1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:04,060 JOHNNY CARSON: [APPLAUSE] These two fellows you're going to meet are representatives of 2 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,940 the annual gathering of the cowboy poets in Elko, 3 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:09,120 Nevada, January the 29th through the 31st. 4 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:12,000 You may not realize it, and I didn't until 5 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,760 a few years ago, that poetry is part of the cowboy tradition. 6 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,725 Every year, 50 or 60 of these poets gather together and put on a show. 7 00:00:19,725 --> 00:00:22,890 Tonight representing are Waddie Mitchell and Baxter Black. 8 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:23,280 Gentlemen. 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:24,440 [APPLAUSE] 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,640 It's Waddie, right? 11 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,045 WADDIE MITCHELL: Yeah. 12 00:00:36,045 --> 00:00:37,260 JOHNNY CARSON: Good to see you again. How are you? 13 00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:38,160 WADDIE MITCHELL: Just real good. Thanks. 14 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,830 JOHNNY CARSON: Is this the second or third time you've been through this? 15 00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:39,950 WADDIE MITCHELL: Third time. 16 00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:41,840 JOHNNY CARSON: Third time and Baxter this is your first? 17 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:42,260 BAXTER BLACK: Yes, sir. 18 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:43,730 JOHNNY CARSON: Your first time out of the shoot. 19 00:00:43,730 --> 00:00:44,915 BAXTER BLACK: I'm proud to be here. 20 00:00:44,915 --> 00:00:49,660 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Does this thing get bigger every year? 21 00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:51,920 WADDIE MITCHELL: Seems to, yeah. We've gotten some nice press, 22 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,095 and there's folks that are finding they like it and coming. 23 00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:58,200 JOHNNY CARSON: I want to ask you fellows who do cowboying for a living, 24 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:03,430 how you feel about Hollywood's depiction of cowboys in motion pictures? 25 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:08,025 WADDIE MITCHELL: Well, it's probably—I got a story about that if you want to hear that. 26 00:01:08,025 --> 00:01:08,745 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. 27 00:01:08,745 --> 00:01:11,005 WADDIE MITCHELL: Written by Gail Gardner. 28 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,550 Says, I want to tell you a sad, sad 29 00:01:13,550 --> 00:01:16,120 story of how a cowboy fell from grace. 30 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,840 Really, this is something awful, 31 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,235 there never was a sadder case. 32 00:01:20,235 --> 00:01:22,630 One time I had myself a partner. 33 00:01:22,630 --> 00:01:24,350 I never known one half so good. 34 00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,790 We throwed our outfits in together and lived the way the cowboys should. 35 00:01:27,790 --> 00:01:32,530 He savvied all about wild cattle and was handy with a rope and for gentle well-reined pony, 36 00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:34,130 just give me one he'd broke. 37 00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:38,030 He never owned the clothes but Levis and he wore them 'til they slick. 38 00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:40,700 Never worn the great big Stetson because where we rode, 39 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:41,980 the brush was thick. 40 00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:44,505 He never had no time for women, 41 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:45,950 so bashful and shy was he, 42 00:01:45,950 --> 00:01:47,550 but then he'd know that they is poison, 43 00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:48,800 so he always let 'em be. 44 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:53,100 [LAUGHTER] Well, he went to work on distant ranges and I hadn't seen him for a year, 45 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,380 but then I had no cause to worry. 46 00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,200 I know someday he'd appear. 47 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,320 Well, I just rode in from the mountains feeling good and stepping light. 48 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,000 I just sold on my yearlings, price was out of sight. 49 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,700 But then I seen the sight so awful, 50 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:06,100 it caused my joy to fade away. 51 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,240 And fill my very soul with sorrow, 52 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,925 I never will forget that day. 53 00:02:10,925 --> 00:02:14,590 Well down the street there came a-tripping my old-time pardner 54 00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:16,640 as of yore and although, I know you won't believe me. 55 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,680 Let me tell you what he wore. 56 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,370 He had his boots outside his britches. 