[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.95,0:00:19.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps you know what this is.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.12,0:00:23.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is called a demo,\Nand it's sometimes used in schools
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.10,0:00:25.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to show young people\Nhow to put on a condom correctly.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.39,0:00:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there is a correct way\Nbecause ejaculation comes out of the penis
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.76,0:00:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at just under 30 miles per hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.09,0:00:36.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there needs to be no air in the tip\Nfor it to withhold the spurt.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.08,0:00:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you know that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.75,0:00:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.85,0:00:45.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you know that\Nwhen you first started having sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.30,0:00:47.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you started to have relationships?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.51,0:00:48.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps you were lucky
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.83,0:00:51.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and someone showed you\Nhow to put on a condom using one of these.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.22,0:00:54.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe penises just aren't your thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.86,0:00:57.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you needed to be told\Nabout an alternative method.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.06,0:01:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But did you know what to ask for what\Nyou really enjoyed when you first had sex?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.30,0:01:06.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to talk to you today\Nabout changing the narrative
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.28,0:01:07.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,within sex education,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.72,0:01:10.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why we should be talking about it\Nsooner rather than later,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.99,0:01:13.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and why we should be\Ntalking about pleasure.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.77,0:01:17.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'll be pleased to know that there's\Nno audience participation in my talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.35,0:01:19.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can all breathe a sigh of relief.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.06,0:01:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is sex for?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.60,0:01:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do we have sex?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.32,0:01:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to be blunt and presume\Nthat the majority of people
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.18,0:01:31.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,aren't having sex\Nfor just procreation purposes,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.83,0:01:35.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that we have sex\Nfor reasons that are a lot more ...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.100,0:01:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,exciting.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.24,0:01:41.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Connection, enjoyment,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.77,0:01:44.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pleasure, and play.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.01,0:01:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By avoiding these simple truths\Nwhen we talk about sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.10,0:01:54.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are doing a huge disservice\Nto both ourselves and the next generation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.13,0:01:58.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we and they deserve\Nthese kind of experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.86,0:02:00.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,within our sex and relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.97,0:02:06.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only that, but by boxing it up\Nas biology with crudely drawn diagrams,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.37,0:02:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we create this idea that there's one\Nnormal approach to sex and relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.98,0:02:15.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thus totally excluding this wonderful\Nspectrum of activity in human beings
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.54,0:02:18.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our world is made up with.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.22,0:02:20.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, growing up,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.94,0:02:23.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was really lucky that I had\Na great group of friends
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.73,0:02:26.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who I could talk to about sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.09,0:02:29.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we used to freely discuss\Ndesire and pleasure,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.26,0:02:32.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mostly the lack of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.59,0:02:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one thing we used to really\Nlove talking about is masturbation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.31,0:02:39.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We used to talk about it\Nall the time, a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.87,0:02:42.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the way that we discovered\Nwhat masturbation was
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.55,0:02:45.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is nothing short of a feminist miracle.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.100,0:02:49.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was from the film American Pie.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.27,0:02:50.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.23,0:02:53.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm sure many of you\Nhave seen this film.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.42,0:02:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those of you who haven't,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.68,0:02:59.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,American Pie is this really lewd\Ncoming of age movie from the late 90s,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.21,0:03:02.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's about this group of boys\Nwho are about to go to college
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.74,0:03:06.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they make this pact\Nto try and "lose their virginities"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.48,0:03:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before their high school prom.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.68,0:03:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's some really ridiculous\Nand embarrassing moments
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.38,0:03:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are ethically questionable\Nand totally toxic,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.61,0:03:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I want to focus on the bit\Nthat really interested us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.11,0:03:22.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So a storyline running concurrently\Nwith the boys trying to have sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.05,0:03:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there were two female characters\Ncalled Vicky and Jessica.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.29,0:03:28.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they discuss orgasms\Nin such a normal way
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.69,0:03:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that that became normal for me\Nand my friends to discuss orgasms.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.02,0:03:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Additionally, there is\Nthis really wonderful scene
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.35,0:03:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where Vicky receives oral\Nfrom her boyfriend,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.48,0:03:41.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he's gifted this bible\Nof tongue twisters and instructions
