Folks
You guys ever think about how every passing second brings us just a little bit
closer to death? Yeah, me neither.
I feel like I say this all the time, but I just turned 30 and I'll be honest,
I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and hearing my dad complain about his
back pain, and then in my head I was like, 'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's
never gonna happen to me though!' But alas! Here I am!
If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster
and I had a headache for a week. I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can
feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok? It's inevitable. We're all aging all the
time, that's quite literally how the human body works. But for as long as us humans
have been around, we have been trying to fight this natural decay that we all
experience. And anti-aging content has been around for a while, but lately I've
seen an increase in popularity of anti- aging products and techniques on TikTok
specifically and I thought it'd be fun if we took a look at them today.
I should say I haven't seen a lot personally because my For You page is
all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to a crisp.
But my wife has seen a lot of these videos she's actually the one who gave me this
video idea. So everybody say thank you Jenna on three. One two three
So first off, I think it's important that we talk about the history of
anti-aging products and techniques because the concept of anti-aging in itself is
very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.
Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE, hilarious year by the way.
In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently took daily baths in donkey milk in order
to maintain a youthful look. Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks
so young. It's all that donkey milk.
And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon risked his life and set off on a journey
to find the fabled fountain of youth. A spring that was said to provide eternal
life. He never actually found the fountain of youth, but what he found was even
better.
Florida.
And that is real. He went to find the fountain of youth and found the fucking
opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of the fountain of youth. Because most people
down there look like an old leather couch. People from Florida, their skin looks like
a black metal band's logo. And there's tons of stories like this throughout
history. Apparently Elizabethan women placed thin slices of raw meat directly on
their face. I'm sure their husbands were pretty stoked on that.
But one of the first anti-aging products ever was released to the public in 1889
and they were called Frownies. These were like little adhesive patches that hold
your skin tight so you don't develop wrinkles. And the origin story of this
product is pretty interesting. So the inventor of Frownies apparently noticed
some frown lines on her daughter and she immediately got to work on a product that
could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was
frowning so much in the first place, you know? Guess we'll never know.
And since the release of Frownies in 1889, the anti-aging world has grown
exponentially. There's anti-aging creams, lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,
procedures, you can pretty much sell anything you want to people if you just
tell them it will make them look younger. That being said, buying tickets to my
shows, and also buying my merch will actually make you look 10 years younger.
It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that like 99% of anti-aging products and
procedures are marketed directly towards women. You know, in this patriarchal
society we live in, cause we do live in a society.
From an early age the pressure and, like, proposed importance of maintaining a
youthful image is absolutely drilled into girls' brains through various forms of
media and marketing. There's this fucked up idea that, like,
women's most valuable asset is their youth which is, number one, incorrect and two,
weird as fuck. It's like when you hear people talk about an older celebrity and
they're like 'wow she looks so nice for her age!'
And it's like I don't know if you needed those last three words.
You could just say someone looks good.
It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite for dudes. We've kind of tricked
the world into thinking that men get more attractive as they age.
And don't get me wrong, that is true for some dudes, but most old guys?
Uhhh? Woof.
If you think dudes get hotter with age, you take a trip down to the fountain of
death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what most old men look like.
But I've never personally felt the, like, societal pressure to hold onto my youth as
a man.
"I'm a man."
But it happens all the time with girls and it's still happening today.
"Here's some things that I do to slow down the aging process as a 14 year old.
I started doing most of these things at 12. 1. I take two apple cider
vinegar pills, I do this twice a day. Number two, I use retinol twice a day.
Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do two face masks a day."
Call me crazy but I think a literal child having an anti-aging routine
is a little dystopian. Because it's like you're already young. Why are you doing an
anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,
'This is how I have fun on a budget.'
It's like, dude, you don't need to worry about that, man.
And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you what procedures not to get or what
products not to use. It's your body, your decision. But I just hope with people who
are doing these anti-aging procedures, I just hope they're doing it for
the right reason. And again, I'm not smart.
If you want a deep, insightful commentary on this topic, or fucking any topic,
you're at the wrong- you're watching the wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.
But I guess anti-aging, you know, it's not inherently bad, but with every
other fucking thing on this planet, some people are taking it a little too far.
And I thought it'd be interesting to actually try out some of these anti-aging
techniques / products and see if they have any actual effect. But first, we have to
actually find out how to reverse my age. So I think we need to go to the most
reliable place on the internet to find well-documented, peer-reviewed information
on this subject.
Tiktok!
"You're not ugly or old, but your inner dialog might be. If you want the ultimate
glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle, but in the power of positive affirmations"
Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!
"Start speaking and thinking youthful thoughts." Okay...
"Because your thoughts shape your reality"
Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's a classic with this type of shit.
Manifesting was a huge part of the video where I did, where I took a vision healing
masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with the concept, alright? This ain't my first
rodeo. And hey, if it works for you, that's wicked.
But the thing I'm confused about, she tells people to 'think and speak
youthful thoughts'.
"Start speaking and thinking youthful thoughts."
What, what is that? What even is a youthful thought?
'Woah, he's so deep in thought I wonder what he's thinking about.'
'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv
Cocomelon so much.'
'Oh my god, what's that smell? Dude, did you shit yourself?'
So this creator actually sells the exact affirmations you need to say on her
website for $10, but I unfortunately can't buy those cause I'm just a little baby
with no money.
So I found a video on YouTube called Age Reversal Affirmations.
"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the passion with these reverse aging
affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at least 21 days in a row."
21 days in a row? What the f- Dude, no sleeping, no eating,
no exercising, no doing any of the things that will, like, keep you healthy
and also maintain a youthful appearance
Fuck all that.
You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations cave for three weeks straight.
Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff
you can see my bones
'I've never felt so young!'
Okay, so let's see what these affirmations are.
"I have the spirit of a young." I have the spirit of a young.
"I am glowing." I am glowing.
"My bones and veins are in the best shape" My bones- my bones and veins are in the
best shape. Just my bones and veins though,
everything else sucks.
I can't tell if these worked or not because I haven't done them for three
weeks straight, but I dunno, I already feel like I have the spirit of a
young. The comments on this video are really interesting too.
And it's like, cool. Good for these people right? If that's what they wanna look like
Like, personally, why would you wanna look 18 forever? That is a nightmare.
This was me at 18.
If I still looked like this, I would be a Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy
I'd be so mad all the time. Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'
poppin' zits on people and shit, and I could fly because I'm, like, my-
all my backne is popping so much all the pus coming out, the force of all
my back zits popping just-
Sorry, moving on from that horrifying picture of 18-year-old me
We know there's a lot of products and procedures that exist out there to slow
the aging process. But even that's not enough for some people.
One man in particular is going to extreme lengths to not just slow the aging process
but reverse it entirely. And his name is Bryan Johnson.
I wish his last name was Griffin. That'd be so savage.
So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon entrepreneur and venture capitalist from
Utah.
I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah? Now I have seen everything.
I'm sure some of you have probably seen this guy around the internet talking
about his age reversal endeavours, but the shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane
in my personal opinion.
I watched his full morning routine and it is wild.
"I just woke up-"
I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause it's pretty lengthy, I'll do a quick
run through.
