1
00:00:10,072 --> 00:00:12,013
(Referee whistle sound)

2
00:00:12,915 --> 00:00:14,161
Good evening!

3
00:00:14,161 --> 00:00:16,190
Good evening. How are you?

4
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,808
Are you good? Great!

5
00:00:18,808 --> 00:00:21,211
Welcome, welcome, welcome to this match.

6
00:00:21,416 --> 00:00:25,012
This match will take exactly 18 minutes.

7
00:00:25,463 --> 00:00:28,295
OK? And you're all part of the same team:

8
00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,080
Mechelen.

9
00:00:30,127 --> 00:00:31,169
OK?

10
00:00:31,169 --> 00:00:34,717
Hey guys, I would like to see
fair play on the field,

11
00:00:34,717 --> 00:00:37,206
respect and positivity.

12
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,677
Is that OK for everyone?

13
00:00:40,076 --> 00:00:41,486
Cool.

14
00:00:41,646 --> 00:00:43,047
Good luck!

15
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:48,538
One year ago, I decided
I wanted to become a football referee.

16
00:00:48,892 --> 00:00:51,547
Not because of the money, though.

17
00:00:51,547 --> 00:00:53,920
I only get paid 20 euros per match.

18
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,886
So I won't really get rich by it, will I?

19
00:00:56,886 --> 00:01:01,799
No. I decided to become a referee 
for two other reasons.

20
00:01:02,531 --> 00:01:05,345
One - to stay in good shape.

21
00:01:05,345 --> 00:01:11,755
Two - because I wanted to learn
how not to take things personally.

22
00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,497
[How not to take things personally?]

23
00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,616
I can see some people nodding.

24
00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:17,452
You are probably thinking,

25
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,269
"Being a referee
is the perfect environment

26
00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:23,720
to learn how not to take 
things personally, isn't it?"

27
00:01:23,965 --> 00:01:29,194
Because the spectators hardly ever 
shout encouraging or positive things.

28
00:01:29,194 --> 00:01:30,878
No. What do they shout?

29
00:01:30,878 --> 00:01:31,876
Come on, come on.

30
00:01:31,876 --> 00:01:33,610
[Audience:] "Loser! Are you blind?"

31
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:35,960
Yeah, yeah, good!

32
00:01:36,415 --> 00:01:39,126
As a referee, I am the scapegoat.

33
00:01:39,649 --> 00:01:41,881
Apparently, I'm always wrong.

34
00:01:41,881 --> 00:01:44,411
It's always my fault.

35
00:01:44,411 --> 00:01:49,290
And I wanted to learn 
how not to take all this personally.

36
00:01:51,227 --> 00:01:53,859
Because I really struggle with this.

37
00:01:54,209 --> 00:01:56,932
For example, when I drive slowly

38
00:01:56,932 --> 00:02:00,405
because I'm trying to find
a specific location

39
00:02:00,405 --> 00:02:03,705
and somebody is just
driving behind me,

40
00:02:03,705 --> 00:02:05,275
I feel hunted.

41
00:02:05,275 --> 00:02:08,628
Especially when they start honking 
and flashing their headlights,

42
00:02:10,226 --> 00:02:11,520
I take it personally.

43
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:16,400
I know I shouldn't, but it just happens.

44
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:18,472
Do you see what I mean?

45
00:02:19,152 --> 00:02:22,177
Or when somebody cancels 
an appointment last minute,

46
00:02:22,493 --> 00:02:25,253
I get the feeling
that I'm not important enough.

47
00:02:25,402 --> 00:02:28,789
Again, I take it personally.

48
00:02:30,073 --> 00:02:31,774
Even professionally.

49
00:02:31,791 --> 00:02:33,513
I'm a public speaker, like tonight.

50
00:02:33,513 --> 00:02:34,833
This is what I do.

51
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:37,846
I give keynote speeches,
and I really like it

52
00:02:37,846 --> 00:02:41,126
as long as I can draw 
my audience into my story.