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.50,0:03:43.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he really wanted\Nto be good for her;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.58,0:03:45.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he wants her to really enjoy it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.24,0:03:48.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was it, there it was.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.21,0:03:52.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The female orgasm was talked about\Nand depicted in a really big film,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.85,0:03:54.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was normalized.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.34,0:03:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And suddenly that became normal\Nfor me and my group of friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.32,0:03:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was almost a kind of permission.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.90,0:04:03.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had permission to experience\Ndesire and pleasure,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.09,0:04:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we talked about it,\Nand it was really fun.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.72,0:04:11.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, whilst that was a great discovery\Nfor me and my friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.90,0:04:15.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can't be said\Nfor my formative sex education.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.13,0:04:19.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the first time I was taught\Nanything sex-like
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.21,0:04:21.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a few years previous to American Pie,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.92,0:04:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when an elderly school nurse\Nsat at the front of my class
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.78,0:04:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,aggressively brandishing a cap,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.06,0:04:31.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of these.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.75,0:04:34.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we all looked on, perplexed.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.88,0:04:37.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said: "You're going\Nto need one of these
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.39,0:04:39.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're going to (Muffled) 'have sex'."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.37,0:04:41.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.57,0:04:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? Oh?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.82,0:04:49.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you imagine it with no sound.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.37,0:04:53.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to demonstrate how this\Nmanaged the incoming penis,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.44,0:04:56.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she probed at it with her two fingers,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.40,0:05:02.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this demo cap, it was so old,\Nthat she just tore a massive hole into it,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.95,0:05:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is not what a cap should do,\Nby the way; they're very sturdy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.22,0:05:09.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was it, 10 minutes,\Nnot even 10 minutes, she left,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.24,0:05:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we carried on with our lesson,\Nand all of us were like,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.86,0:05:13.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What's happened?\NWhat's just happened?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.24,0:05:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know where it was meant to go
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.13,0:05:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or why really I needed one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.60,0:05:22.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did the girls in the class\Nwho liked girls need one as well?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.20,0:05:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For a while afterwards,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.33,0:05:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it was meant to perch\Non the end of a penis haphazardly.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.20,0:05:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or it was meant to lie\Nat the entrance of my vagina
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.74,0:05:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like some sort of\Ntrampoline in the ground,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.80,0:05:37.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,causing whatever was to enter\Nto bounce off of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.08,0:05:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I didn't have the internet\Nat home to ask any questions,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.06,0:05:45.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't really want\Nto ask anybody else either.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.49,0:05:47.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,American Pie would come out\Na few years later,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.63,0:05:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you know, pique my interest.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.46,0:05:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But at that age and in that time,\Nsex wasn't really around that much.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.72,0:05:56.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't really see it anywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.88,0:05:59.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I continued growing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.75,0:06:01.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I read about it in Judy Blume books.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.24,0:06:05.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I glanced at the top shelf\Nof a newsagent's.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.53,0:06:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I struggled to figure out who I liked,\Nwho I loved, all pretty blindly.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.20,0:06:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody talked to me about connection,\Nnothing about enjoyment,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.63,0:06:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nothing about pleasure,\Nand nothing about play,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.67,0:06:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that sucked.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.86,0:06:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A few formative experiences in my life
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.89,0:06:29.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,later influenced my decision\Nto become a psychotherapist.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.48,0:06:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of that work has been\Nvery relationship based,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.96,0:06:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with both adults and teens.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.14,0:06:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So over that time I've naturally heard\Nquite a few sex stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.82,0:06:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I really have heard them all,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.10,0:06:45.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.85,0:06:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's wonderful to hear the good:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.84,0:06:54.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,erotic, filthy, transcending,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.28,0:06:58.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playful, hilarious, loving,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.33,0:07:05.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,orgasmic, connecting, empowering.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.06,0:07:07.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The bad:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.94,0:07:10.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,awkward, embarrassing,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.29,0:07:13.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,weird tastes, weird smells, weird noises,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.55,0:07:16.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the dog walking in.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.33,0:07:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having sex with somebody\Nyou shouldn't really be having sex with,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.37,0:07:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like your boss, or your ex-partner,\Nor someone else's partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.47,0:07:27.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are encounters\Nwhich are still light-hearted,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.30,0:07:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the situation is still fine for you\Nto still have a good sexual encounter,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.10,0:07:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just a bit cringy,\Nmaybe a little bit regretful.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.03,0:07:40.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then, there's the ugly, shameful,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.60,0:07:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,manipulative, humiliated,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.60,0:07:48.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coerced, forced,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.90,0:07:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I heard so many of those sex stories\Nthat I just thought I have to do something