He stars his morning by taking his temperature. He then stands in front of a
light that imitates sunlight because he wakes up before the sun rises of course.
He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then weighs himself every morning by the way
and not just his body weight.
"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat, water, bone, heart rate and EBA.
It also gives me the air quality in the area."
Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to not weigh myself. This guy does it every
morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me, that is fucking torture, dude.
Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can imagine a Saw trap that's like
"Stand on the scale, or die."
Bryan then does five minutes of blue light therapy, he then does a meditation,
some weird vibrator thing that he never really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops
and then he prepares his daily pills. And this has gotta be the craziest shit I
have ever seen. Think of how many pills he's gonna have.
It's more than that.
I don't know how many pills are in here, I think last time we recorded it was
something like over 50, maybe 60. That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure
what's going on here."
50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude
That is wild, he's gotta tone it down. I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple
of chill pills in there as well because Jesus Christ man.
But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts red light on his head to prevent hair loss
and if red light prevents hair loss, looks like I'm keeping mine forever.
Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many red lights.
Then he preps his food for the day.
"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work out. Overall it's a lot of
vegetables every month. It's over 50 pounds, I think."
I hate to break it to you, but that's shit from a butt.
"People look at it and they say it's green goop and make fun of it."
Course I'm gonna make fun of it. That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?
I found out this guy has a son too. Gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.
'Sorry son, you're grounded.'
'Eat shit, dad.'
'I do.'
He's still not done by the way. He then prepares his second meal of the day which
he calls nutty pudding "Nutty pudding-"
which is like a protein powder that he actually sells on his website.
Maybe it's called that because you gotta be a little nutty if you're gonna be
'pudding' that into your body.
And would you believe me if I told you his morning routine still isn't done?
No it's not!
We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude by the time this morning routine is done
he's gonna have to start his bedtime routine. Because Jesus this is taking all
fuckin' day.
So after making his poop and sand, he does a quick workout and then he finally eats
his breakfast. That honestly seems like so much work compared to my morning routine.
My entire morning routine can be summed up with the first two words of Chop Suey by
System of a Down.
"Wake up-"
That's it man, that's it. I'm awake. And that's the thing, it's wild seeing
morning routines like this because, like, who is this for? I made this point in my
Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video but like 99% of people do not have the
time to do this shit when they wake up. He says in this video that his morning
routine can take up to four hours.
"My morning routine is about three to four hours, it varies on any given day
sometimes I go-" Too long.
This is just not realistic to normal people. But honestly, I don't know why
I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like who even cares what this guy has to say
anyway? He doesn't even have the erection of an 18-year-old.
Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist would say that's the grossest thumbnail
they've ever seen. What the fuck is that. I also found this really interesting video
of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some other fuckin' crazy contraption to make
himself younger.
"Today I'm going to show you the machine I use that allows me to do the equivalent of
20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time. I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so
it's the max level. This is definitely not something you wanns start with
what it feels like is, it's pulling your entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.
Strap it on-"
Imagine he starts the machine and it's just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!
Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my misery, aaaah!'
Exercise complete
Alright, now if you guys want one of these hit the link in my bio.
Also, like a part of his face is like discoloured in this, it's like yellow.
His face is like yellow in this video. I don't know if that's healthy, right?
Is he going through the new experimental Simpsons treatment?
So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like the final boss of anti-aging
but I don't think I'm ready to experience that just yet, I gotta work my way up
right? And I think I found the perfect person.
His name is Brandon Miles May, or @brandonskincare
and he has been getting pretty popular on TikTok recently and here's why.
"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and
wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh and I do smile. This is how I laugh
without using Botox and for preventing fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"
Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in this video, but this guy is allegedly 35
years old. For someone who looks that young, I'd assume he would have like a
fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head because his head's gotta be full of
youthful thoughts.
When I first saw this video, I felt like I was being, like, possessed by a far right
conservative because all I wanted to comment was, 'show me your birth
certificate.' Cause I just couldn't believe it, honestly still
don't believe it, but that's the story he's sticking with so that's great.
He takes this shit pretty serious so, Sure. He's 35.
This guy is five years older than me.
And Brandon's entire internet persona is based around anti-aging.
He eats food for the sole purpose of anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.
Even his clothing helps him stay young.
"Anti-aging outfit of the day! Are you ready for this?"
"So today is really warm, so it's pretty basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on
right here this is- has the thumb holes for the backs of the hands, but I can also
use this to protect the sides of my face, I have my big sunglasses on to protect
like pretty much half of my face, I have a UPF 50 cap that has a long bill
I'm wearing J.Crew shorts and sunscreen on my legs."
If you can tell, any clothing that Brandon wears it, uh, it protects him from the sun
because according to him the sun is the main contributor to the aging of the skin.
"I just practice safe sun protective behaviours because the sun contributes
up to 90% of the skin's visible signs of aging."
And he's not wrong. the sun is incredibly dangerous for your skin if you don't
protect yourself. So he wears clothing that is UPF 50, and that stands for
Ultraviolet Protection Factor.
And apparently UPF 50 clothing blocks 98% of the sun's rays.
This guy would probably still be a fuckin' baby if it blocked 100%.
I gotta say though, including the sunscreen in the fit check-
"And sunscreen on my legs-"
That's genuinely one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
People gotta start getting like super specific like that in those
'walk me through your fit' videos.
"Alright, walk me through your fit."
"Alright well first off I got the toupee on my head, Gucci t-shirt,
swollen nipples from when my older brother purple nurpled me this morning,
Dolce & Gabbana jeans, preparation H on my haemorrhoid, herpes medication on my
wiener and I got the Prada shoes with my ankle monitor from my house arrest."
"House arrest?"
"Police! Get your hands up, get down on the ground!"
"Also just copped a taser in the back."
And this is all well and good, but I feel like at a certain point it's like kind of
impossible to avoid the sun. And also like why would you rob yourself of that joy?
There's like no better feeling than having the sun on your face.
What about when you're driving, what are you gonna do then?
Maybe like those sun blockers that people put on their car windows when
they park their car?
I imagine Brandon just has that over his windshield at all times, just absolutely
mowing people down, can't see shit...
Sorry, let's get back to Brandon, let's see what kind of food he's eating so
he can keep that youthful glow.
"Here's what I'm eating for dinner tonight for the purposes of anti-aging.
This is steamed broccoli and steamed bell peppers, the broccoli is high in vitamin C
good for collagen synthesis, it also contains sulforaphane which increases NRF2
NRF2 pathway-" overlapping dialog
This guy's just making up words. What the fuck was all that shit.
I'm convinced he's speaking in tongues dude, he needs to be, he needs to be
exorcised by a priest. And I can't help but think about that tweet,
of a person who's meal prepping broccoli, chicken and eggs and someone quote tweeted
it with, 'okay mr fart'.
That's all I'm thinking of when I look at that dinner, dude. This dude's farts could
probably make you hallucinate bro. Oh, you know what? Maybe that's what UPF
stands for. Ur Prolly Farting.
I also just watched a video from Brandon saying that he eats pizza once a quarter.
"I would say about 95% of the time I eat everything that I show here on TikTok
about 5% of the time, yes I'll go out with a friend or like my partner or somebody
and we will maybe get pizza, maybe like every quarter or so we might have pizza
it's not like a big deal for me."