53
00:02:41,931 --> 00:02:46,458
Because the very moment 
I see somebody is not paying attention -

54
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:49,448
for example, when somebody
is looking at his smartphone -

55
00:02:49,848 --> 00:02:52,069
(snap) it just happens:

56
00:02:52,069 --> 00:02:54,115
I take it personally.

57
00:02:54,722 --> 00:02:55,898
Relax!

58
00:02:55,898 --> 00:02:58,448
You are safe tonight. Don't worry.

59
00:02:58,448 --> 00:03:00,207
Feel free to take your smartphones,

60
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:02,514
and you can even start talking 
to your neighbor.

61
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,916
I will not take it personally.

62
00:03:04,916 --> 00:03:06,076
Why not?

63
00:03:06,076 --> 00:03:10,256
Because now, here and now,
I'm very conscious that this can happen.

64
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:13,980
And more importantly, 
I have a strategy to deal with it.

65
00:03:15,039 --> 00:03:19,360
So tonight, I would like to share
this strategy with you.

66
00:03:19,906 --> 00:03:21,406
Are you interested?

67
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,414
Cool.

68
00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:26,866
Because, I guess, I'm not 
the only person in this room

69
00:03:26,866 --> 00:03:29,673
who sometimes takes
things personally, right?

70
00:03:30,636 --> 00:03:32,003
Imagine -

71
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:35,571
imagine you invite a friend
to go to the movies, and she replies,

72
00:03:35,571 --> 00:03:37,584
"Oh, sorry, I have to work."

73
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:41,304
But you see a picture on social media

74
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:45,748
of her having dinner
with some friends that very night!

75
00:03:47,243 --> 00:03:50,935
Or imagine you really have worked
very hard on a project.

76
00:03:50,935 --> 00:03:52,998
You're really proud of the end result,

77
00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:57,210
but the only thing you get is criticism.

78
00:03:57,299 --> 00:03:58,621
So you come home,

79
00:03:58,621 --> 00:04:03,023
and you would like to wind down
and share this terrible experience.

80
00:04:03,227 --> 00:04:05,305
But while you're telling your story,

81
00:04:05,305 --> 00:04:08,902
the other one walks away 
to switch on the TV.

82
00:04:09,804 --> 00:04:13,353
Now, who would take
one of these situations personally?

83
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,070
Show me hands, come on.

84
00:04:15,563 --> 00:04:17,100
Lots of you.

85
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,300
Why?

86
00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:22,136
Why do we take things personally?

87
00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:25,186
Somebody says
or does something and bam!

88
00:04:25,186 --> 00:04:30,567
We feel hurt, neglected, offended, 
betrayed by the other one.

89
00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:32,097
That's what we believe, though.

90
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,260
It's the other person's fault.

91
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:36,636
He's responsible for what we feel.

92
00:04:36,636 --> 00:04:38,392
He's the one to blame.

93
00:04:38,392 --> 00:04:40,427
Now, hang on, hang on.

94
00:04:40,427 --> 00:04:42,293
Who says that?

95
00:04:42,293 --> 00:04:44,408
Which part of us is speaking?

96
00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:45,674
[Why?]

97
00:04:45,674 --> 00:04:46,684
[Ego]

98
00:04:46,684 --> 00:04:48,391
It's our ego.

99
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:53,161
Our ego thinks that others
should take us into consideration.

100
00:04:53,161 --> 00:04:56,123
Our ego doesn't want 
to be criticized, hell no!

101
00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:58,974
Our ego wants to be acknowledged:

102
00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:00,404
"I'm right!"

103
00:05:02,189 --> 00:05:04,163
Is this what you want?

104
00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:06,808
Do you want to be right?

105
00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:08,150
[Do you want to be right?]

106
00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:09,159
(Sigh)

107
00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:10,705
That's exhausting.

108
00:05:10,705 --> 00:05:13,916
When my ego takes over, 
I'm fighting all day.

