Hello, is that Parkers?
Look, I'm going fishing this weekend and I need some bait
No, just on the Thames, the maggots will do
I'll send somebody round to collect them
Oh by the way, those trout flies I bought from you have been very successful
Especially the cochy-bondu
Seems to attract the trout like a magnet
Yes, thank you again
Bye
Excuse me
You startled me
Would you mind knocking before you barge in?
Sorry
Is that better?
- I've lost it - Lost what? Is that better?
- I've lost it - Lost what?
I've lost my favorite fly
I had it in my hand a moment ago! I must have dropped it
Can you see it anywhere?
What does it look like?
It's about two inches long; red and black with a curly tail
Perhaps it's flown out of the window
It's a fishing fly! A cochy bondu
- A cochy what? - Bondu
- It must be here somewhere - If it's here, we'll find it
Perhaps I should come back later
Ah Mr. Brown, you can join in
Well I'm not really that religious
We're looking for a fly
A fly?
Yes! It's 2 inches long! Red and black with a curly tail
Sounds quite lethal
- Would you mind helping us look for it - No, not at all
- I found it - Where?
It's here! Just under the desk
- I'll get it - No, stand back Sid! Leave this to me
What are you doing Mr. Brown?
Stay where you are Miss Courtney! It could be dangerous
Yeah that's right! It's not moving!
- Mr. Brown... - Just a moment
Better to be safe than sorry
I've just remembered! I've been expecting the boiler
Have you quite finished Mr. Brown?
Or would you like to borrow a hammer?
One can't be too careful where strange insects are concerned
Have you any idea where it came from?
- Yes! W. Parker and Son - Pardon?
- Fishing tackle suppliers - Fishing
- It wasn't... - It was
Oh dear!
Got any glue?
I don't think trout are particularly fond of glue
No I suppose they're not!
- I'll buy you another - See that you do
Excuse me
Hello... Speaking
Pardon?
Is it you?
Is it really you?
It is you... It's him
Coming here?
You're not coming here
You are coming here... He's coming here
Yes, yes, yes... Half an hour
You'll be here in half an hour
He'll be here in half an hour
Very well... until then
- Is everything all right? - It was him
Yes and he's coming here in half an hour
But who is him... I mean who is he?
A man I never thought I'd see again
My ex-fiance
You mean you were actually engaged at one time?
There's no need to sound so surprised
It was over twenty-five years ago... I was just...
I was very young
I met him at Oxford in the high!
It was raining and he offered me shelter under his umbrella
Then he insisted on buying me a cup of tea and a sticky bun
- How romantic - Yes, that was how it all started
- Why didn't you get married? - It was awful! He left me
- At the church? - No, in the lurch
Mr. Brown, I have never told anyone this before
- Well if you'd rather... - No, sit down
For years, I've kept this terrible secret to myself
Now he's coming back into my life I must tell someone
And I think I can trust you Mr. Brown
I'd rather not if it's going to cause any embarrassment
- It won't embarrass me - It might embarrass me
I'm sure it won't
Anyway, he asked me to go down to Brighton with him
For one of those - you know - weekends
- Double room, Mr. And Mrs. Smith? - Exactly
- And you refused? - Oh no, I went
I even remember the hotel
- The Bellavista, opposite the abatoir - Very Bellavista
Well, we booked in and Albert, like the thoughtful man he was
He let me go upstairs first to prepare myself as it were
While he had a drink in the bar
- Getting up a bit of dutch courage - I beg your pardon?
Not that he needed it with such a lovely person waiting to be
- What happened then? - He didn't turn up
He got drunk, passed out and spent the night on a settee in the resident's lounge
How despicable!
I went home and refused ever to see him again
I heard later that he was working in the Far East
But I must admit
I have always cherished a secret hope that he might one day come back
- Excuse me please - Yes Ali, what is it?