Which sounds like a brutal existence dude, a pizza every quarter?
Just one pizza a quarter?
I'd have a quarter of a pizza every hour if I could, dude.
Like I said earlier, I wanna see how effective this anti-aging lifestyle really
is. So for the next week, I'm gonna live my life the exact same way Brandon does.
And we'll see if I end up looking any younger. But first, we need to lock down a
daily routine.
Okay so luckily, Brandon has a lot of videos detailing pretty much everything he
does in a typical day for anti-aging. Let's start off with what I'm gonna be
eating this week.
He has a video called 'What I eat in a day for anti-aging'.
To summarise that video, Brandon has a dark roast coffee in the morning and then
an hour or two later, he has breakfast which sucks for me because the first thing
on my mind when I wake up is what I'm gonna eat for breakfast.
For breakfast he says he makes a green smoothie on days where he isn't fasting.
I figured I'd do a smoothie pretty much every day and then one day I'll try to go
fasting and see how that goes.
Then a few hours later he makes a humongous salad for lunch.
He then makes a hot chocolate made of 100% cacao, cocoa powder, almon milk and salt.
And I don't know about you guys but I like my hot chocolate sweet as hell.
So let's see how he sweetens it.
"No sweetener, I don't add any sweetener or sugar, so it is bitter."
Great.
And for dinner, Brandon usually does salmon or some other kind of fish for
omega-3. I don't know what those are, it sounds like it could be one of the fuckin'
Autobots. 'Omega-3, roll out.'
And then alongside the salmon Brandon also has broccoli and
"my favourite fall vegetable, a sweet potato."
And then for dessert he does frozen blueberries and dark chocolate.
So that's gonna be pretty much my diet every single day this week.
And there were some other foods in his TikTok, like hard boiled eggs
and avocado and stuff that I'll sprinkle in here and there.
And also, god, real quick. I gotta say, love the energy Brandon's YouTube profile
picture is giving off, I love it dude. Looks like I'm seeing him through a
peephole. And obviously another pinnacle of
anti-aging is exercise. Brandon starts his day with a 10 minute
stretch, and this next part's gonna be pretty hard, but Brandon aims to hit
20,000 steps a day.
"I've been trying to reach for 20,000 steps-"
That's a lot of steps, ok? Especially to a guy who has mastered the art of parking
it, but Brandon actually uses this little treadmill, this like walking pad while he
works and stuff, so I went ahead and ordered that same treadmill because
I can't possibly think of another way to get 20,000 steps in a day.
Especially during the summertime.
Brandon then does some weightlifting with some 12-pound weights
and that'll be no problem.
And that's his daily workout routine. Seems pretty low impact, which is nice.
But compared to my usual workout routine that consists of 20 reps of hanging out
followed by three sets of chilling, this is gonna be a big change for me.
Uh, yeah. The only push up I do is push up on the D-pad, cause I'm a freaking gamer.
I paused my game to be here.
You know I can eat and exercise all I want but if I don't look the part then
what am I doing? So I'm gonna order some UPF 50 clothing as well.
And wow, look at these. Holy crap, these are ugly.
They're not ugly, sorry. They're just not what I would wear.
It's like, there's not even one ironic vintage graphic t-shirt on here
what the fuck?
And I guess it's nice that these clothes protect you from the sun, but it doesn't
say anything about protecting you from insults. So I'm pretty nervous about that.
But I'm gonna give these a genuine try. So I'm gonna order some of these.
And last but not least, Brandon made a video going through some tips and tricks
about anti-aging that nobody really talks about.
"So whenever I'm cooking a meal and I'm baking and using the oven,
I will be very very hesitant to just reach my hand in there with just a mitten."
Damn, your skin can't even get warm? What the fuck? That's not real.
"People who bake things for a living have more aged skin on their dominant hand
the hand that they use for putting things in the oven and pulling things out."
Also the example he uses...
He says people who work in kitchens age poorly?
That might be true, but I can guarantee you that's not because of the heat.
I've worked in restaurants before, ok? If it's not the cigarettes, booze and
sniff
that ages them poorly, it's the unnecessary amount of stress they put
themselves through.
'Ugh I'm so mad, the restaurant I work at that sells food is selling too much food.
I gotta yell at Curtis and get more hand tattoos about this.'
Sorry to all the line cooks and stuff out there but I think that's just personal
work trauma I'm working through that- nothing on you guys.
"Tip number two, flying in airplanes, I always choose a window seat so that
I can control when the window is up and down because when you're in higher
altitudes, UV- UVA in particular is strongest at those highest altitudes-"
Yeah I guess that makes sense, but like a couple hours of sunlight isn't gonna
fucking kill you. Well actually, I don't know. It might kill him.
I don't know.
As you get on a flight, you're in the window seat, sitting next to you is
Brandon Skincare, you look over, you open the window, sun shines through and then
you look back at Brandon and there's just a pile of ash there.
"Tip number three is wearing white clothing. The sun comes down and reflects
UV off of that white significantly more so than any other colour."
Alright, this is terrible news for me because I actually really love wearing
white t-shirts, that's my favourite thing to wear because I got this cool thing
called dandruff. So when I wear black my shoulders kind of look like a fuckin'
Charli XCX concert. But who knows? Maybe all this healthy eating I do this week
will somehow cure my dandruff.
"When you have bright lights on at night, like just everywhere in your house and
you're watching TV and you're on your phone and you're on your devices
this blue light and this visible light is stimulating your serotonin levels when
it's not supposed to be stimulated, and your circadian rhythm is getting all out
of whack."
Got, this is also gonna be a huge change. I'm playing video games and working
until like 1AM fuckin' like every night.
Literally the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night, I don't know if he's
heard that before. But now Brandon's saying no bright lights
at night? That ain't right!
"And also socialising and connecting with others is really really important."
Okay, so I gotta hang out with my friends and my wife this week.
I think I can make that happen.
"Maintaining an overall positive attitude just overall can be connected to these
things, you know relaxation and reducing negativity. Negativity is a powerful
detriment to your anti-aging goals. A lot of people who are just negative
overall tend to have a reduced life span and just more health issues overall,
tends to be a correlation there, an association."
That's dumb. That's stupid.
Fuck dude, being negative shortens your life? Nice knowing you guys!
Jesus Christ dude.
"And number 10 tip is basically not drinking alcohol-"
Okay. Come on, man.
How you gonna tell me to be social but not have any alcohol?
Yeah, great thing for anti-aging is to go skydiving but don't wear a parachute!
Maybe he's just talking about hard liquor, right?
'I'm sure he's not meaning 100 million beers, right friend?'
"I just don't drink personally because I know that there's really no benefit to
alcohol."
No benefits to alcohol? Okay, you tell that to my hands that I'm not sure what to
do with at a concert.
Alright, I think we've got a firm understanding of what my anti-aging week
is gonna look like, but I think before I dive into the shallow end and break my
neck, I need one final day of getting all the fun shit I like doing out of my system
I got a haircut.
So I had my quarterly pizza the night before my week of anti-aging
and with a chest full of heartburn I stared at my computer screen for the
rest of the night. I've been really busy getting ready for tour and everything
and I knew I wasn't gonna have that much time to do it this week, so I had to get
as much done as I possibly could.