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.20,0:07:57.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a bit more proactive\Nwhen it comes to sex education.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.04,0:07:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I decided to teach it.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.27,0:08:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got a job teaching\Nsex education to teenagers
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.08,0:08:04.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and running sexual health drop-in clinics.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.11,0:08:07.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So during that time in the drop-in clinic,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.34,0:08:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got asked anything and everything,\Nwhich was great, so great.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.45,0:08:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I noticed amongst all\Nof the conversations we were having
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.36,0:08:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,around STIs and contraception and consent,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.90,0:08:21.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was still something\Nwe weren't actively discussing:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.15,0:08:24.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pleasure.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.04,0:08:26.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I started asking them:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.40,0:08:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know all these\Nsex toys you're having,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.88,0:08:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is it fun?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.08,0:08:34.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Does it feel good?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.44,0:08:38.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Does your partner care about it\Nfeeling good for you, and vice versa?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.100,0:08:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then suddenly I was having\Nthese conversations with young people,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.44,0:08:46.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and realizing that there's\Nanother category of sex stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.48,0:08:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sad ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.79,0:08:52.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I heard about sexual activity\Nfor these young people
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.22,0:08:55.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which they were passive, where acts\Nwere done to them and at them
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.78,0:08:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of being active,\Nequal participants.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.68,0:09:04.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And not only did I see myself in that,\Nbut I saw history repeating itself
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.16,0:09:06.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,almost 20 years later.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.90,0:09:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It became clear that by not being\Nopen with pleasure information,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.50,0:09:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're just helping\Nthis pleasure gap widen,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.80,0:09:16.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're still creating\Nthis huge blind spot
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.19,0:09:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in how young people learn to have sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.62,0:09:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what broke my heart
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.48,0:09:27.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that I heard so few good\Nsex stories in that age range.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.46,0:09:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I also learned\Nthere's a fine, fine line
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.64,0:09:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between the bad and the ugly.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.15,0:09:34.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned that for so many teenagers
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.32,0:09:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a sexual encounter\Nwas about power dynamics,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.33,0:09:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or pushing boundaries, or an obligation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.00,0:09:45.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lying back and thinking of England.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.96,0:09:47.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other side,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.94,0:09:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those who were doing it\Nat their partners, not with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.84,0:09:53.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did they really want to be doing that?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.21,0:09:59.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looking at how sex education\Nis currently taught in schools,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.65,0:10:02.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's definitely some things\Nto be really pleased about.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.26,0:10:06.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're having more conversations\Naround consent and healthy relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.89,0:10:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're being more\Ninclusive with LGBTQ+,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.34,0:10:12.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those with disabilities\Nand learning needs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.35,0:10:14.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there is still a gap,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.22,0:10:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and young people still aren't getting\Nall the information that they really need.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.13,0:10:23.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most notably, there's still a lack\Nof real pleasure information
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.19,0:10:26.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and blunt appreciation\Nfor what sex is for:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.18,0:10:31.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,connection, enjoyment,\Npleasure, and play.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.80,0:10:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that it is for every body.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.52,0:10:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're still reluctant\Nto talk to our young people
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.82,0:10:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as sex as being a pleasurable\Nand connecting act,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.39,0:10:45.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something we do because\Nwe really enjoy doing it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.63,0:10:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We still keep it as something hidden,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.64,0:10:54.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something half obscured,\Nin the hope that they'll just get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.73,0:10:58.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sex education still\Nhas a really long way to go,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.05,0:11:02.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with new legislation coming in to make it\Na mandatory part of the curriculum,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.26,0:11:06.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now is the time to be thinking\Nabout how it could be rebooted.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.16,0:11:11.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So firstly, I want us to see\Nsex education as a broad term,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.09,0:11:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it is broad.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.29,0:11:15.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We learn it from lots of different places,\Nnot just in our education system.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.39,0:11:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We learn it from friends,\Npartners, parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.63,0:11:23.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,guardians, TV, film,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.97,0:11:26.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,advertising, social media.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.37,0:11:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nowadays, it is everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.90,0:11:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sex is everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.13,0:11:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's no longer just in Judy Blume books,\Nor on the top shelf of a newsagent's.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.07,0:11:40.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To believe that we can \Ncompartmentalize sex education
