WEBVTT

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So when you think about a child,
a close friend, or a romantic partner,

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the word "love" probably comes to mind,

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and instantly other emotions rush in:

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joy and hope,

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excitement, trust and security,

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and yes, sometimes
sadness and disappointment.

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There might not be
a word in the dictionary

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that more of us
are connected to than love.

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Yet, given its central
importance in our lives,

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isn't it interesting that we're never
explicitly taught how to love?

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We build friendships,

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navigate early romantic relationships,

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get married and bring babies
home from the hospital

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with the expectation
that we'll figure it out.

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But the truth is, we often harm
and disrespect the ones we love.

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It can be subtle things
like guilting a friend

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into spending time with you

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or sneaking a peak
at your partner's texts

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or shaming a child
for their lack of effort at school.

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100 percent of us will be
on the receiving end

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of unhealthy relationship behaviors,

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and 100 percent of us
will do unhealthy things.

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It's part of being human.

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In its worst form, the harm
we inflict on loved ones

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shows up as abuse and violence,

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and relationship abuse

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is something that one in three women
and one in four men

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will experience in their lifetime.

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Now, if you're like most people,
when you hear those stats,

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you'll go, oh, no no no,
that would never happen to me.

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It's instinctual to move away
from the words "abuse" and "violence,"

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to think that they happen
to someone else somewhere else.

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But the truth is, unhealthy relationships
and abuse are all around us.

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We just call them different things
and ignore the connection.

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Abuse sneaks up on us
disguised in unhealthy love.

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I work for an organization called One Love

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started by a family whose daughter
Yeardley was killed by her ex-boyfriend.

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This was a tragedy no one saw coming,

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but when they looked back,

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they realized the warning signs were there

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just no one understood
what they were seeing.

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Called crazy or drama
or too much drinking,

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his actions weren't understood
to be what they really were,

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which was clear signs of danger.

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Her family realized that if anyone
had been educated about these signs,

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her death could have been prevented.

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So today we're on a mission
to make sure that others

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have the information
that Yeardley and her friends didn't.

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We have three main goals:

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give all of us a language
for talking about a subject

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that's quite awkward
and uncomfortable to discuss;

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empower a whole frontline,
namely friends, to help;

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and, in the process, improve
all of our ability to love better.

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To do this, it's always important
to start by illuminating

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the unhealthy signs
that we frequently miss,

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and our work really focuses
on creating content

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to start conversations with young people.

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As you'd expect, most of our content is
pretty serious, given the subject at hand,

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but today I'm going to use
one of our more light-hearted

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yet still thought-provoking pieces,

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the Couplets,