WEBVTT

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Good evening, Good evening
How are you?

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Are you good?

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Great, welcome welcome 
welcome to this match

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this match will take exactly 18 minutes.

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And you all part of the same team

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Hey guys, I would like to see fair play
on the field, respect, and positivity.

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Is that ok for everyone?

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Cool. Good luck.

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One year ago, I decided I wanted to become 
a football referee,

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um, it's not because of the money though 
I only get paid 20 euros per match.

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So, I won't really get rich by it rely.

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Now, I decided to become a referee 
for 2 other reasons.

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One, do things go cheap?
Two, because I wanted to learn

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How not to take things personally?

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I can see some people nodding, 
you're probably thinking being a referee

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is a perfect environment to learn 
how not to take things personally?

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Isn't it?

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Because, expectators hardly ever shouted encouraging or positive things.

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No. 
What do they shout?

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Come on, come on.

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[Loser, Are you blind?]
Yeah, good good.

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As a referee, I am discabed goat.

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Apparently, I'm always wrong.
It's always my fault.

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And I wanted to learn 
how not to take all of this personally.

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Because I really struggle with this.

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For example, when I drive slowly
because I'm trying to find this specific location.

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And somebody is just driving behind me,
I feel hunted,

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especially when they start honking, 
and flashing their headlines.

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[Sigh]

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I take personally.
I know, I shouldn't.

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But it just happens, do you see what I mean?

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Or when somebody cancels 
an appointment last minute

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I get the feeling that 
I'm not important enough.

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Again, I take it personally.

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Even professionally.

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I'm a public speaker like tonight,
this is what I do,

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I give keynotes speeches 
and I really like it

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as long as I can draw my audience into my story

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because the very, the very moment I see somebody is not paying attention 
for example somebody is looking at his smartphone

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it just happens, I take it personally.

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Relax, you're all safe tonight.

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Don't worry, feel free to take your smartphones and you can even start talking to your neighbor.

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I will not take it personally.
Why not?

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Because now, here and now, I'm very conscious that this can happen 
and more importantly I have a strategies to deal with it.

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So tonight I would like to share this strategy with you

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Are you interested?
Cool.

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Because I guess I am not the only person in this room who sometimes take things personally, right?

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Imagine you invite a friend to go to the movies, 
and she replied:

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- Oh sorry, I have to work.

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But you see a picture on social media of her having dinner with some friends, that's very nice.

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Or imagine you really have worked very hard on project.
You really proud of the end results.

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But the only thing you get is criticism.
So you come home and would like to wind down and share

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this terrible experience.
But while you're telling your story

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the other one walks away, to switch on the TV.

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Now, who would take one of these situations personally.
Show me hands, come on.

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Lots of you.

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Why? 
Why do we take things personally?

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Somebody said or does something, and
BAM!

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We feel hurt, neglected, of offended, betrayed by the other one,
that's what we believe though.

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It's the other person's fault.
He's responsible for what we feel.

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He's the one to blame.
Now, hang on, hang on.

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Who said that?
Which part of us is speaking?

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It's our ego.
Our ego thinks that others should take us into consideration.

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Our ego doesn't want to be criticize. 
Hell, no.

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Our ego wants to be acknowledged and right.

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(Sigh)

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Is this what you want? 
Do you want to be right?

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(Sigh)
That's exhausting.

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When my ego takes over, I'm fighting all day.
I'm in a constant struggle with the rest of the world.

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And it drains my energy.

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Would it be so much easier to not take things personally?

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Because then, no one has power over you.

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You're free, you experience much more harmony and connection between you and other people.

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Of course, because your energy can go to a nice things.

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Instead of enlessly battling against things that drive you crazy.

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So, the question is?
Do you want to be right?

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Or do you want to be happy?

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I know what some of you are thinking,

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I wil make sure I will be happy by
being right?

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Well, how do you do it?

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How to become happy by not taking things personally?

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You are standing at the kick off of the match of your life

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The match by with you will learn how to stop taking things personally

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So as a referee, I brought my coin for the task and every coin has two sides

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has or too

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They stand for two strategies, two strategies to no longer taking things personally.

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Sir, sir, good evening.
You're the captain of this huge team.

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You can choose, has to tails?

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Has
You're lucky, it's has.

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Are you ready for the first strategy?
Ok, here it come.

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First strategy.
It's not about me.

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What do you mean it's not about me?
This sounds weird.

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Doesn't it?
Because when I take things personally,

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I'm convinced it is about me.
When I see someone is looking at his phone,

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I feel offended.
I think:

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Hey, I put so much effort and excitement in presentation

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I want to be respected.
I think me, myself and I.

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Sound familiar, no?
Yeah.

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But in fact, it isn't about me.
What if I try to look at it from the other person's perspective?

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Asking myself, Why?
Why is he or she looking at his or her smartphone?

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Maybe, he has just received an important message, one he has been waiting for.

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Or the topic of my representation is not really his cup of tea, could be?

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Or in other country, he finds it very interesting and he wants to take note on his smartphone.

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Very smart to do that by the way.

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I simply need to shift my focus from Me to We.

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And I won't take it personally.

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If I try to see the attention of the other one

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I make space from the standing instead of irritation.

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Does this ring a bell with you?

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When you put your son to bed, but he doesn't want to

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he throws himself on the floor,
kicking and streaming

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"I hate you".
Do you take it personally?

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No, you don't.
Because you know this is not about me,

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this's about what he wants, what he needs, he's angry because he just want to stay up a little bit longer.

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That's all.

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So the first strategy, to not take it personally is It's not about me.

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Look at the other person's intention.

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When a driver