That being said, I also played some video games.
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Thank you so much to Zenless Zone Zero for sponsoring this video, back to me.
And I stared at the screen until my eyes popped out of my skull, freakin' gamer
style. And oh yeah, I also had a beer because I wasn't gonna be able to have any
this week, so I enjoyed the hell out of this thing. burp
That beer was almost as nice as Donkey Kong's ass.
That was epic, now let's get young.
I bought a bunch of shit.
Uhh, I forget how much everything was I think it was like $400 for everything.
Never mind, I was wrong. It was like $470 so pretty much like 500 bucks. Insane.
Oh no, sorry, plus the groceries. We got everything from Whole Foods
because where Brandon buys everything and uh, that place is pretty pricey, I'll
say that. I think they call it Whole Foods because they put a hole in my wallet.
Let's go through what I purchased. First up, this big thing right behind me
right here clang
That's the uh, my walking thing, my treadmill, my little walking pad.
I'm gonna set it up down here in my recently flooded basement, uh
it's super empty right now. This will be my walking zone for the next
week. Just an empty, white... 'a bitch.'
Let's go through what I got. So this is the, oh, this is like a little
I don't even fuckin' know what I bought. But this is like a band and you can wear
it as so many other things. A wristband, aliceband, blindfuld?
Yeah, good idea. Just walk around like that all day?
Scrunchie, headband, hatliner, cap, durag, oooooh
Am I gonna get away?
Pirate 'arrr!'
Sunguard, face mask, hood, balaclava. So I bought like 16 things in one dude.
And it's completely U... UFP... UPF 50. UPF Chang's.
So I should be good to go there.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say this when I was recording, but everything I saw on here
was on Brandon's like Amazon storefront a lot of the stuff wasn't available on
Canadian Amazon so I had to like, find some alternatives, but most of it was from
Brandon's Amazon page.
'It's a black square!'
Okay, and then I've got some blue light blocking glasses, Gy Snail.
Gy Snail Ohhhh yeah.
How do I look? Wow. Everything looks like it's covered in piss
that's pretty cool. Alright next up are my supplements, I got this probiotic, I also
got this borage oil? Boraj? Borat?
'I got this Borat oil, my wife.'
Essential fatty acids, this thing just called me a fatty.
And then I got this uh, Super EFA! This is something else, this is
Madagascar Centella Ampoule. Am... am-pool, am-pool.
I don't know what it does, but I do like the movie Madagascar, so if it's anything
like that I think I'm fucking set. I also got these Vital Proteins.
One single ingredient. All the single ingredients, all the
single ingredients
Last but not least, we got some food. I got sunflower seeds, black sesame seeds
chia, cacao nibs, cocoa powder, cannellini beans, some kelp?
Spongebob Squarepants-ass food.
And then I got some 100% Hundo. Dark chocolate.
Unsweetened almond milk for my smoothies and my hot chocolate.
I got these red peppers, I got these red onions, sweet potatoes, broccoli, spinach
uh and some salad mix for like, the salad. And that's pretty much it.
By the end of this video, I am gonna be a foetus.
I got eight hours of sleep my first day which was really nice but my dog woke me
up really early because he had to piss and shit. awww
So I took him piss and shit and then I immediately made myself an anti-aging
coffee. And yes, that's the same as a regular coffee but I was just manifesting
that it was gonna make me younger.
Yeah, so I wanted to use a glass mug to like, prove to you guys that I actually
was drinking black coffee, but the only see-through mug I have is this Instagram
one that I stole from my old office job. And it's probably the cheugiest thing I
own so, apologies for that.
But first, coffee.
Like I said earlier in the video, the first thing I wanna do when I wake up is
eat food, and usually I'd make like a breakfast sandwich or a burrito or toast
or a bagel you know, something with bread. But today I had to make a Brandon Miles
May green smoothie. And now that I'm thinking about it,
if Brandon Miles May was really all about that anti-aging lifestyle, you know if he
really cared about freakin' rewinding the clock, his name would be
Brandon Miles April.
So I put a bunch of spinach, a carrot, almond milk, water, an avocado,
oh that looks like what my dog did this morning.
I put in some chia seeds, this collagen peptides powder that I smelled way too
hard so I got some up my nose, and then I put in a banana, some black
sesame seeds and some ice. And then I blended it all up.
Yeah, if you weren't hungry before watching this video, sorry.
You definitely are now. You're probably drooling like crazy right
now, it's fucking disgusting.
But I was so excited to drink this smoothie guys, it kind of looks like the
shit that the plant dad tried to feed his kids in that one Goosebumps episode
Stay Out of the Basement. And I've always wanted to try that, so
this was pretty cool. But after all the hard work, breakfast was
served. I ain't never seen two pretty best friends.
And oh yeah, I also prepped some containers so I can just add milk and
water and blend them up to save some time going forward.
Alright, good morning on the first day of me becoming a little baby.
I have my smoothie here, I have pretty much every single ingredient under the sun
Down the hatch!
slurping noises
It's great.
It's just spinach I taste because that's all I put in there but-
Emememe
That was me being Popeye. I wanna be Popeye.
But hey, if I don't like the flavour, at least I have this nice black coffee to
wash it all down with. I'm just gonna hang out here and...
and drink this. And real quick, I'm making it seem like
I'm a really picky eater, but I promise you I'm not. I eat a lot of food, I love
all food pretty much, uh, except for cilantro. I have the gene that makes it
taste like soap to me, so anytime I accidentally eat cilantro it tastes like
I'm being punished for like saying a swear word.
But honestly, I think putting a legit bar of soap into this blunder would've made it
taste a lot better. Because this fucking green smoothie, it tasted like cement bro.
It took me so long to fucking drink it.
Sorry I'm being negative and that ages you
'The smoothie was so good!'
Okay I've been filming this about half- 35 minutes. A half hour.
So it's taking me a half hour to drink all this. I got one final... slurp.
But after some hard work and determination I finally finished the smoothie.
Never felt so young in my life
Except uh... that's a half hour I'll never fucking get back.
Brandon said in his videos that it's always good to rest after eating your
breakfast because it helps with digestion. And I was like 'that's fuckin' stupid, why
would you need to rest after it?' But after doing that, I get it.
That was the most mentally strenuous thing I've had to do, was get through this
fucking thing, so good night! snore
Instantly fall asleep.
'I finally rest and watch the sun rise on a grateful universe.'
Also woah, I just realised the walls of my living room are the exact same colour as
the smoothie I had. Or maybe they aren't, I'm just hallucinating.
Now it's time for my stretches! Oh yeah
I followed along with Brandon's video and you know what, I will say these actually
felt pretty nice. Whether or not doing these stretches actually makes me look
younger, I do wanna try to incorporate this into my everyday life going forward
because it felt great. You can quote me on this, there's nothing better than getting
stretched out.
I especially loved this stretch. I kinda look like a cat who's about to puke.
I stretched for about 10 minutes and oh yeah, one of the stretches reminded me
of my karate lessons I took 20 years ago so that was also pretty fun.
Okay so, first morning routine is pretty much done.
Yeah, I don't know if this is because of the smoothie or the stretching but
you know what? I do feel a bit more energised than I usually do.