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.61,0:11:42.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into a lesson or two at school,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.57,0:11:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,probably thrust upon some\Nunsuspecting, overworked teacher,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.60,0:11:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for that to be enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.78,0:11:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a fallacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.47,0:11:54.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sex and the way we that we talk about it
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.83,0:11:58.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,deserves so much more\Nthan a lesson in a time table,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.11,0:12:01.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's feeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.58,0:12:03.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes the world go around.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.58,0:12:06.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It connects us.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.89,0:12:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the absence of robust sex education\Nstarting from an early age,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.22,0:12:14.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we know what young people are turning to:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.42,0:12:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the internet.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.24,0:12:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fountain of all knowledge\Nand also cat pictures,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.98,0:12:23.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but where anyone decides\Nthat they're going to type in a question
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.07,0:12:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that has the word "sex" in the sentence,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.77,0:12:28.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one is also going to naturally\Nstumble upon something
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.25,0:12:32.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is, oh, so ready to be discovered:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.96,0:12:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,free access pornography,\Nwhich has no boundaries.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.18,0:12:40.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't need to tell you\Nthat this kind of pornography
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.72,0:12:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is rarely a wholesome source\Nof impartial information
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.38,0:12:46.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for young people to learn about sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.54,0:12:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pornography is a big business
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.78,0:12:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an industry that has\Nvery little regard for what it's teaching.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.27,0:12:56.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took the liberty of going\Nto a few free access websites
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.43,0:13:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see what was on their landing pages\Nand what were the most searched-for terms.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.22,0:13:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[gang, fake rape, teen, barely-legal,\Nstep-brother, screaming, unwanted, son]
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.72,0:13:09.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's estimated over half\Nof 11- to 16-year-olds
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.80,0:13:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have seen pornography online,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.81,0:13:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the average age of first seeing it\Nbeing 11 years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.84,0:13:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some argue that\Nthat could be even younger.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.23,0:13:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The stats show that this\Nis usually by accident
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.42,0:13:24.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or by someone actively showing them,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.69,0:13:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that's still really worrying.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.78,0:13:31.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, pornography and the concept\Nof being turned on
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.55,0:13:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by erotic representations isn't new.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.77,0:13:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's nothing wrong\Nwith it, nothing shameful,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.20,0:13:40.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's normal to engage\Nin fantasy for arousal.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.60,0:13:44.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to be clear that I'm not here\Nto demonize all of pornography.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.39,0:13:50.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I do have a problem with\Nis how easy that was to find,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.28,0:13:52.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how so much of that content
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.73,0:13:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is categorizing and fetishizing\Nparticular human beings,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.92,0:13:59.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,usually through degradation\Nand humiliation.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.07,0:14:02.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I fear what that does\Nto young people's brains.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.37,0:14:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only that, I worry\Nabout objectification,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.64,0:14:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I worry what that repeated exposure
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.97,0:14:13.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,does to their ability\Nto connect with others.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.75,0:14:19.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Around a third of sexual abuse\Nof children is carried out by their peers.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.67,0:14:21.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where is that coming from?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.16,0:14:25.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we're so unprepared to talk\Nabout connection and enjoyment,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.98,0:14:29.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then what are their relationships\Ngoing to be like?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.28,0:14:37.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that this feels really\Nuncomfortable for lots of adults,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.06,0:14:41.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as adults and parents, we want\Nto keep children as safe as possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.30,0:14:47.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might think that by talking about this\Nyou might be affecting them negatively
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.19,0:14:49.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even impacting their childhoods.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.56,0:14:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We want them to enjoy\Nnaivety and innocence,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.87,0:14:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to not frighten them \Nwith something that feels too big,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.92,0:14:58.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or too adult, and too big\Na conversation to be having.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.25,0:15:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might also be really worried\Nthat it might be seen
