0:00:12.240,0:00:16.940
I'd like to start[br]by making one thing very clear.

0:00:17.090,0:00:19.200
I want you to know that I am

0:00:19.200,0:00:20.800
absolutely,

0:00:20.800,0:00:22.240
incredibly

0:00:22.240,0:00:24.140
and totally

0:00:24.140,0:00:25.750
awesome!

0:00:25.750,0:00:27.910
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:00:32.020,0:00:35.970
Now, before you start thinking[br]that I have a problem with humility,

0:00:35.970,0:00:38.070
which I don't,

0:00:38.070,0:00:39.390
(Laughter)

0:00:40.740,0:00:42.620
let me add something important.

0:00:42.620,0:00:45.220
I believe you, too, are awesome!

0:00:45.790,0:00:47.180
Is that better now?

0:00:47.180,0:00:48.775
(Audience) Yes.

0:00:48.775,0:00:50.025
(Applause)

0:00:50.180,0:00:53.500
But I also believe, based on my research,

0:00:53.500,0:00:58.090
that there is - no, it's me, okay.

0:00:59.440,0:01:02.265
But I also believe, based on my research,

0:01:02.265,0:01:04.910
that there's an 80% probability

0:01:04.910,0:01:10.300
that you have no idea[br]how truly magnificent you really are.

0:01:10.720,0:01:13.290
You used to know, but you've forgotten.

0:01:14.640,0:01:15.970
I'm here to show you

0:01:15.970,0:01:22.140
the science behind how you[br]gradually forget your true self,

0:01:22.710,0:01:24.620
your true potential,

0:01:25.290,0:01:29.320
and how you can rediscover and unleash

0:01:29.320,0:01:34.410
an even happier and more capable[br]version of yourself,

0:01:34.410,0:01:37.790
the true magnificent you!

0:01:38.500,0:01:39.895
Is that cool?

0:01:40.415,0:01:41.810
Great!

0:01:43.070,0:01:47.550
I lecture on this topic,[br]right here at Stanford,

0:01:47.550,0:01:53.390
and my work is based on extensive research[br]in neuroscience and psychology.

0:01:53.390,0:01:56.160
I'd like to show you[br]my most important evidence

0:01:56.160,0:02:00.700
proving that you used to know[br]how amazing you really are!

0:02:00.700,0:02:02.810
Would you like to see that evidence?

0:02:02.810,0:02:04.950
Well, here it is.

0:02:05.650,0:02:08.590
Do you think she knows[br]how magnificent she is?

0:02:08.590,0:02:11.240
Absolutely. She is radiating with it.

0:02:11.240,0:02:12.855
What about him?

0:02:12.855,0:02:15.910
Do you think he knows[br]how magnificent he is?

0:02:15.910,0:02:20.340
Every strand of his hair[br]knows how magnificent he is.

0:02:20.340,0:02:21.730
(Laughter)

0:02:21.730,0:02:24.390
And what about these two?

0:02:24.390,0:02:28.525
I know they know[br]because they are my precious kids,

0:02:28.525,0:02:30.190
Tisa and Kion.

0:02:31.100,0:02:32.350
The point is this:

0:02:32.350,0:02:36.520
you were born as a unique[br]and magnificent being

0:02:36.520,0:02:39.020
and you used to know it!

0:02:40.820,0:02:43.030
But what about this one?

0:02:43.800,0:02:46.900
Do you think he knows[br]how magnificent he is?

0:02:46.900,0:02:48.760
He actually has no clue;

0:02:48.760,0:02:50.140
he used to know,

0:02:50.140,0:02:54.020
but by the time this picture is taken,[br]he no longer remembers.

0:02:54.970,0:02:56.860
By the way, this is me.

0:02:57.560,0:02:59.380
Adorable, right?

0:02:59.380,0:03:00.540
(Laughter)

0:03:00.540,0:03:01.770
I told you.

0:03:01.770,0:03:03.390
(Laughter)

0:03:04.390,0:03:11.100
So why and how did I begin[br]to forget who I really am?

0:03:14.770,0:03:18.840
I was born a happy kid[br]in a troubled household.

