[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.04,0:00:04.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: [APPLAUSE] These two fellows you're going to meet are representatives of
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.06,0:00:06.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the annual gathering of the cowboy poets in Elko,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.94,0:00:09.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nevada, January the 29th through the 31st.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.12,0:00:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You may not realize it, and I didn't until
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.00,0:00:15.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a few years ago, that poetry is part of the cowboy tradition.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.76,0:00:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every year, 50 or 60 of these poets gather together and put on a show.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.72,0:00:22.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tonight representing are Waddie Mitchell and Baxter Black.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.89,0:00:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gentlemen.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.28,0:00:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[APPLAUSE]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.68,0:00:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's Waddie, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.64,0:00:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WADDIE MITCHELL: Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.04,0:00:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Good to see you again. How are you?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.26,0:00:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WADDIE MITCHELL: Just real good. Thanks.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.16,0:00:39.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Is this the second or third time you've been through this?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.83,0:00:39.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WADDIE MITCHELL: Third time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.95,0:00:41.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Third time and Baxter this is your first?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.84,0:00:42.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Yes, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.26,0:00:43.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Your first time out of the shoot.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.73,0:00:44.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: I'm proud to be here.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.92,0:00:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Does this thing get bigger every year?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.66,0:00:51.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WADDIE MITCHELL: Seems to, yeah. We've gotten some nice press,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.92,0:00:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there's folks that are finding they like it and coming.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.10,0:00:58.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: I want to ask you fellows who do cowboying for a living,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.20,0:01:03.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how you feel about Hollywood's depiction of cowboys in motion pictures?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.43,0:01:08.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WADDIE MITCHELL: Well, it's probably—I got a story about that if you want to hear that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.02,0:01:08.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.74,0:01:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,WADDIE MITCHELL: Written by Gail Gardner.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.00,0:01:13.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Says, I want to tell you a sad, sad
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.55,0:01:16.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,story of how a cowboy fell from grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.12,0:01:17.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really, this is something awful,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.84,0:01:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there never was a sadder case.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.24,0:01:22.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One time I had myself a partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.63,0:01:24.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never known one half so good.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.35,0:01:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We throwed our outfits in together and lived the way the cowboys should.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.79,0:01:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He savvied all about wild cattle and was handy with a rope and for gentle well-reined pony,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.53,0:01:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just give me one he'd broke.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.13,0:01:38.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He never owned the clothes but Levis and he wore them 'til they slick.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.03,0:01:40.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never worn the great big Stetson because where we rode,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.70,0:01:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the brush was thick.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.98,0:01:44.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He never had no time for women,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.50,0:01:45.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so bashful and shy was he,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.95,0:01:47.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then he'd know that they is poison,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.55,0:01:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he always let 'em be.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.80,0:01:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] Well, he went to work on distant ranges and I hadn't seen him for a year,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.10,0:01:54.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then I had no cause to worry.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.38,0:01:56.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know someday he'd appear.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.20,0:01:59.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I just rode in from the mountains feeling good and stepping light.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.32,0:02:02.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just sold on my yearlings, price was out of sight.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.00,0:02:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I seen the sight so awful,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.70,0:02:06.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it caused my joy to fade away.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.10,0:02:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And fill my very soul with sorrow,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.24,0:02:10.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never will forget that day.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.92,0:02:14.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well down the street there came a-tripping my old-time pardner
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.59,0:02:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as of yore and although, I know you won't believe me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.64,0:02:18.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me tell you what he wore.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.68,0:02:21.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had his boots outside his britches.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.37,0:02:23.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They was made of leather green and red.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.63,0:02:27.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His shirt was of a dozen colors loud enough to wake the dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.84,0:02:31.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] Around his neck, he had a kerchief knotted through a silver ring.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.69,0:02:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I swear to God, he had a wristwatch.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.43,0:02:35.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who'd ever heard of such a thing? Says I,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.61,0:02:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Old Scout, what's your trouble?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.03,0:02:38.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looks like you been eating loco weed.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.99,0:02:40.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you'd tell me how to help you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.29,0:02:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll get you anything you need."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.34,0:02:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, he looked at me for half a minute, then began to bawl.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.68,0:02:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "Bear with me while I tell you what made me take this awful fall.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.90,0:02:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a woman from Chicago.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.14,0:02:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She put that Injun sign on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.68,0:02:58.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said that I was handsome,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.73,0:03:00.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a man can be.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.97,0:03:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to save my hide.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.99,0:03:08.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm wrangling dudes instead of cattle. I'm what they call a first-class guide.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.83,0:03:11.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saddle's up their pump-tailed ponies,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.39,0:03:12.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fix their stirrups for them too.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.93,0:03:15.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I boost them up into the saddle.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.03,0:03:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They give me tips when I'm through.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.65,0:03:19.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just like horses eating loco,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.63,0:03:21.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't quit, even if I tried.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.13,0:03:25.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I reckon I'll wrangle dudes forever til the day that I shall die."