Then again that could be like a placebo effect. But no, this guy doesn't really
have sugar, so I guess placebo wouldn't really exist.
Uh, I do have some work that I gotta get done and then I guess I'm gonna start
getting my steps in. But yeah, so far so good, I think.
How do I look? I feel like I look older because I haven't shaved yet.
The more hair you have, the older you look
And after I finished some work I went down to the basement because it was treadmill
time, brother.
Alright, I'm in the basement again. Time to unbox this uh, fucking little
walking pad as they call it.
How many steps am I at right now? It is currently 12:27, I'm at 2,000 steps
so I need 18,000 more so...
Yeah, it's a lot.
I started unboxing my walking pad and this thing was
'fully loaded with tons of cool stuff!'
An L-key, yes!
It also came with this remote control and it also came with this.
Okay so it came with lubri- lubricant oil? Why'd they give me lube?
How you gonna give me lube, and also put something that says 'warm tips'?
And I really thought this walking pad was gonna be a huge game changer for me
because I can get my steps in without the sun ever touching my skin and just ruining
my life. But I forgot that one of the best parts of walking outside is like, looking
around at shit. Seeing a bird crap on the ground, seeing a squirrel have sex.
'Oh, cool shit!'
So like, after 10 seconds on the walking pad, I was like immediately bored out of
my mind. The future is now. You get all the joy of walking outside without the
nice warmth from the sun. So... I just gotta do this for like an hour.
Ok, I can definitely see why people have these with like a standing desk because
this is kind of just like, you're not really exerting too much energy and you
can still sort of like do something. But I'm really bored right now.
Maybe I'll read, maybe I'll read a book while I do this or something.
That'd be pretty cool. Just all the books are over there. And I'm here.
If only there was a way for me to move...
If there was only some sort of way I could move my legs that would in turn make my
whole body move to where I want it to go.
One day.
Backward style, ohhh, oh my god!
So this was my view for the next half hour and let me tell you I have never felt
younger in my life. Even though the youngest people I've ever seen in my life
are never walking. They can't. They can't walk. So if I really wanna start acting
young I should just throw on a diaper and throw a tantrum on the ground.
And I don't know if it was the leisurely stroll I took for 30 minutes, or the fact
that I had blended up spinach for breakfast, but I was starting to get
hungie. So I went upstairs to make my lunch. Brandon says he usually makes a
huge salad for lunch every day so I followed his tutorial as close as I could.
I put spring mix, a bell pepper, sunflower seeds, black sesame seeds, olive oil and
balsamic vinegar. I also fried up some beans and onions, and I also made a
hard-boiled egg. Because I was fucking starving and I knew a salad wasn't gonna
fill me up and I've also seen Brandon eat those things before.
That yellow stuff on top isn't my fucking dandruff or anything, it is nutritional
yeast. Pretty good yeast.
And this salad actually tasted really fucking good. I'll admit it.
Brandon Miles May have been cooking with this recipe, I fear.
Or maybe it was good because I was fucking starving, but I ate the whole damn thing.
And I'm not afraid to say it.
Now it's time for my supplements!
That's what I say when I see a bunch of Altoids. Sup, little mints?
Why'd they make these so fucking big?
And in Brandon's video where he shows what he eats in a day, he makes his famous hot
chocolate right after lunch, so that's what I did as well.
I heated up some unsweetened almond milk, I put in some cocoa powder and then some
of these cacao nibs because I couldn't find the wafers that he uses.
Wafer I barely know her.
I cooked them for a while, but this is when I realised um, I don't fucking know
what cacao nibs are. What the fuck are they? Because I was fully under the
impression that they were just gonna melt into the milk, but they did not.
They just got wet.
What the fuck are cocoa nibs? Cacao nibs. Cacao!
So even though I made it incorrectly, I still had a delicious hot chocolate ready
to be consumed. So let's give it a try.
Yeah, this thing tasted like fucking shit.
I know sugar bad for you but honestly, I think drinking literal dirt water is worse
If I ordered a hot chocolate somewhere and they gave me that, I'm throwing it in
their face and I am gladly going to jail for it okay? Because that is fucking evil.
"This coffee smells like shit!"
"It is shit."
For the next few hours, I was just working in my office and then around dinnertime
I had some salmon with carrots and potatoes and this is pretty good because
it was just ,you know, a pretty normal-ass meal. But then it was time for dessert!
This is like if Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had zero fun.
And Brandon's dessert of choice is frozen blueberries and dark chocolate.
And I have a feeling it's gonna look the exact same coming out.
Compared to the hot chocolate this actually wasn't too bad, but you know,
obviously still not an ideal dessert.
So if you could eat like a rock. Picture just eating a rock.
I unfortunately did not get 20,000 steps on my first day because I fuckin', I spent
the whole day cooking. I feel like I had no fuckin' time to take that many steps.
Unless you count all the steps that it took to make that fuckin' smoothie.
Because there's like 20,000 ingredients in it. So you know what? Sure, how 'bout
that. Yes I did, I got 20,000 steps, okay? So it was like 9PM at this point and I
needed to go through the final edit of my comedy special Python that you can watch
right now for free on my YouTube channel if you want.
But using these glasses was a little weird especially when you're like, reviewing
footage because it made everything look like it was at the bottom of a pool that
is uh, filled with piss. So I just looked like an idiot when the only feedback I had
was "This too yellow, fix it. Change it."
Thanks a lot, glasses.
But with that my first day of anti-aging was complete. And it was time for me to go
Tuesday mode.
I woke up and realised my shirt needs to start having some green smoothis 'cause
that thing is wrinkly, god damn. Disgusting.
I needed to walk my dog so I put some sunscreen on so I could brave the elements
and when I got back I started getting really hungry, but this was the day that I
was gonna start fasting in the morning, so I was only allowed to have a coffee.
But you know what, if I'm being honest, eating nothing is actually better than
eating that "smoothie". So I actually wasn't too broken up about it.
I did my morning stretches and this time I incorporated a quick plank 'cause that's
hilarious, and by the time I was done all my stretches and everything it was like
11:30. And that's when I used to have a little snack when I was a little boy so I
figured I was allowed to eat some food now. And for my snack, I had one
hard-boiled egg. And that hard-boiled egg got me thinking about my own anti-aging
goals.
A few hours later I went downstairs and made the same salad as the day before
but for the next few days I unfortunately had to make and eat everything in my
dining room, well I didn't have to eat everything in the dining room. I didn't
have to eat like the chairs and the tables but I had to eat food-
I was getting my kitchen redone, I was getting my kitchen floors redone
so I couldn't really use my kitchen, so yeah really shit timing to film a video
that requires a really strict diet when your kitchen is getting a makeover.
But then again, so was I.
I also saw a TikTok from Brandon saying that cherry tomatoes were a really good
snack for anti-aging. And one's perfect because my wife Jenna is growing a bunch
of cherry tomatoes right now.
"Cherry tomatoes, organic cherry tomatoes, you know what these contain? Lycopene."
Pause, bro. Peen?
"Lycopene."
Lycopene? I don't like a peen at all! I like no peen.
I didn't wanna do it but, you know, for anti- aging purposes I grinned and beared
it, I ate the cherry tomatoes while repeating 'no homo' in my head over and
over again and thy were awesome. Almost as awesome as a guy's penis.