0:03:18.840,0:03:24.460
I lived with four siblings and my parents[br]in a two-bedroom apartment in a ghetto.

0:03:24.460,0:03:28.610
My father was scary, angry[br]and unpredictably violent.

0:03:28.610,0:03:31.240
My mother was always[br]running around terrified.

0:03:31.240,0:03:33.740
I wasn't getting much love.

0:03:35.330,0:03:40.420
Now, since my life[br]was in my parents' hands,

0:03:40.420,0:03:45.540
it would've been absolutely terrifying[br]for me to admit that they were flawed.

0:03:45.550,0:03:48.235
So, instead, a voice[br]started forming in my head

0:03:48.235,0:03:50.890
and saying that my parents were perfect

0:03:50.890,0:03:56.650
and the reason they didn't love me[br]was because I was unworthy of their love.

0:03:57.450,0:04:01.050
I now call this voice the "Judge."

0:04:01.500,0:04:04.620
Of course, once the Judge[br]started judging me,

0:04:04.620,0:04:07.780
it also had to start judging[br]everybody else around me

0:04:07.780,0:04:10.200
so that I would be less terrified.

0:04:10.200,0:04:13.220
I grew up completely unaware

0:04:13.220,0:04:17.570
that this Judge character was beginning[br]to take control in my mind.

0:04:17.570,0:04:20.685
I only discovered it 27 years later

0:04:20.685,0:04:23.600
in an MBA class, right here at Stanford.

0:04:24.510,0:04:29.120
We were divided into groups[br]of 12 MBA students sitting in a circle,

0:04:29.120,0:04:31.570
sharing our emotions openly.

0:04:31.840,0:04:35.530
One of my classmates in the circle[br]turned to me and said nervously,

0:04:35.530,0:04:37.910
"Shirzad, this is really hard[br]for me to tell you,

0:04:37.910,0:04:43.020
but I often feel harshly judged by you,[br]and it really bothers me."

0:04:44.530,0:04:45.780
I turned to him and said,

0:04:45.780,0:04:49.005
"John, thank you so much[br]for telling me this.

0:04:49.005,0:04:51.280
This is very helpful feedback."

0:04:51.690,0:04:53.550
In the back of my mind, I was thinking,

0:04:53.550,0:04:56.290
"Well, of course you feel judged[br]by me, you idiot.

0:04:56.290,0:04:58.080
(Laughter)

0:04:59.660,0:05:01.930
You are the biggest loser in this group.

0:05:01.930,0:05:03.660
(Laughter)

0:05:05.160,0:05:08.550
How else do you expect me[br]to think of you?"

0:05:10.230,0:05:14.020
But then a second person, a third person[br]and a fourth person in the group

0:05:14.020,0:05:15.705
said exactly the same thing.

0:05:15.705,0:05:17.390
I kept thanking them politely

0:05:17.390,0:05:22.020
while thinking, "What losers,[br]blaming me for their insecurity."

0:05:24.370,0:05:27.030
I really - I did think[br]like that, trust me.

0:05:27.030,0:05:33.090
But somehow the fifth person[br]finally got through.

0:05:33.090,0:05:34.465
All of a sudden, I realized,

0:05:34.465,0:05:38.360
"Oh my God, they are right.[br]I judge everything instantly.

0:05:38.360,0:05:39.850
This Judge character in my head

0:05:39.850,0:05:45.180
was constantly and brutally[br]beating down not only others, but myself.

0:05:45.560,0:05:49.230
It was the invisible character in my head.

0:05:49.230,0:05:53.900
It was the invisible lens[br]that distorted my reality.

0:05:55.360,0:05:58.750
And that discovery changed my life.

0:06:02.750,0:06:07.765
Since this invisible character,[br]Judge character in my head,

0:06:07.765,0:06:09.380
secretly sabotaged me,

0:06:09.380,0:06:12.360
I called him a "Saboteur."

0:06:12.360,0:06:16.170
I later discovered that in addition[br]to the Judge Saboteur,

0:06:16.170,0:06:20.880
there are nine other Saboteurs,

0:06:20.880,0:06:24.780
like the Controller, Stickler and Victim.

