WEBVTT

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Coffeezilla,

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you have previously only made

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exceptional and

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well-researched videos,

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but now that you did one about me,

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that track record means nothing.

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Coffee, you are incredibly talented

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and remarkably handsome,

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but you're basically a cop.

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But, as opposed to telling you,

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I am going to show you

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the discrepancies I caught in your video

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about my scam.

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One: you did not disclose

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that I hired a bunch of criminals

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for this project.

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Are you trying to protect them?

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Or are you trying to protect me

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from something that arguably

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makes me look worse?

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Do you like me, is that why?

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Do you have a tiny little crush on me?

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'Cause if-- if you did,

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that wouldn't even be

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that big of a problem,

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I'd actually be kinda

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happy about tha--

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Two: you contacted my manager

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instead of me

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directly for comment.

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Do you think he's gonna

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get that message through to me? 
(SCOFFS)

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That's not his job.

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I mean, unless it is.

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In which case...

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well, I don't really

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know what he does.

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Then, when you did

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get through to me,

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it was on Christmas Eve.

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Do you want to ruin

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this little guy's Christmas?

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I was drinkin' eggnog with the homies,

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roasting chestnuts by the fire.

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What is wrong with you?

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Now, let me reiterate:

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I did hire a bunch of criminals

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who scammed people.

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But the real victim of all of this...

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is my reputation,

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which I have spent so much time and money

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trying to rehabilitate

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ever since that incident,

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the thing-- w-we don't talk--

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we don't have to... we--

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we don't have to talk--

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Coffeezilla, look.

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You're a cutie,

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you're a little cutie pie,

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I'm not gonna deny that,

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and I love you like a dear friend.

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But you are a fraud,

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and I hate you,

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and I will see you in court.