9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Exhale) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Hello. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My name is Simone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know how people tell you 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if you get nervous when on stage, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 picture people in the audience naked. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Like it's this thing that's supposed[br]to make you feel better. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I was thinking -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 picturing all of you naked in 2018[br]feels kind of weird and wrong. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Like we're working really hard[br]on moving past stuff like that, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so we need a new method of dealing with[br]if you get nervous on stage. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I realized that what I'd really like 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that I can look at you as much[br]as you're looking at me -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just to even things out a little bit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So if I had way more eyeballs, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 then we'd all be really[br]comfortable, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So in preparation for this talk, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I made myself a shirt. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's googly eyes. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It took be 14 hours 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and 227 googly eyes to make this shirt, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and being able to look at you[br]as much as you're looking at me 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is actually only half[br]of the reason I made this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The other half is being able to do this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Shirt shakes) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I do a lot of things like this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I see a problem and I invent[br]some sort of solution to it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For example, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 brushing your teeth. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Like, it's this thing we all have to do, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it's kind of boring, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and nobody really likes it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If there were any[br]seven-year-olds in the audience, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they'd be like, "Yes!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So what about if you had[br]a machine that could do it for you? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I call it ... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I call it "The Toothbrush Helmet." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Toothbrush noise) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So my toothbrush helmet is recommended[br]by zero out of 10 dentists, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it definitely did not revolutionize[br]the world of dentistry, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but it did completely change my life, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because I finished making this toothbrush[br]helmet three years ago, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and after I finished making it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I went into my living room 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I put up a camera, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I filmed a seven-second clip[br]of it working. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And by now, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this is a pretty standard[br]modern-day fairy tale 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 of girl posting on the internet, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the internet takes the girl my storm, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 thousands of men voyage[br]into the comment sections 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to ask for her hand in marriage -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 she ignores all of them, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 starts a YouTube channel, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and keeps on building robots. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Since then, I've carved out this little[br]niche for myself on the internet 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as an inventor of useless machines, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because as we all know, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the easiest way to be[br]at the top of your field 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is to choose a very small field. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I run a YouTube channel[br]about my machines, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I've done things like[br]cutting hair with drones -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Drone flies) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to a machine that helps me[br]wake up in the morning -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Alarm) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Video) Ow! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to this machine that helps me[br]chop vegetables. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Knife chops) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm not an engineer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I did not study engineering in school. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I was a super ambitious[br]student growing up. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 In middle school and high school[br]I had straight A's, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I graduated at the top of my year. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 On the flip side of that, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I struggled with very severe[br]performance anxiety. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Here's an email I sent to my brother[br]around that time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "You won't understand how difficult[br]it is for me to tell you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to confess this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm so freaking embarrassed, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't want people[br]to think that I'm stupid. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now I'm starting to cry too. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Damn." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And no, I did not accidentally burn[br]our parents' house down. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The thing I'm writing about in the email, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the thing I'm so upset about, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that I got a B on a math test. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So something obviously happened[br]between here and here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 One of those things was puberty ... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 beautful time indeed. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But moreover, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I got interested in building robots, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I wanted to teach myself[br]about hardware. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But building things with hardware, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 especially if you're teaching yourself, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is something that's really[br]difficult to do. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It has a high likelihood of failure, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and moreover, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it has a high likelihood of making[br]you feel stupid. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that was my biggest fear at the time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I came up with a setup that would[br]guarantee success 100 percent of the time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 With my setup, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it would be nearly impossible to fail. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that was instead of trying to succeed, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was going to try to build[br]things that would fail. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And even though I didn't[br]realize it at the time, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 building stupid things[br]was actually quite smart, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because as I kept on[br]learning about hardware, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 for the first time in my life, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I did not have to deal[br]with my performance anxiety. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And as soon as I removed[br]all pressure and expectations from myself, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that pressure quickly[br]got replaced by enthusiasm, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it allowed me to just play. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So as an inventor, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm interested in things[br]that people struggle with: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it can be small things or big things[br]or medium-sized things, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and something like giving a TED talk[br]presents this whole new set of problems 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I can solve. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And identifying a problem[br]is the first step in my process 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 of building a useless machine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So before I came here, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I sat down and I thought of some[br]of the potential problems I might have 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in giving this talk. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Forgetting what to say, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that people won't laugh -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that's you -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or even worse, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that you'll laugh at the wrong things -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that was an OK part to laugh at, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 thank you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Or that when I get nervous, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 my hands start shaking 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I'm really self-conscious about it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Or that my fly has been[br]open this entire time, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and all of you noticed but I didn't, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but it's closed so we're[br]all good on that one. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But one thing I'm actually really [br]nervous about is my hands shaking. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I remember when I was a kid, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 giving presentations in school, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I would have my notes on a piece of paper, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I would put a notebook[br]behind the paper 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so that people wouldn't be able to see[br]the paper quivering. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I give a lot of talks. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I know that about half of you[br]in the audience are probably like, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Building useless machines is really fun, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but how is this in any way[br]or form a business?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And giving talks is a part of it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the arrangers always put out[br]a glass of water for you onstage 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so you have something to drink[br]if you get thirsty, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I always so badly[br]want to drink that water, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I don't dare to pick the glass up, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because then people might be able[br]to see that my hands are shaking. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So what about a machine[br]that hands you a glass of water? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Sold to the nervous girl[br]in the google-eye shirt. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Actually, I need to take this off[br]because I have a thing -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Google-eyes shake) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I still don't know what to call this, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I think some sort[br]of "head orbit device?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because it rotates[br]this platform around you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you can put anything on it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You can have a camera, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you can get photos of your entire head. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Like it's really -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it's very versatile machine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 OK, and I have -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I mean, you can put some snacks[br]on it for example, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if you want to. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I have some popcorn here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And you just put a little bit like that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's some sacrifices for science -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 some popcorn falling on the floor. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Let's do the long way around. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Robot spins) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then you have a little hand. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You need to adjust the height of it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you just do it by shrugging. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's has a little hand. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I just bumped my mic off, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I think we're all good. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 OK, also I need to chew this popcorn, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so if you guys could just clap[br]your hands a little bit more -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 OK, so it's like your own little[br]personal solar system, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because I'm a millennial, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so I want everything to revolve around me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Back to the glass of water, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that's what we're here for. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, I promise -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I mean, it still has -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it doesn't have any water in it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm sorry. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I still need to work[br]on this machine a little bit 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because I still need to pick up the glass[br]and put it on the platform, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but if your hands[br]are shaking a little bit, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 nobody's going to notice 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because you're wearing a very[br]mesmerizing piece of equipment. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, we're all good. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 OK. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Robot spins) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Singing) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh no, it got stuck. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Isn't it comforting that even robots[br]sometimes get stage fright? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It just gets stuck a little bit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's very human of them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh wait, let's go back a little bit, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and then -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Glass falls) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Isn't it a beautiful time to be alive? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So as much as my machines can seem[br]like simple engineering slapstick, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I realized that I stumbled[br]on something bigger than that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's this expression of joy and humility[br]that often gets lost in engineering, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and for me it was a way[br]to learn about hardware 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 without having my performance[br]anxiety get in the way. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I often get asked if I think I'm ever[br]going to build something useful, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and maybe someday I will. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But the way I see it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I already have 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because I've built myself this job, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it's something that I could[br]never have planned for 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or that I could -- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's something that I could never[br]have planned for. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Instead it happened just because[br]I was enthusiastic about what I was doing, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I was sharing that enthusiasm[br]with other people. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 To me there's a true beauty[br]of making useless things, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because it's this acknowledgment 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that you don't always know[br]what the best answer is. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it turns off that voice in your head 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that tells you that you know[br]exactly how the world works. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And maybe a toothbrush helmet[br]isn't the answer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but at least you're asking the question. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Thank you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause)