[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.07,0:00:12.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Referee whistle sound)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.92,0:00:14.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good evening!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.16,0:00:16.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good evening. How are you?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.56,0:00:18.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you good? Great!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.81,0:00:21.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome, welcome, welcome to this match.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.42,0:00:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This match will take exactly 18 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.46,0:00:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK? And you're all part of the same team:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.81,0:00:30.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mechelen.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.13,0:00:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.17,0:00:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey guys, I would like to see\Nfair play on the field,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.72,0:00:37.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,respect and positivity.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.60,0:00:39.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that OK for everyone?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.08,0:00:41.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.65,0:00:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good luck!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.50,0:00:48.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One year ago, I decided\NI wanted to become a football referee.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.89,0:00:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not because of the money, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.55,0:00:53.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I only get paid 20 euros per match.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.92,0:00:56.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I won't really get rich by it, will I?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.89,0:01:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. I decided to become a referee \Nfor two other reasons.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.53,0:01:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One - to stay in good shape.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.34,0:01:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two - because I wanted to learn\Nhow not to take things personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.76,0:01:13.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[How not to take things personally?]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.07,0:01:15.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can see some people nodding.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.62,0:01:17.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are probably thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.45,0:01:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Being a referee\Nis the perfect environment
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.27,0:01:23.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to learn how not to take \Nthings personally, isn't it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.96,0:01:29.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the spectators hardly ever \Nshout encouraging or positive things.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.19,0:01:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. What do they shout?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.88,0:01:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, come on.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.88,0:01:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Audience:] "Loser! Are you blind?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.61,0:01:35.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, yeah, good!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.42,0:01:39.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a referee, I am the scapegoat.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.65,0:01:41.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apparently, I'm always wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.88,0:01:44.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's always my fault.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.41,0:01:49.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wanted to learn \Nhow not to take all this personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.23,0:01:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I really struggle with this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.21,0:01:56.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, when I drive slowly
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.93,0:02:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm trying to find\Na specific location
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.40,0:02:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and somebody is just\Ndriving behind me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.70,0:02:05.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel hunted.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.28,0:02:08.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially when they start honking \Nand flashing their headlights,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.23,0:02:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.52,0:02:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know I shouldn't, but it just happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.42,0:02:18.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see what I mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.15,0:02:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or when somebody cancels \Nan appointment last minute,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.49,0:02:25.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get the feeling\Nthat I'm not important enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.40,0:02:28.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, I take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.07,0:02:31.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even professionally.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.79,0:02:33.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a public speaker, like tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.51,0:02:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.83,0:02:37.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I give keynote speeches,\Nand I really like it
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.85,0:02:41.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as long as I can draw \Nmy audience into my story.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.93,0:02:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the very moment \NI see somebody is not paying attention -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.46,0:02:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for example, when somebody\Nis looking at his smartphone -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.85,0:02:52.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(snap) it just happens:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.07,0:02:54.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.72,0:02:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Relax!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.90,0:02:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are safe tonight. Don't worry.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.45,0:03:00.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Feel free to take your smartphones,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.21,0:03:02.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can even start talking \Nto your neighbor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.51,0:03:04.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will not take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.92,0:03:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why not?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.08,0:03:10.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because now, here and now,\NI'm very conscious that this can happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.26,0:03:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And more importantly, \NI have a strategy to deal with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.04,0:03:19.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So tonight, I would like to share\Nthis strategy with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.91,0:03:21.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you interested?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.91,0:03:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.41,0:03:26.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because, I guess, I'm not \Nthe only person in this room
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.87,0:03:29.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who sometimes takes\Nthings personally, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.64,0:03:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.25,0:03:35.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,imagine you invite a friend\Nto go to the movies, and she replies,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.57,0:03:37.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, sorry, I have to work."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.93,0:03:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you see a picture on social media
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.30,0:03:45.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of her having dinner\Nwith some friends that very night!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.24,0:03:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or imagine you really have worked\Nvery hard on a project.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.94,0:03:52.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're really proud of the end result,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.64,0:03:57.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the only thing you get is criticism.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.30,0:03:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you come home,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.62,0:04:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you would like to wind down\Nand share this terrible experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.23,0:04:05.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But while you're telling your story,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.30,0:04:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the other one walks away \Nto switch on the TV.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.80,0:04:13.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, who would take\None of these situations personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.35,0:04:15.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show me hands, come on.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.56,0:04:17.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lots of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.05,0:04:19.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.79,0:04:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do we take things personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.14,0:04:25.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Somebody says\Nor does something and bam!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.19,0:04:30.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We feel hurt, neglected, offended, \Nbetrayed by the other one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.57,0:04:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what we believe, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.10,0:04:34.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the other person's fault.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.30,0:04:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's responsible for what we feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.64,0:04:38.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the one to blame.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.39,0:04:40.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, hang on, hang on.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.43,0:04:42.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who says that?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.29,0:04:44.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which part of us is speaking?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.41,0:04:45.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Why?]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.67,0:04:46.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Ego]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.68,0:04:48.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's our ego.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.52,0:04:53.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our ego thinks that others\Nshould take us into consideration.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.16,0:04:56.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our ego doesn't want \Nto be criticized, hell no!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.12,0:04:58.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our ego wants to be acknowledged:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.97,0:05:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm right!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.19,0:05:04.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is this what you want?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.73,0:05:06.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want to be right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.81,0:05:08.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Do you want to be right?]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.15,0:05:09.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Sigh)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.16,0:05:10.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's exhausting.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.70,0:05:13.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my ego takes over, \NI'm fighting all day.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.92,0:05:17.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in a constant struggle \Nwith the rest of the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.67,0:05:19.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it drains my energy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.84,0:05:24.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wouldn't it be so much easier \Nto not take things personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.98,0:05:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because then no one has power over you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.13,0:05:29.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're free.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.27,0:05:31.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You experience much more \Nharmony and connection
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.53,0:05:33.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between you and other people.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.44,0:05:34.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.60,0:05:38.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because your energy \Ncan go towards nice things
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.10,0:05:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of endlessly battling \Nagainst the things that drive you crazy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.92,0:05:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the question is
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.06,0:05:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do you want to be right\Nor do you want to be happy?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.04,0:05:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know what some of you are thinking:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.28,0:05:59.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I will make sure\NI will be happy by being right."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.87,0:06:02.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, how do you do it?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.83,0:06:07.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How to become happy\Nby not taking things personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.35,0:06:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are standing at the kickoff\Nof the match of your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.06,0:06:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the match by which you will learn\Nhow to stop taking things personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.99,0:06:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as a referee,\NI brought my coin for the toss.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.49,0:06:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And every coin has two sides:\Nheads or tails.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.48,0:06:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they stand for two strategies,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.88,0:06:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two strategies to no longer\Ntaking things personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.52,0:06:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sir, sir, good evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.53,0:06:40.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're the captain of this huge team.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.56,0:06:42.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can choose: heads or tails?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.70,0:06:43.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,("Captain") Heads.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.71,0:06:44.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.54,0:06:48.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're lucky. It's heads!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.97,0:06:51.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you ready for the first strategy?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.40,0:06:53.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, here it comes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.62,0:06:55.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First strategy -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.02,0:06:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.90,0:07:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you mean it's not about me?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.87,0:07:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This sounds weird, doesn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.23,0:07:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when I take things personally,\NI'm convinced it is about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.62,0:07:11.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I see someone is looking\Nat his phone, I feel offended.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.01,0:07:16.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think, "Hey, I've put so much effort\Nand time in this presentation.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.61,0:07:18.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want respect."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.18,0:07:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think, "Me, myself and I."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.37,0:07:24.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sounds familiar, no? Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.65,0:07:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in fact, it isn't about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.05,0:07:33.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if I try to look at it\Nfrom the other person's perspective,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.52,0:07:35.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,asking myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.27,0:07:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why? Why is he or she\Nlooking at his or her smartphone?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.76,0:07:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe he has just received an important\Nmessage, one he has been waiting for.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.79,0:07:49.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or the topic of my presentation\Nis not really his cup of tea.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.51,0:07:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Could be!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.71,0:07:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or, on the contrary,\Nhe finds it very interesting
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.57,0:07:56.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he wants to take notes\Non his smartphone.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.29,0:07:58.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Very smart to do that, by the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.81,0:08:05.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I simply need to shift my focus\Nfrom "me" to "we,"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.46,0:08:07.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I won't take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.68,0:08:11.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I try to see the intention\Nof the other one,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.88,0:08:16.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I make space for understanding\Ninstead of irritation.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.08,0:08:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Does this ring a bell with you?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.96,0:08:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you put your son to bed\Nbut he doesn't want to,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.66,0:08:26.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he throws himself on the floor,\Nkicking and screaming "I hate you!"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.52,0:08:29.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you take that personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.27,0:08:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.27,0:08:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, you don't because you know \Nthis is not about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.84,0:08:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's about what he wants, what he needs.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.38,0:08:42.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's angry because he just wants\Nto stay up a bit longer, that's all.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.02,0:08:45.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the first strategy \Nto not take it personally is
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.38,0:08:46.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.62,0:08:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at the other person's intention.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.14,0:08:54.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When a driver is tailgating\Nand flashing his lights,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.39,0:08:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he probably does it\Nbecause he's in a hurry.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.00,0:08:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not about me, you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.10,0:09:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's as simple as that.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.24,0:09:06.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In theory.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.91,0:09:10.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because in real life,\Nit turns out to be a hell of a job.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.08,0:09:14.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you have any idea, \Nladies and gentlemen,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.47,0:09:17.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how many thoughts \Nour brain produces a day?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.35,0:09:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,50,000!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.40,0:09:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And guess how many of them are positive?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.76,0:09:28.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only 10,000.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.31,0:09:34.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this means that 80% of what we think\Nare negative thoughts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.76,0:09:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a lot, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.22,0:09:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you see two colleagues\Ntalking to each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.04,0:09:45.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just then, they look at you\Nand they start laughing,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.23,0:09:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do you think,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.49,0:09:51.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, they must have noticed my new shoes\Nand they want them too"?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.42,0:09:52.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.59,0:09:53.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or do you think,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.84,0:09:56.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Darn, they're laughing at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.36,0:09:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are gossiping about me."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.11,0:10:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it takes a lot of effort \Nto correct yourself and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.13,0:10:04.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hang on. I have no clue!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.26,0:10:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They might be laughing about something\Nthat has nothing to do with me."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.35,0:10:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So seeing the positive intention\Nof the other one
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.96,0:10:17.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,requires a lot of discipline and training.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.54,0:10:22.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's why I became a referee:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.43,0:10:26.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to train my brain\Nnot to take things personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.20,0:10:30.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I train my brain\Nan hour and a half a week,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.24,0:10:31.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the entire period of a match.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.62,0:10:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say this for the football dummies.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.14,0:10:36.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, before the match, I'm warming up.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.25,0:10:38.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only physically, but also mentally.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.45,0:10:42.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I give myself some pep talk\Nin the dressing room:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.20,0:10:43.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Frederik, watch out.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.32,0:10:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lots of things will trigger you\Nduring the game.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.81,0:10:49.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're going to make decisions\Nwho some will not agree with
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.34,0:10:51.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they will shout\Nunpleasant things at you."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.90,0:10:53.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I tell myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.13,0:10:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Frederik, don't take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.00,0:10:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.93,0:11:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They just want to be right.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.91,0:11:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They simply want their team to win."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.98,0:11:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.37,0:11:09.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I focus on the intention\Nof the other person,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.53,0:11:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's no need to take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.88,0:11:16.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I apply this strategy\Nvery consciously,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.31,0:11:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I admit it, I feel much more \Nat ease on the field.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.20,0:11:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When the coach,\Nthe players or the spectators
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.20,0:11:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do not agree with my decisions,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.62,0:11:28.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm less easily thrown off balance.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.82,0:11:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This strategy, \Nladies and gentlemen, works!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.20,0:11:38.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But not always, unfortunately.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.60,0:11:43.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because some words they shout at me,\Nlike here, do really hit a raw nerve:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.35,0:11:45.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You're a loser. Choose another hobby!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.79,0:11:47.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what? Go fishing!"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.40,0:11:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ouch!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.57,0:11:54.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe they are right.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.93,0:11:58.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps I took the wrong decision.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.20,0:11:59.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe I am a loser.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.69,0:12:03.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly, that's how I feel sometimes.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.78,0:12:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see this?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.56,0:12:10.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every coin has a flip side.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.36,0:12:15.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When this first strategy -\Nit's not about me - doesn't work,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.15,0:12:19.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it simply means "It is about me!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.17,0:12:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[It is about me.]
