0:00:00.838,0:00:01.844
(Exhaling)

0:00:01.844,0:00:02.844
Hello.

0:00:03.173,0:00:04.403
My name is Simone.

0:00:05.327,0:00:06.732
You know how people tell you

0:00:06.732,0:00:08.799
if you get nervous when onstage,

0:00:08.799,0:00:11.090
picture people in the audience naked?

0:00:11.245,0:00:14.243
Like it's this thing that's supposed[br]to make you feel better.

0:00:14.599,0:00:15.800
But I was thinking --

0:00:15.800,0:00:21.094
picturing all of you naked in 2018[br]feels kind of weird and wrong.

0:00:21.334,0:00:24.371
Like, we're working really hard[br]on moving past stuff like that,

0:00:24.371,0:00:28.670
so we need a new method of dealing[br]with if you get nervous onstage.

0:00:29.131,0:00:31.458
And I realized that what I'd really like

0:00:31.458,0:00:35.547
is that I can look at you as much[br]as you're looking at me --

0:00:35.547,0:00:37.536
just to even things out a little bit.

0:00:37.892,0:00:40.632
So if I had way more eyeballs,

0:00:40.632,0:00:43.016
then we'd all be really[br]comfortable, right?

0:00:43.492,0:00:45.573
So in preparation for this talk,

0:00:45.573,0:00:47.282
I made myself a shirt.

0:00:47.479,0:00:50.479
(Speaker rummages)

0:00:53.344,0:00:54.916
(Laughter)

0:00:57.981,0:01:00.019
It's googly eyes.

0:01:00.924,0:01:03.174
It took be 14 hours

0:01:03.174,0:01:06.632
and 227 googly eyes to make this shirt,

0:01:06.821,0:01:09.953
And being able to look at you[br]as much as you're looking at me

0:01:09.953,0:01:12.260
is actually only half[br]of the reason I made this.

0:01:12.260,0:01:14.284
The other half is being able to do this.

0:01:14.284,0:01:15.548
(Googly eyes shake)

0:01:15.548,0:01:16.679
(Laughter)

0:01:17.061,0:01:18.733
So I do a lot of things like this.

0:01:18.733,0:01:21.983
I see a problem and I invent[br]some sort of solution to it.

0:01:22.608,0:01:23.614
For example,

0:01:23.614,0:01:24.682
brushing your teeth.

0:01:24.682,0:01:26.625
Like, it's this thing we all have to do,

0:01:26.625,0:01:27.704
it's kind of boring,

0:01:27.704,0:01:29.069
and nobody really likes it.

0:01:29.473,0:01:31.848
If there were any[br]seven-year-olds in the audience,

0:01:31.848,0:01:33.864
they'd be like, "Yes!"

0:01:34.387,0:01:37.474
So what about if you had[br]a machine that could do it for you?

0:01:43.033,0:01:45.904
(Laughter)

0:01:46.904,0:01:50.595
I call it ...

0:01:50.595,0:01:52.588
I call it "The Toothbrush Helmet."

0:01:53.322,0:01:55.663
(Laughter)

0:01:57.707,0:01:59.077
(Robot moves)

0:01:59.357,0:02:01.235
(Robot brushes)

0:02:01.235,0:02:03.499
(Laughter)

0:02:03.499,0:02:06.004
(Applause)

0:02:07.200,0:02:11.774
So my toothbrush helmet is recommended[br]by zero out of 10 dentists,

0:02:11.774,0:02:15.905
and it definitely did not[br]revolutionize the world of dentistry,

0:02:15.905,0:02:19.101
but it did completely change my life

0:02:19.101,0:02:22.548
because I finished making this toothbrush[br]helmet three years ago,

0:02:22.548,0:02:24.085
and after I finished making it,

0:02:24.085,0:02:25.461
I went into my living room

0:02:25.461,0:02:26.896
and I put up a camera,

0:02:26.896,0:02:29.436
and I filmed a seven-second[br]clip of it working.

