1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:01,960 We just moved. 2 00:00:02,059 --> 00:00:02,349 I 3 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,640 called UPS 4 00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:05,909 to ask them to help out with some boxes. 5 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:07,570 Now they're a good service, 6 00:00:07,599 --> 00:00:11,029 but you have to have information ready about your boxes before you even call them. 7 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:11,949 I had no idea. 8 00:00:12,630 --> 00:00:13,220 I called them up. 9 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,810 “Yeah, I have ten boxes, could you come pick them up?” 10 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,329 “We need to know the weight and the girth.” [LAUGHTER] 11 00:00:21,659 --> 00:00:22,110 "OK, 12 00:00:22,229 --> 00:00:22,700 goodbye." 13 00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:31,290 So, I call back, 14 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,959 "We need the weight and the girth.” 15 00:00:33,279 --> 00:00:33,779 "OK, 16 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,509 I don’t know what the weight is 17 00:00:35,750 --> 00:00:36,560 and 18 00:00:38,130 --> 00:00:39,709 and I don’t know what girth means. [LAUGHTER] 19 00:00:44,340 --> 00:00:46,069 So, now what's the procedure?" 20 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,669 So, this guy talks to me like I'm 4 years old. 21 00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:53,860 “Well, 22 00:00:53,939 --> 00:00:55,869 do you have a bathroom 23 00:00:55,869 --> 00:00:56,049 scale.” 24 00:00:57,060 --> 00:00:57,220 Yeah, 25 00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:58,939 but if I put the box on a scale, 26 00:00:58,979 --> 00:01:00,779 it's going to cover up the numbers. [LAUGHTER] 27 00:01:04,459 --> 00:01:06,309 What do I take them off really quick? 28 00:01:09,699 --> 00:01:10,099 [LAUGHTER] 29 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:10,830 Zero! 30 00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:12,019 I’m not fast enough. 31 00:01:15,059 --> 00:01:16,220 What's he talking about? 32 00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:20,389 So, then he gives me like his Mr. 33 00:01:20,419 --> 00:01:21,550 Wizard formula. 34 00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:24,690 How about if you stand on the scale and weigh yourself, 35 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:25,889 get off the scale, 36 00:01:26,059 --> 00:01:26,819 pick up the box, 37 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:27,529 get back on, 38 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:30,099 weigh you and the box together and subtract your own weight." 39 00:01:30,139 --> 00:01:31,690 I'm going, "slow down!" 40 00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:35,160 Hold on, 41 00:01:35,199 --> 00:01:36,040 professor. 42 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:42,430 I know this guy's never tried this because I 43 00:01:42,430 --> 00:01:44,779 tried it and you still can't see the numbers! [LAUGHTER] 44 00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,209 What am I? 45 00:01:59,230 --> 00:01:59,580 Mr. 46 00:01:59,589 --> 00:02:00,529 Olympia. 47 00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:08,869 3 pounds. 48 00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:20,259 Then I had to hang up in the middle of his girth formula. 49 00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:23,350 He kept assuring me it was easy. 50 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:23,910 "You know, 51 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:26,130 the girth is very simple to figure out. 52 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,759 You take the length and you double that by the smaller of 53 00:02:28,759 --> 00:02:31,899 the height after you triangulate the hypotenuse from the third side." 54 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:32,320 “Okay, 55 00:02:32,399 --> 00:02:33,229 I got to go.” 56 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,860 I'm getting another call. 57 00:02:36,550 --> 00:02:36,630 Yeah, 58 00:02:36,669 --> 00:02:37,949 I'm too stupid to talk to you. 59 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:38,649 I just 60 00:02:39,399 --> 00:02:41,160 want to not be on with you any longer. 61 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:45,490 So, this is true. 62 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,919 I figured I would call back and just make up some numbers, 63 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:48,360 you know. 64 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,750 Let them come out and pick them up. 65 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:52,169 If it's wrong, 66 00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:53,220 I'll pay the difference. 67 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:53,539 Just 68 00:02:54,529 --> 00:02:55,729 dispatch the truck. [LAUGHTER] 69 00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:58,830 Please. 70 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:02,869 So, I called back, 71 00:03:02,979 --> 00:03:03,110 yeah, 72 00:03:03,399 --> 00:03:03,660 I 73 00:03:03,669 --> 00:03:05,779 have 10 boxes 74 00:03:06,110 --> 00:03:06,679 and— 75 00:03:08,059 --> 00:03:08,350 no, 76 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,059 I'm another guy. [LAUGHTER] 77 00:03:12,289 --> 00:03:12,509 Yeah, 78 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,419 and they all weigh exactly 79 00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:18,570 22 pounds and they'll have a girth of 80 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,940 “Three what?” 81 00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:26,419 “Three girth units.” 82 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:33,570 "Come pick them up, 83 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:34,210 please. 84 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:34,990 I'm, 85 00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:35,889 I'm begging you. 86 00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:36,330 They're 87 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,529 boxes and they're brown 88 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,490 and they have tape all on them 89 00:03:40,779 --> 00:03:42,850 and they probably fit on a dolly." [LAUGHTER]. 90 00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:46,630 Why must you torture me?