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.80,0:15:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as crossing a boundary,\Nbeing inappropriate
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.27,0:15:07.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or hyper-sexualizing children,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.02,0:15:11.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the aim here is that\Nwe want the next generation
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.37,0:15:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to understand that sex and relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.93,0:15:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is about connection, enjoyment,\Npleasure, and play,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.27,0:15:22.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that they can recognize it\Nwhen it is not these things.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.97,0:15:27.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As much as I want us to come at this\Nfrom a fun and pleasurable point of view,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.74,0:15:29.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also really want us all to be vigilant
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.68,0:15:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to safeguard against abuse\Nthat might be hiding under our radar.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:34.26,0:15:35.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what's the solution?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.40,0:15:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we have\Nthese kind of conversations?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.52,0:15:44.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when a child or teenager\Nasks you about sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.43,0:15:46.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,please don't run away.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.78,0:15:48.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.12,0:15:50.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They come to you for a reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.13,0:15:53.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their curiosity has brought them to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.25,0:15:55.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who they trust to provide them\Nwith some answers.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.40,0:16:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't rebuke them with\Nan "I'll tell you when you're older."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.38,0:16:05.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See this as an opportunity\Nto give them real information,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.20,0:16:09.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it'll keep the conversation open\Nfor when they get older.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.05,0:16:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To help you navigate,\Nremember these three key things.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.12,0:16:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number one: use the correct\Nterminology from the get-go.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.62,0:16:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It avoids confusion\Nand it keeps them safe.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.17,0:16:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example: it's not\Na tuppence, it's not a fuff.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.61,0:16:27.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a vulva and a vagina.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.14,0:16:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.76,0:16:35.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The vagina is on the inside, the vulva\Nmakes up all that's on the outside
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.20,0:16:38.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of someone who has\Nbiologically female sex organs.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.97,0:16:43.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Using the correct terms, it's not dirty;\Nthey're not dirty words.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.86,0:16:47.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number two: sex, talking about sex,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.07,0:16:51.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and having sexual feelings isn't shameful.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.77,0:16:54.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Avoid telling them off. Stay curious.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.14,0:16:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember that it's normal,\Nnatural, and healthy.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.85,0:17:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And number three:\Nif everything else fails you,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.72,0:17:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,keep fun and connection\Nat the basis of your conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.44,0:17:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because at the heart of it, what is sex?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.79,0:17:16.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's love in its rawest form.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.14,0:17:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a meeting of ourselves\Nand human beings in vulnerable states.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.27,0:17:24.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's swimming together,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.17,0:17:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being in your own little bubble,\Nyour own little world.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.16,0:17:30.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's being in a space to explore
Dialogue: 0,0:17:30.47,0:17:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and trusting that that person\Nwill treat your body with respect.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.75,0:17:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's being inside your own body,\Nexperiencing what it can do,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.63,0:17:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being empowered in your sexuality\Nand choosing what to do with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:46.05,0:17:51.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wonder if we'd always been taught\Nabout connection, enjoyment,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:51.79,0:17:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pleasure, and play.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.18,0:17:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would we make love?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.50,0:18:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would we express desire?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.61,0:18:07.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without the pressure to perform,\Nwhat sounds would we make?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.62,0:18:10.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where would our eyes go?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:11.87,0:18:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What positions would we\Nplace our bodies in?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:16.05,0:18:18.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would we have ourselves be touched?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.07,0:18:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which erogenous zones\Nwould actually drive us wild?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.26,0:18:29.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would we have less or more sex?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:31.84,0:18:33.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would we be different with each other?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.45,0:18:36.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you be different?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:38.58,0:18:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would the world be?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.58,0:18:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really believe in the next generation,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:45.14,0:18:48.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I believe they're capable\Nof love and connection,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:48.73,0:18:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to hear this kind of information.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.64,0:18:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know talking about sex\Ncan feel really awkward,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.98,0:18:57.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it doesn't have to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.58,0:19:02.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be brave, break it down,\Nand talk about sex.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.56,0:19:04.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.77,0:19:07.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)