0:06:25.650,0:06:29.070
Even in a perfectly happy childhood,

0:06:29.070,0:06:32.045
you still develop[br]a couple of these Saboteurs

0:06:32.045,0:06:36.660
as a coping mechanisms[br]as a vulnerable kid.

0:06:36.660,0:06:41.070
For example, you might develop[br]Controller tendencies

0:06:41.070,0:06:45.080
to feel safer in a chaotic environment

0:06:45.080,0:06:48.870
or become the Victim[br]to get more attention.

0:06:48.870,0:06:54.300
The problem is that these Saboteurs[br]become the invisible masters in your head,

0:06:54.300,0:06:57.220
just like my Judge had.

0:06:57.220,0:07:01.250
They pretend they are you,[br]but they aren't you.

0:07:02.300,0:07:07.000
That's how you forget who you really are.

0:07:13.520,0:07:17.110
A war is constantly raging[br]inside your head

0:07:17.110,0:07:21.090
between your Saboteurs[br]and your original true self,

0:07:21.090,0:07:24.250
whom I call your Sage.

0:07:24.250,0:07:28.260
These are based on entirely different[br]regions of your brain.

0:07:28.260,0:07:32.050
Your Saboteurs are based[br]on the survival-brain region,

0:07:32.050,0:07:38.010
which is made up mostly of the brain stem,[br]limbic system and parts of the left brain.

0:07:38.010,0:07:41.710
Your Sage is based[br]on the positive-intelligence brain,

0:07:41.710,0:07:44.670
which is made up mostly[br]of the middle prefrontal cortex,

0:07:44.670,0:07:48.900
ACC insular cortex[br]and parts of the right brain.

0:07:49.250,0:07:54.140
Here is a fascinating insight[br]and clue to your happiness.

0:07:54.140,0:08:00.080
Look at this: the survival-brain region[br]and its Saboteurs are wired,

0:08:00.080,0:08:03.830
are neurochemically wired[br]to feel stress and unhappiness.

0:08:03.830,0:08:06.820
They just can't help themselves.

0:08:06.820,0:08:09.830
If you want to feel consistently happier,

0:08:09.830,0:08:14.710
you must learn to strengthen your Sage[br]and weaken your Saboteurs.

0:08:14.710,0:08:18.550
It's just a matter[br]of neurochemical science.

0:08:22.340,0:08:24.355
One of the things[br]that I can guarantee you,

0:08:24.355,0:08:25.690
based on my experience,

0:08:25.690,0:08:32.270
is that you can achieve all the great[br]wealth and success in the world

0:08:32.270,0:08:36.710
and still feel deeply unhappy[br]because of your Saboteurs.

0:08:37.090,0:08:40.240
I once ran a leadership[br]development seminar

0:08:40.240,0:08:43.440
for more than 100 CEOs and presidents

0:08:43.440,0:08:48.320
who are all extremely successful[br]and look perfectly happy on the outside.

0:08:48.320,0:08:53.550
I told them, "Look, I have coached[br]too many successful CEOs and billionaires

0:08:53.550,0:08:58.750
to be still fooled by your facade[br]of confidence and happiness."

0:08:58.750,0:09:02.990
So I asked them to anonymously[br]write on an index card

0:09:02.990,0:09:08.620
one secret they never shared[br]about how they really felt inside.

0:09:08.620,0:09:12.710
With their permission,[br]I'd like to read some of those cards.

0:09:16.660,0:09:20.930
"I am terrified of failing[br]as the leader of my business."

0:09:22.080,0:09:25.120
"I am rarely at peace with myself."

0:09:25.990,0:09:30.200
"I fear dying of an early age[br]from overwork and stress."

0:09:31.360,0:09:33.440
"I am feeling very sad and lonely,

0:09:33.440,0:09:37.300
and the antidepressants I'm on[br]don't seem to be helping."

0:09:37.970,0:09:42.870
"I battle with constantly ranking[br]and judging everyone around me."

0:09:43.660,0:09:47.980
"I have no idea how[br]to truly connect with my only son."

0:09:49.220,0:09:52.990
"My air of confidence is false."

0:09:53.890,0:09:57.580
"I am self-destructive,[br]and I don't know why."

0:09:58.830,0:10:02.600
"I don't love myself very much."