109
00:05:13,916 --> 00:05:17,120
I'm in a constant struggle 
with the rest of the world.

110
00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:19,453
And it drains my energy.

111
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:24,695
Wouldn't it be so much easier 
to not take things personally?

112
00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:28,134
Because then no one has power over you.

113
00:05:28,134 --> 00:05:29,268
You're free.

114
00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:31,530
You experience much more 
harmony and connection

115
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,435
between you and other people.

116
00:05:33,435 --> 00:05:34,595
Of course!

117
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:38,100
Because your energy 
can go towards nice things

118
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:42,914
instead of endlessly battling 
against the things that drive you crazy.

119
00:05:43,917 --> 00:05:46,063
So the question is

120
00:05:46,063 --> 00:05:51,803
do you want to be right
or do you want to be happy?

121
00:05:53,044 --> 00:05:55,281
I know what some of you are thinking:

122
00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:59,474
"I will make sure
I will be happy by being right."

123
00:06:00,867 --> 00:06:02,829
Well, how do you do it?

124
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:07,999
How to become happy
by not taking things personally?

125
00:06:08,347 --> 00:06:13,063
You are standing at the kickoff
of the match of your life,

126
00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:17,713
the match by which you will learn
how to stop taking things personally.

127
00:06:17,992 --> 00:06:22,173
So as a referee,
I brought my coin for the toss.

128
00:06:22,487 --> 00:06:28,480
And every coin has two sides:
heads or tails.

129
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,884
And they stand for two strategies,

130
00:06:30,884 --> 00:06:34,707
two strategies to no longer
taking things personally.

131
00:06:35,518 --> 00:06:37,532
Sir, sir, good evening.

132
00:06:37,532 --> 00:06:40,561
You're the captain of this huge team.

133
00:06:40,561 --> 00:06:42,697
You can choose: heads or tails?

134
00:06:42,697 --> 00:06:43,710
("Captain") Heads.

135
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:44,910
Okay.

136
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,974
You're lucky. It's heads!

137
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:51,185
Are you ready for the first strategy?

138
00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:53,625
OK, here it comes.

139
00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,015
First strategy -

140
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,265
It's not about me.

141
00:06:57,905 --> 00:07:00,382
What do you mean it's not about me?

142
00:07:00,872 --> 00:07:03,233
This sounds weird, doesn't it?

143
00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:08,622
Because when I take things personally,
I'm convinced it is about me.

144
00:07:08,622 --> 00:07:11,946
When I see someone is looking
at his phone, I feel offended.

145
00:07:12,006 --> 00:07:16,226
I think, "Hey, I've put so much effort
and time in this presentation.

146
00:07:16,606 --> 00:07:18,185
I want respect."

147
00:07:18,185 --> 00:07:21,675
I think, "Me, myself and I."

148
00:07:22,371 --> 00:07:24,651
Sounds familiar, no? Yeah.

149
00:07:24,651 --> 00:07:28,911
But in fact, it isn't about me.

150
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:33,520
What if I try to look at it
from the other person's perspective,

151
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,271
asking myself,

152
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:39,664
"Why? Why is he or she
looking at his or her smartphone?"

153
00:07:39,765 --> 00:07:44,489
Maybe he has just received an important
message, one he has been waiting for.

154
00:07:44,794 --> 00:07:49,512
Or the topic of my presentation
is not really his cup of tea.

155
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:50,711
Could be!

156
00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:53,567
Or, on the contrary,
he finds it very interesting

157
00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:56,294
and he wants to take notes
on his smartphone.

158
00:07:56,294 --> 00:07:58,645
Very smart to do that, by the way.

159
00:07:59,809 --> 00:08:05,243
I simply need to shift my focus
from "me" to "we,"

160
00:08:05,461 --> 00:08:07,971
and I won't take it personally.

161
00:08:08,679 --> 00:08:11,459
If I try to see the intention
of the other one,

162
00:08:11,885 --> 00:08:16,456
I make space for understanding
instead of irritation.