Come quickly please we are having plenty trouble in classroom
- What do you mean, trouble? - Max and Giovanni
They are murdering each other
- I'm ready when you are - I am ready when you are
You come on
You're gonna be sorry
We see whose gonna be sorry
Okay, I'm waiting for you to come on
Stop this brawling
It's lucky for you! Professori stop me from giving you a black eye
I will not have fighting in class
Fighting! It was more like dancing I will not have fighting in class
Fighting! It was more like dancing
- I was just warming up - Me too
- What was this all about? - I tell you professori
He was calling me a wop
And he's calling me a grease boy
Go on, sit down everybody
I wish you could pick up proper English as quickly as you pick up slang
I have enough trouble with Ali and Ranjeet without you two start falling out
Now shake hands, come on
Right! Now, tonight I want to concentrate on English conversation
The sort of things you have to say during the course of the day
For example Ranjeet
- Where would you take a cheque? - To Czechoslovakia For example Ranjeet
- Where would you take a cheque? - To Czechoslovakia
- Not that sort of Czech - A thousand apologies
A cheque for a certain amount of money
- Where would you take it? - To a bank
- Thank you! Juan - Si senor
- If you felt ill, what would you do? - Go to bed
- Before that - Take the clothes off
- You would go to the doctor's - No, no, no
Doctor kill my uncle in Madrid
- Really? - Si
My uncle, he has pain in the chest! He goes to see doctor
Doctor he looks at him and say... It's alright
Ten minutes later, in the street, my uncle... finito
- He got a heart attack? - Motor car
You could hardly blame the doctor for that
Si, si, the doctor, he was driving the motor
- Taro - Ah so
Although we have news metrics in this country
We still use an old system which is known as what?
- Sorry not know - Does anybody know?
Avoirdupois
- Excellent - Merci
- Does avoirdupois ring a bell now Taro? - Yes
Avoirdupois is French for have you some peaso
Taro, I can't believe you're that stupid
Sorry, justjoko
Well in future, kindly leave yourjoko's at homo
- Zoltan, I'm gonna ask you a question - Yes please
- Which shop... - yes, shop, shop
Which shop would you go to to buy a packet of cigarettes? Cigarettes
No shop
Come on Zoltan! You must go to some sort of shop
Zoltan no smoke
Excuse! Zoltan, where you go for chewing gum?
- Ah, sveet shop - Sweet, sweet
- Anna tells me sveet - No, sweet, sweet
Sveet, sweet! What's the difference?
The difference Anna is that you must learn to say wer, not Ver! Wer
Verwer
You nearly got it then! Try again
Verwer
Try saying Verwer without the Ver
Erwer
Almost! Try again but this time don't say Erwer, just wer
- Wer - Wer
- Wonderful - Wonderful
- Wednesday - Wednesday
- A wet weekend in Winter - A wet weekend in Winter
- Very good - Werry good
- Ali - Yes please
- You have a headache - No sir
Assume you have a headache! Where would you go to get some aspirin?
Tanduri takeaway
- No Ali - Yes please
My jelly good friend who's working there always have plenty aspirin
I meant to buy some aspirin
Why should I be buying them when I can be getting them from my friend for nothing done
Alright, where do you go for aspirin when the tanduri takeaway is closed?
Oh Blimey, Taj Mahal curry house
Jamila, would you please tell Ali where would you go to get aspirin
- Ok, the chemist - Thank you
- Where are you going now? - To buy some aspirin for headache
- But you said you don't have a headache - Oh blimey, I got one now
Oh go and sit down
Excuse me Mr. Brown, the old dragon wants you
Please Sid, do be a little more respectful
Especially in front of the students Please Sid, do be a little more respectful
Especially in front of the students
It's up to us to set a good example
Sorry
What does the old dragon... Miss Courtney want?
I've no idea, but I don't think she's very well
She actually smiled at me
Enter
- Are you feeling alright? - Yes, why?
- You sounded as if you were in pain - I was singing
I am sorry to bring you away from your class Mr. Brown
But before you leave this evening, would you mind checking...
that Sid's locked up properly
Absolutely, so should be
I was referring to the building
You see, it's quite likely that I may be leaving early
To think he's come back into my life after twenty five years
I think I might need another cherry to settle my stomach
- What's the matter? - He's here! Look
- Where? - Down there
You stupid fool! You have crowned my Albert
I've got a splitting headache
I'm sorry! It was an accident! This is Miss Courtney's office
Wait, wait! Look, have you got somewhere where I could comb my hair?
And brush myself down
I must look presentable for our first meeting after twenty five years
- Yes of course! It's down there on the right - Thank you
Enter
Hello darling
Pardon?