0:10:05.500,0:10:09.630
"I lack strength in resisting[br]temptations and desires."

0:10:11.060,0:10:14.200
"I often feel like I'm a fraud."

0:10:15.400,0:10:19.450
"I worry my materialism[br]is hurting my children."

0:10:20.250,0:10:24.590
"I have been abusing drugs and alcohol[br]to deal with stress."

0:10:25.320,0:10:29.820
I wish I could run away[br]for one year - just be alone."

0:10:31.410,0:10:32.760
And finally,

0:10:33.650,0:10:36.875
"I'm afraid of ending up like my father,

0:10:36.875,0:10:41.380
who is unloved and will die alone."

0:10:51.740,0:10:54.400
This is the story of our lives, folks.

0:10:54.940,0:10:59.000
I have worked with people[br]ranging from these CEOs

0:10:59.000,0:11:03.960
to people on the manufacturing floor[br]without high school diplomas.

0:11:04.490,0:11:08.310
Regardless of our level[br]of wealth or success,

0:11:08.340,0:11:12.110
these Saboteurs are still there,[br]tormenting us.

0:11:12.820,0:11:17.480
I used to think I was particularly[br]broken and screwed up.

0:11:17.540,0:11:20.420
What a relief to discover

0:11:20.710,0:11:24.680
that we are all screwed up[br]by our Saboteurs.

0:11:24.680,0:11:26.110
(Laughter)

0:11:28.410,0:11:31.340
So, who are these Saboteurs?

0:11:31.340,0:11:32.480
In my research,

0:11:32.480,0:11:36.665
I have classified the Saboteurs[br]based on their motivation

0:11:36.665,0:11:39.770
for independence, acceptance or security

0:11:39.770,0:11:43.850
and their style of assert, earn or avoid.

0:11:43.850,0:11:49.710
This grid shows[br]the gang of nine Saboteurs.

0:11:49.770,0:11:53.820
They are Controller,[br]Hyper-Achiever, Restless,

0:11:54.490,0:11:57.310
Stickler, Pleaser, Hyper-Vigilant,

0:11:57.650,0:12:00.880
and Avoider, Victim, Hyper-Rational.

0:12:00.940,0:12:03.350
What a cast of characters.

0:12:03.350,0:12:04.680
(Laughter)

0:12:04.680,0:12:08.405
Everyone has the master Judge Saboteur

0:12:08.405,0:12:13.110
in addition to at least one[br]from this gang of nine.

0:12:14.400,0:12:18.970
Now, before you are able[br]to weaken these Saboteurs,

0:12:18.970,0:12:23.362
you need to be able to catch them[br]in your head, red-handed.

0:12:25.480,0:12:29.480
Imagine that you're in the middle[br]of an important project

0:12:29.540,0:12:34.140
and have just learned that you've[br]completely failed the midway milestones.

0:12:34.170,0:12:39.600
Here is how some of your Saboteurs[br]in your head might be talking.

0:12:40.770,0:12:42.340
Judge -

0:12:43.570,0:12:48.870
"Oh, I'm a loser, just a stupid loser.

0:12:48.870,0:12:52.110
Everything will start crashing down now."

0:12:53.170,0:12:54.570
Controller -

0:12:56.420,0:12:59.865
"But my way's always the right way.

0:13:00.165,0:13:02.570
Someone else must have screwed up."

0:13:02.570,0:13:04.570
(Laughter)

0:13:05.400,0:13:06.880
Victim -

0:13:07.850,0:13:11.770
"Oh, they did it to me again.

0:13:12.230,0:13:17.470
Just watch. That next lightning[br]will be striking right here!"

0:13:17.820,0:13:19.630
Ow, that hurt.

0:13:19.630,0:13:21.080
(Laughter)

0:13:21.080,0:13:22.740
Stickler -

0:13:23.650,0:13:30.200
"I knew it! That report cover[br]used the wrong shade of blue."

0:13:32.930,0:13:34.420
Avoider -

0:13:35.280,0:13:40.920
"Oh, there's still plenty of time.[br]I wonder where I should go for lunch.