And then I took my supplements as I prepared for my first journey outside to
face my number one foe, the sun.
And it's interesting because like, all the other wellness lifestyles I've tried, like
the billionaire lifestyle, the vision healing lifestyle, they all praise the sun
and its healing properties, but with this anti-aging lifestyle, the sun is like this
evil villain that needs to be avoided at all times.
So I reapplied sunscreen and sat outside with my dog, Kiwi.
Not without my UPF 50 hat that looks really cool, guys.
And it does look good on me, okay? And if I see one comment that says otherwise,
then I implore you to reconsider.
I look like Zorro. See how the audio weirdly cut out in this
clip for some reason? Off- camera, my wife she immediately agreed with me.
She actually said I looked cooler than Zorro. So that was pretty nice.
We hung out outside for a little longer and I can't explain how nice it was to be
outside in the sun. I know it ages you like crazy, but after a day of
purposefully staying inside and hiding from it, I just felt so good.
Yeah, laugh all you want. I'm gonna be laughing all the way to the bank.
But I won't be able to open a bank account because I'll be... I'll be too young!
I'm too young, they're gonna say, "you're too... you must be too young for that,
for this. You're a little baby boy!"
A few hours later we ordered some food for lunch because we couldn't use our kitchen.
But I just ordered some salad and some steamed broccoli, yum!
And you know, you're probably thinking eating all these healthy foods would make
me feel incredible, right? But a pretty large problem was beginning to become
apparent.
Okay, so I've been doing this routine for like, two days, two full days now.
This might be TMI but uh, I haven't, I haven't g- gone to the bathroom.
I- I've pissed. I've been pissing, uh I stay pissing. But I... I haven't gone
number two yet. Kinda weird because I'm usually a pretty regular guy, I don't know
what's going on. My body's like, 'where is all the bread, man? Where's all...
where's all the bread, dude? We don't know what to do with all this shit.
Where's all the bread and cheese, man?' And just getting all bunged up down there.
So this is, I don't know if that's good for my health, but uh, that's where we're
at right now. Been farting though! Definitely been farting. And guess if they
smell insane? I had a pound of greens the past two days, guess if the farts smell uh
like they're from another planet. I'll let you know if anything changes.
But luckily, me talking about not being able to poop must've reminded my
intestines to actually do their job because like, 30 minutes after I recorded
all that, I friggin' crapped.
So it was like 10PM now, and I needed to sign a bunch of these cards that we're
gonna be selling on the Goodfellow World Tour that has just started!
Come to the shows, please! Buy a signed card, okay? I signed them all, they're
sick. They look really cool. Especially when you aren't looking at them through
piss glasses. And I also forgot to do my skincare the night before so I did that.
I ordered this cen...tella shit. I don't know what it's supposed to do, but it was
on Brandon's Amazon list so it's gotta be good.
And after that, I went to sleep. And now it's time for Wednesday!
I made my coffee and my mug was calling me handsome and I didn't really know how to
respond because I'm only ten years old. No one's ever said that to me before.
Morning. Uh, I thought I would give everybody a little, little hump day update
on how everything's going. It's the third, third day of this anti-aging lifestyle.
I've been trying to just stay out of the sun completely to avoid it, and I'm...
going a little stir-crazy. So I... I think I'm gonna try to plan some sort of outdoor
outing tomorrow. It's just to be outside because I've been uh, just a hermit pretty
much. But um, I made the smoothie again but I added some blueberries this time
and it's funny because when I first had it when it took me like 45 minutes to drink
it tasted like cement. But this one kinda just... this one looks like cement, so
let's see how it tastes when I add a little bit of blueberries.
slurps
That's like night and day. That's incredible
slurps This is... this is great. I could have
that every day. This is the same type of hat The Hat Man
wears. I gotta take a picture, tonight.
That also was another tip on TikTok that I saw, was to sleep on your back. That's
supposed to be good for anti-aging.
"Back-sleepers do appear to enjoy fewer fine lines and wrinkles on their face
compared to other sleep positions."
But again, sleeping on your back is how you get a visit from The Hat Man, me.
Do you want...
I show up and I go, 'stop laying on your back.'
But yeah, I'm gonna keep up this routine, I haven't gotten 20,000 steps yet on any
of the days, which is frustrating. I got 8,000 on Monday, 13,000 yesterday.
Hopefully I can get 20,000 today. But what do I know? These numbers are huge.
I'm just a little baby. I don't know that num- numbers could even go this big.
All I know is 1 2 3 and... peekaboo. But I'm gonna drink this smoothie.
I'll see you on the other side.
And as I drank my smoothie, I decided to watch stuff on YouTube that I would watch
as a kid.
I'm watching a fight scene from uh, the movie The One starring Jet Li.
"Start speaking and thinking youthful thoughts."
And like I said, this smoothie tasted
incredible because of the added blueberries, so it only took me like
10 minutes to crush it, compared to Monday's 35 minutes, so that was great.
Dude, that took me 10 minutes. Who knew putting something that tastes good
makes something taste good. Learn new stuff every day. I'm a teenager.
Uhh, I'm so young it's crazy.
I then made my way downstairs to my glorified hamster wheel so I could get
some steps in. I was able to walk for a longer period of time on this day because
I brought my 3DS down there and I started a new save file of Pokemon Silver.
And this seems like a good time to give a full review on this walking pad.
So obviously this thing is appealing due to its small, compact design, but that's
also kind of a detriment to the product because like, when you're on it, you gotta
be fuckin' locked in on where you're walking. Because if you're not walking in
a perfectly straight line at the right speed consistently, it is so easy to like
slip or like your foot to slip off or you like, you know, step on the side and you
get all... you trip for a second. And it's just like, it's really scary. It happened
to me like, several times. Yeah, walking pad? More like walking bad.
So overall, I'm gonna give this walking pad like a 6.5 out of 10.
If you're good at walking then get it, I guess. But if you're just a little baby
like me who just learned how to walk last week, I'd probably just skip it.
After my walk, I did some lifting with
some 8-pound weights. Brandon usually uses 12-pound weights but I didn't have any of
those. But halfway through my workout, I realised something terrible.
I was wearing white.
And I'm doing it now!
But I'm recording after, so it's fine. Haha!
So I put on a black shirt and went right back to pumping iron.
I didn't really feel like I was burning that many calories or anything
and the more I thought about it, the more I realised like, what I was doing wasn't
very youthful at all. The guys who lift a bunch of weights all the time, they always
look like, 30 years older than they actually are, right?
You could see a 6'5 bodybuilder who's like bald and shit, he's like super ripped
he's got like a goatee and you're like, 'how old are you?'
And he's like, 'yeah I'm 15!'
Like, if I need to be thinking about youthful thoughts, I wouldn't think to
lift weights. You know what I mean? I'd be doing something way different.
"Smoke weed every day"
So I did some stretches, I planked again and then Kiwi was stoked that someone else
was finally at his eye level, so he came and hung out with me for a little bit.
And being under 6 feet, I know exactly how that feels. When I see another 5'9
dude at a party or something, I'm like, 'yo, what's up, man? This is nice.'
For a snack, I made one of my favourite foods, a caprese salad.