0:02:29.981,0:02:30.979
And by now,

0:02:30.979,0:02:34.074
this is a pretty standard[br]modern-day fairy tale

0:02:34.074,0:02:36.314
of girl posting on the internet,

0:02:36.314,0:02:38.907
the internet takes the girl my storm,

0:02:38.907,0:02:41.692
thousands of men voyage[br]into the comment sections

0:02:41.692,0:02:43.540
to ask for her hand in marriage --

0:02:43.540,0:02:44.540
(Laughter)

0:02:44.540,0:02:45.710
she ignores all of them,

0:02:45.710,0:02:46.980
starts a YouTube channel,

0:02:46.980,0:02:48.570
and keeps on building robots.

0:02:49.378,0:02:53.213
Since then, I've carved out this little[br]niche for myself on the internet

0:02:53.213,0:02:55.739
as an inventor of useless machines,

0:02:55.739,0:02:57.525
because as we all know,

0:02:57.525,0:03:01.145
the easiest way to be[br]at the top of your field

0:03:01.145,0:03:03.291
is to choose a very small field.

0:03:03.291,0:03:05.721
(Laughter)

0:03:05.721,0:03:09.643
(Applause)

0:03:09.976,0:03:13.127
So I run a YouTube channel[br]about my machines,

0:03:13.127,0:03:15.675
and I've done things like[br]cutting hair with drones --

0:03:15.675,0:03:17.385
(Drone flies)

0:03:17.385,0:03:19.785
(Laughter)

0:03:19.785,0:03:21.172
(Drone crashes)

0:03:21.172,0:03:22.305
(Laughter)

0:03:22.305,0:03:23.421
(Drone flies)

0:03:23.421,0:03:24.531
(Drone crashes)

0:03:24.531,0:03:25.751
(Laughter)

0:03:25.751,0:03:27.588
(Applause)

0:03:27.835,0:03:30.442
to a machine that helps me[br]wake up in the morning --

0:03:30.442,0:03:32.204
(Alarm)

0:03:32.204,0:03:34.597
(Laughter)

0:03:37.235,0:03:38.510
(Video) Simone: Ow!

0:03:39.145,0:03:41.900
to this machine that helps me[br]chop vegetables.

0:03:41.900,0:03:44.017
(Knife chops)

0:03:45.338,0:03:46.586
I'm not an engineer.

0:03:46.586,0:03:48.793
I did not study engineering in school.

0:03:49.056,0:03:52.359
But I was a super ambitious[br]student growing up.

0:03:52.617,0:03:55.137
In middle school and high school[br]I had straight A's,

0:03:55.137,0:03:57.177
and I graduated at the top of my year.

0:03:57.308,0:03:58.661
On the flip side of that,

0:03:58.661,0:04:01.856
I struggled with very severe[br]performance anxiety.

0:04:02.286,0:04:05.017
Here's an email I sent[br]to my brother around that time.

0:04:05.281,0:04:08.157
"You won't understand[br]how difficult it is for me to tell you,

0:04:08.157,0:04:09.254
to confess this.

0:04:09.365,0:04:10.851
I'm so freaking embarrassed.

0:04:10.851,0:04:13.032
I don't want people[br]to think that I'm stupid.

0:04:13.172,0:04:14.650
Now I'm starting to cry too.

0:04:14.650,0:04:15.653
Damn."

0:04:16.184,0:04:19.557
And no, I did not accidentally burn[br]our parents' house down.

0:04:19.792,0:04:21.851
The thing I'm writing about in the email,

0:04:21.851,0:04:24.144
and the thing I'm so upset about,

0:04:24.144,0:04:26.576
is that I got a B on a math test.

0:04:27.604,0:04:30.828
So something obviously happened[br]between here and here.