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.06,0:12:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to look in the mirror\Nand question myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.82,0:12:27.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a beginning referee,\NI still feel insecure.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.95,0:12:29.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.09,0:12:31.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never played soccer.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.67,0:12:32.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is about me
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.67,0:12:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it has something to do\Nwith my insecurity,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.91,0:12:38.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I doubt about myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.18,0:12:42.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or a part of myself\Nthat I haven't come to terms with.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.38,0:12:46.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see my point, ladies and gentlemen?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.18,0:12:48.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if I know
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.61,0:12:52.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that a driver is only tailgating\Nbecause he's in a hurry,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.19,0:12:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still take it personally when he honks\Nor he's flashing his headlights.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.34,0:12:58.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I must question myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.96,0:13:02.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Probably I was driving too slowly.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.89,0:13:04.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm aware of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.24,0:13:08.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just don't like\Nthat clumsy part of myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.59,0:13:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why else would I \Ntake it personally, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.38,0:13:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I say,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.54,0:13:16.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ladies and gentlemen,\Nyou are an orange,"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.49,0:13:19.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who would take this personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.08,0:13:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.30,0:13:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why not?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.36,0:13:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because nothing in you believes\Nthat you are in fact an orange.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.88,0:13:28.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An orange?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.58,0:13:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unless, of course, that you're a ginger\Nand you feel bad because of that.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.66,0:13:34.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is luckily not the case with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.68,0:13:40.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But - but when someone says,\N"Frederik, you are so selfish."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.90,0:13:41.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ouch!
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.90,0:13:43.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do take it personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.48,0:13:47.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it only happens because I know\Nthere is some truth in it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.32,0:13:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I'm honest,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.49,0:13:54.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm aware of the fact that I do not always\Ntake into account other people's needs.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.06,0:13:59.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you are being criticized
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.34,0:14:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it hurts,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.15,0:14:06.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,chances are big that this\Nis rooted in your childhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.95,0:14:10.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe as a child\Nyou were never good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.33,0:14:12.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you came home with a 9 out of 10,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.25,0:14:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they said, "Hey, and why not a 10?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.62,0:14:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.79,0:14:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can only take things personally\Nif it somehow touches a raw nerve.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.71,0:14:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the moment\Nto give yourself some empathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.12,0:14:32.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, this hurts. Darn!
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.61,0:14:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm longing so hard for recognition,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.76,0:14:39.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I feel sad if I don't get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.38,0:14:41.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.93,0:14:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you can also - why not? - speak up.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.41,0:14:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just tell the other one\Nwhat's going on inside you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.11,0:14:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, I'm in the middle of my story here,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.50,0:14:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you just walk away\Nto switch on the TV?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.09,0:14:56.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It feels as if you don't care\Nabout my story.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.90,0:14:58.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not nice."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.21,0:15:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By opening up, by being vulnerable,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.96,0:15:05.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by telling what you feel\Nwithout blaming the other one,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.42,0:15:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you increase the chance\Nthat the other one will understand you
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.94,0:15:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and take your needs into account.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.84,0:15:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see what I mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.58,0:15:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To conclude -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.04,0:15:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how not to take things personally.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.76,0:15:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One - it is not about me!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.70,0:15:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at the other person's intention.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.70,0:15:28.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If that doesn't work:
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.23,0:15:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two - it is about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.17,0:15:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Give yourself empathy and speak up.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.56,0:15:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and gentlemen,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.28,0:15:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,please, pretty please,\Ndo not take it personally,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.40,0:15:45.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I really do hope that you will take\Na couple of things personally
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.61,0:15:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,within the next hours and days.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.08,0:15:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only if you do, you can test out \Nthese two strategies.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.04,0:15:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine, just imagine\Nif we could all put this in practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.14,0:16:02.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wouldn't that enhance\Nour relationships enormously?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.00,0:16:06.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Together we could create a better world.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.78,0:16:08.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wouldn't that be great?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.03,0:16:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as a referee,\NI even earn some money by it.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.13,0:16:18.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who doesn't like 20 euros to learn\Nhow not to take things personally?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.81,0:16:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show me hands.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.34,0:16:21.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show me hands.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.37,0:16:22.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, so many.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.45,0:16:27.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who still wants the 20 euros now?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.68,0:16:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who still wants the 20 euros now?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.61,0:16:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who still wants the 20 euros now?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.84,0:16:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And who still wants them now?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.10,0:16:55.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do you still want these 20 euros?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.42,0:16:58.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience member)\NBecause it's still 20 euros!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.32,0:17:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People may attack you, \Ncriticize you or ignore you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.13,0:17:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They can crumple you up with their words,\Nspit you out or even walk all over you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.45,0:17:14.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But remember:
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.60,0:17:16.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever they do or say,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.77,0:17:21.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will always keep your value.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.31,0:17:24.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.48,0:17:26.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)