But Brandon never said anywhere that it's okay to have mozzarella cheese, so I just
had tomatoes with basil. It was still really good because the tomatoes and basil
were fresh from my wife's garden. But still, cheese would've been awesome.
And like I said earlier, I don't really have like a solid routine that I stick to
every day, so one of the biggest challenges of this, like, routine was
actually just sticking to an actual routine. Like, there was just so much to
actually do and remember throughout the day. It was like... it was really hard.
Because obviously, you want your morning to feel like you're just starting your day
you're getting into it, you don't wanna be like, 'okay, I do this, this, I do that-'
like that's a fucking nightmare, dude. I was so worried and stressed and anxious
that it was like... it probably aged me more than if I just lived regularly.
I didn't do much for the rest of the day, and I also forgot to film my dinner
so I filmed a little recap after I uh, after I ate.
Alright, I forgot to film it, but I just ate some salmon and broccoli. I had some
broccoli too. But yeah, I uh, I was really fucking hungry.
That's like the main thing I'm realising this challenge. But I guess just the
lifestyle is like, I'm just hungry all the time. So I'm finding myself, like eating
small amounts of things all day. Like a bird. I just had a handful of seeds
like a fucking bird, dude.
It's alright, having a great time. I crapped again too, so...
We're back, we're so back.
So with Wednesday coming to an end, it was time for the day that AJR wrote that
shitty song about.
"Thirsty thirsty Thrursday"
I woke up to one of my moustache hairs trying to escape, and I immediately went
downstairs to make my green smoothie, or purple smoothie, sorry.
This is what I have to look forward to now and it's pretty awesome.
I drank my smoothie, and when I went to put my glass in the dishwasher, I realised
I forgot the banana. I forgor. I was devastated. I've never forgotten a
banana like this before. So I ate it in the kitchen and threw the
banana peel on the floor.
'That was delicious! Woah!'
I then noticed that my dog was sitting in his favourite spot enjoying the sunshine
without the proper protection. So like a good dog owner, I took my UPF 50 hat off
and put it on Kiwi. Oh my god, he loves it.
I did my daily stretches again, and then for lunch I had some more steamed broccoli
another hard-boiled egg, and some roasted sweet potatoes.
And this meal was pretty good, I enjoyed it.
And like I said on Wednesday, I decided to plan a nice outdoor outing on this day.
And some of you may know this already, but I am unfortunately an avid golfer.
I'm sorry. But I love it. I've played since I was a kid, I love golf, I love
getting outside, playing golf with my friends. You know, trying to improve at
something that is challenging and that I enojy. It's really nice. It's like, golf
is really therapeutic for me.
Or at least it was, before I found out the sun is trying to kill me.
So I decided to go golfing on Thursday. And this was the perfect time to debut my
complete sun-protection outfit.
Yeah, I'd like to see the sun try to start a fight with that guy.
I got to the golf course and put a shit ton of sunscreen all over my legs because
those were gonna be exposed to the big bully in the sky.
And then I was finally ready to go golfing
I was a little nervous because I'll be honest, uh... the undershirt I bought is
made out of like a really, like constricting material.
And it was really hard to move and... and breathe.
But I went up to hit my first tee shot of the day.
"It should be just a nice comfortable 9-iron for him. They're gonna go nuts when
he hits this thing." "Yeah!"
And I'm glad my buddy wasn't filming where the ball went because holy shit, it was
really bad. You know, for a sport that kind of requires you to be uh, flexible
and comfortable while you play, super warm and constricting clothing is a terrible
idea.
This is really hot.
But nevertheless, I persisted.
I played an entire 18 holes in this fucking outfit.
And although I looked and felt a little silly, I was just happy to be outside in
the sun and getting my 20,000 steps.
I'm getting some dirty looks from the other golfers on the course.
I don't... I can't see why. It's probab- it's probably jealousy. Probably pure
jealously. That's okay. I can't breathe really, which is fun. And I'm really warm.
I feel like I'm... definitely protecting myself from the sun, but I... might die
from a stroke in the process, so I don't know if this is really... really that
smart, but... Dude, I look so young. Oh nice shot!
Yeah, like I said, my drive was terrible, I ended up in the trees and I'm absolutely
blaming my clothes for that, okay?
When I'm wearing my usual clothes, I hit the ball in the fairway every single time!
And this next shot actually wasn't that bad, I just rolled off the green to the
left and I... I was a little upset. Because I couldn't fucking hit a shot to
save my life that day.
This fucking outfit. I usually hit that in every single time.
And I'm gonna be honest, wearing these clothes for four hours on a hot, sunny day
and walking 20,000 steps was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever been.
The face mask was like constantly pushing on my Adam's apple, it felt like someone
was trying to choke me, but they just like weren't fully committing, you know?
Picture like a little garden gnome, like, trying to just choke you all day.
Like it's more annoying than anything, you know what I mean?
So yeah, I played like shit pretty much all day and I am 100% blaming the UPF 50
clothing.
And usually after 9 holes I'll stop at the halfway and I'll get a hotdog, right?
And I'll eat it in like three or four bites because I'm so goddamn hungry, but
obviously this week, hotdogs are a no-go. But oddly enough, when I was at the
halfway grabbing a water, they had the... the grill going and uh, my friend who
I was golfing with, he ordered a hotdog. And the girl who was working there was
actually like,
And I was blown away by that because one, probably not the best sales tactic to say
that after someone orders a hotdog. And two, out of all the times to hear that
little titbit of information, I hear it the one week where I'm trying to extend my
life, like, what are the odds?
And this is a thing that people say about hotdogs, I looked it up and obviously that
hasn't been proven, because that's like, impossible to prove. There's so many, like
different things you have to take into account. But it's like when people say
like having one cigarette takes like, you know, whatever amount off your life, right
I actually don't...
How much do they say for cigarettes?
11?
"I'm 11 so shut the fuck up."
You're telling me a hotdog takes more off your life than a fucking cigarette, dude?
This changes everything. We gotta replace cigarettes with hotdogs.
Imagine you're just engaged with some, you know, passionate lovemaking with your
partner. You know, you go over to your bedside table and you come back, like...
And if a hotdog shortens your life span, one can only assume the opposite of a
hotdog must lengthen your lifespan.
You ever see a shivering kitten around me? Don't ask any questions.
Sorry, back to my day on the golf course.
Instead of a hotdog, I got a bag of peanuts!
Uh, so I ate those like a little fucking baby bird, it sucked, I... I was starving.
I was fucking really hungry.
And on top of my outfit slowly trying to kill me, and the fact that I looked like I
was in witness protection, a new issue arose.
Oh, this thing stinks.
Yeah, it turns out walking four miles in really tight clothing makes you stink like
shit, so everybody was keeping their distance from me, but you know what?
That was okay with me.
While all the other golfers were complaining about their golf game and
beating themselves up about how bad they were at golf, I was able to blame my
uncomfortable outfit.
It's never my fault.
So when I got home, I made some salmon and some sweet potatoes, and I also had a
salad with some cucumbers from my wife's garden, and it's probably because I
literally had a few handfuls of nuts for dinner, but this meal was the best one
I've had, like all week so far. Like, it was incredible. I ate it so fast!
And since I went golfing, I finally had a day with 20,000 steps.
