WEBVTT 00:00:01.040 --> 00:00:04.060 JOHNNY CARSON: [APPLAUSE] These two fellows you're going to meet are representatives of 00:00:04.060 --> 00:00:06.940 the annual gathering of the cowboy poets in Elko, 00:00:06.940 --> 00:00:09.120 Nevada, January the 29th through the 31st. 00:00:09.120 --> 00:00:12.000 You may not realize it, and I didn't until 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:15.760 a few years ago, that poetry is part of the cowboy tradition. 00:00:15.760 --> 00:00:19.725 Every year, 50 or 60 of these poets gather together and put on a show. 00:00:19.725 --> 00:00:22.890 Tonight representing are Waddie Mitchell and Baxter Black. 00:00:22.890 --> 00:00:23.280 Gentlemen. 00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:24.440 [APPLAUSE] 00:00:33.680 --> 00:00:35.640 It's Waddie, right? 00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:36.045 WADDIE MITCHELL: Yeah. 00:00:36.045 --> 00:00:37.260 JOHNNY CARSON: Good to see you again. How are you? 00:00:37.260 --> 00:00:38.160 WADDIE MITCHELL: Just real good. Thanks. 00:00:38.160 --> 00:00:39.830 JOHNNY CARSON: Is this the second or third time you've been through this? 00:00:39.830 --> 00:00:39.950 WADDIE MITCHELL: Third time. 00:00:39.950 --> 00:00:41.840 JOHNNY CARSON: Third time and Baxter this is your first? 00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:42.260 BAXTER BLACK: Yes, sir. 00:00:42.260 --> 00:00:43.730 JOHNNY CARSON: Your first time out of the shoot. 00:00:43.730 --> 00:00:44.915 BAXTER BLACK: I'm proud to be here. 00:00:44.915 --> 00:00:49.660 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Does this thing get bigger every year? 00:00:49.660 --> 00:00:51.920 WADDIE MITCHELL: Seems to, yeah. We've gotten some nice press, 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:55.095 and there's folks that are finding they like it and coming. 00:00:55.095 --> 00:00:58.200 JOHNNY CARSON: I want to ask you fellows who do cowboying for a living, 00:00:58.200 --> 00:01:03.430 how you feel about Hollywood's depiction of cowboys in motion pictures? 00:01:03.430 --> 00:01:08.025 WADDIE MITCHELL: Well, it's probably—I got a story about that if you want to hear that. 00:01:08.025 --> 00:01:08.745 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. 00:01:08.745 --> 00:01:11.005 WADDIE MITCHELL: Written by Gail Gardner. 00:01:11.005 --> 00:01:13.550 Says, I want to tell you a sad, sad 00:01:13.550 --> 00:01:16.120 story of how a cowboy fell from grace. 00:01:16.120 --> 00:01:17.840 Really, this is something awful, 00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:20.235 there never was a sadder case. 00:01:20.235 --> 00:01:22.630 One time I had myself a partner. 00:01:22.630 --> 00:01:24.350 I never known one half so good. 00:01:24.350 --> 00:01:27.790 We throwed our outfits in together and lived the way the cowboys should. 00:01:27.790 --> 00:01:32.530 He savvied all about wild cattle and was handy with a rope and for gentle well-reined pony, 00:01:32.530 --> 00:01:34.130 just give me one he'd broke. 00:01:34.130 --> 00:01:38.030 He never owned the clothes but Levis and he wore them 'til they slick. 00:01:38.030 --> 00:01:40.700 Never worn the great big Stetson because where we rode, 00:01:40.700 --> 00:01:41.980 the brush was thick. 00:01:41.980 --> 00:01:44.505 He never had no time for women, 00:01:44.505 --> 00:01:45.950 so bashful and shy was he, 00:01:45.950 --> 00:01:47.550 but then he'd know that they is poison, 00:01:47.550 --> 00:01:48.800 so he always let 'em be. 00:01:48.800 --> 00:01:53.100 [LAUGHTER] Well, he went to work on distant ranges and I hadn't seen him for a year, 00:01:53.100 --> 00:01:54.380 but then I had no cause to worry. 00:01:54.380 --> 00:01:56.200 I know someday he'd appear. 00:01:56.200 --> 00:01:59.320 Well, I just rode in from the mountains feeling good and stepping light. 00:01:59.320 --> 00:02:02.000 I just sold on my yearlings, price was out of sight. 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:04.700 But then I seen the sight so awful, 00:02:04.700 --> 00:02:06.100 it caused my joy to fade away. 00:02:06.100 --> 00:02:08.240 And fill my very soul with sorrow, 00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:10.925 I never will forget that day. 00:02:10.925 --> 00:02:14.590 Well down the street there came a-tripping my old-time pardner 00:02:14.590 --> 00:02:16.640 as of yore and although, I know you won't believe me. 00:02:16.640 --> 00:02:18.680 Let me tell you what he wore. 00:02:18.680 --> 00:02:21.370 He had his boots outside his britches. 