163
00:08:17,075 --> 00:08:19,178
Does this ring a bell with you?

164
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,660
When you put your son to bed
but he doesn't want to,

165
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:26,546
he throws himself on the floor,
kicking and screaming "I hate you!"

166
00:08:27,523 --> 00:08:29,726
Do you take that personally?

167
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:31,269
No!

168
00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:34,839
No, you don't because you know 
this is not about me.

169
00:08:34,839 --> 00:08:37,377
It's about what he wants, what he needs.

170
00:08:37,377 --> 00:08:42,022
He's angry because he just wants
to stay up a bit longer, that's all.

171
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,379
So the first strategy 
to not take it personally is

172
00:08:45,379 --> 00:08:46,625
it's not about me.

173
00:08:46,625 --> 00:08:50,645
Look at the other person's intention.

174
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,390
When a driver is tailgating
and flashing his lights,

175
00:08:54,390 --> 00:08:57,005
he probably does it
because he's in a hurry.

176
00:08:57,005 --> 00:08:59,515
It's not about me, you see?

177
00:09:00,096 --> 00:09:02,813
It's as simple as that.

178
00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:06,773
In theory.

179
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:10,693
Because in real life,
it turns out to be a hell of a job.

180
00:09:12,078 --> 00:09:14,473
Do you have any idea, 
ladies and gentlemen,

181
00:09:14,473 --> 00:09:17,873
how many thoughts 
our brain produces a day?

182
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,981
50,000!

183
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,430
And guess how many of them are positive?

184
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:28,308
Only 10,000.

185
00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:34,758
So this means that 80% of what we think
are negative thoughts.

186
00:09:34,758 --> 00:09:36,608
That's a lot, isn't it?

187
00:09:38,216 --> 00:09:41,043
When you see two colleagues
talking to each other,

188
00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:45,234
and just then, they look at you
and they start laughing,

189
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:46,494
do you think,

190
00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:51,425
"Oh, they must have noticed my new shoes
and they want them too"?

191
00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:52,586
No!

192
00:09:52,586 --> 00:09:53,836
Or do you think,

193
00:09:53,836 --> 00:09:56,356
"Darn, they're laughing at me.

194
00:09:56,356 --> 00:09:58,581
They are gossiping about me."

195
00:09:59,114 --> 00:10:02,130
So it takes a lot of effort 
to correct yourself and say,

196
00:10:02,130 --> 00:10:04,260
"Hang on. I have no clue!

197
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:08,419
They might be laughing about something
that has nothing to do with me."

198
00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:12,957
So seeing the positive intention
of the other one

199
00:10:12,957 --> 00:10:17,577
requires a lot of discipline and training.

200
00:10:18,542 --> 00:10:22,232
And that's why I became a referee:

201
00:10:22,432 --> 00:10:26,712
to train my brain
not to take things personally.

202
00:10:27,199 --> 00:10:30,239
I train my brain
an hour and a half a week,

203
00:10:30,239 --> 00:10:31,618
the entire period of a match.

204
00:10:31,618 --> 00:10:33,858
I say this for the football dummies.

205
00:10:34,138 --> 00:10:36,247
Now, before the match, I'm warming up.

206
00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:38,447
Not only physically, but also mentally.

207
00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:42,198
I give myself some pep talk
in the dressing room:

208
00:10:42,198 --> 00:10:43,320
"Frederik, watch out.

209
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,812
Lots of things will trigger you
during the game.

210
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:49,342
You're going to make decisions
who some will not agree with

211
00:10:49,342 --> 00:10:51,880
and they will shout
unpleasant things at you."

212
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:53,129
So I tell myself,

213
00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:56,003
"Frederik, don't take it personally.

214
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,768
It's not about me.

215
00:10:58,927 --> 00:11:00,908
They just want to be right.

216
00:11:00,908 --> 00:11:04,978
They simply want their team to win."

217
00:11:04,978 --> 00:11:06,368
You see?