0:04:31.937,0:04:34.874
(Laughter)

0:04:36.133,0:04:38.453
One of those things was puberty --

0:04:38.453,0:04:39.732
(Laughter)

0:04:39.732,0:04:41.173
beautful time indeed.

0:04:41.173,0:04:42.562
But moreover,

0:04:42.562,0:04:44.736
I got interested in building robots,

0:04:44.736,0:04:47.580
and I wanted to teach myself[br]about hardware.

0:04:48.011,0:04:49.642
But building things with hardware,

0:04:49.642,0:04:51.525
especially if you're teaching yourself,

0:04:51.525,0:04:53.630
is something that's really[br]difficult to do.

0:04:53.845,0:04:55.849
It has a high likelihood of failure,

0:04:55.849,0:04:56.853
and moreover,

0:04:56.853,0:04:59.640
it has a high likelihood[br]of making you feel stupid.

0:04:59.820,0:05:02.063
And that was my biggest fear at the time.

0:05:02.806,0:05:08.564
So I came up with a setup that would[br]guarantee success 100 percent of the time.

0:05:09.025,0:05:10.025
With my setup,

0:05:10.025,0:05:12.209
it would be nearly impossible to fail.

0:05:12.454,0:05:15.471
And that was that instead[br]of trying to succeed,

0:05:15.471,0:05:18.009
I was going to try to build[br]things that would fail.

0:05:19.444,0:05:21.711
And even though I didn't[br]realize it at the time,

0:05:21.711,0:05:25.725
building stupid things[br]was actually quite smart,

0:05:25.725,0:05:28.468
because as I kept on[br]learning about hardware,

0:05:28.468,0:05:29.932
for the first time in my life,

0:05:29.932,0:05:32.528
I did not have to deal[br]with my performance anxiety.

0:05:32.978,0:05:36.682
And as soon as I removed[br]all pressure and expectations from myself,

0:05:36.682,0:05:40.195
that pressure quickly[br]got replaced by enthusiasm,

0:05:40.195,0:05:42.172
and it allowed me to just play.

0:05:42.988,0:05:44.144
So as an inventor,

0:05:44.144,0:05:46.601
I'm interested in things[br]that people struggle with.

0:05:46.601,0:05:50.372
It can be small things or big things[br]or medium-sized things,

0:05:50.372,0:05:54.784
and something like giving a TED talk[br]presents this whole new set of problems

0:05:54.784,0:05:55.903
that I can solve.

0:05:56.286,0:05:59.461
And identifying a problem[br]is the first step in my process

0:05:59.461,0:06:01.168
of building a useless machine.

0:06:01.668,0:06:03.227
So before I came here,

0:06:03.227,0:06:06.817
I sat down and I thought of some[br]of the potential problems I might have

0:06:06.817,0:06:08.347
in giving this talk.

0:06:09.006,0:06:11.703
Forgetting what to say,

0:06:11.703,0:06:13.462
that people won't laugh --

0:06:13.462,0:06:15.374
that's you --

0:06:15.374,0:06:16.205
or even worse,

0:06:16.205,0:06:18.449
that you'll laugh at the wrong things --

0:06:18.449,0:06:19.765
(Laughter)

0:06:19.765,0:06:21.197
that was an OK part to laugh at,

0:06:21.197,0:06:22.009
thank you.

0:06:22.009,0:06:23.177
(Laughter)

0:06:23.386,0:06:24.488
Or that when I get nervous,

0:06:24.488,0:06:25.856
my hands start shaking

0:06:25.856,0:06:27.619
and I'm really self-conscious about it.

0:06:28.062,0:06:31.255
Or that my fly has been[br]open this entire time,

0:06:31.255,0:06:33.278
and all of you noticed but I didn't,

0:06:33.278,0:06:35.818
but it's closed so we're[br]all good on that one.

0:06:36.506,0:06:39.522
But one thing I'm actually really [br]nervous about is my hands shaking.