00:02:21.370 --> 00:02:23.630 They was made of leather green and red. 00:02:23.630 --> 00:02:27.845 His shirt was of a dozen colors loud enough to wake the dead. 00:02:27.845 --> 00:02:31.690 [LAUGHTER] Around his neck, he had a kerchief knotted through a silver ring. 00:02:31.690 --> 00:02:33.430 I swear to God, he had a wristwatch. 00:02:33.430 --> 00:02:35.610 Who'd ever heard of such a thing? Says I, 00:02:35.610 --> 00:02:37.030 "Old Scout, what's your trouble? 00:02:37.030 --> 00:02:38.990 Looks like you been eating loco weed. 00:02:38.990 --> 00:02:40.290 If you'd tell me how to help you, 00:02:40.290 --> 00:02:42.345 I'll get you anything you need." 00:02:42.345 --> 00:02:45.680 Well, he looked at me for half a minute, then began to bawl. 00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:50.900 He said, "Bear with me while I tell you what made me take this awful fall. 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:54.140 It was a woman from Chicago. 00:02:54.140 --> 00:02:56.680 She put that Injun sign on me. 00:02:56.680 --> 00:02:58.730 She said that I was handsome, 00:02:58.730 --> 00:03:00.970 as a man can be. 00:03:00.970 --> 00:03:03.990 I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to save my hide. 00:03:03.990 --> 00:03:08.830 I'm wrangling dudes instead of cattle. I'm what they call a first-class guide. 00:03:08.830 --> 00:03:11.390 I saddle's up their pump-tailed ponies, 00:03:11.390 --> 00:03:12.930 fix their stirrups for them too. 00:03:12.930 --> 00:03:15.030 I boost them up into the saddle. 00:03:15.030 --> 00:03:17.650 They give me tips when I'm through. 00:03:17.650 --> 00:03:19.630 Just like horses eating loco, 00:03:19.630 --> 00:03:21.130 I couldn't quit, even if I tried. 00:03:21.130 --> 00:03:25.530 I reckon I'll wrangle dudes forever til the day that I shall die." 00:03:25.790 --> 00:03:28.910 Well, I drawed my gun and throwed it on him. 00:03:28.910 --> 00:03:30.230 I had to turn my face away, 00:03:30.230 --> 00:03:33.390 but I shot him squarely through the middle and where he fell, I left him lay. 00:03:33.390 --> 00:03:35.950 [LAUGHTER] I hated for to do it, 00:03:35.950 --> 00:03:37.710 but what I'd done, you can't recall, 00:03:37.710 --> 00:03:40.515 but when a cowboy turns dude wrangler, 00:03:40.515 --> 00:03:43.760 he ain't no good no more at all. [APPLAUSE] 00:03:43.790 --> 00:03:54.570 JOHNNY CARSON: That's good Waddie. [APPLAUSE] You see, 00:03:54.570 --> 00:03:56.850 Bob, why do you remember that whole poem? 00:03:56.850 --> 00:04:01.460 [LAUGHTER] No problem at all. 00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:06.180 Now, Baxter, I understand you started out as a veterinarian. Is that correct? 00:04:06.180 --> 00:04:06.690 BAXTER BLACK: Yes, sir. 00:04:06.690 --> 00:04:08.310 JOHNNY CARSON: Now you perform frequently? 00:04:08.310 --> 00:04:11.860 BAXTER BLACK: Well, I wound up doing this cowboy poetry for a living. 00:04:11.860 --> 00:04:15.675 I go to big places like Buffalo, Wyoming. 00:04:15.675 --> 00:04:17.170 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] 00:04:17.480 --> 00:04:21.000 BAXTER BLACK: I'm going to be in Sioux Center, Iowa Saturday night. 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:22.855 JOHNNY CARSON: Sioux Center, Iowa. Good. 00:04:22.855 --> 00:04:25.320 [APPLAUSE] Do you want to give us a little sample? 00:04:25.320 --> 00:04:31.320 BAXTER BLACK: Well, there's traditional cowboy poetry and then there's a lunatic fringe, 00:04:31.320 --> 00:04:32.870 which is my area. 00:04:32.870 --> 00:04:36.755 [LAUGHTER] I might wind up standing up. 00:04:36.755 --> 00:04:38.960 JOHNNY CARSON: That's okay, sure. We'll follow you. 00:04:38.960 --> 00:04:39.785 BAXTER BLACK: Is this plastic? 00:04:39.785 --> 00:04:41.420 JOHNNY CARSON: Yeah, well, you can move that out way if you want to. [LAUGHTER] 00:04:41.420 --> 00:04:49.925 BAXTER BLACK: Now, cowboys and vegetarians don't necessarily always see eye to eye. 00:04:49.925 --> 00:04:51.860 I mean, I'm in the cow business. 