0:13:40.920,0:13:42.370
(Laughter)

0:13:43.510,0:13:45.170
Hyper-Vigilant -

0:13:46.680,0:13:48.680
(Laughter)

0:13:48.680,0:13:52.550
That's me tearing my hair out -[br]if I still had any.

0:13:53.290,0:13:56.910
And so on with the other five Saboteurs.

0:13:56.910,0:14:01.670
Now, once you catch[br]a Saboteur in your mind,

0:14:01.670,0:14:02.900
what you want to do

0:14:02.900,0:14:05.770
is just label that thought[br]as "Saboteur" and let it go

0:14:05.800,0:14:07.880
instead of trusting it or pursuing it.

0:14:07.910,0:14:12.330
Just notice the difference[br]between me saying "I will fail tomorrow"

0:14:12.330,0:14:17.000
versus "My pesky Judge Saboteur[br]says I'll fail tomorrow."

0:14:17.050,0:14:18.695
You feel the difference?

0:14:18.695,0:14:24.740
You weaken your Saboteurs[br]by exposing and labeling them.

0:14:26.000,0:14:31.770
Now, how would your Sage respond[br]in the same exact scenario?

0:14:31.770,0:14:36.280
One of the most brilliant things[br]about your Sage is the Sage perspective.

0:14:36.310,0:14:42.150
Every outcome or circumstance[br]can be turned into an opportunity.

0:14:42.150,0:14:48.940
So you ask, "How do I turn my failure[br]in this project into an opportunity?"

0:14:48.940,0:14:54.100
This perspective changes everything.

0:14:54.110,0:14:58.630
With this perspective, you keep[br]the positive-intelligence brain activated,

0:14:58.630,0:15:04.880
which gives you access[br]to five great Sage powers.

0:15:05.420,0:15:07.110
Empathize.

0:15:07.170,0:15:08.990
Your Sage knows

0:15:08.990,0:15:11.820
that beating yourself down[br]when you're already down

0:15:11.820,0:15:13.770
is absolutely insane.

0:15:13.800,0:15:18.080
So you feel compassion for yourself[br]and others as fallible humans.

0:15:18.080,0:15:21.570
This keeps you energized and positive.

0:15:22.620,0:15:24.080
Explore.

0:15:25.170,0:15:29.720
You become the fascinated[br]explorer kid in the woods,

0:15:29.720,0:15:32.800
turning over every rock[br]to see what's underneath it.

0:15:32.800,0:15:35.370
You become fascinated to discover

0:15:35.370,0:15:40.000
all the factors contributing[br]to your project's failure.

0:15:40.000,0:15:42.545
You discover things[br]you couldn't have seen

0:15:42.545,0:15:45.170
if you were upset or defensive.

0:15:46.370,0:15:47.600
Innovate.

0:15:47.600,0:15:53.690
You become the innovative kid[br]on the beach, building sandcastles again.

0:15:54.400,0:15:59.990
Since your positive-intelligence brain[br]is wired for creativity,

0:15:59.990,0:16:04.030
you can take all of these discoveries[br]about your project's failure

0:16:04.030,0:16:08.050
into creative new solutions[br]for the project.

0:16:08.880,0:16:15.420
And in the interest of time,[br]you then navigate by choosing a direction

0:16:15.420,0:16:19.810
and move into fearless, bold action.

0:16:19.820,0:16:25.110
Your Sage performs a lot better[br]and remains positive

0:16:25.620,0:16:29.220
even in the middle of this crisis.

0:16:29.820,0:16:32.020
Now, you would only be able[br]to perform this way

0:16:32.020,0:16:35.240
if you have strong Sage muscles.

0:16:35.250,0:16:37.910
Functional MRI of the brain shows

0:16:37.910,0:16:41.620
that one technique[br]to build powerful Sage muscles

0:16:41.620,0:16:46.770
is to shift your attention[br]to one physical sensation for ten seconds

0:16:46.770,0:16:49.760
a few times every hour,

0:16:49.760,0:16:52.050
a few reps an hour.

0:16:52.310,0:16:55.280
This leads to some[br]surprising recommendations.