And I did it all without ever touching my walking pad, what the fuck?
I should've put the walking pad on two hoverboards so I could still use the
walking pad outside and walk around. Work harder, not smarter.
Friday started off terribly. I woke up to one of the worst canker sores I've ever
had in my life, which is super frustrating because I haven't gotten one of those in a
really long time. But when I'm living like really healthy for a week, now I get one?
Huh? Cool!
I also noticed this bag of blueberries I've been eating all week is like, way too
slutty for no reason. But I was low-key fucking with it.
I made a black coffee as well for yet another breakfast of champions.
I have never seen two pretty best friends.
At this point of the week I was feeling really burnt out and just sick of this
anti-aging lifestyle.
I'm hungry all the time. Stomach is growling.
I know it's impossible to see the impacts of the changes you're making like, in real
time,
but I was just so annoyed with everything at this point and I also had a case of pop
in the basement that was fucking talking to me like the Green Goblin mask,
but I had to just stick to my friggin' diet.
So I made another pretty, colourful and healthy salad and ate that for lunch
and then for a little snack, I had some blueberries and dark chocolate while I
watched some YouTube videos.
And the rest of the day was filled with me walking on my walking pad and eating
salmon. And I was watching one of Brandon's videos and he said that he
actually stopped eating salmon every day because he was scared of mercury poisoning
"Personally, I do consume meat and fish in very moderate quantities with a focus on
fish in moderation just because of the, uh mercury content."
But I think that's fucking stupid because mercury's like really far away.
But anyways, Friday was done, and now it was time for the weekend, baby!
Another day, another fucking smoothie.
And you probably notice the pizza boxes in the background but those are not mine, ok?
Trust me, okay? I'm just holding them for a friend. Well, not really a f- for my
sister, okay? She was visiting and... and she wanted pizza so, so she got a pizza ok
but trust me, okay? They weren't mine alright, I didn't touch the stuff.
I already had my quarterly pizza.
Instead of having an awesome cheesy pizza for lunch, I had a black coffee, some
leftover salad and an avocado with kelp seasoning, and it was so... just alright.
And my canker sore was getting worse by the minute, so that was a lot of fun.
And at this point, I looked up uh, to see what actually causes canker sores because
I actually don't know, and Google said that canker sores can be triggered by
emotional stress, dietary deficiencies, menstrual periods, hormonal changes, food
allergies or trauma in the mouth.
It was all that lycopene in my mouth, bro.
Dude, the last time I got a canker sore this bad was when I was on Accutane in
high school. And if you know anything about Accutane, that drug fucks with your
body, dude. So how is me just eating greens for a week...
having the same effect as when I took a pill that literally changes how your body
operates. Canker? I hardly know her!
I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really film too much on Saturday or Sunday because
one, I couldn't really eat anything because it fuckin' hurt way too much to
put anything in my mouth.
Even one of those slutty blueberries would cause me too much pain.
And two, we were out of town visiting family. But as I got closer to midnight on
Sunday, I thought about all the hard work I did to maintain a youthful glow.
I thought about all the delicious food I ate and the places I went.
I reminisced about all the loving and adoring looks of approval I got on the
golf course for my Zorro cosplay.
And as I played the Youthful Affirmations video for the last time through my
piss-coloured glasses, 11:59PM on Sunday quickly turned into 12AM on Monday.
And my anti-aging journey was finally complete.
Alright, it's time to talk about the findings of my little anti-aging
experiment. First off, the most obvious question: do I look any different?
Yes. But that's only because I got a haircut. If I had the same hair length as
the beginning of the week, I would probably look the exact same if not older.
I don't see any difference between these two pictures because obviously it's
impossible to see the effects of lifestyle changes in just seven days, right?
It takes, it takes months, years even. But I just wanted to do this video to show
you guys what, you know, what a week in this lifestyle would entail.
And in terms of how I felt throughout the week, I felt pretty similar... I was
definitely more hungry, but the one main difference I did notice is I did feel more
energised than I usually do, like right after breakfast.
And that's gotta be the smoothie because it's just really full of like, really
good, healthy ingredients. I also really enjoyed the daily, like, stretches for my
back because I've been dealing with back pain for like, the last few years.
And just getting more movement really helped out. So I'm gonna... I'm gonna keep
doing that. But speaking of back movements I had to bend over backwards to get 2,000
steps, dude. That was an impossible feat. It was impossible for my feet. That is an
insane amount of steps in a day, dude. 10,000 steps? That is perfect.
That is actually just as good as 20,000 steps and it's a lot easier to get.
I don't have any proof to back that up, but I'm standing by it.
So would I recommend this lifestyle?
No! This sucked. This was dumb.
I personally think that uh, basing your entire life around uh, anti-aging is, like
pretty sad. And it's fucking exhausting too, and I'm speaking from experience.
No shade to Brandon, of course, because he's always in the shade.
But I think aging is something we should all embrace instead of fear.
Because what's so bad about aging? 'Oh, your hair turns grey? Oh no!
Oh, your face is starting to wrinkle? Oh no, you've lived a long, eventful life
and your body is changing as it goes through the natural aging process.
What a nightmare!
People used to die at, like, age 28. Don't get me wrong, I understand why aging
can be scary. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I don't worry about my
hairline or my skin or like my overall physical health as I get older
but changing your entire lifestyle just to slow the aging process just isn't worth it
like especially now in the year 2024. Like, we've maybe got like a good 50 years
left on this planet. It's like sick, you lived to 150 only to die in the water war
of 2125? Congrats, dude.
There's nothing wrong with looking older, there's nothing wrong with aging,
and there's nothing bad about going outside in the sun.
I don't want to live a life where I'm fucking petrified of the sun, okay?
That is... that is a nightmare.
You want me to move into a fucking cave system so I look like one of those goblins
from The Descent? Oh my god, drop the skincare routine guide, wow.
Also so funny to me is seeing these people like Bryan Johnson and Brandon Miles May
go through all this effort to live as long as I can and look as young as possible
when you, like, constantly hear these anecdotes from people who are actually
living past 100. And every time they ask these people how they live that long is
always like, 'yeah, I just celebrated my 105th birthday and my secret?
Four Dr. Peppers a day.'
Sometimes you can't control the aging process, dude. And that's fine.
You watching this right now, you are older than you were when you started watching
this video. I'm older than I was when I started making this video. Even with all
the anti-aging shit I did. And even if you extend your life with anti-aging
life is fucking way too short to spend all of it trying to extend it a little bit.
Like when you think this Bryan Johnson guy is on his deathbed, he's gonna be like,
'ugh, if I only ate more green poop I could've made it to tomorrow.'
Like, to me, I just think it's a little silly to prevent aging, you know?
The thing that is happening all the fucking time?
That's like trying to stop Pitbull from devilishly smirking.
Not gonna happen.
In conclusion, I guess, a lot of my viewers are, you know, younger.
Teenagers, in your 20s, right? And I just wanna let all of you guys know
aging is a privilege. And I kinda feel bad that a lot of you are never gonna get this
hour of your life back that you spent watching this video, or half hour if you
watched it in 2x speed, so I'm gonna take one for the team and also lose an hour of
my life, uh, while I eat these two hotdogs
Thanks for watching!