218
00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:09,530
When I focus on the intention
of the other person,

219
00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:12,126
there's no need to take it personally.

220
00:11:12,885 --> 00:11:16,310
When I apply this strategy
very consciously,

221
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:20,135
I admit it, I feel much more 
at ease on the field.

222
00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:23,204
When the coach,
the players or the spectators

223
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,624
do not agree with my decisions,

224
00:11:25,624 --> 00:11:28,994
I'm less easily thrown off balance.

225
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:33,905
This strategy, 
ladies and gentlemen, works!

226
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,600
But not always, unfortunately.

227
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:43,174
Because some words they shout at me,
like here, do really hit a raw nerve:

228
00:11:43,352 --> 00:11:45,790
"You're a loser. Choose another hobby!

229
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,538
You know what? Go fishing!"

230
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,669
Ouch!

231
00:11:51,573 --> 00:11:54,557
Maybe they are right.

232
00:11:55,930 --> 00:11:58,200
Perhaps I took the wrong decision.

233
00:11:58,201 --> 00:11:59,687
Maybe I am a loser.

234
00:11:59,687 --> 00:12:03,415
Honestly, that's how I feel sometimes.

235
00:12:04,783 --> 00:12:06,360
Do you see this?

236
00:12:06,558 --> 00:12:10,180
Every coin has a flip side.

237
00:12:10,357 --> 00:12:15,147
When this first strategy -
it's not about me - doesn't work,

238
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:19,172
it simply means "It is about me!"

239
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,557
[It is about me.]

240
00:12:22,062 --> 00:12:24,762
I have to look in the mirror
and question myself.

241
00:12:24,823 --> 00:12:27,950
As a beginning referee,
I still feel insecure.

242
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:29,087
Especially me.

243
00:12:29,087 --> 00:12:31,667
I never played soccer.

244
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:32,670
It is about me

245
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:36,457
because it has something to do
with my insecurity,

246
00:12:36,909 --> 00:12:38,389
I doubt about myself.

247
00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:42,438
Or a part of myself
that I haven't come to terms with.

248
00:12:44,384 --> 00:12:46,760
Do you see my point, ladies and gentlemen?

249
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:48,611
Even if I know

250
00:12:48,611 --> 00:12:52,187
that a driver is only tailgating
because he's in a hurry,

251
00:12:52,187 --> 00:12:57,336
I still take it personally when he honks
or he's flashing his headlights.

252
00:12:57,336 --> 00:12:58,959
So I must question myself.

253
00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:02,873
Probably I was driving too slowly.

254
00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:04,244
I'm aware of it.

255
00:13:04,244 --> 00:13:08,592
I just don't like
that clumsy part of myself.

256
00:13:08,592 --> 00:13:11,519
Why else would I 
take it personally, right?

257
00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:13,543
When I say,

258
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,633
"Ladies and gentlemen,
you are an orange,"

259
00:13:17,491 --> 00:13:19,511
who would take this personally?

260
00:13:20,081 --> 00:13:21,302
No one, right?

261
00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:22,357
Why not?

262
00:13:22,357 --> 00:13:26,877
Because nothing in you believes
that you are in fact an orange.

263
00:13:26,877 --> 00:13:28,267
An orange?

264
00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:32,660
Unless, of course, that you're a ginger
and you feel bad because of that.

265
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:34,679
Which is luckily not the case with me.

266
00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:40,217
But - but when someone says,
"Frederik, you are so selfish."

267
00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:41,898
Ouch!

268
00:13:41,898 --> 00:13:43,478
I do take it personally.

269
00:13:43,478 --> 00:13:47,478
And it only happens because I know
there is some truth in it.

270
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:49,760
If I'm honest,

271
00:13:50,493 --> 00:13:54,553
I'm aware of the fact that I do not always
take into account other people's needs.

272
00:13:57,065 --> 00:13:59,339
When you are being criticized

273
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,153
and it hurts,

274
00:14:01,153 --> 00:14:06,417
chances are big that this
is rooted in your childhood.