It's you
Where's Albert? You haven't pushed him down the stairs, have you?
No, no! He's just gone to comb his hair
Is he all right? No damage done I hope
- I'm afraid there is - Oh dear, is it bad?
The plantpot's broken
I was referring to Albert
Oh Albert, he's fine
I'll get it
Darling! Oh it's you
This is darling... Miss Courtney
- Albert - Dolores
Dolores?
Haven't you a class to attend to?
Yes of course darling... Dolores... Excuse me Haven't you a class to attend to?
Yes of course darling... Dolores... Excuse me
I've dropped a two p. It must have rolled away somewhere
I'm glad to see you're all working hard
What are you studying Ingrid?
"How to improve your bust line"! Very educational
- You can borrow it if you wish it - No thank you
What's keeping you occupied Juan?
"Gals Galore"
There's not much English in this
No, but some beautiful pictures
Zoltan
"Gorgeous Chicks"
I'm sure this isn't about poultry farming
- But... - Nevermind
Anna! "True Romances"
Max, "Football Review"
Danielle, "Toujours L'Amour"
Don't the French ever think about anything else other than love?
To the French, there's is nothing else
Giovanni, "L'Amore"
In Italy, we're just like the French
Ranjeet, "Cartoon Capers"
I am reading all about Bugs the Bunny and Woody the pecker
Ali, "The World's Most Exotic Dishes"
I didn't know you were interested in cookery
Oh Blimey, when I am buying it I didn't know it was about cookery!
Jamila
"Knitting made easy"
Taro, "The confessions of a Geisha girl"
You can all learn English much more quickly
If you began by reading a better class of litterature
As you're obviously so keen to learn English
I'll give you extra homework tonight
Quiet! It's time you took these lessons seriously
Now before we break for tea, I'm going to ask you each a question
And anyone who gives an incorrect answer will be fined 10 p.
The money will go to charity
Who's this bird charity you're giving our money to?
Charity is not a bird
It means an organization... a deserving cause
- Juan, spell "quiet" - Por favore
- Quiet! - Ah quiet
No spell "quiet"
- How much we pay if we're wrong? - 10 p.
Ingrid, give me an example of a preposition
Will you to dinner take me?
I said a preposition not a proposition
A preposition shows the relation between a noun or pronoun
And some other word
A gift from Mary, a house for sale
- A date with teacher - Yes all right! I'll accept that
- Good, tonight we go - I meant I'll accept your answer
Ranjeet, how do you pronounce the following?
B O U G H, C O U G H, T O U G H
You are trying to be catching me out
- B O U G H - Buff
- T O U G H - Toff
- C O U G H - Cow
Three out of three wrong
Thousand apologies
Giovanni, what is meant by vice versa?
On second thoughts, I won't ask you that
- What is a diphtong? - Is it like a dipstick?
What do you think?
I think I owe you ten p.
Ali what does the term coup de grace mean?
And don't you dare say cutting the lawn
I'm never hearing of it
It means the final stroke! It's French
Oh blimey, I am having enough worries learning the English
It's a phrase that's in common usage
Ten p. Please
Thank you
- Taro - Ah so
Decline the verb to jump
I jumpo, you jumpo
He jumpso, she jumpso
We jumpo, they jumpo
Very good Taro
But you must try not to end every word on O
- Ok? - Oko
Jamila, as oil is to water so chalk is to...
Blackyboard
Cheese! 10 p. Please
- I am not understanding - It's a fairly common phrase
They are as alike as chalk and cheese - I am not understanding - It's a fairly common phrase
They are as alike as chalk and cheese
But chalk and cheese are not being alike
Exactly, so it means they are not alike
I'm thinking it is easier to say they are not alike
Than to be talking about chalks and cheeses I'm thinking it is easier to say they are not alike
Than to be talking about chalks and cheeses
Yes I admit we do tend to complicate our language
Max, give me an example of a principal clause
Santa Claus
Quiet
Just for that Max you can write out 20 times
A clause is as sentence which is part of a longer sentence
Hockay
Not now, in your own time
And you can give me 10 p.
Thank you
Danielle, as handsome as a Prince! As ugly as?