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.79,0:03:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I drawed my gun and throwed it on him.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.91,0:03:30.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to turn my face away,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.23,0:03:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I shot him squarely through the middle and where he fell, I left him lay.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.39,0:03:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] I hated for to do it,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.95,0:03:37.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what I'd done, you can't recall,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.71,0:03:40.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when a cowboy turns dude wrangler,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.52,0:03:43.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he ain't no good no more at all. [APPLAUSE]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.79,0:03:54.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: That's good Waddie. [APPLAUSE] You see,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.57,0:03:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bob, why do you remember that whole poem?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.85,0:04:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] No problem at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.46,0:04:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Baxter, I understand you started out as a veterinarian. Is that correct?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.18,0:04:06.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Yes, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.69,0:04:08.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Now you perform frequently?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.31,0:04:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Well, I wound up doing this cowboy poetry for a living.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.86,0:04:15.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go to big places like Buffalo, Wyoming.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.68,0:04:17.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. [LAUGHTER]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.48,0:04:21.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: I'm going to be in Sioux Center, Iowa Saturday night.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.00,0:04:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Sioux Center, Iowa. Good.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.86,0:04:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[APPLAUSE] Do you want to give us a little sample?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.32,0:04:31.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Well, there's traditional cowboy poetry and then there's a lunatic fringe,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.32,0:04:32.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is my area.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.87,0:04:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] I might wind up standing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.76,0:04:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: That's okay, sure. We'll follow you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.96,0:04:39.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Is this plastic?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.78,0:04:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah, well, you can move that out way if you want to. [LAUGHTER]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.42,0:04:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Now, cowboys and vegetarians don't necessarily always see eye to eye.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.92,0:04:51.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I'm in the cow business.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.86,0:04:56.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.25,0:04:59.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: I found out the other day that they had done some studies and it
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.77,0:05:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turns out that they found that plants feel pain. Pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.44,0:05:05.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Well, I didn't know that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.81,0:05:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,BAXTER BLACK: Yes. [LAUGHTER] That inspired this little piece entitled The Vegetarian's Nightmare.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.90,0:05:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or a dissertation on plants' rights.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.74,0:05:22.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Brocolli power!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.19,0:05:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and diners, I make you a shameful degrading confession.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.48,0:05:30.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.52,0:05:32.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,though I did it, I meant no aggression.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.74,0:05:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had planted a garden last April and lovingly sang it a ballad.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.64,0:05:42.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But later in June beneath the full moon, forgive me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.46,0:05:44.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted a salad.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.12,0:05:51.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] So I slipped out and fondled a carrot,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.64,0:05:54.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,caressing its feathery top.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.15,0:05:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With the force of a brute,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.70,0:05:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tore out the root! And it whimpered and came with a pop.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.30,0:06:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] Then laying my hand on a radish,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.97,0:06:06.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I jerked [POPPING SOUND] and it left a small crater.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.06,0:06:10.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then with the blade of my True Value spade,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.40,0:06:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] I exhumed a slumbering tater. [LAUGHTER] Celery I plucked,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.00,0:06:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I twisted a squash!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.10,0:06:21.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tomatoes were wincing in fear!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.85,0:06:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] I choked the Romaine,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.30,0:06:26.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it screamed out in pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.54,0:06:28.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their anguish was filling my ears!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.90,0:06:31.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I finally came to the lettuce.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.61,0:06:34.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As it cringed at the top of the row. [SQUEAKING SOUND]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.22,0:06:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] With one wicked slice,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.40,0:06:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I beheaded it twice, as it writhed,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.48,0:06:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I dealt a death blow.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.74,0:06:48.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] I butchered the onions and parsley,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.25,0:06:52.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,though my hoe was all covered with gore.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.10,0:06:56.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I chopped and I whacked without looking back,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.26,0:06:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I stealthily slipped in the door.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.04,0:07:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My bounty lay naked and dying,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.18,0:07:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I drowned them to snuff out their life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.19,0:07:10.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sliced and I peeled, as they thrashed,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.90,0:07:13.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they reeled on the cutting board under my knife.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.60,0:07:19.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] I violated tomatoes,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.91,0:07:23.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] so their innards could never survive.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.77,0:07:26.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grated and ground 'til they made not a sound,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.01,0:07:27.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I boiled the tater alive.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.91,0:07:33.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[LAUGHTER] Then I took
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.99,0:07:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the small broken pieces I had tortured and killed with my hands and tossed them together,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.51,0:07:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,heedless of whether they suffered or made their demands. I ate them.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.54,0:07:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forgive me, I'm sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.02,0:07:48.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But hear me, though I'm a beginner,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.03,0:07:49.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those plants feel pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.65,0:07:52.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Though it's hard to explain to someone who eats them for dinner.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.81,0:07:58.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I intend to begin a crusade for plants' rights,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.59,0:08:04.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,including chickpeas, and the ACLU will be helping me too.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.83,0:08:10.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the meantime, please pass the blue cheese. [LAUGHTER]
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.17,0:08:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JOHNNY CARSON: Very good. Thank you Baxter.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.53,0:08:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll be back. Good stuff.