275
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:10,072
Maybe as a child
you were never good enough.

276
00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:12,251
When you came home with a 9 out of 10,

277
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,796
they said, "Hey, and why not a 10?"

278
00:14:15,625 --> 00:14:16,791
You see?

279
00:14:16,791 --> 00:14:22,936
We can only take things personally
if it somehow touches a raw nerve.

280
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:28,099
And that's the moment
to give yourself some empathy.

281
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:32,930
Ooh, this hurts. Darn!

282
00:14:33,608 --> 00:14:36,505
I'm longing so hard for recognition,

283
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,950
and I feel sad if I don't get it.

284
00:14:40,381 --> 00:14:41,571
You see?

285
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:44,268
And you can also - why not? - speak up.

286
00:14:44,414 --> 00:14:47,664
Just tell the other one
what's going on inside you.

287
00:14:48,106 --> 00:14:51,500
"Hey, I'm in the middle of my story here,

288
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,087
and you just walk away
to switch on the TV?

289
00:14:54,087 --> 00:14:56,900
It feels as if you don't care
about my story.

290
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,530
It's not nice."

291
00:14:59,206 --> 00:15:01,960
By opening up, by being vulnerable,

292
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,418
by telling what you feel
without blaming the other one,

293
00:15:05,418 --> 00:15:08,943
you increase the chance
that the other one will understand you

294
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:11,381
and take your needs into account.

295
00:15:11,839 --> 00:15:13,639
Do you see what I mean?

296
00:15:14,585 --> 00:15:16,040
To conclude -

297
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,380
how not to take things personally.

298
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,600
One - it is not about me!

299
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:26,695
Look at the other person's intention.

300
00:15:26,695 --> 00:15:28,227
If that doesn't work:

301
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:31,167
two - it is about me.

302
00:15:31,167 --> 00:15:33,737
Give yourself empathy and speak up.

303
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,210
Ladies and gentlemen,

304
00:15:38,279 --> 00:15:41,399
please, pretty please,
do not take it personally,

305
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:45,609
but I really do hope that you will take
a couple of things personally

306
00:15:45,609 --> 00:15:47,084
within the next hours and days.

307
00:15:47,084 --> 00:15:51,104
Only if you do, you can test out 
these two strategies.

308
00:15:52,044 --> 00:15:58,004
Imagine, just imagine
if we could all put this in practice.

309
00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:02,425
Wouldn't that enhance
our relationships enormously?

310
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,086
Together we could create a better world.

311
00:16:06,779 --> 00:16:08,467
Wouldn't that be great?

312
00:16:10,026 --> 00:16:14,440
And as a referee,
I even earn some money by it.

313
00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:18,807
Who doesn't like 20 euros to learn
how not to take things personally?

314
00:16:18,807 --> 00:16:20,237
Show me hands.

315
00:16:20,339 --> 00:16:21,369
Show me hands.

316
00:16:21,369 --> 00:16:22,578
Oh, so many.

317
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,629
Who still wants the 20 euros now?

318
00:16:34,677 --> 00:16:37,287
Who still wants the 20 euros now?

319
00:16:40,612 --> 00:16:42,750
Who still wants the 20 euros now?

320
00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:50,845
And who still wants them now?

321
00:16:52,099 --> 00:16:55,175
Why do you still want these 20 euros?

322
00:16:55,424 --> 00:16:58,134
(Audience member)
Because it's still 20 euros!

323
00:16:58,322 --> 00:17:04,271
People may attack you, 
criticize you or ignore you.

324
00:17:05,127 --> 00:17:11,807
They can crumple you up with their words,
spit you out or even walk all over you.

325
00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:14,279
But remember:

326
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,826
whatever they do or say,

327
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:21,489
you will always keep your value.

328
00:17:23,313 --> 00:17:24,482
Thank you.

329
00:17:24,482 --> 00:17:26,297
(Applause)