entered all walks of life.

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They became factory workers and lawyers[br]and bricklayers and doctors,

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one President of the United States.

0:04:07.559,0:04:13.202
Some developed alcoholism.[br]A few developed schizophrenia.

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Some climbed the social from the bottom[br]all the way to the very top,

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and some made that journey[br]in the opposite direction.

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The founders of this study

0:04:26.460,0:04:29.316
would never in their wildest dreams

0:04:29.316,0:04:33.356
have imagined that I would be[br]standing here today, 75 years later,

0:04:33.356,0:04:37.535
telling you that[br]the study still continues.

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Every two years, our patient[br]and dedicated research staff

0:04:41.148,0:04:44.167
calls up our men and asks them[br]if we can send them

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yet one more set of questions[br]about their lives.

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Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

0:04:51.388,0:04:56.751
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?[br]My life just isn't that interesting."

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The Harvard men never ask that question.

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(Laughter)

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To get the clearest picture[br]of these lives,

0:05:11.728,0:05:14.839
we don't just send them questionnaires.

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We interview them in their living rooms.

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We get their medical records[br]from their doctors.

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We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

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we talk to their children.

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We videotape them talking with their wives[br]about their deepest concerns.

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And when, about a decade ago,[br]we finally asked the wives

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if they would join us[br]as members of the study,

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many of the women said,[br]"You know, it's about time."

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So what have we learned?

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What are the lessons that come[br]from the tens of thousands of pages

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of information that we've generated

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on these lives?

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Well, the lessons aren't about wealth[br]or fame or working harder and harder.

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The clearest message that we get[br]from this 75-year study is this:

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good relationships keep us[br]happier and healthier. Period.

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We've learned three big lessons[br]about relationships.

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The first is that social connections[br]are really good for us,

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and that loneliness kills.

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It turns out that people[br]who are more socially connected

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to family, to friends, to community,

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are happier, they're physically healthier,[br]and they live longer

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than people who are less well-connected.

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And the experience of loneliness[br]turns out to be toxic.

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People who are more isolated[br]than they want to be from others

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find that they are less happy,

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their health declines earlier in midlife,

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their brain functioning declines sooner,

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and they live shorter lives[br]than people who are not lonely.

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And the sad fact[br]is that at any given time,

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more than one in five Americans[br]will report that they're lonely.

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And we know that you[br]can be lonely in a crowd

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and you can be lonely in a marriage,

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so the second big lessons that we learned

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is that it's not just[br]the number of friends you have,

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and it's not whether or not[br]you're in a committed relationship,

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but it's the quality[br]of your close relationships that matters.

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It turns out that living in the midst[br]of conflict is really bad for our health.

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High-conflict marriages, for example,[br]without much affection,

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turn out to be very bad for our health,[br]perhaps worse than getting divorced.

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And living in the midst of good,[br]warm relationships is protective.

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Once we had followed our men[br]all the way into their 80s,

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we wanted to look back[br]at them at midlife

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and to see if we could predict[br]who was going to grow

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into a happy, healthy octogenarian

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and who wasn't.

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And when we gathered together[br]everything we knew about them

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at age 50,

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it wasn't their middle age[br]cholesterol levels that predicted

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how they were going to grow old.

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It was how satisfied they were[br]in their relationships.

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The people who were the most satisfied[br]in their relationships at age 50

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were the healthiest at age 80.

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And good, close relationships[br]seem to buffer us

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from some of the slings and arrows[br]of getting old.

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Our most happily partnered men and women

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reported, in their 80s,

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that on the days when they had[br]more physical pain,

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their mood stayed just as happy.

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But the people who were[br]in unhappy relationships,

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on the days when they[br]reported more physical pain,

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it was magnified by more emotional pain.

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And the third big lesson that we learned[br]about relationships and our health

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is that good relationships[br]don't just protect our bodies,

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they protect our brains.

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It turns out that being[br]in a securely attached relationship

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to another person in your 80s[br]is protective,

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that the people who are in relationships[br]where they really feel

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they can count on the other person[br]in times of need,

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those people's memories[br]stay sharper longer.

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And the people in relationships[br]where they feel

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they really can't count on the other one,

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those are the people who experience[br]earlier memory decline.

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And those good relationships,[br]they don't have to be smooth all the time.

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Some of our octogenarian couples[br]could bicker with each other

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day in and day out,

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but as long as they felt that they[br]could really count on the other

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when the going got tough,

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those arguments didn't take a toll[br]on their memories.

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So this message,

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that good, close relationships[br]are good for our health and well being,

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this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

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Why is this so hard to get[br]and so easy to ignore?

0:10:05.431,0:10:07.358
Well, we're human.

0:10:07.358,0:10:10.075
What we'd really like is a quick fix,

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something we can get

0:10:11.793,0:10:15.577
that'll make our lives good[br]and keep them that way.

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Relationships are messy[br]and they're complicated

0:10:18.898,0:10:22.752
and the hard work of tending[br]to family and friends,

0:10:22.752,0:10:25.399
it's not sexy or glamorous.

0:10:25.399,0:10:28.696
It's also lifelong. It never ends.

0:10:28.696,0:10:33.758
The people in our 75-year study[br]who are the happiest in retirement

0:10:33.758,0:10:39.447
were the people who had actively worked[br]to replace workmates with new playmates.

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Just like the millennials[br]in that recent survey,

0:10:42.674,0:10:46.110
many of our men when they[br]were starting out as young adults

0:10:46.110,0:10:50.824
really believed that fame and wealth[br]and high achievement

0:10:50.824,0:10:54.353
were what they needed to go after[br]to have a good life,

0:10:54.353,0:10:57.047
but over and over over these 75 years,[br]our study has shown

0:10:57.047,0:11:04.012
that the people who fared the best were[br]the people who leaned in to relationships,

0:11:04.012,0:11:08.285
with family, with friends, with community.

0:11:08.285,0:11:11.419
So what about you?

0:11:11.419,0:11:14.995
Let's say you're 25,[br]or you're 40, or you're 60.

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What might leaning in to relationships[br]even look like?

0:11:19.592,0:11:23.865
Well, the possibilities[br]are practically endless.

0:11:23.865,0:11:26.303
It might be something as simple

0:11:26.303,0:11:29.716
as replacing screen time with people time

0:11:29.716,0:11:34.499
or livening up a stale relationship[br]by doing something new together,

0:11:34.499,0:11:37.053
long walks or date nights,

0:11:37.053,0:11:42.370
or reaching out to that family member[br]who you haven't spoken to in years,

0:11:42.370,0:11:46.015
because those all-too-common family feuds

0:11:46.015,0:11:48.244
take a terrible toll

0:11:48.244,0:11:51.681
on the people who hold the grudges.

0:11:51.681,0:11:57.323
I'd like to close with a quote[br]from Mark Twain.

0:11:57.323,0:11:59.552
More than a century ago,

0:11:59.552,0:12:02.222
he was looking back on his life,

0:12:02.222,0:12:05.055
and he wrote this:

0:12:05.055,0:12:08.747
"There isn't time, so brief is life,

0:12:08.747,0:12:14.970
for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings,[br]callings to account.

0:12:14.970,0:12:17.709
There is only time for loving,

0:12:17.709,0:12:22.980
and but an instant,[br]so to speak, for that."

0:12:22.980,0:12:27.415
The good life is built[br]with good relationships.

0:12:27.415,0:12:29.853
Thank you.

0:12:29.853,0:12:33.847
(Applause)