00:04:51.860 --> 00:04:56.250 JOHNNY CARSON: Sure. 00:04:56.250 --> 00:04:59.770 BAXTER BLACK: I found out the other day that they had done some studies and it 00:04:59.770 --> 00:05:04.445 turns out that they found that plants feel pain. Pain. 00:05:04.445 --> 00:05:05.810 JOHNNY CARSON: Well, I didn't know that. 00:05:05.810 --> 00:05:15.895 BAXTER BLACK: Yes. [LAUGHTER] That inspired this little piece entitled The Vegetarian's Nightmare. 00:05:15.895 --> 00:05:19.740 Or a dissertation on plants' rights. 00:05:19.740 --> 00:05:22.190 Brocolli power! 00:05:22.190 --> 00:05:27.480 Ladies and diners, I make you a shameful degrading confession. 00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:30.520 A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste, 00:05:30.520 --> 00:05:32.740 though I did it, I meant no aggression. 00:05:32.740 --> 00:05:37.640 I had planted a garden last April and lovingly sang it a ballad. 00:05:37.640 --> 00:05:42.460 But later in June beneath the full moon, forgive me, 00:05:42.460 --> 00:05:44.120 I wanted a salad. 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:51.640 [LAUGHTER] So I slipped out and fondled a carrot, 00:05:51.640 --> 00:05:54.150 caressing its feathery top. 00:05:54.150 --> 00:05:55.700 With the force of a brute, 00:05:55.700 --> 00:05:58.300 I tore out the root! And it whimpered and came with a pop. 00:05:58.300 --> 00:06:01.970 [LAUGHTER] Then laying my hand on a radish, 00:06:01.970 --> 00:06:06.055 I jerked [POPPING SOUND] and it left a small crater. 00:06:06.055 --> 00:06:10.260 Then with the blade of my True Value spade, 00:06:10.400 --> 00:06:19.000 [LAUGHTER] I exhumed a slumbering tater. [LAUGHTER] Celery I plucked, 00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:20.100 I twisted a squash! 00:06:20.100 --> 00:06:21.850 Tomatoes were wincing in fear! 00:06:21.850 --> 00:06:25.300 [LAUGHTER] I choked the Romaine, 00:06:25.300 --> 00:06:26.540 it screamed out in pain. 00:06:26.540 --> 00:06:28.905 Their anguish was filling my ears! 00:06:28.905 --> 00:06:31.610 I finally came to the lettuce. 00:06:31.610 --> 00:06:34.220 As it cringed at the top of the row. [SQUEAKING SOUND] 00:06:34.220 --> 00:06:39.400 [LAUGHTER] With one wicked slice, 00:06:39.400 --> 00:06:41.480 I beheaded it twice, as it writhed, 00:06:41.480 --> 00:06:43.900 I dealt a death blow. 00:06:44.740 --> 00:06:48.250 [LAUGHTER] I butchered the onions and parsley, 00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:52.090 though my hoe was all covered with gore. 00:06:53.100 --> 00:06:56.260 I chopped and I whacked without looking back, 00:06:56.260 --> 00:06:59.045 then I stealthily slipped in the door. 00:06:59.045 --> 00:07:05.175 My bounty lay naked and dying, 00:07:05.175 --> 00:07:08.190 so I drowned them to snuff out their life. 00:07:08.190 --> 00:07:10.900 I sliced and I peeled, as they thrashed, 00:07:10.900 --> 00:07:13.600 and they reeled on the cutting board under my knife. 00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:19.910 [LAUGHTER] I violated tomatoes, 00:07:19.910 --> 00:07:23.770 [LAUGHTER] so their innards could never survive. 00:07:23.770 --> 00:07:26.010 I grated and ground 'til they made not a sound, 00:07:26.010 --> 00:07:27.910 then I boiled the tater alive. 00:07:27.910 --> 00:07:33.990 [LAUGHTER] Then I took 00:07:33.990 --> 00:07:39.510 the small broken pieces I had tortured and killed with my hands and tossed them together, 00:07:39.510 --> 00:07:43.540 heedless of whether they suffered or made their demands. I ate them. 00:07:43.540 --> 00:07:46.020 Forgive me, I'm sorry. 00:07:46.020 --> 00:07:48.030 But hear me, though I'm a beginner, 00:07:48.030 --> 00:07:49.650 those plants feel pain. 00:07:49.650 --> 00:07:52.810 Though it's hard to explain to someone who eats them for dinner. 00:07:52.810 --> 00:07:58.590 I intend to begin a crusade for plants' rights, 00:07:58.590 --> 00:08:04.830 including chickpeas, and the ACLU will be helping me too. 00:08:04.830 --> 00:08:10.040 In the meantime, please pass the blue cheese. [LAUGHTER] 00:08:12.170 --> 00:08:15.370 JOHNNY CARSON: Very good. Thank you Baxter. 00:08:15.530 --> 00:08:21.340 We'll be back. Good stuff.