57 00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,630 They was made of leather green and red. 58 00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:27,845 His shirt was of a dozen colors loud enough to wake the dead. 59 00:02:27,845 --> 00:02:31,690 [LAUGHTER] Around his neck, he had a kerchief knotted through a silver ring. 60 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:33,430 I swear to God, he had a wristwatch. 61 00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,610 Who'd ever heard of such a thing? Says I, 62 00:02:35,610 --> 00:02:37,030 "Old Scout, what's your trouble? 63 00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:38,990 Looks like you been eating loco weed. 64 00:02:38,990 --> 00:02:40,290 If you'd tell me how to help you, 65 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,345 I'll get you anything you need." 66 00:02:42,345 --> 00:02:45,680 Well, he looked at me for half a minute, then began to bawl. 67 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:50,900 He said, "Bear with me while I tell you what made me take this awful fall. 68 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:54,140 It was a woman from Chicago. 69 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,680 She put that Injun sign on me. 70 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,730 She said that I was handsome, 71 00:02:58,730 --> 00:03:00,970 as a man can be. 72 00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:03,990 I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to save my hide. 73 00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:08,830 I'm wrangling dudes instead of cattle. I'm what they call a first-class guide. 74 00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:11,390 I saddle's up their pump-tailed ponies, 75 00:03:11,390 --> 00:03:12,930 fix their stirrups for them too. 76 00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:15,030 I boost them up into the saddle. 77 00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:17,650 They give me tips when I'm through. 78 00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:19,630 Just like horses eating loco, 79 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:21,130 I couldn't quit, even if I tried. 80 00:03:21,130 --> 00:03:25,530 I reckon I'll wrangle dudes forever til the day that I shall die." 81 00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:28,910 Well, I drawed my gun and throwed it on him. 82 00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:30,230 I had to turn my face away, 83 00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:33,390 but I shot him squarely through the middle and where he fell, I left him lay. 84 00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:35,950 [LAUGHTER] I hated for to do it, 85 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:37,710 but what I'd done, you can't recall, 86 00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:40,515 but when a cowboy turns dude wrangler, 87 00:03:40,515 --> 00:03:43,760 he ain't no good no more at all. [APPLAUSE] 88 00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:54,570 JOHNNY CARSON: That's good Waddie. [APPLAUSE] You see, 89 00:03:54,570 --> 00:03:56,850 Bob, why do you remember that whole poem? 90 00:03:56,850 --> 00:04:01,460 [LAUGHTER] No problem at all. 91 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:06,180 Now, Baxter, I understand you started out as a veterinarian. Is that correct? 92 00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:06,690 BAXTER BLACK: Yes, sir. 93 00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:08,310 JOHNNY CARSON: Now you perform frequently? 94 00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:11,860 BAXTER BLACK: Well, I wound up doing this cowboy poetry for a living. 95 00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:15,675 I go to big places like Buffalo, Wyoming. 96 00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:17,170 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] 97 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:21,000 BAXTER BLACK: I'm going to be in Sioux Center, Iowa Saturday night. 98 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,855 JOHNNY CARSON: Sioux Center, Iowa. Good. 99 00:04:22,855 --> 00:04:25,320 [APPLAUSE] Do you want to give us a little sample? 100 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:31,320 BAXTER BLACK: Well, there's traditional cowboy poetry and then there's a lunatic fringe, 101 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,870 which is my area. 102 00:04:32,870 --> 00:04:36,755 [LAUGHTER] I might wind up standing up. 103 00:04:36,755 --> 00:04:38,960 JOHNNY CARSON: That's okay, sure. We'll follow you. 104 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:39,785 BAXTER BLACK: Is this plastic? 105 00:04:39,785 --> 00:04:41,420 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah, well, you can move that out way if you want to. [LAUGHTER] 106 00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:49,925 BAXTER BLACK: Now, cowboys and vegetarians don't necessarily always see eye to eye. 107 00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:51,860 I mean, I'm in the cow business. 