0:06:39.913,0:06:42.100
I remember when I was a kid,

0:06:42.100,0:06:43.848
giving presentations in school,

0:06:43.848,0:06:45.917
I would have my notes on a piece of paper,

0:06:45.917,0:06:49.417
and I would put a notebook[br]behind the paper

0:06:49.417,0:06:52.138
so that people wouldn't be able to see[br]the paper quivering.

0:06:52.707,0:06:54.284
And I give a lot of talks.

0:06:54.680,0:06:59.345
I know that about half of you[br]in the audience are probably like,

0:06:59.345,0:07:01.340
"Building useless machines is really fun,

0:07:01.340,0:07:03.862
but how is this in any way[br]or form a business?"

0:07:04.159,0:07:05.816
And giving talks is a part of it.

0:07:06.089,0:07:08.963
And the arrangers always put out[br]a glass of water for you onstage

0:07:08.963,0:07:11.399
so you have something to drink[br]if you get thirsty,

0:07:11.399,0:07:15.405
and I always so badly[br]want to drink that water,

0:07:15.405,0:07:17.031
but I don't dare to pick the glass up,

0:07:17.031,0:07:20.000
because then people might be able[br]to see that my hands are shaking.

0:07:20.565,0:07:24.119
So what about a machine[br]that hands you a glass of water?

0:07:24.646,0:07:27.347
Sold to the nervous girl[br]in the google-eye shirt.

0:07:28.028,0:07:31.428
Actually, I need to take this off[br]because I have a thing --

0:07:31.428,0:07:33.951
(Google-eyes shake)

0:07:39.661,0:07:40.853
Oh.

0:07:41.211,0:07:43.905
(Laughter)

0:07:53.759,0:07:56.789
I still don't know what to call this,

0:07:56.789,0:08:00.005
but I think some sort[br]of "head orbit device?"

0:08:00.388,0:08:03.389
Because it rotates[br]this platform around you,

0:08:03.389,0:08:04.997
and you can put anything on it.

0:08:04.997,0:08:06.132
You can have a camera,

0:08:06.132,0:08:08.549
you can get photos of your entire head.

0:08:08.871,0:08:10.005
Like it's really --

0:08:10.005,0:08:12.439
it's very versatile machine.

0:08:12.839,0:08:14.414
(Laughter)

0:08:14.619,0:08:16.294
OK, and I have --

0:08:16.294,0:08:18.630
I mean, you can put some snacks[br]on it for example,

0:08:18.630,0:08:19.987
if you want to.

0:08:20.185,0:08:21.756
I have some popcorn here.

0:08:22.145,0:08:26.766
And you just put a little bit like that.

0:08:27.646,0:08:31.630
There's some sacrifices for science --

0:08:31.630,0:08:34.297
some popcorn falling on the floor.

0:08:35.066,0:08:36.765
Let's do the long way around.

0:08:37.773,0:08:39.080
(Robot spins)

0:08:39.814,0:08:41.487
And then you have a little hand.

0:08:41.710,0:08:42.876
You need to adjust the height of it,

0:08:42.876,0:08:44.763
and you just do it by shrugging.

0:08:45.128,0:08:46.759
(Laughter)

0:08:47.204,0:08:48.459
(Applause)

0:08:49.033,0:08:49.843
It's has a little hand.

0:08:50.308,0:08:53.145
(Applause)

0:08:59.895,0:09:02.393
I just bumped my mic off,

0:09:02.393,0:09:04.210
but I think we're all good.

0:09:04.569,0:09:05.630
(Laughter)

0:09:05.896,0:09:07.927
OK, also I need to chew this popcorn,

0:09:07.927,0:09:10.169
so if you guys could just clap[br]your hands a little bit more --

0:09:10.169,0:09:13.244
(Applause)

0:09:15.139,0:09:17.867
OK, so it's like your own little[br]personal solar system,

0:09:17.867,0:09:19.773
because I'm a millennial,

0:09:19.773,0:09:22.227
so I want everything to revolve around me.

0:09:22.609,0:09:24.344
(Laughter)

0:09:25.441,0:09:26.561
Back to the glass of water,

0:09:26.561,0:09:27.568
that's what we're here for.

0:09:27.749,0:09:29.039
So, I promise --

0:09:29.039,0:09:30.202
I mean, it still has --

0:09:30.202,0:09:31.568
it doesn't have any water in it,

0:09:31.568,0:09:32.734
I'm sorry.

0:09:33.189,0:09:37.803
But I still need to work[br]on this machine a little bit

0:09:37.803,0:09:40.875
because I still need to pick up the glass[br]and put it on the platform,

0:09:40.875,0:09:42.832
but if your hands[br]are shaking a little bit,

0:09:42.832,0:09:43.997
nobody's going to notice

0:09:43.997,0:09:46.902
because you're wearing a very[br]mesmerizing piece of equipment.

0:09:47.162,0:09:48.430
So, we're all good.

0:09:48.793,0:09:49.730
OK.

0:09:50.096,0:09:51.580
(Robot spins)

0:09:51.749,0:09:53.139
(Singing)

0:09:54.149,0:09:55.763
Oh no, it got stuck.

0:09:56.615,0:09:59.667
Isn't it comforting that even robots[br]sometimes get stage fright?

0:10:00.519,0:10:02.177
It just gets stuck a little bit.

0:10:03.758,0:10:05.323
It's very human of them.

0:10:06.214,0:10:08.766
Oh wait, let's go back a little bit,

0:10:08.766,0:10:09.716
and then --

0:10:09.716,0:10:10.923
(Glass falls)

0:10:10.923,0:10:12.862
(Laughter)

0:10:13.605,0:10:15.785
Isn't it a beautiful time to be alive?

0:10:16.110,0:10:17.486
(Laughter)

0:10:18.031,0:10:22.777
(Applause)

0:10:25.070,0:10:29.574
So as much as my machines can seem[br]like simple engineering slapstick,

0:10:29.574,0:10:32.347
I realized that I stumbled[br]on something bigger than that.

0:10:33.055,0:10:37.959
It's this expression of joy and humility[br]that often gets lost in engineering,

0:10:37.959,0:10:40.462
and for me it was a way[br]to learn about hardware

0:10:40.462,0:10:43.320
without having my performance[br]anxiety get in the way.

0:10:44.350,0:10:47.952
I often get asked if I think I'm ever[br]going to build something useful,

0:10:47.952,0:10:49.492
and maybe someday I will.

0:10:50.657,0:10:52.009
But the way I see it,

0:10:52.009,0:10:53.415
I already have

0:10:53.415,0:10:56.592
because I've built myself this job,

0:10:56.592,0:10:59.469
and it's something that I could[br]never have planned for

0:10:59.469,0:11:00.483
or that I could --

0:11:00.483,0:11:04.866
(Applause)

0:11:06.285,0:11:08.252
It's something that I could never[br]have planned for.

0:11:08.252,0:11:11.912
Instead it happened just because[br]I was enthusiastic about what I was doing,

0:11:11.912,0:11:14.483
and I was sharing that enthusiasm[br]with other people.

0:11:15.009,0:11:18.456
To me there's a true beauty[br]of making useless things,

0:11:18.456,0:11:20.511
because it's this acknowledgment

0:11:20.511,0:11:22.758
that you don't always know[br]what the best answer is.

0:11:23.509,0:11:25.754
And it turns off that voice in your head

0:11:25.754,0:11:28.951
that tells you that you know[br]exactly how the world works.

0:11:29.311,0:11:31.601
And maybe a toothbrush helmet[br]isn't the answer,

0:11:31.601,0:11:33.285
but at least you're asking the question.

0:11:33.549,0:11:34.736
Thank you.

0:11:35.174,0:11:39.381
(Applause)