[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.20,0:00:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just moved.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.06,0:00:02.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.48,0:00:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called UPS
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.98,0:00:05.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ask them to help out with some boxes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.56,0:00:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now they're a good service,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.60,0:00:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you have to have information ready about your boxes before you even call them.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.12,0:00:11.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had no idea.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.63,0:00:13.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I called them up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.30,0:00:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Yeah, I have ten boxes, could you come pick them up?” 
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.06,0:00:18.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“We need to know the weight and the girth.” [LAUGHTER] 
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.66,0:00:22.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.23,0:00:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,goodbye."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.54,0:00:31.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I call back,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.40,0:00:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We need the weight and the girth.”
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.28,0:00:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.88,0:00:35.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don’t know what the weight is 
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.75,0:00:36.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.13,0:00:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don’t know what girth means. [LAUGHTER]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.34,0:00:46.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, now what's the procedure?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.32,0:00:53.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, this guy talks to me like I'm 4 years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.74,0:00:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Well, 
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.94,0:00:55.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do you have a bathroom 
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.87,0:00:56.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scale.”
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.06,0:00:57.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.34,0:00:58.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if I put the box on a scale,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.98,0:01:00.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's going to cover up the numbers. [LAUGHTER] 
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.46,0:01:06.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do I take them off really quick?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.70,0:01:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] 
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.22,0:01:10.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zero! 
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.91,0:01:12.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I’m not fast enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.06,0:01:16.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's he talking about?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.94,0:01:20.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, then he gives me like his Mr.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.42,0:01:21.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wizard formula.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.74,0:01:24.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How about if you stand on the scale and weigh yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.82,0:01:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get off the scale,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.06,0:01:26.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pick up the box,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.90,0:01:27.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get back on,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.58,0:01:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,weigh you and the box together and subtract your own weight."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.14,0:01:31.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going, "slow down!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.62,0:01:35.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hold on,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.20,0:01:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,professor.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.32,0:01:42.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this guy's never tried this because I
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.43,0:01:44.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tried it and you still can't see the numbers!  [LAUGHTER] 
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.72,0:01:59.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What am I?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.23,0:01:59.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mr.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.59,0:02:00.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Olympia.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.60,0:02:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,3 pounds.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.85,0:02:20.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I had to hang up in the middle of his girth formula.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.56,0:02:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He kept assuring me it was easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.64,0:02:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.92,0:02:26.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the girth is very simple to figure out.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.32,0:02:28.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You take the length and you double that by the smaller of
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.76,0:02:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the height after you triangulate the hypotenuse from the third side."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.12,0:02:32.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Okay, 
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.40,0:02:33.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to go.”
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.30,0:02:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm getting another call.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.55,0:02:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.67,0:02:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm too stupid to talk to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.07,0:02:38.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.40,0:02:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,want to not be on with you any longer.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.83,0:02:45.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, this is true.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.52,0:02:47.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I figured I would call back and just make up some numbers,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.96,0:02:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.32,0:02:50.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let them come out and pick them up.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.54,0:02:52.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it's wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.21,0:02:53.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll pay the difference.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.25,0:02:53.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.53,0:02:55.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dispatch the truck. [LAUGHTER]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.30,0:02:58.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.10,0:03:02.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I called back,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.98,0:03:03.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.40,0:03:03.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.67,0:03:05.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have 10 boxes
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.11,0:03:06.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and—
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.06,0:03:08.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.39,0:03:09.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm another guy. [LAUGHTER]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.29,0:03:12.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.61,0:03:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they all weigh exactly
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.27,0:03:18.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,22 pounds and they'll have a girth of
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.30,0:03:24.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Three what?” 
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.94,0:03:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Three girth units.”
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.66,0:03:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Come pick them up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.66,0:03:34.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,please.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.78,0:03:34.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.02,0:03:35.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm begging you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.94,0:03:36.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.55,0:03:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,boxes and they're brown
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.74,0:03:40.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they have tape all on them
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.78,0:03:42.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they probably fit on a dolly." [LAUGHTER].
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.51,0:03:46.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why must you torture me?