108 00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:56,250 JOHNNY CARSON: Sure. 109 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,770 BAXTER BLACK: I found out the other day that they had done some studies and it 110 00:04:59,770 --> 00:05:04,445 turns out that they found that plants feel pain. Pain. 111 00:05:04,445 --> 00:05:05,810 JOHNNY CARSON: Well, I didn't know that. 112 00:05:05,810 --> 00:05:15,895 BAXTER BLACK: Yes. [LAUGHTER] That inspired this little piece entitled The Vegetarian's Nightmare. 113 00:05:15,895 --> 00:05:19,740 Or a dissertation on plants' rights. 114 00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:22,190 Brocolli power! 115 00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:27,480 Ladies and diners, I make you a shameful degrading confession. 116 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,520 A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste, 117 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,740 though I did it, I meant no aggression. 118 00:05:32,740 --> 00:05:37,640 I had planted a garden last April and lovingly sang it a ballad. 119 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:42,460 But later in June beneath the full moon, forgive me, 120 00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:44,120 I wanted a salad. 121 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:51,640 [LAUGHTER] So I slipped out and fondled a carrot, 122 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,150 caressing its feathery top. 123 00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:55,700 With the force of a brute, 124 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:58,300 I tore out the root! And it whimpered and came with a pop. 125 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,970 [LAUGHTER] Then laying my hand on a radish, 126 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:06,055 I jerked [POPPING SOUND] and it left a small crater. 127 00:06:06,055 --> 00:06:10,260 Then with the blade of my True Value spade, 128 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:19,000 [LAUGHTER] I exhumed a slumbering tater. [LAUGHTER] Celery I plucked, 129 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,100 I twisted a squash! 130 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,850 Tomatoes were wincing in fear! 131 00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:25,300 [LAUGHTER] I choked the Romaine, 132 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,540 it screamed out in pain. 133 00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,905 Their anguish was filling my ears! 134 00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:31,610 I finally came to the lettuce. 135 00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:34,220 As it cringed at the top of the row. [SQUEAKING SOUND] 136 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:39,400 [LAUGHTER] With one wicked slice, 137 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,480 I beheaded it twice, as it writhed, 138 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,900 I dealt a death blow. 139 00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:48,250 [LAUGHTER] I butchered the onions and parsley, 140 00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:52,090 though my hoe was all covered with gore. 141 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,260 I chopped and I whacked without looking back, 142 00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:59,045 then I stealthily slipped in the door. 143 00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:05,175 My bounty lay naked and dying, 144 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:08,190 so I drowned them to snuff out their life. 145 00:07:08,190 --> 00:07:10,900 I sliced and I peeled, as they thrashed, 146 00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:13,600 and they reeled on the cutting board under my knife. 147 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:19,910 [LAUGHTER] I violated tomatoes, 148 00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:23,770 [LAUGHTER] so their innards could never survive. 149 00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:26,010 I grated and ground 'til they made not a sound, 150 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,910 then I boiled the tater alive. 151 00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:33,990 [LAUGHTER] Then I took 152 00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:39,510 the small broken pieces I had tortured and killed with my hands and tossed them together, 153 00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:43,540 heedless of whether they suffered or made their demands. I ate them. 154 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:46,020 Forgive me, I'm sorry. 155 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:48,030 But hear me, though I'm a beginner, 156 00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:49,650 those plants feel pain. 157 00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:52,810 Though it's hard to explain to someone who eats them for dinner. 158 00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:58,590 I intend to begin a crusade for plants' rights, 159 00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:04,830 including chickpeas, and the ACLU will be helping me too. 160 00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:10,040 In the meantime, please pass the blue cheese. [LAUGHTER] 161 00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:15,370 JOHNNY CARSON: Very good. Thank you Baxter. 162 00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:21,340 We'll be back. Good stuff.