0:16:55.280,0:16:59.130
For example, if you want[br]to perform better in your job,

0:16:59.130,0:17:05.450
then really, really taste[br]that bite of your crunchy apple,

0:17:06.020,0:17:10.740
really see the hundred shades of color[br]in your friend's eyes,

0:17:10.940,0:17:17.940
or hug your loved one so attentively[br]that you feel her heartbeat.

0:17:20.400,0:17:24.415
This, surprisingly,[br]sounds too good to be true

0:17:24.415,0:17:28.300
until you study the neuroscience evidence.

0:17:31.420,0:17:35.400
In order to track your progress,[br]we can now actually measure

0:17:35.400,0:17:38.600
the strength of your Sage muscles[br]versus your Saboteurs',

0:17:38.620,0:17:42.770
based on your emotions[br]in a typical 24-hour period.

0:17:42.800,0:17:44.765
We have defined this ratio

0:17:44.765,0:17:48.390
as your positive intelligence[br]quotient or "PQ."

0:17:48.390,0:17:50.740
Independent researchers have now shown

0:17:50.740,0:17:55.180
that with increased PQ,[br]people are far happier and less stressed.

0:17:56.310,0:17:58.570
They also perform much better.

0:17:58.570,0:18:02.510
For example, almost 40% better in sales

0:18:02.800,0:18:05.900
and a third better[br]in team performance metrics.

0:18:05.900,0:18:11.600
Everyone can learn to strengthen[br]their Sage muscles with a little practice.

0:18:13.450,0:18:15.680
And finally,

0:18:16.420,0:18:21.890
you can help strengthen the Sage[br]in your loved ones.

0:18:22.510,0:18:27.200
Unlike my daughter, Tisa,[br]my son, Kion, loves tickling.

0:18:27.480,0:18:30.590
So I have invented a game with him

0:18:30.590,0:18:35.310
where I start tickling him and stop[br]only if he gives me all the right answers.

0:18:35.370,0:18:37.350
So I start tickling him and ask,

0:18:37.350,0:18:39.830
"Kion, why do I love you so much?"

0:18:39.830,0:18:41.630
He has learned to say, and he says,

0:18:41.630,0:18:44.550
"I don't know, Daddy.[br]Why do you love me so much?"

0:18:45.310,0:18:48.930
I ask, "Is it because you're so handsome?"

0:18:48.930,0:18:52.650
I know, it's his mother's genes - right? -[br]you don't have to tell me that.

0:18:52.650,0:18:54.020
(Laughter)

0:18:54.740,0:18:56.770
And he has learned to say, and he says,

0:18:56.770,0:18:58.840
"No, Daddy, it isn't[br]because I am handsome."

0:18:58.850,0:19:00.910
I ask, "Is it because[br]you get good grades?"

0:19:00.910,0:19:02.030
"No, Daddy, it isn't."

0:19:02.030,0:19:04.890
"Is it because you're good in sports?"[br]"No, Daddy, it isn't."

0:19:04.890,0:19:07.130
So I go down a long list[br]of his great qualities,

0:19:07.130,0:19:09.150
and he keeps saying,[br]"No, Daddy, it isn't."

0:19:09.150,0:19:11.705
So at the end,[br]I pretend great frustration,

0:19:11.705,0:19:15.370
and I say, "So why is it, Kion,[br]why do I love you so much?"

0:19:15.370,0:19:17.340
And he has learned to say, and he says,

0:19:17.340,0:19:19.950
"Daddy, it's because I am me!"

0:19:32.040,0:19:34.600
Daddy, it's because I am me!

0:19:36.620,0:19:40.840
His beautiful true self, his Sage.

0:19:43.910,0:19:46.200
What about you?

0:19:48.880,0:19:50.985
What would life be like

0:19:50.985,0:19:56.400
if you fully reclaimed[br]your beautiful true self,

0:19:56.400,0:19:58.170
your Sage?

0:20:00.360,0:20:05.770
What would be the gift of that to you,[br]to your loved ones, to our world?

0:20:07.510,0:20:10.170
What would become possible then?

0:20:12.530,0:20:17.370
You are a special, unique[br]and magnificent being!

0:20:17.370,0:20:21.080
It's time for you to remember!

0:20:22.310,0:20:23.940
Thank you.

0:20:23.940,0:20:26.330
(Applause)