A Swede
As ugly as sin
- 10 p. - It was worth it
Anna give me two different meanings of the word blow
You can blow like so
Or you can give somebody a blow
Thank you Anna
- Zoltan - Yes please
Can you give me the past tense of the verb to see
- See, saw - Ah, seesaw
No Zoltan
Today I see, yesterday I saw
It's not really fair to take one from you
Alright then
80 p. In 3 minutes
At this rate, we'll soon have a small fortune
- Another cup of tea, Albert? - No thank you Dolores
- A glass of cherry perhaps? - No, I don't drink now! I've given it up
- It's a very bad habit - You're so right
I only keep it for visitors
Oh dear
Come on Dolores! Think of something a little more sparkling
- I wonder... - Yes
- Will you... - Oh I will
Pour me another cup of tea
- Tea? - Yes please
- You said you didn't want any more - I've changed my mind
As a matter of fact, there is something else I'm going to ask you
Yes
I know it might seem silly after all this time and not writing and everything
- But I never forgot you Dolores - Yes
I couldn't believe my good fortune tonight when I discovered you hadn't married
I never married either
- Didn't you? - No
- Would it be too much to expect... - No
- I mean would you consider... - Yes
- I mean will you marry me? - This is so sudden
- Oh Albert, my cup is overflowing - So is mine
Oh dear, I'm so sorry
It doesn't matter!
- Well what do you say? Will you marry me? - Yes please
I'll get a special license! We can be married next week
So soon?
We've already wasted 25 years! We don't wanna waste any more time
- Wait - What's the matter?
We can't! We'll have to wait
My money's still tied up abroad
It'll take several weeks to transfer it over here...
I've got enough money
Dolores, I couldn't let you pay for the wedding and honeymoon and everything
- What's mine is yours - No, it wouldn't be right
Nonsense, don't be so proud
I'll tell you what I'll do
I'll use your money on the strict understanding
That I pay you back when mine comes through
- Very well, if you insist - I most definitely do That I pay you back when mine comes through
- Very well, if you insist - I most definitely do
Oh Albert, I'm so excited
So am I
Just a moment, I...
I have a little engagement! I've got to meet a fellow down the road
A little business! Lt'll only take a few minutes
Then I should come back and take you to dinner somewhere... just the two of us
That would be lovely
- Don't go away - Never
Mind where you're going
- Albert? - Is everything alright Sid?
Is everything alright?
I've just seen a fellow I haven't seen for years! Albert Collins
Albert! Miss Courtney's boyfriend
- Never - It's true
He's a crook, a con man
You must be mistaken! He's just come back from the Far East
He's been away for over 20 years
He's been away all right, doing porridge
He's been in prison?
He was in the nick with my brother-in-law
He's in and out of there like a fiddlers elbow
Do you know what his specialty is?
Finding lonely women, asking them to marry him
Taking their life savings and scampering Finding lonely women, asking them to marry him
Taking their life savings and scampering
I'm getting married in the morning
Enter
Ah Miss Courtney, I've got some rather disturbing news
Nothing you could say to me today would disturb Mr. Brown
- I think this might! It's about Albert - Ah Albert, my future husband
I've just been speaking to Sid and... Husband?
Yes, we're getting married by special license
Oh no
Now Mr. Brown, I know you were fond of me
But you mustn't take it too hard
Has he tried to borrow any money from you?
I fail to see what business that is of yours
He has... I hate to have to tell you this Miss Courtney
But your future husband is a crook
- Don't be so impertinent - It's true I'm afraid
He's a con man! He specializes in proposing to lonely women and taking their money
Nonsense! I don't believe it
Ask Sid, his brother-in-law was in prison with him
- Prison? Are you sure? - I'm afraid so
- Perhaps he's reformed - You don't really believe that, do you?
No, I thought it was too good to be true
He's coming back to take me out to dinner
- What shall I do? - Don't worry Miss Courtney He's coming back to take me out to dinner
- What shall I do? - Don't worry Miss Courtney
I'll deal with him
Leave everything to me
I've got a message for you from Miss Courtney
- Oh yes - Push off
What?
We know all about your little games
So I'd advise you to get lost quick, before I throw you out
- You and whose army? - Me and this army
Yeah, well... perhaps I had better be going
All right Miss Courtney, he's gone
Oh thank you Mr. Brown